Cato's Obsession
by MorphlingInTheSoap
Summary: When Katniss volunteers in place of her sister for the hunger games, she unknowingly forces her best friend, Gale, to volunteer to protect her. Little does Gale know, that he needs to protect her from more than just death in the arena but also from the threat of living too when a sadistic tribute, named Cato, hatches a plan to get Katniss all to himself.
1. Chapter One The Beginning

Chapter One- The Beginning

I stared dejectedly into the cracked and dirty mirror as my mom pinned my hair up. I was surprised at how well I had cleaned up from hunting earlier. I desperately longed to be in the woods right now, that is where I usually am but not today. Today was the dreaded day- it was reaping day.

Usually I would be concerned for myself or for my friends on a day like this but not today- I didn't have any room for concern for anybody except Prim, my little sister. This was the first year that she was eligible for the reaping and it scared me to death- not that I would let Prim know that.

"Why do we have the hunger games?"

I pulled away from mother and looked at Prim who had asked the question. Prim knew the answer to the question, they went over it in school but I knew that Prim was just nervous and that was why she was asking.

I kneeled down and reached behind Prim to tuck her shirt in. "Well, little duck, you know the answer to that. It's punishment for when the districts rebelled against the capitol. Each district has to send two tributes- a boy and a girl- to an arena to fight to the death as a reminder to never rebel again."

Prim sighed. "I know all that. I just wish that it could be over with. I'm so nervous that I'm going to be picked."

"They won't pick you, Prim. Your name has only been entered once. It won't be you, I promise. Now, go get your shoes. It's time to go."

I looked out over the gathering crowd with a growing sense of familiar dread that overtook me every year on the day of the reaping. My roaming eyes studied the youngest kids that were gathered together up front, near the stage and got snagged on someone dark and handsome- Gale, my best friend. He was kneeling down next to Prim, hugging her. Prim turned and I could see that she was crying. Before I could take a step forward to go to her I heard the familiar clicking of heels and lilting voice. Effie Trinket washere.

"Good morning! Good morning! Well, well let's get started shall we? Oh, and may the odds be _ever_ in your favor."

There was a muffled shuffling as everyone got into their designated places. I watched as Effie crossed the stage in her magenta dress and pink hair to the bowl holding the slips of the girls' names. She deftly picked one out and returned to center stage. There was a pregnant pause while she read the name on the slip and then.

"Primrose Everdeen."

Those two words rang out into the crisp morning air and echoed eerily into the silence that had fallen upon the huge crowd that was gathered. Those two words echoed dreadfully in my ears. I went into shock, was not able to move except to watch as a little blond girl shuffle her way towards the huge stage. My stomach dropped to my feet and I let out a mangled cry and stepped forward, pushing people out of my way to get to her.

No. This was not happening. This could not be happening. Not to the sweet, innocent, caring, and pure Prim. But it was and I watched in dread as peacemakers closed in on my younger sister.

"I VOLUNTEER!"

Those two words rang in my ears and I stopped walking, wondering who could care enough to volunteer to save my little sister's life. It wasn't until I saw everyone staring at me with their mouths open that I realized that the words had come from me. Another sob escaped my mouth and I lurched forward.

"I volunteer as tribute," I yelled out again for good measure. I stumbled through the crowd and pulled Prim from the grasps of the peacekeepers and into a tight embrace.

"Prim run! Get out of here! Now!" I whispered desperately into her ear. I could feel Peacemakers grabbing at my arms and I pushed Prim away and turned my back on her growing protests.

Stonily, I climbed the stage and stepped into the spot light, joining the oddly dressed Effie Trinket.

"Oh my, my," Effie declared seriously. "Well, this _is _a big, big surprise we have here. What is your name dear?"

I numbly stared out into the crowd, feeling dead inside. I can't show any fear or emotion to the public- I have to be strong. I can't win this unless I am strong.

"Katniss Everdeen," I mumble into the microphone.

"Oh my, my, Katniss. That must have been your sister." Effie let out a little giggle and proceeded. "Well, congratulations on being district 12's first volunteer ever, my dear!"

I didn't say anything in response- there was nothing to say.

Effie cleared her throat uneasily. "Well, well," she trilled on, "let's see who the boy tribute is going to be, shall we, hmm?"

Effie turned and walked to the bowl holding the white slips. She stirred the slips slightly then plucked one out of the bunch. Returning to the microphone, she quickly opened the slip.

"Peeta Mellark."

Strength fled from me and I wanted to collapse. Not him! Anyone but him! Not the boy with the bread- the boy who had given me hope when I had none! How could I be expected to kill _him_ of all people?

There was a quiet shuffling as people cleared a path for him. Before he could take a step, a deep voice rang out into the morning.

"I volunteer!"

Gasps broke out in the crowd and beside me, Effie let out a delighted cry. I, however, was struggling to stand once again. This could not be happening- Peeta was bad enough, this was unbearable. Recognition flowed through my body at that voice—it was the voice of my very best friend, Gale. A quiet whimper escaped my throat as I watched Gale make his way up on the stage to stand beside me.

"Oh my, my!" Effie sighed excitedly. "Oh dear, what is your name, hmm?"

Gale looked down at Effie, disgust plainly evident on his face. "Gale Hawthorne," he mumbled dejectedly.

"Well, why don't you tell us why you volunteer, Gale?"

Gale turned out to face the audience and lifted his chin, clearly letting Effie know that he wasn't saying anything else.

Effie cleared her throat awkwardly. "Well, can we get a round of applause for our very first two volunteers from district 12?"

Effie started clapping, letting out a girly giggle, but stopped when she realized that the audience was doing something entirely different than applauding. Every one gathered in the crowd had their index, middle, and ring fingers held out with their right arm raised- a sign of despair and grieving in the districts.

Effie cleared her throat once again. "Well, may I present you with your tributes: Katniss Everdeen and Gale Hawthorne!"

I heard peacekeepers step forward and my hand shot out of its own accord to grasp Gale's. The peacekeepers grasped our arms and tore us from each other as they shoved us down the stairs and towards the justice building. I saw Gale's muscles flex in response to being manhandled by the peacekeepers but he managed to keep his temper in check.

The justice building loomed up in front of us and anxiety bubbled in my stomach. This wasn't happening, was it? The cool air coming out wasn't a comfort to me; it was too cold compared to my overly hot skin. Our footsteps echoed in the big lobby and crowds of people were staring at us. The peacekeepers shoved us roughly across the lobby and towards a hall, depositing us in two separate rooms across the hall from each other.

As soon as i heard the click of the door closing, I was there testing the handle, seeing if it would open. No such luck- it was locked. I crossed to the window, testing it but it too was locked. With a huff, I sat on the chair under the window. A soon as I sank into the chair, the door opened and my mom and Prim were being shoved in. I rose quickly to engulf Prim in a tight hug.

"Katniss, why would you volunteer for me? I can't let you do this," sobbed Prim into my hair.

"Shhhh, Prim. I couldn't let you go- it went against every fiber of my being. It'll be okay, Prim, please stop crying." I heard a silent sob behind me but I ignored my mom. Prim needed me more than my mom did.

"Katniss, please try to win. You can do it, you know. You're strong and you can hunt. You really could win this."

My heart sunk into my stomach. Poor, innocent Prim. There really was no way that I could win this. I knew it but gullible Prim who saw the good in everything didn't. I mumbled reassuringly to her, not having the heart to dash her hopes. I knew I didn't have much time left. I pulled back from Prim, placed a kiss on her forehead and crossed over to my mom.

"Listen, mom, you need to be there for her. Have her gather herbs and hopefully Peeta's family will help you guys out with food." My advice ran into one long sentence. I was in a race against time and I was losing desperately. My mom nodded mutely and tears streamed down her face. I pulled her into a hug.

"Don't cry, mom. Everything will be fine." My voice sounded weak and unsure and my mom hugged me tighter.

I heard the click of the door opening and I spun around to grasp Prim to me before the peacekeepers could usher them out.

"Promise me. Promise me, Katniss, that you will try your hardest to win. Please promise me."

Tears gathered in my eyes, blinding me.

"I promise, Prim."

With that, the peacekeepers grabbed Prim, picking her up and hauled her out of the room. A sob escaped my lips and I sank to my knees, letting tears fall from my eyes.

I don't know how long I stayed there like that but next thing I knew there were arms around me and the smell of cinnamon and bread filled my nose. I stiffened and pulled out of this unwelcome embrace. I looked up to see Peeta kneeling before me. I wiped angrily at my tears, not wanting anyone to see my weakness.

"What are you doing here?" I gasped at him. I have never even talked to him before really. We honestly had had one encounter together and that was _so long _ago.

"I had to come and see you before you left. I had to tell you something." He looked at me pleadingly and I wiped the last of my tears away.

"Well, what is it, Peeta?"

"Katniss, I- I have feelings for you," he stuttered. "I know we don't really know each other but I had to let you know before you left. If you make it back—I—I just want you to know."

I stared at him, not having anything to say. He took an unsteady breath and went on.

"That's not all I wanted to tell you. I'll take care of her, I promise Katniss. She won't go hungry I swear to you."

A tear fell from my eye and the door burst open one last time, peacekeepers spilling in the room and grabbing Peeta.

"Thank you!" I shouted after him. The door slammed shut in response.


	2. Chapter Two The Road to the Capitol

Chapter Two—The Road to the Capitol

I had been left in that room for a while before the peacekeepers came to get me and take me to the train. I was grateful for the time alone so I could get myself together since I didn't want to be a mess in front of the cameras.—sponsors wouldn't want a weak tribute. That's one thing I have learned from watching the games all these years- weak tributes didn't get any sponsors. Not getting sponsors almost always meant that you didn't win and not winning is something I couldn't afford to do—I had promised Prim.

The door opened, and I stand to meet the peacemakers. They charge at me and pull me out of the room. I honestly don't know why they feel the need to manhandle me. They slam the door shut behind us and I find myself face to face with Gale. I am surprised when I feel an unexpected rush of anger towards him. It goes against everything I have ever felt towards Gale. We always get along and are almost always in agreement. I just don't understand why he would do this. Why would he volunteer when he has a family to support? He reaches for my hand.

"Don't touch me," I hiss angrily at him and march away, out of the justice building and straight onto the train, not bothering to stop for the cameras that are crowding the platform. I hear reporters shouting my name out but I grind my teeth together and keep walking—I am in no mood to give them the story they so desperately desire. Once I'm in the arena, they'll get a great show out of me but right now, I can't bring myself to give them what they want.

The elegance of the train takes the breath out of me. I have never seen anything so fine in district 12. After all, we are the poorest district. I take a deep breath and frown, a sharp and out of place smell stinging my nose. It does not match the eloquence of this train car. I look around and find myself staring at the town drunk, Haymitch. Oh great, I had forgotten that he would be my mentor. I can just imagine how _unhelpful_ his drunken advice is going to be to Gale and me.

The car rocks as Gale climbs up behind me. "Katniss, what are you doing? You missed all the cameras! You need to think about sponsors!"

"Shut up, Gale. I don't think one missed camera opportunity is going to matter in the end," I remark bitterly.

"Now that's where you are wrong, sweetheart," Haymitch gets up and drunkenly struts over to the bar, pouring himself something to drink. Putting some ice in his glass, he sits down once more, motioning for Gale and me to do the same.

"Now listen, you two. I usually am not all into this mentor stuff because usually we have no way in hell of winning; but from the looks of this guy here, I'd say that district 12 actually has a chance finally."

I bit my tongue. I have just as much of a chance of winning as Gale (a poor one, when you consider the careers) but Haymitch wouldn't know that because he doesn't know anything about me. I can hunt and when I say that, I mean actually hunt. Give me a bow and arrow and I can get you just about anything that is running through the woods.

"Now as long as you two don't interfere with my drinking, I'll make sure that I'm sober enough to help you guys out. Do we have a deal here?"

What kind of a deal is that? I stare at Haymitch waiting for the laugh at the end of his joke. I'm not too shocked when one doesn't come. I look over at Gale who was already looking at me. He shrugs his shoulders slightly as if to say "_What else can we do?"_ He turns back to Haymitch.

"It's a deal."

Landscapes flash by in a blur of colors and lines. I stare out the window, trying to make sense of the objects streaking past me. I feel Gale behind me but I'm not quite ready to talk to him yet. I'm still mad that he volunteered—I had been counting on him to take care of Prim for me. I press my forehead against the glass, wishing that I could be out there instead of on this train, racing towards my potential death.

"Katniss, please talk to me. I know you're mad but I can explain."

I exhale, my breath fogging up the window and turn to face him, a scowl on my face.

"Please do explain, Gale. Please because _none_ of this is making any sense right now. Isn't it bad enough that I'm going to die? Did we really need to add you into this mess too? I can barely deal with my death. How am I supposed to add the death of my best friend- the person who knows me inside and out to the mix too? Please tell me because I don't know how to do it."

Gale steps forward and pulls me into a hug. I try to pull away but he tightens his grip.

"I'm sorry, Catnip. I really am. But how did you expect me to let you go to your death without trying to help you? You are my best friend- I couldn't do it. No more than you could let Prim do it."

I sigh in defeat—how am I supposed to respond to that? He has appealed to me at a level that I can understand. "I understand that, Gale, but there is no saving me. Careers always win the games and we aren't careers. We aren't getting out of this, Gale, neither one of us is going to be coming home."

"You don't know that, Catnip! I am strong and I taught you almost all the things you know about hunting. And you— you can hunt, you're athletic, and can use a bow and arrow like nobody I have ever seen. Together, we can do this. You can win this. You can't think negatively."

"There is no winning with you there beside me, Gale. Winning means that you are dead and that's no win for me." I pause and pull away from him, anger coursing through me again. "I promised Prim that I would try to win but how can I do that if that means the death of my best friend?"

Gale doesn't have an answer. He simply steps forward and pulls me into another hug and absently rubs my back. That's when it sinks in- I have to decide between Prim and Gale. If I lose, there is no guaranteeing that Gale would win. If I win, Gale would be dead but Prim would be happy. If Gale wins, I'd be dead, Prim wouldn't have me to protect her but Gale would be alive. As far as I was concerned, there is no winning—that much was clear. I sigh at the impracticability of all of it. There is only one thing I can do. In the arena, I'm going to have to go off on my own and let fate take care of things as it may, I'll try my hardest to win but I will not kill Gale and I will not let Gale help me out.

That night, I don't even bother trying to go to bed much to Effie's disapproval. According to her, district 12 will be the shame of all the districts with tributes that look like raccoons and that would be a "big, big problem!" Haymitch rolls his eyes at her and tells her to go powder her wig some more.

All night Gale and I sit up with Haymitch watching the reapings in all of the districts. I sit quietly as faces, names, and ages flash across the screen. Most tributes are insignificant. According to their looks, they pose no threat to me. I see many kids who are really young, underdeveloped, or simply too naïve to be considered a threat. However, the tributes from district 1 and 2 are an exception to that rule. District 1 has Marvel and Glimmer. The boy doesn't look too intimidating to me but with him being a career, I know I would be stupid to not pay attention to him. He is tall and skinny rather than being larger and muscular but I know that behind his lankiness that there is danger. The girl doesn't look to be much either except for the danger glinting in her pretty eyes. Right away I know that sponsors will be falling all over her because she is so pretty with her long blonde hair and thick lips. But I also know that looks can only get you so far in the arena.

District 2 poses the biggest threat to me. The boy, Cato, is tall and muscular like Gale but has fair skin and blonde hair like Peeta. Just by watching the video, I can see the confidence and strength in his walk and can already guess that he is going to be very skilled with weapons. Also, the fact that he volunteered himself is sign that he is someone who should be considered dangerous—especially since he's from district 2. Cameras provide us with a close up of his face and I can see the deadliness in them- killing to him is no big thing. The girl is similar to the boy in this area, one look at her eyes and you can see death in them. She has olive skin and dark hair and is average height for a girl but you can see her toned muscles and I know that facing her in a hand to hand fight would be tough.

The last two tributes to stick with me are the ones from district 11 but not because they are intimidating or anything like that. They both have dark skin and a gentle look in their eyes which is the reason why I can't seem to get them out of my mind. My heart goes out to them for being put it into this insufferable position. The boy is big- bigger than any of the tributes and his muscles are huge but the look in his eyes is so sweet that I just know he wasn't a born killer. Watching the girl is hard for me and in the end I have to get up and leave, not being able to watch it. She is a tiny thing that walks about on her tippy toes as if any moment she would simply take off and fly away. Her age (she has to be 12) and smallness has me thinking of Prim and my heart breaks for this little girl who had no one to volunteer for her.

Leaving Haymitch and Gale to talk about strategies; I steal away to the bar car, looking for an escape from all the anxiety. I am disappointed to see that Haymitch has definitely been here- all the alcohol is gone. I slump down against the wall and place my head in my hands. I am ashamed that I came in here looking for an escape—I really need to be stronger than this but the amount of stress that I feel on my shoulders is threatening to take me down. Today has been the longest day in all my life- even longer than the day that my dad died. I shut my eyes against the memories playing behind my eyes and breathe deeply, fighting them off. I am not going to go there. The crash of thunder outside the train takes me to a different memory instead.

It is cold-so cold and my stomach clenches in pain. Rain pours down onto my head and lightening streaks the sky followed closely by the crashing of thunder. I struggle through the muddy streets of district 12 searching for food in gutters and piles of trash. I am so hungry that I'm even looking in pig troughs— they are all empty. After checking the baker's pig trough, and finding it empty, I sink underneath a nearby tree and lean against its scratchy bark. My mind flits to Prim. I need to find food for her. I don't know how much longer I can stand hearing her cry because she's hungry. Just then I hear a great crash and my head whips to look at the bakery door from where the crash had come from. A little boy is being pushed out the door—it is Peeta—a boy that is in my grade, his cheek is swollen and I can see the outline of a hand on it. In his hands, he is holding two burned loafes bread. My stomach gurgles at the sight. He breaks off the burnt parts and throws it to the pigs. I'm not sure what alerts him to me but suddenly he is looking at me. He glances back at the bakery then turns to look at me again, our eyes meeting through all the rain. Quickly he throws the rest of the bread; it lands in a puddle near my feet. At first all I can do is stare at it—not believing my good fortune then I'm scrambling to grab it before any more damage can be done to it. When I look back up to thank him, Peeta is gone.

Light fills the car and another crash of thunder fills my ears. I lean my head against the wall and let out a deep sigh. Peeta. I'm not quite sure what to think about Peeta. He has feelings for me... That's- interesting. I mean I do like him, he saved me all those years ago but I definitely don't have _feelings _for him. I don't even know him—I know about him but I don't know _him_. A pain settles in my heart at the lost opportunity. Stupid hunger games.

Light spills into the bar car once again but this time from the hall light and I jump at little as Gale enters and sits next to me on the floor. He doesn't try to put his arm around me and I'm grateful for that. Ever since this whole thing started, he has been hugging me a little too much for my taste. I mean, we're only friends after all.

"Whatcha thinking about, Catnip?"

I sigh slowly, dragging the breath out until it feels like my lungs have completely deflated. "Someone who saved my life once and that I never properly thanked."

Gale sits next to me for a while, not knowing what to say, before he gets up and pulls me up with him. "Hey now, no more negative thoughts. Let's go back. Haymitch is gone and we'll have the car to ourselves. I'm sure we could find some good Capitol propaganda on the TV."

I let out a small laugh and follow behind him, my thoughts wandering back to Peeta. I wish there was a way I could go back to when Peeta had come to visit me. I'd thank him for so much more than just promising to take care of my sister. He took care of me, he changed my whole entire life and he doesn't even know it. I'd tell him just how much that bread to me and how much I regretted wasting all this time when I could have spent it getting to know the boy with the bread better.

That night, as the train raced towards the Capitol, Gale and I sat up talking. Not about the arena or anything important- just talking like we did back in district 12 when we spent our days hunting in the woods. When morning came, Effie found me spread out on the couch; my head cradled in Gale's lap, his hand gently resting upon my hair. His head was titled back over the couch, snoring softly.

"Up, up, up you lazy heads! Today is a big, big day! If we are on schedule, we should be arriving to the capitol within the hour. Let's get some breakfast in your stomachs because once we get there you two are going to be busy, busy, busy!"

I shoot up off of Gale's lap, a blush staining my cheeks. I glance down at him to see him rubbing sleep out of his eyes. I take a step bad from the couch. Today is the day. The day that bring my into the lions' den. I shake my head at the ominous thoughts. "None of that, Katniss," I think to myself. "If you're going to win this for Prim, no more of these negative thoughts."

With one more glance at gale, I leave to go to my room to get ready.


	3. Chapter Three The Tributes Meet

Chapter Three—The Tributes Meet

I stare at the foreign girl in the mirror, trying to find myself in her. I had survived hours of painful waxing, scrubbing, plucking, and brushing and alas! My prep team declares me to be Cinna-Worthy. After all that I had just been through, I hoped that this Cinna person would not make me look like his prep team. To say that their looks were shocking would be a vast understatement. They have weird nails, unnatural skin tone colors, crazy hair, and even crazier makeup on. To be honest, when first seeing them, I had been scared. After spending hours with them though, they had grown on me and I could honestly say that I enjoyed their company even if they were from the capitol.

Meeting Cinna was a shock too- I had been expecting someone who looked similar to my prep team. What I got was a dark skinned, handsome man with only gold eyeliner on to accent the flecks of gold in his eyes. He looked me over and with a pleased look in his eyes, had declared that he would make me and Gale the "most shocking out of all the tributes!" My stomach dropped when he said that and I could just imagine the crazy, over-the-top costume he had designed. Stylists were known to go way over board when it came to styling tribute—were talking from dressing tributes up in dead animal meat to having them wear nothing at all. Over the years, I had seen pretty much everything and with that in mind, my stomach was doing nervous flip flops.

But alas, here I stand with makeup on and in a tight black outfit on that clings to every curve. Sure, it's tight but I honestly don't see how the costume makes me look _shocking_ but who am I to questions a stylist? Cinna stands behind me, a proud grin plastered on his face as he studies my reflection in the mirror.

"Just wait, Katniss, you'll see. You're going to be as radiant as the sun."

I simply smile and follow him out and into the huge room where tributes are slowly filling in. I look around at all the crazy costumes. Marvel and Glimmer are dressed in hot pink outfits that show off the wealth of their district. I see Rue and Thresh, they are wearing blue overalls and some weird crown thing around their head—I suppose my outfit could be worse—it could be _overalls. _My eyes scan the crowd some more, seeing but not really taking in and that's when I see him- Cato.

He is standing by a carriage with his district partner beside him. They are wearing gold togas and are dressed as gladiators—it really is a sight to be seen. They look magnificent. She is talking away while he appears to be rather bored. He is scanning the room, taking in all the costumes. I watch him and blood rushes to my cheeks as his eyes roam closer and closer to me. Suddenly his eyes snap over to me and I'm trapped—I can't move. His eyes narrow on me and a slight grin stretches his face. It sends chills through me and I look down to see goose bumps spread across my arms. It's too bad that he is so deadly because he really is good looking. I look up at him again and he slowly winks at me. I blush and turn away from him. I don't need him unsettling me anymore than I already am; he is only trying to intimidate me and I am not going to let that happen.

I fairly jump out of my skin when Gale comes up behind me and places his hand on my back. I squeak and Gale jumps back in surprise.

"Whoa, Catnip! What's got you all riled up?"

"Sorry Gale. I just am on edge being around all the other tributes."

Gale chuckles. "I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel that way." He takes a deep breath and looks around. "Well, it looks like everyone is getting ready to go. Let's do this thing."

We climb up on our carriage and watch as the other districts start heading out. Right before it's our turn to leave, Cinna comes running up to us with a conniving grin on his face. I instantly don't trust it and I find myself looking around for a way to escape but I know it's no use. I'm just going to have to bite the bullet.

"I hope you guys aren't afraid of fire," he comments blandly before lighting us.

I panic. I almost fall out of the carriage trying to beat the flames out before I realize that I don't feel any pain or any heat for that matter. I grin down at Cinna. He really is a genius. We are going to steal the show in these outfits. We will literally light up the room.

"How?" I ask simply, a stupid grin on my face.

Cinna simply smiles a smug smile and winks as we are pulled towards the roaring of a crowd that I have yet to see. It is time for the capitol to see us at our best. I, for one do not think that they are prepared.

"Girl on fire."

"Radiant as the sun."

"Fire girl."

I roll my eyes and strike as hard as I can with the sword I am awkwardly wielding. All day throughout our first day of training, news feeds had been playing in the background. Apparently, Gale and I had stolen the show the other night as we were the only things people were talking since the parade. Where ever I went comments about the girl on fire followed- even the tributes were talking. Everyone that is, except for Cato.

He simply stood in the shadows, sneering at me every time my eyes found his. Right now he is standing by the weights, showing off the impressive amount of weight that he can easily lift. I, on the other hand, am struggling to figure out how to use a sword efficiently. Finally I give up and accept that I will never be adept with a sword. I decide to move onto knives instead which I find to be much easier. Gale is busy taking a quick look over at the plant table, studying which plants help heal and which are good to eat. When we go hunting, I am the one who always gathers herbs and plants. My mom runs an apothecary and she looks to me to gather the ingredients that she needs. Gale, on the other hand, simply waits patiently while I forage around for what I need. He much rather search for animals nearby then deal with "sissy flowers" as he loves to refer to them as.

I feel eyes on me and look around. No surprise, Cato is staring at me AGAIN but he isn't the only one this time. Behind him, crouching behind some equipment stands a little wisp of a girl- it's Rue. She crouches there, simply looking at me with a slight, insecure frown on her face. I smile softly at her and my eyes unwillingly glide back to Cato who is still staring at me with a dark, angry scowl on his chiseled face. I stare coolly back at him until Clove comes up and draws his attention from me. Things are getting a little weird around here. If Cato isn't staring at me, I'm not quite sure what he's doing because he seems to _always _be staring.

The days pass quickly and relentlessly. From sun up to sun down, Gale and I found ourselves in the training center, milking information from the trainers there. Even with all the help, the day of the private sessions loom and I don't feel any more confident than when I had arrived here.

The day ticked by slowly as the tributes each took their turn. Luckily, Cato was fourth to go, so I didn't have to put up with much of his scowls and stares. Eventually, I was up next. Gale and I sat silently, waiting. There wasn't much to say to each other. I was too busy trying to figure out what exactly I was going to do once I got in the gymnasium.

"Katniss, have you decided whether or not you want to join the careers? You know they want us. Cato won't leave me alone for more than hour before he comes looking for an answer."

I sigh and frown. During lunch on the first day of training, Cato had come to where Gale and I were eating, offering us a spot in his alliance. I might have said yes right away if he hadn't looked at me with a dark and dangerous look in his eyes that truly chilled me to the bone.

"I don't know yet, Gale. Something about Cato just doesn't sit right with me. Let me think about it a bit more and I'll tell you tonight."

Gale opens his mouth as if to push the matter more but is interrupted by my name being called. I smile uneasily at him and make my way towards the training room. I feel bad for Gale, he still has it in his mind that we are going to team up together in the arena but in reality, I am planning on getting as far away from him as possible when the games start. I don't want to stick around and worry about protecting him from other tributes or protecting him from myself. I have to focus on myself—for Prim. I have to abandon my best friend for her.

I walk into the room, my footsteps echoing off the walls. The sponsors are up on a balcony looking down at me with what can only be described as bored interest. They all are looking at me but their faces are etched with boredom and I know this can't be good for me. They've been here all day watching sponsors and I'm sure that by now, they just want to go home. I have to make sure they won't forget this—but how am I supposed to do that?

"Katniss Everdeen. District 12." I call out uncertainly. They don't respond- just silently stare at me.

I make my way over to the archery section, eager to get my hands on a bow. I haven't used one since I went hunting the morning of the reaping- Haymitch had insisted that Gale and I not show off our best stuff during training so I dutifully had stayed away.

The sponsors laugh gruffly at me when I pick the bow up and test it in my hands. They haven't seen me use one all training and assume that I will be no good. Well, I'll show them. They're in for quite a shock, that's for sure.

I calmly pick up an arrow, weighing it gingerly in my hand for a second before I notch it in the bow. I take a deep breath, stretch it back and let it fly. There is a burst of laughter that echoes into the room and fills my stomach with iron dread. My arrow has defiantly missed what I had been aiming at. Well, that's no matter. I just have to get used to the bow. I grab another arrow, aim and let it fly. It's a perfect bull's eye. I look up at the sponsors to see that none of them are even looking at me. Instead, they are all gathered around a new roasted pig that has just arrived. Anger courses through my veins. My life is on the line here! Couldn't they pay attention for a little bit?

I grab another arrow off the table, quickly notch it and stretch the bow back, barely taking any time to aim, I release the arrow. It flies true and straight, whizzing past the head game maker's ear to land snugly in the wall behind the table that held the roasted pig. The apple that had firmly resided in the roasted pig's mouth is now swinging wildly from the end of my arrow.

Slowly and one by one, all heads turn in my direction. Once all are looking at me, I dip into a shallow curtsy.

"Thank you for your time and consideration," I call out, throw the bow down onto the table and march out of the gym, anger slowly draining from my limbs. Once outside the door, I slide down the wall and rest my head on my knees. What have I just done? My heart sinks pitifully into my stomach and I let out a short moan.

"Hey there, _girl on fire_," comes a cool voice form down the hall.

I shoot to my feet and step away from the wall. What is Cato doing here? He should have cleared out of here a long time ago. Tributes were told to report back to their apartment after their private session and to stay there. Leave it to Cato to break the rules.

His handsome face is set into his signature sneer and he steps closer to me, pushing me back against the wall. My heart flips in my chest. Why did I let him get so close to me?

"I've been waiting to get you alone, you know? But there is _always _someone around you." His hand comes up to slowly brush my hair out of my face. "I hope you have considered the alliance I have offered you, _Katniss_. I usually wouldn't let another tribute consider my offer for such a long time but for _you _I will make an exception."

My name comes out sarcastically. I take a deep breath and try to pull my face away from his hand but the wall traps me where I am. He leans closer to me, pressing his lips close to my ear.

"You have no idea the kind of protection I can provide you with, fire girl, if you would just accept it." His hand drops from my face to trace softly up my exposed arms.

Disgust and anger flows through my body and fills me with adrenaline. I bring my hands up to his chest and roughly shove him back, causing him to stumble.

"Listen here, _Cato_," I spit at him, "_if_ I _needed_ protection, you are the last person I would come to for it. Believe it or not, I can take care of myself. I don't need you and I don't need Gale. All I need is my mentor and my sponsors and I'll be fine. Trust me, when we get in that arena, you better watch _your_ back because I'll be coming for _you_."

With a toss of my hair and a lifted chin, I angrily stomp down the hall towards the elevators. Cato's laughter follows me, sending chills straight to my core.

"Oh, Girl on Fire, you are going to regret that," he calls coolly and calmly after me, sending more chills through my body. "You honestly have no idea how much you are going to regret that."

Fear crawls its way into my body and nests in my stomach. I decide to bypass the elevator and opt for the stairs. I quickly run up them, taking them two at a time. I slam into district 12's apartment and storm angrily past Haymitch and Effie who are waiting for me.

"How'd it go, my dear." Effie calls out after me. I ignore her and the only response to her question that she gets is a slam of my door. I hear Haymitch outside my door but he only stays for a while and leaves without knocking. I stay in my room the whole night, not even coming out to see the results of the private session or for dinner. Gale comes by after dinner and stands outside my door to tell me that I got the highest score- an 11, while he got a 10. I simply roll over on the bed and fall asleep.


	4. Chapter Four Before the Storm

Chapter Four—Before the Storm

They are crowded together and I try my best to ignore them but it is hard because _he _is a part of their group- my biggest competition. Cato: the career tribute with the blonde hair, thick muscles, and dark scowl that just shouts danger. For once I am able to study him without his scowling eyes on me. I turn my head so that I am able study the whole group better- I am full out staring at them now, there is no hiding it. I just can't understand it- what is _he_ doing talking to President Snow? They are in a deep discussion, arguing about something very heated from the looks and sounds of it.

Loud proclamations of "it cannot be done" and "I've already promised too much already" can be heard from time from time coming from President Snow. Each time that happens, Cato shushes him impatiently. Cato _shushes_ him! From the earnest look on Cato's face it looks like he is trying to plead his case—but what is trying to plead for?

I hear footsteps coming up behind me and I whip my head from the group that is huddled together. I smell him before I see him- the smell of earth and pine needles; it's Gale. He wraps his arm around me and puts his lips next to my ear.

"Whatcha staring at, Catnip?" his breath tickles my ear and I resist the urge to pull away from his embrace that feels so wrong. I plaster a smile on my face- always aware of the eyes of potential sponsors. I turn my head to look up into his eyes and lean forward so he can place a feather-light kiss on my forehead. He wraps his arms around me and I whisper my response to his chest, hiding my face from everyone.

"Oh, you know, just studying the competition. I'm trying to figure out the quickest way out of this whole mess."

Gale knows what mess I am talking about and lets out a hurt sigh, blowing my hair around and tickling my neck. I feel a pang of guilt for hurting him and pull back to study his face. He _is _handsome– with his olive skin, dark hair and eyes, thick muscles, and his serious and protective personality; there is no way that someone could not think he is attractive... I'll admit that, but while I think he is attractive, I'm not _attracted _to him. I try, once again, to be attracted to him but I just can't. He is a friend- my very best friend- and my brain just won't let me see him any other way no matter how hard I try.

Gale feels differently than me though. The truth had come out last night during tribute interviews, where he had announced to all of Panem that somewhere along the way, friendship had turned into love for him. My blood still boils just thinking about what Haymitch had done as soon as Gale had stepped off the stage. While I stood rooted to the spot, mouth hanging wide open, Haymitch was slapping Gale across the back congratulating him on his "stroke of brilliance".

"You, my boy, are a genius. This is just GREAT," Haymitch slurred loudly while thumping Gale roughly on his back. Gale stood, steadily staring at me, his face calm and unflinching. I slowly closed my mouth and dropped my head to stare at the floor. This couldn't be happen, could it? Could my best friend actually be in love with me? My fists clenched in anger and I bit the inside of my cheek trying to keep my temper in check.

"That is how we are going to play this," Haymitch declared and I looked up to see him staring at me impatiently. I glanced at Gale's unwavering gaze and dropped my eyes again.

"What are you talking about?" I muttered uncomfortably.

Haymitch let out an annoyed huff of breath from his mouth, the strong stench of alcohol burned in my nose.

"Come on, Katniss! Just picture it: The Star Crossed Lovers from district 12! "

My mouth once again dropped and my head shot up just in time to see that Gale's was hanging open also. His face was flushed but from the look on his face I could see that it was from anger and not embarrassment. His mouth shut with an audible snap of his teeth and he took a deep breath before motioning for us to get on the elevator. The ride up to the twelfth floor was a quiet, tense one. The silence was only broken with Haymitch's drunken heavy breathing that filled the elevator with the sharp smell of alcohol. I breathed a sigh of relief when the elevator pinged, signaling our arrival. The doors slid open filling the elevator with fresh air and the sound of the staccato clicks of Effie's heels as she rushed to us.

"Oh my!" she gushed at us as we unloaded. "What a big, big moment!" she looked at Gale and I pleasantly, totally unaware of the tension in the group. Gale didn't even respond to her. He turned and glared at Haymitch.

"Please do not tell me that we are going to use my feelings for Katniss as a ploy to get sponsors. There is no way that that is going to happen. What I feel for her means too much to be used as a front!"

While I shifted uncomfortably, Haymitch took a determined step towards Gale. "That is exactly what we are going to do. You would be a fool not to! You saw how the crowd ate that up! You guys need all the help that you can get." Haymitch then stepped forward and slung his arm over Gale's shoulders, pulling him away from me and started to whisper to him. Unfortunately for him, his drunkenness caused him to speak loudly, allowing me to hear everything.

"Don't you want her to make it home safe?" Gale's shoulders stiffened, knowing that I could hear everything Haymitch was saying. "You know that this is the best chance she has of getting home. I can sell star crossed lovers easily."

Gale's shoulders sagged under the realization and he turned to lock eyes with me. "Of course I want her to be the one to go home." He paused and took a deep breath, still staring into my eyes. "Okay, let's do this."

I was pulled from my deep reverie by Gale gently shaking my shoulders and smiling.

"Katniss? Are you okay? You're staring at me."

I let out a big sigh and step back from his arms; I am still not comfortable with the whole star crossed lovers arrangement.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just got lost in thought."

Gale lets out a sigh and grabs my hand. "Well let's get this over with, alright?"

My stomach drops. I'm not ready for this. I will never be ready for this. This is the final meeting with President Snow. It's a brand new tradition: the night before the games, a dinner is held for the tributes, mentors, stylists, and sponsors. It's basically a time for the sponsors to be able to talk one-on-one with the tributes before they head out to the arena. It's also when the president goes around and wishes all the tributes good luck in the games.

Gale pulls on my arm and drags me towards the dining room. As we walk, my eyes seek out Cato. He is shaking hands with President Snow and thanking him. I feel my eyebrows furrow in confusion—what is going on here? His eyes flick over and lock with mine. A slow smile spreads across his face as he drops Snow's hand and steps away from him, heading towards the dining room.

I drop my head and stop walking, an uneasy feeling stealing over my whole body. What just happened cannot mean anything good—Cato looked far too pleased with himself.

"I can't do this," I whisper softly to Gale who has continued walking without me.

Gale stops walking and looks back at me, concern in his eyes. He comes up to me, his hands sliding up my arms and back down. I know he's trying to comfort me but it makes me feel worse, this new way of dealing with each other has really thrown me for a loop.

"What is it, Catnip?"

"I can't do this, Gale. I can't face President Snow. I just don't trust myself around him." I don't mention Cato to him because I know I won't be able to accurately explain the way Cato feels.

Gale frowns slightly and bites his bottom lip; his tell that he is at a loss for words. I know he can relate to me— he hates the man more than any person I've ever known.

"Katniss, we _have _to do this. It really isn't an option. Plus, this is the perfect time for us to snag more sponsors. Haymitch really wants us to sell our star crossed lovers act tonight."

I glare at the floor. I really hate doing this especially since I'm planning to give Gale the slip once the games start. All this work is really pointless, not that Gale knows that. I sigh angrily. I honestly don't see any way around it—even if I did skip this dinner, Effie or Haymitch would track me down a drag me in kicking and screaming. I take a deep breath, wrap Gale's arm around my shoulders, lift my chin and lead us straight into the pack of wolves.

* * *

I stare up at the ceiling as the wind whistles by my window, thoughts racing through my head. Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the big day and anxiety- or was it the after-effects of the alcohol- twist in my stomach until tears blur in my eyes.

"_I could die tomorrow," _I think to myself and shiver. "_Stop it,"_ my mind scolds me. "_You don't know that. Not to mention, the dinner went really well tonight,"_ my brain logically explains to me. I'm not really buying it though.

Dinner did go really well though. Sponsors were falling over themselves to talk to Gale and me. At one point during the night, there had literally been a line of sponsors waiting to talk to us—much to Cato's ire. Gale and I had played our parts perfectly. We laughed secretly to each other, gave each other unexpected kisses, held hands, and even danced a couple of slow dances.

After all the sponsors had talked to us, I had found myself oddly alone. Gale was busy talking to President Snow on the other side of the room, Haymitch was raiding the bar, and Effie was off talking about the misfortunes of being in charge of tributes to the other tribute escorts. That left me at our table, knocking back drinks as though I didn't have to get up tomorrow and fight for my life. That's when Cato decided to join me—I guess he got sick of only staring at me as he had been doing all night long. He quickly made his way over to me before I could form a plan for escaping (my abuse of alcohol is to blame for that). Before I could even form a thought, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the shadows at the back of the room.

"Hey there, Fire Girl," he sneered at me, blowing the smell of alcohol on his breath into my face. "Do you regret turning my offer down yet? I would really like for you to reconsider teaming up with me."

I rolled my eyes at him. When I realized that no one could see us hidden in the shadows I fought to keep my cool. Cato was really intimidating.

"Cato, I wouldn't team up with you even if you and I were the last tributes in the arena and there could be two winners," I declared icily. My little speech slurred together and at the end, I let out a little hiccup—effectively ruining the seriousness of it.

"Oh, my, my, my," Cato mused, Effie-style. "Why, what do we have here? Is Fire Girl _drunk_?"Cato ran his hand across my cheek and I sucked in a deep breath at the unwelcome contact. My eyes looked around but no one was there to save me.

"Get off me, Cato, or I'll…"

"What are you going to do, Katniss?" He interrupted me, dragging the s in my name out into a hiss. "You can't do anything to me, Kat, not until we get to the arena."

My mind was sluggishly racing—not a very successful combination, believe me—trying to make sense through all of the alcohol that I had consumed. "Yeah, Cato," I slurred drunkenly at him, "you can't do _anything_ to me until we get into the _arena_." Taunting him probably wasn't my best idea—it was tied with my decision to drink myself stupid.

Cato let out a humorless laugh that chilled my blood. "Oh, Katniss, I won't do anything to you—that will leave a mark, that is."

My stomach dropped and I felt heat rush to my face and something making its way up my throat. I was going to be sick. I closed my eyes and licked my dry lips, trying to think of something to prevent him from doing anything to me.

"Cato…" I murmured.

I felt a wave of air against my skin and I opened my eyes to find that Cato was no longer there. Instead, he stood off to the side with a very angry Gale grasping the front of his shirt. He had Cato pulled up so that their faces were only mere inches apart.

"I don't know what you are playing at, Cato, and I honestly find that I don't give a shit but if you don't get the fuck away from Katniss and me—and _stay_ away—I promise you that I will personally beat the crap out of you."

Cato opened his mouth to say something but Gale read his mind and interrupted him before he could even get a sound out.

"Fuck the rule, Cato. I will _demolish_ you and then tell everyone what exactly you were doing to Katniss in the dark little corner here."

Cato didn't respond— he simply stared at Gale. I could see in his eyes, his wheels were turning, trying to think of something to say. Gale didn't give him a chance. He roughly shoved him away and out of the dark corner. There were gasps as Cato fell on top of Effie, tackling her to the ground.

"I'm so sorry," he sputtered at her and quickly exited the dining hall.

Gale led me to the table to pump some liquid and food into my stomach.

"What the hell are you thinking, Katniss? Getting drunk the day before the games? You need to pull yourself together. You promised Prim that you would come home to her."

The mention of Prim instantly sobered me up and just in time too because President Snow took that time to interrupt.

"I do believe you are the only tribute I have left to talk to, my dear," said his cool and uncaring voice. I shuddered a little before clambering to my feet.

My stomach lurched from the stench of roses that was coming off of him. I stepped forward and held out my hand for him to shake. He merely glanced at it and narrowed his eyes at me.

"Well, my dear, I do believe that you are going to have a very- _interesting_ road ahead of you. Good luck." And with that he was gone, his body guards following closely behind him. I sank back down onto my chair and closed my eyes, exhaustion washing over my weary body.

"Please take me up to the apartment, Gale, I just want to sleep. Hopefully I wake in the morning and find that this was all just a twisted nightmare."

Gale doesn't respond except to take my arm and lead me to the elevators.

Now here I lie, wide awake, thoughts racing, with daylight creeping closer and closer. In my mind, I picture death sliding up to rest at my feet like a snake, warning me to watch where I step because it would be waiting for me.

With that thought, I drift off into nightmares where Prim and Cato star.


	5. Chapter Five The Storm is Here

Chapter Five—The Storm is upon us

I lie on the cold, hard cot, waiting. Although I am not sure what exactly I am waiting for though. After the flight to the arena, peacekeepers had shoved me into a small, cement room and told me to lie down on the cot and left me to my own devices. I look around. There isn't much here to do here. There is an uncomfortable looking chair next to my metal cot and there is a clear glass tube that runs into the ceiling in the middle of the room.

The door to my room opens and I quickly sit up breathing out a sigh of relief when Cinna steps into the room.

"Cinna," I breathe relief evident in my voice. I'd much rather Cinna be here with me in my final hour over the drunken Haymitch. I shudder as I imagine Haymitch comforting me with his alcohol breath. Yeah, no thank you but thanks for asking.

Cinna steps forward and grabs my face gently. "Oh, Katniss, what have you done? You look absolutely awful! Did you sleep at all last night?"

I pull away from him, frowning. "Would you be able to sleep if you were me?"

Cinna's expression softens as he looks at me. "I suppose not. Let's get you ready, the games will be starting soon."

Cinna helps me into my outfit and braids my hair to the side—my signature style. I have heard rumors that Capitol citizens have started to wear their hair like this. It makes me sick, they've turned me into some sort of celebrity when in reality, I'm just a girl being sent to her death. Cinna goes as far as curling my eyelashes before I won't let him do any more than that- what's the point?

Suddenly a countdown starts and echoes loudly throughout my small room. The noise fills my ears and sinks into my soul, chilling it through until my lips are chattering and I have goose bumps all over my body.

"30, 29, 28, 27..."

I look at Cinna and smile sadly. He touches my cheek softly; his eyes filling up with unshed tears.

"You'll do great, Katniss, just believe in yourself. I wish you all the luck."

I smile and turn to enter the glass tube. Right before I step in, Cinna pulls me back.

"I almost forgot!" he's pulling something out of his pocket and is offering it to me. I look down and see a gold pin, a mocking jay in the middle of a circle with arrow going through the circle at the bottom. I let out a surprised breath as he pins it to my jacket. It really is rather pretty and being from district 12, I am not used to _pretty._

"It came in the mail today from someone in your district- a Peeta Mellark, I believe was the name. The letter says that it's for luck."

Cinna pushes me into the tube as tears flood my eyes- oh, dear, sweet Peeta. In that moment I mourn the loss of the chance to get to know him better and anger floods through me at the injustice of it all.

The tube lurches and I make a slow rise up into sun so bright, it's blinding. I blink a couple times and look around. The tributes are in a circle, evenly spaced out. In the middle of the circle is a big cornucopia full of supplies. A flash of sunlight glints off of something and I gasp. It's a bow and metal quiver that is filled to max capacity with deadly little arrows. I want it. No, I **NEED** it. I look around and see Gale, he's staring at it too and I know he's going to try to get it for me. Irritation rushes through me. How am I supposed to ditch him if he has the thing I need to survive?

"9-8-7..."

Suddenly there is a deafening noise and a blinding light. A pressure wave passes over me followed closely by a wave of intense heat. Debris start to fall around me and I realize that someone has stepped off their platform too soon; the mine planted around their platform has blown them up.

I look around trying to figure out who it could have been and that's when I lock eyes with Cato and he smiles evilly at me. He motions to the bow and quiver, a nasty glint in his eyes. I pull my eyes from his and roll them in exasperation. That boy really is insufferable! At the last second my eyes lock onto a backpack not too far from me.

"_That's mine_," I think to myself. If I can't get my bow, then I **will** get that stupid little backpack.

The air is filled with a ringing- it's time. I take off, my heels digging into the soft earth. The fresh air burns in my gasping lungs but I'm sure that I am making good progress. Right as I reach the backpack, I see arms reaching for what is mine. A growl escapes my throat as I grasp the back pack and tug against a freckled boy from one of the outlying districts- 10 maybe? We lock eyes and I see the fear in them. It's almost enough to make me release the backpack but right at the last second his eyes suddenly go wide and then roll into the back of his head. He drops to the ground at my feet and I leap back, surprised at the knife that is lodged in the back of his neck. My head snaps up and I see Clove staring at me, licking her lips, a knife raised above her head and then it's flying at me. I raise my arms to block it and I hear a thud. Looking down, I see it sticking in my back pack.

"Thanks for the knife," I call tauntingly at her and I quickly sling my backpack around my shoulders and run towards the woods. Another knife goes flying past me and I swear softly as I push myself harder, putting distance between me and Clove who is pulling at her hair and is screaming at the top of her lungs.

I reach the safety of the woods but can hear rustling all around me- I'm not safe yet. I push myself even harder, gasping heavily. I don't know how long I run and stumble through the woods for but when I stop, it's starting to get dark and I have scrapes and bruises all over me. I stop and place my hands on my head, trying to calm my breathing- someone is going to hear me if I don't shut up. After a few minutes, my breathing quiets and that's when I hear it- the sound of rushing water. I'm about to head towards the sound when I hear rustling and cracking of branches. I pull my backpack around and pull the knife out from it. With a hiss I spin around, facing my attacker. I drop the knife when I see who it is. Gale stands there, breathing heavily with my bow and arrow hanging from his hand, a stupid grin on his handsome face.

My mouth drops open and all thoughts flee from my head.

"Gale, what the hell are you doing? How did you find me?"

He simply shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know; I just knew I couldn't risk not finding you . I simply followed my feet and it's a good thing I did because here I stand and there you stand." He smiles at me. "Don't worry, Catnip, I'd charge through ten tracker jacker nests just to get to you. I won't let you down."

He smiles at me and I want to slap him. I stamp my foot in frustration but bite my tongue. I turn and stomp off towards the sound of water. Breaking from the tree line, I spot a boulder the bank. I sit on it and check my backpack to see what I got: matches, sleeping bag, rope, iodine, empty water bottle, and some glasses.

Gale lets out a whistle. "You got some good stuff there, Catnip"

"What do you want? I'll trade you for the bow." I mutter sullenly.

"The matches."

I look up at him and smile. Of course. Gale never did quite manage to learn how to light a fire which is really surprising seeing as how he is Mr. Nature Boy. I know it's an unfair trade but I don't care- I _need_ that bow.

I open my mouth to agree but he cuts me off before I can get a word out.

"I want the matches and a promise that you will stop trying to ditch me."

My mouth hangs open and I stare at him in disbelief. How did he know? I slowly close my mouth and swallow.

"Deal," I whisper knowing full well that I just sentenced him to his death. It may not be right away, but eventually I know that he'll die because of me.

"Great!" Gale hunkers down beside me and pulls me off the rock and into his arms. I look up into his face, surprise clearly written on mine and see that his eyes are sending me a message to simply go with it and trust him. I clasp my eyes shut and secretly curse the need for sponsors. Gale pulls me closer and gently plants his lips on mine. I feel nothing but the pressure of his lips on mine- I feel no butterflies or any nonsense like that. I breathe a sigh of relief mentally when he pulls away and smiles down at me. He sets me back down on the rock and takes my water bottle to fill it in the river.

"So how many are dead?" I question, hoping that the number will be high so I have less people to kill.

Gale glances at me over his shoulder. "I'm not sure how many or even who really but oddly enough, Clove is dead."

My eyes widen in shock. "Clove? How did that happen? I honestly thought she and Cato would make it the longest."

"This is where it gets really weird. Cato did it," Gale murmurs, almost to himself.

I shake my head in disbelief. "I thought they were on a team," I mutter to myself.

"So did I," Gale responds and gets up from the river's edge, coming to sit next to me again. He reaches into my pack and pulls out the iodine, quickly adding it to the water before placing it back in my pack. "That is until she started screaming about wanting to kill you if it's the last thing she'd do. Cato just lost it. He grabbed a sword and started running at her- that's how I was able to get your bow and arrow; the other careers were too busy staring at Cato in shock- this definitely was **not** planned. Anyway, he grabbed that sword and started running at her. The poor girl didn't know what to do, she never saw that coming. Cato winds up and swings that sword straight at her head- it nearly took her entire head off! The blood got everywhere and I quietly turned the other way and ran off for the woods, to follow you."

I shake my head, dread curling in my stomach. "He wants to do it himself."

"What's that, Catnip?"

"I said Cato wants to do it himself. Kill me. He wants to be the one to do it."

Gale frowns and gets up to start pacing. "I won't let him, Katniss, I swear to you, I'll get him before he gets anywhere near you."

I get up to comfort him, for the sponsors' sake—not mine. "I know, Gale, I know." I pat his back and he sighs deeply.

"Sorry, I just can't stand thinking of you getting hurt."

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for acting. "I know how you feel, Gale. It's the way I feel about you."

His head whips around to search my face. I lean up on my toes and kiss him lightly on the mouth. I mean the words but the kissing is purely for the sponsors. In my mind, I imagine Haymitch giving me thumbs up with a reassuring "way to go, kiddo". I pull away and take a deep breath.

"Now let's set some snares and get a camp set up before night falls."

Gale stares a few seconds at my lips before nodding. I go to set the snares and he stays to catch fish for dinner.

Once the sun has set, I broach the topic about keeping watch. Gale insists on taking the first watch much to my disappointment. I reluctantly agree only because he promises to wake me up later tonight so he can get some sleep. Giving him the weird looking glasses that we have discovered allow you to see in the dark, I give him a chaste kiss and climb up the tallest tree I can find. Climbing as far as I can go, I search for the sturdiest branch there is. Finding one, I tuck myself into my sleeping bag and tie my legs to the branch so I don't roll out of the tree. I look up to the sky just in time for the anthem to start playing.

I watch as faces of fallen tributes are projected onto the sky. The careers must have been busy because many have fallen at the cornucopia today. Both tributes from 3, 7, 9, and 10 are dead; along with the boy tributes from 4 and 5 and the girl from 8. Of course, there is the most disturbing death, the death of Clove by her own district partner. All in all, twelve are dead by the end of this day.

I let out a sad sigh and thank God that Prim isn't here, having to deal with this. I close my eyes and am instantly out.

The next morning dawns bright and early. I stretch lazily out and shade my eyes against the rising sun. Dread fills me as I take in the early morning light. Gale was supposed to have woken me for a night shift. I look over my branch but cannot see the bottom of the tree because of the foliage blocking my way. Panic sets in and I desperately claw at my rope, trying to untie myself. A whimper escapes my throat and my rope is off. I shove it in my bag as I hastily climb down the tree. I drop to the forest floor in a crouch and freeze when I hear movement.

"Well, gees Catnip, why don't you just alert the whole forest that we are here. Why are you being so loud?"

My head snaps up to meet Gale's eyes. Relief flows through me followed closely by anger. I shoot up from my crouched position.

"You idiot, Gale! Why didn't you wake me up? You scared me to death!"

"I didn't want to wake you. You need your sleep."

I stare at him with a face that says "_and you don't?" _before I lose it:anger courses through my veins and I stomp off into the woods. The last thing I want to be is the cause of Gale's death. Not sleeping so I can is going to kill him. He'll be tired and out of it and make a mistake. I want to turn and yell all this at him but I'm not ready to talk to him yet.

"Katniss wait! Please come back! I'm sorry I scared you!"

I don't stop. I can hear in his voice that he is pleased that I am worried about him and it makes me sick. I don't stop, I keep walking. Screw sponsors, I am mad and the last thing I want to do right now is act like I am in love with Gale Hawthorne.

"Seriously, Katniss, come back. Don't go that way." His voice is serious, but I ignore him still—the jerk deserves the cold shoulder as far as I'm concerned.

"Shut up Gale, before someone hears you," I hiss icily over my shoulder. That's when I hear it- an odd buzzing. It doesn't make me stop walking but it does make me wonder. I look around trying to figure out what could be making that noise while trying at the same time to get as much distance between Gale and me as I possibly can.

"KATNISS, STOP MOVING NOW!"

I take two more steps before I feel it- something isn't right. I take one more step forward and feel as my foot steps on something that caves in. First there is silence- no buzzing, no nothing. Then there is noise everywhere; there is a god awful buzzing noise and then there is pain. Everywhere is pain. I take off running towards the river; my only thought is to get in the water. That's when I hear screaming- no, not only one but three different screams. Two high pitched and one low. I can account for one of those screams, Gale for another, but for the life of me I cannot place who the other scream belongs to. I stumble as the venom works its way into my blood stream.

Colors run together and trees reach out to grab me, slowing me down and laughing at me with huge gasping mouths and eyes that are black as coal. I come up to what should be the river but instead see a huge, thick snake slithering back and forth. It lunges at me and I scream; I turn to go the way I came but see a black cloud of angry buzzing. I turn again, stumble a little and I run forward towards the snake and fall into something cool and soothing. I relax and a happy sigh escapes my lips. I sink down until my face is covered in coolness and realize that I'm not gliding gently down but being sucked incessantly down. It is quicksand, I can feel myself sinking and I struggle against the sucking as it pulls me down. Coolness fills my lungs, stinging, and my vision goes black and I'm gone- floating in some nether world.

I float in blackness that is silent and echoes its silence back at me, mocking me for what seems eternity. That's when I see something- color so bright and pure that I can't wrap my mind around it, the color shifts and changes and suddenly it's Prim— sweet, innocent Prim telling me to win. Please win and come home- she needs me. I step forward to hug her and she changes. She is Prim but isn't at the same time. There is a darkness in this Prim. Suddenly cracks appear all over her and I start to cry, fear squeezing from my eyes in fat tears that burn on the way out. Her face transforms and it's Cato- his evil sneer goes straight to my core. My heart starts to thump quickly, burning a hole in my chest. I scream from the pain and the fear but it's no longer him, he's changing. A light so bright I have to shield my eyes from it erupts from him and then I'm floating, making millions of lights with every breath that I take. It's so beautiful. These lights are so beautiful and peaceful. I want to stay here forever. I see an object in the lights. Floating by me and I smell cinnamon. It's Peeta. I feel warmth all over my body and I feel pressure on my lips. Tingles spread from my lips down my neck and to my fingertips. Kissing Peeta is nice I decide in that moment. He kisses me once more and floats away.

"Wake up, Katniss. Come back to me", he smiles sweetly as he floats away from me and I'm confused- he doesn't sound like Peeta. "Wake up," he whispers and I gasp- that's Gale's voice.

My eyes shoot open and I'm looking into Gale's dark eyes. A mangled moan escapes my lips and I latch onto him, my arms wrap around his neck and I'm sobbing into his neck. He sits back on his heels and rubs my back, whispering soothing words to me.

"What happened?" I choke out.

"You stepped right on a tracker jackers' nest; killed the girl from district 5 in the process. Luckily I was farther behind or we'd both be dead by now. I only got stung twice and took the stingers out right away so I was still able to function. I found you floating in the river and drug you out of it and to safety. You've been out for a couple days."

"I killed someone?"

"Well, the tracker jackers did. Also, the girls from 4 and 6 died while you were out. The careers did that. Came prancing right by our camp, laughing afterwards. I had to set up some safety snares after that. They really got too close for comfort."

I looked around. Our camp? We are under a massive weeping willow whose branches are so weighed down by its leaves that they hang down, touching the ground, basically forming a tree teepee. I study, the leaves carefully. This has to be manmade, I've never seen a weeping willow with such think and heavy foliage. It absolutely blocks us from the outside world unless the wind blows, then you can catch glimpses of us.

I look at Gale, guilt coloring my face red. "I'm sorry for stomping off like that. I really could have gotten us both killed and I'm sorry. I was so mad about you not sleeping and that I was going to be the reason you ended up dead, that I almost killed you."

Gale watches me solemnly, his eyes falling to rest on my lips.

I inhale. I guess I have some time to make up for, I think to myself as I lean towards Gale. Right before my lips touch his, we hear it.

We freeze, hovering inches away from each other lips, our eyes locked. Neither of us breath as we wait, listening for the sound again.

There it is. The sound of multiple footsteps and—laughter its coming straight at our camp but is a little far off still. You can just barely make out what is said.

"I can't believe Cato. He really has gone off the deep end. He's more concerned about finding _her _than killing off the other tributes," says a high pitched voice- it must be Glimmer.

"Why do you think we ditched him, Glim? That guy _is _crazy. You saw what he did to Clove. There is no way I'm sticking around so he can do that to me."

I shift slightly so I can peer out through the branches of our hide out. Coming straight towards our camp is Marvel and Glimmer. Marvel has a long spear strapped to his back and Glimmer has some knives attached to a belt and a sword in her hand. I reach behind me for my bow but Gale's hand stops me from picking it up. I shift slightly, frowning at him.

He motions upwards and I get the impression that he wants me to climb the tree. I frown at him again- why do I have to climb to safety while he gets to stay down here to do all the work? It's not that I _want _to kill people but it shouldn't fall all on Gale. Before I can do anything I hear more footsteps but these are coming from the opposite direction of Glimmer and Marvel.

I look to my left and I see Thresh trying to careful pick his way through the forest, his big, clumsy feet snapping every branch on his way. There is a quiet gasp and I know that the careers have either heard or seen him.

My heartbeat starts to thumb maddeningly as I picture what is about to happen. Just when I have made up my mind to pick up my bow to help Thresh out I hear a low whistling in the air. My head shoots up in time to see a long spear go straight through Thresh's neck. He makes a strangled gurgling noise as blood gushes from the wound. I watch in horror as his hands find the spear and jerk it from his neck. Blood instantly starts to squirt out from his neck. Thresh drops to his knees and falls onto his hands. I hear crashing and then Marvel and Glimmer are standing in my way.

I hear the zing of metal being drawn against metal and in my mind I picture Glimmer rubbing two of her knives together. I watch in horror as they circle Thresh, laughing and spitting at him. Thresh is still bent over, making gurgled noises, and not paying any attention to the two careers. Right as Glimmer makes a lunge for Thresh, I feel someone pulling at me and the loud boom of the cannon goes off—Thresh is dead.

Adrenaline courses through my body and a hiss escapes through my lips. I turn around, shuffling the leaves I am sitting upon to see Gale with a horrified and shocked expression on his face and I just know- the careers have heard me.

I hear a deep gasp and then crashing from behind me. They are heading our way. My eyes shoot to Gale's and his look of horror has been replaced with one of what could be called smugness. I grab my bow from him and I twist around once more in our tiny space to see Marvel as he charges towards our hiding spot. There is no way that he knows where we are—he must only have a _suspicion. _

A creaking sound fills the air and a contraption comes swinging up from a hole in the forest floor. A blur of stick and spikes, goes flying towards Marvel's body and there is no stop to it. With sickening noise, Marvel is impaled upon the pallet of tied branches. I don't see it, but from having taught Gale how to make this snare, I know that if I were to look at Marvel's back there would be twelve huge spikes sticking out, having gone all the way through his body. I stare at his face and as a trail of blood trickles delicately from his mouth, a scream fills the air.


	6. Chapter Six The Storm Rages on

Chapter Six—The Storm Rages on

I stare at the mourning girl in front of me and feel sadness for her. These stupid games cause nothing but misery! My anger towards the Capitol stills my hand and prevents me from taking aim at her. Glimmer whips her head around and stares suspiciously at our tree. I freeze- I don't move, I don't breathe—I don't even blink.

"_She can't see us, she can't see us, she can't see us_," I chant to myself in my head. Suddenly the feel wind against my face- the wind is blowing, moving the foliage all around us and I just know- she has caught a glimpse of us.

She narrows hers eyes at us and clambers to her feet. She lets out a distorted cry and stumbles a bit before she starts a headlong run towards us. Her face is set into a look of crazed determination. My stomach drops and before I can lift my bow to take aim, Gale is running at her. I lower my bow in shock.

"GALE, NO!" I scream uselessly after him.

Glimmer's eyes narrow even more until her eyes are nothing but black slits of evil and death. I see it in slow motion.

First there is the boom of the canon that announces that death has come to Marvel. Glimmer lets out a howl and her hands shoot to her waist where her knives sit. She grabs one in each hand. With a yell she raises her right hand and then swings her it down, releasing the knife. Glimmer isn't as good as Clove was- it goes whistling past Gale's head and sinks into the dirt right outside our hide out. In the next second, her left hand goes up and my stomach gurgles in sickness—I know right then that this isn't going to end well and I lurch to my feet, already knowing that I'll be too late. Glimmer brings her hand down and lets the knife fly. I watch in horror as the blade sinks into Gale's left shoulder.

I swing my bow up, arrow already in hand. Just then Glimmer's head snaps to the right. I flick my eyes that direction and am amazed to see a little Rue flying through the air, dropping to the ground, providing me with the distraction I need.

I notch my arrow and let it fly, watching with sick satisfaction as the arrow sinks smoothly into Glimmer's temple. She doesn't make a sound. She simply drops to the forest floor and the cannon goes off in the distance. Glimmer is dead. I shiver as Death enters my body. It gives me a sick rush, being the one to end a person's life and I don't particularly like it.

I rush to Gale who is laying on his back, moaning up at the sky.

"Oh. God . Gale! No, no, nooo!" I slide next to him, my pant knees ripping against the forest floor. I look to the sky "Haymitch, do something for him! Please!" I yell at the unseen cameras—I know they are there, they wouldn't dare miss something like this.

I hear rustling behind me and a hiss erupts from deep within my chest and I whirl around in a protective crouch over Gale. My eyes narrow in on Rue. She holds her tiny hands up, her eyes growing wide with fear. I instantly step down. I could never raise a hand against Rue; she's too much like my Prim.

"Rue, I'm so sorry. It was just instinct."

Rue stares at me, her shoulders hunched like the weight of the world is on them. Poor girl. I turn my head and look down at Gale who is studying my face. A tear escapes my eye and I gently stroke his face. "Oh, Gale, you fool."

"I never realized it was true," Rue mumbles almost to herself.

"That what was true?"

"That you two were actually in love. I can see it now."

My face flushes- love? No. I bite my lip from explaining, I really need sponsors help right now. Explaining our friendship to her would get me nowhere fast.

I look down at his wound- it wouldn't be too serious if we were at home. My mom could fix him up with a few stitches and some herbs to prevent infection. Here in the arena, it's a ticking time bomb; with nothing to stitch it up with and nothing to prevent infection. It's going to get worse and worse until he dies. I sigh and pull his head into my lap, running my hands through his hair. I lean down and gingerly place a kiss on his lips. I start to pull away but he makes a noise in the back of his throat that sounds like a protest. I lean down again and suddenly we are kissing- really kissing. My fear of him dying, driving me to do what I would usually never do. My tongue slips into his mouth and he groans slightly. I jerk up, a squeak escaping my mouth. I had hurt him.

"Shhh! Listen! Do you hear that?" Rue whispers urgently at my elbow- when did she get that close?

I listen and hear it. A high pitched beep fills the air. I look up and see a small parachute- the sponsors sent me something! It falls to the floor by Gale and  
I hurriedly open it up. There, in the metal container is a cylinder holding medicine it also holds a note.

"_Wash, then put meds on. Keep up the good work, lover girl. _

_-H_"

I look down at Gale. Here comes the fun part. I pull my water bottle from my bag and take a deep breath.

"Gale, this is going to hurt but we have to do this. I have to take the knife out and get your shirt off. We need to clean the wound."

"Okay," he croaks out miserably—he has been rather quiet through this whole ordeal.

"Okay," I reply breathlessly.

My hands are shaking so I take a few seconds to calm myself then I wrap my hands around the knife. With one more glance at his face I pull the knife out quickly.

Glad lets out a scream of pain and Rue is immediately there shoving some kind of cloth into his mouth. Gale's eyes roll around wildly in his head. Blood is gushing from his wound and the sight of it makes me a little sick.

"Okay, Gale, I need you to sit up, we have to get your shirt off so I can get to the wound to clean it."

Gale mumbles some sort of confirmation so I go ahead and help gale sit up, a sweat breaking out on my forehead as I try to hold up his weight. His shirt is off and he falls, exhausted to the ground. I think he might be going into shock. I bite my lip and pray it isn't so.

I open my water bottle and gently drizzle water over his wound. Gale lets out a muffled moan and he glares up at me. The pain of this is enough to pull him from his loopy pained state though and I am relieved—I can see it in his eyes, they aren't fogged over with pain; they are sharpened with it instead.

"Okay Gale, I'm going to put the medicine on your wound now. Please try not to scream."

Gale spits out the cloth from his mouth. "Get it over with, Catnip, I'll be fine."

I let out a weak laugh and quickly open the medicine I dip my fingers in it and find that it is sticky like glue. I gently wipe some over his wound and Gale stiffens at the contact. I dip my hand back into medicine and wipe some more onto his wound for good measure.

Gale lets out a relieved sigh. "That feels good. It's actually taking the pain away," I smile gently down at him.

"That's good Gale."

His sits up and I help to scoot him so that he's leaning against a nearby tree. He lets out a sigh, closing his eyes momentarily. I sit next to him, staring at his face, memorizing it. I could have lost him. My Gale— my best friend. Suddenly I am shaking and I fight back a sob- I can't be weak. Gale's eyes find mine and he knows. He knows how shaken up I am. His eyes drop to my lips and I lunge at him, molding my lips to his. His uninjured arm sneaks up behind my back and pulls me closer to him so that I'm sitting across his lap, my shoulder rubbing right against his perfectly sculpted chest. He has no hair on his chest but under his navel, there is a trail of scattering hair that makes me blush when I look at it. The close contact clears my brain and I try to pull away- what am I doing? Gale tightens his arms and doesn't let me escape his lips until Rue clears her throat. I scramble from his lap, a blush on my cheeks. That girl is too quiet for her own good!

"We need to move so they can pick up the bodies," Rue quietly says. She's right. I cover Gale's wound with cloth ripped from my jeans and I help him put his shirt back on.

We settle in a cave a little ways from the river. I don't particularly like it because it's by a huge waterfall, the noise of which drowns out any approaching footsteps that could be heard in advance. However, Gale needs a place to rest and it's the only option I have at the moment.

I settle Gale in and he quickly drops off to sleep. Rue and I decide to leave him there to go and rummage through some berry bushes that we saw nearby. She chatters quietly to me as we pick and I fight off tears because she reminds me of Prim so much. We see the boy from district 6 pass by but we opt to sink low to ground as he passes- there has been too much death today and I don't think I could stand seeing anyone else die right now. We stay crouched down for the next fifteen minutes, not daring to move. After that we decide that we have picked enough berries and we quickly hurry back to the cave to find Gale up and moving about the cave. He looks rather flustered and agitated when we arrive.

"What are you doing Gale?"

"Oh, Christ, Katniss. I didn't know where you were. I was about to come looking for you,"

"Well I'm here so sit down and rest. I've got some berries for us to munch on—I know it's not much but after today, this is all I have the energy to get for us. Sorry it's not meat. I'll go hunting tomorrow for us. It's getting to be too dark right now anyway and I wouldn't be able to start a fire to cook it without letting everyone know right where we are. Oh, we saw the boy from district 6 pass by so be careful if you do end up going out..." I trail off not sure what else to say. There's an awkwardness between Gale and I now. I know it's my fault. I'm not sure how to act around him after those heated kisses. My feelings towards him haven't changed at all and I'm afraid that he thinks they have.

Gale silently looks at me, a sad look in his eyes.

"So..." Rue breathes out, trying to break the tense silence that has filled the cave. "It looks like you guys got some good sponsors."

I look at her. She's right. Getting medicine is a big deal in the arena.

"Yeah, I'm actually surprised that Haymitch sent us medicine. It's probably because he hasn't sent us anything yet."

"That's not true Katniss. When you got stung by all those tracker jackets, I had drug you out of the river and laid you right by this huge bush. I remember learning something in training about a certain leaf that could heal tracker jacker stings so I tucked you under that bush and went searching. I found lots of leaves that I knew did _something_ I just wasn't sure what. I had narrowed it down to two when I heard this beeping and a parachute drifted by me. I snatched it out of the air and in the container, I found a leaf with a note." he blushes and looks down. Why is he blushing?

I pass the berries around and ask, "What did the note say?"

Gale laughs weakly, taking a hand full of berries and plopping them into his mouth one-by-one. "It said _'those will kill her. Start at the beginning and look for what was given to you._' I sat there a while not exactly sure what he meant by start at the beginning... Was I supposed to go back to the cornucopia? I knew what he meant by 'what was given to you'—he obviously meant the leaf. But the start at the beginning thing—it had me scratching my head. Well I couldn't think of what else he could mean by it so I went back to get you settled somewhere I felt was safer when I saw it- I'd hidden you under the bush that would save your life."

I let out a loud laugh and shake my head at his stroke of stupidity. "Well thank goodness for Haymitch," I mumble.

"No, thank goodness for sponsors," Gale insists and I look at him. His face says it all. I need to get my act together because we need to impress the sponsors. I nod slightly at him, letting him know that I understand.

Darkness falls in the cave and Rue curls into a little ball and falls asleep instantly. I cover her with my sleeping bag and I cross to Gale as he lies down. I look to him, a question on my face. He nods curtly and I tuck myself against him, my head settling on his arm. I feel his lips on my hair and they linger there until I drift off to sleep.

I wake early the next morning. I shake Gale softly to check his would and to let him know that I'm going hunting. His wound looks fine and is almost completely healed—thank you medicine. When I murmur my plans to him softly, he mumbles and waves his hand at me, rolls over and falls asleep again. I tuck the sleeping bag under Rue's chin and then I'm off.

I step out of cave and am awestruck by the beauty of this morning. Mist from the gushing waterfall is suspended in the air, catching the rays of the rising sun. Millions of rainbows suspended in the air that stick to your skin when you walk through them. I take a deep breath and savor the sight of this morning- who knows how many more I will have?

I make it a quick morning, snagging a river otter, a small squirrel, and some berries. I cook the meat away from the cave, not wanting to draw predators close to our haven. On the way back, I gather lots of vines to possibly tie into a net that will catch some fish for tomorrow morning.

Entering the cave, I find Gale alone sharpening a knife against a rock. I eye the rock warily, something about it rubbing me the wrong way. Maybe it's the fact that it could be used as a weapon. I shake my head, clearing those thoughts from my brain.

"Where is Rue?"

"Gathering plants—she's trying to find something to ease the itchiness of a rash that she miraculously developed over night. I tried to go with her but that little girl is too fast. She started making excuses and edging towards the exit. Then mid-sentence she turned and zipped right out. By the time I got to the entrance, she was nowhere to be seen!" Gale lets out a laugh, places knife and rock on the ground and runs his hands through his hair.

"You probably intimidated her. Were you holding a knife and a rock in your hand when you offered to go with her?" Gale's blush answers the question for me—yes, he had. "Well, I wouldn't want to be around you either if I was her." I laugh and sit down, my stomach growling. I can't remember the last time I had any meat.

We agree to split the food evenly, making sure everyone got their fair share. By the time Gale and I got down eating, I noticed that Rue's pile had miraculously grown in size. In the silence that follows our meal, I bring up my idea of the net to Gale. He agrees that it's a good idea and we set to work, tying the vines together.

Rue skips into the cave and lets out a relieved breath when she sees me.

"Oh, Katniss, you're back."

I smile and open my arms to her. She crosses quickly and I hug her, my heart breaking for her because no one volunteered for her.

"What's that smell," she asks shyly.

"I brought you some food back."

She drops to her knees, her eyes wide.

"Oh, Katniss, thank you!"

She gently picks up the squirrel and eyes it longingly and slowly sinks her teeth into. A satisfied groan emits from her small frame and she smiles.

"So how's that rash," Gale asks innocently.

Rue blushes and looks at the floor, not answering him. Gale chuckles and continues working on the net.

I settle down next to Gale and get to work on the net; Rue joins us after she eats her fill. It takes all day but just as crickets start chirping outside, we finish. I get up and stretch.

"I'm going to get this set up in the river so we can have a big selection tomorrow morning."

"Katniss, let me do it, you've been doing too much already," says Gale as he get up.

"Gale, sit down and rest. I'll let you go hunting tomorrow but you still need to rest tomorrow."

Gale frowns at me and I lean down to place a quick kiss on his brow. I walk towards the entrance and hear him following me but he goes no farther than to simply linger by the entrance, watching me.

I wander to the river, the deafening rush of the river drowning out all other sounds. I feel relieved knowing that Gale is watching my back. I get to work pinning the net down with big rocks. The roar of the river plays with my head. I keep hearing my name being called but know that no one is saying my name- Gale wouldn't be stupid enough to be yelling, people could find us that way.

I place the last rock on the net and am getting ready to pin down the other side of the net down on the other side of the river when suddenly I am falling- I've been pushed into the river! At first I think that it's Gale being silly. I come up gasping, a smile on my face just in time for my head to pushed under the water again. Someone is trying to drown me! I freak out. My legs kick out and my fingers scratch at the hand that is placed on my head. My feet touch the bottom of the river and push angrily against it, shooting up out of the water and away from my attacker. I am shocked to see the boy from district 6 standing in the river with me, the current swirling angrily around our knees.

He has long brown hair that hangs soggily into his eyes. He is a slim thing but he has toned muscles, I think I can take him. I take a step back and slip, falling back into the water, the current floating me downstream a little. I come up in time for a huge wave of water to drench me. I shoot to my feet and scramble onto the bank. I turn to face to my attacker and am shocked to see Gale huddled over him, his hands wrapped snugly around his neck, shoving his head under the water. I fall back onto my butt and take deep breaths. I feel bile rising in my throat and turn to vomit. Cries erupt from my scratchy throat. I am coughing up water and vomiting. I feel a hand on my shoulder and scramble back. Its Gale his hand is outstretched towards me. I eye it warily and try to block out the image of him drowning the boy. I glance behind him to see the body slowly float down the river. I glance up at Gale and see what I saw in myself yesterday in his eyes after I had killed Glimmer. Death dances in his eyes and I realize we are the same. We are survivors, no we are killers—we are Death.


	7. Chapter Seven Enter the Reaper

Chapter Seven—Enter the Reaper

Rue and I walk quietly, eyes probing into the dark of the forest, searching for death between trees and bushes. My muscles clench in anticipation and anxiety. Something doesn't feel right.

Gale set off early this morning to go hunting on the opposite side of the river. Having had been plagued all night by nightmares, I had held him close before he left and it was for my benefit—not for the sponsors. He has a calming effect on me that I need. He crossed the river and turned to give me one last wave before disappearing into the trees.

Rue and I had decided over breakfast that we would go scope out where the rest of the tributes were—after all, only two were left. Cato and an average sized boy from district 8. We both awkwardly danced around the fact that after they were taken out, we'd have to figure out what to do with each other. I knew I couldn't kill her and that if it came down to me, Gale, and Rue; I wouldn't be able to lift a finger to either of them.

Rue and I walked, silently through the woods, our thoughts keeping us occupied. It was a comfortable silence for the most part.

"I think we could get a better view of things from higher up. I say we climb a tree," says Rue. She motions to a tree that is to right. I study it and like that I see.

It is tall with strong, sturdy branches. It's the healthiest tree in this part of the woods. The ones close to it are big too but most of their branches are skinny and the bigger are few and far between. I nod my approval to her and follow her up the tree.

She pauses on a high up branch that can hold us both at the same time and I sit next to her on it, studying the forest around us. It is quiet and peaceful, the branches of the trees swaying gently in the cool breeze.

"Well, I don't see anyone," I comment lamely.

"Neither do I," Rue says, laughing slightly. "I thought for sure that we would be able to see _something _up here. I guess I was wrong."

I turn my head and gasp softly. There is something coming- I'm just not sure _what _it is. It's a light coming from far off in the woods it almost looks like the sun is setting and a brilliant orange is being thrown up into the sky. But it couldn't be that—the sun wasn't setting, it's high above our heads right now, beating relentlessly on our heads. I drop my gaze a little and freeze as something steps out from the brush. Cato.

The branches sway slightly under me as I nudge Rue in the shoulder. I reach around for my bow when a huge gust of wind rocks me, almost toppling me off the branch. That's when I smell it- smoke. I whip my head towards the light in the woods and my stomach drops. A fire and its gaining fast on us. The wind picks up and rocks us around high up in the tree. Rue grips the branch and whimper escapes her mouth. I glance down and my blood freezes. Cato is standing at the trunk of our tree, gazing up at us, an odd smile on his face.

"Why, hello there, Katniss. I have been searching for you. Are you ready to regret how you have treated me?"

My temper flares. "No, I'm not quite ready yet, Cato. You see, I feel quite confident in my choice of partners. Too bad Clove can't say the same, can she?"

Cato's jaw drops and my blatant taunting.

The wind picks up even more and I am starting to feel the heat of the fire on my back. I look back down to see Cato swiftly climbing the tree. Well, crap. That plan backfired.

"Katniss, we are going to have to jump," Rue declares as she watches Cato climb.

I stare at her in shock, my gaze traveling to the questionable tree to our right—the only one close enough for us to jump to. I see a branch that looks like it could hold our weight. Rue sees what I'm looking at and starts to get up.

"Wait, let him get closer. Rue, listen to me, this is going to be a close one. We're jumping onto that tree over there," I motion with my chin and Rue turns to look at it once again. "Now, listen, once you get in that tree, climb down as fast as you can and run for the river. That fire is coming and it's coming fast. Get to the other side of the river. You should be safe there. Hide and wait for me, Rue. Do you understand?"

Rue nods her head at me, fear in her deep brown eyes. I look down; Cato is half way to us. The wind picks up even more and I realize that if it gets any worse, we won't be able to jump to the other tree safely.

"Rue, jump now," I scream at her

Rue looks at me, confusion on her face.

"You told me to wait..."

"I know. But you need to go now before the wind gets worse. Cato wants me, not you; I'll stay and distract him." I look down and can't believing how fast he is gaining on us.

Rue wraps her little arms around me and presses a kiss to my cheek.

"Thank you, Katniss."

I feel the heat of the fire on my back and the coolness as the wind violent rips at my braid.

"Just go, Rue!" I shout at her.

Rue shimmies over the edge of our branch and takes a deep breath. Light streaks the sky and a horrible crash follows it- the game makers are throwing everything at us: fire, wind, and rain.

Rue leans forward and dread rushes through my body. A huge gust of wind rocks the whole tree right as she jumps. She's not going to make it and we are too high; Rue shrieks, her arms flailing as she desperately reaches for the branch she was aiming for. The leaves brush against her hand, tauntingly as she rushes towards the ground.

A heart wrenching scream tears out of my throat and I hear a sickening thud but no cannon- she's alive! I shoot up from my sitting position but get pulled down. Crap! Cato has my ankle. I glance down at his grinning face. I lift my bow and bring it down on his face I have to whack him a couple times before he lets go. He lets go of my ankle with a loud curse. I have to get away. The heat of the fire is burning me now; I hear loud popping as trees fall to the roaring fire. I run down the branch, wind tearing at my clothes. I feel the branch shake under me as Cato clamber onto it and runs after me. I take the lunge and free fall through the air; the branch that Rue was aiming for quickly coming at me. My chest hits it and I can't breathe I'm surprised that I haven't broken a rib from the impact. I latch onto the branch with my hands and swing my legs up over, pulling myself to safety. Then I'm running for the trunk of the tree and swinging from branch to branch as I make my decent. My feet hit the floor and I glance at Rue. She is lying on the ground, not moving. I take a step towards her and hear the thud of feet hitting the forest floor. Cato has made it safely down the tree.

I turn and run towards the river, a sob escaping my throat. Rue, Rue, Rue!

I run as branches rip at my clothes, and wind tears at my hair. I look behind me but don't see Cato. I hear a high pitched, tortured screaming. Rue! I stop but have to continue when I head crashing footsteps chasing me through the forest—if Cato is chasing me, what is making Rue scream? Suddenly the screaming is gone and the cannon goes off. I hear the popping of the fire and know that that is what got her. I let another sob out of my mouth and then I'm running, tears streaming down my face.

I can hear the rushing of the river, the roaring of the waterfall, the rumbling of thunder exploding over my head, and the crashing of the wind as branches break from the strength of the gusts. With all this noise, I don't hear Cato and that scares me more than anything else. I glance around and my eyes settle on the thorny bushes, lining the river bank. This is my only chance. I have to hide until Cato passes. I duck down and crawl under the bush, thorns tearing at my skin and drawing blood. I push the pain from my head and turn to keep my eyes on the river. Cato passes right by me and heads upstream. I watch in shock as he meets up with the boy from district 8. What the hell?

Cato motions to the tree line and then to the opposite side of the river, he points in the river and the boy nods. Cato then takes off into the woods, towards the fire. I breathe a sigh of relief and watch as the boy stoops down and plucks a rock the size of a grapefruit out of the river and heads into the forest after Cato.

I stay where I am at, simply breathing; trying to calm my racing heart and my gasping breaths. I watch as rain starts to fall, gently at first and then into a torrential down pour. Lightning strikes across the river and I am momentarily blinded by the light. The crack of the thunder that follows has me covering my ears. I need to get to cover. Right before I leave my cover I see him. Gale. He's upstream with two foxes slung over his shoulder, running through the rain. I scramble to climb out from under the bush, my jacket getting momentarily caught in the thorns. I pull away from the bush and hear the rip as the backside of my jackets rips open. I step into the rain and watch as Gale steps into the river. I open my mouth to call to him when the boy from district 8 steps out from the tree line. My mouth snaps shut and my heart explodes in my chest. Oh no.

"GALE!" I scream desperately.

Gale's head snaps up and he sees me but it's too late; Gale fails to see the boy, leaving himself utterly exposed to his attack. I fall to my knees as the boy launches the rock at his head. It hits him right in the temple. Gale stumbles around in the river, trying to gain his balance back but fails and falls back. I watch in horror as his head collides with a huge rock that is jutting out in the middle of the river with a loud whack. The cannon sounds and I scream. I don't care who hears me and I don't care if I die.

All thought leaves my body and I feel Death fill my arms and legs. I pull my bow from my back and reach for an arrow only to find that there are none in my quiver—they must have fallen out when I was running. No matter; that won't stop me from what I _need_ to do.

With a scream of rage I charge. The boy turns and sees me running at him. He throws his hands up in surrender but that doesn't stop me. Neither does the fact that he has nothing to defend himself with. In that moment I don't care. In that moment I am Death and I will not be stopped until I get what my soul longs for- blood.

With a scream filled with despair and agony, I swing my bow straight for his head. With a smack, he falls to the ground and thunder rolls loudly above my upraised bow. Crying out like a crazed animal, I lift my bow and repeatedly beat him with it as cries and curses fly from my lips. I curse him. As he dies, I curse him to the deepest levels of hell.

Blood slings back into my face, my hair, my eyes, my mouth is filled with his blood and it feels amazing to get my revenge. A cannon goes off, telling me that he is dead but I don't stop. I beat him and beat him until my bow is a useless, broken stick in my hands. I throw it to the ground and drop beside the boy, this time pummeling his corpse with my fists and nails. Lightening lights the sky, showing me my kill. Thunder rolls angrily and I stumble to my feet, feeling nothing but the furious pounding of my heart. Rain pours down on me, washing more blood into my mouth but I don't spit, I savor the taste- I don't care. I am Death, I am savage and nothing matters anymore. Gale is gone and nothing matters.

I turn towards the river intending to hunt down Gale's body—I need to say goodbye. I need to hold my best friend and let my tears run over his dead face. I turn but pull up short. Cato stands in front of me a huge grin on his face. His face is scratched and bleeding where I hit him with my bow; he even has a bruised cheek but other than that, he looks fine. I study him and I'm disgusted to see a bulge in his pants- that pervert likes this.

My heart beats calmly as I take in my prey. My eyes drop to the ground at my feet, disgust rolling through me. My eyes lock on a good sized rock not far from my foot. Right when I make up my mind to lunge for it, he speaks calmly and coolly—his tone matches how I feel inside. It is dead and so am I.

"I wouldn't do that, Katniss." he says calmly as if we aren't the only two people left in the arena, as if we aren't about to fight to the death. He walks around me, gently kicking the corpse of the boy I killed.

"I'm so glad you killed him. I can't tell you how _annoying _he was. I hated his guts but I needed his help. You see, I had to get you alone. He helped me seek out and kill the rest of the tributes. Luckily, you guys took out the other careers so I didn't have to. I was so _afraid_ that they would get to you before I could. This boy—I don't even know his name, isn't that great?—well, he wanted to go after you. I had to talk him out of it, I didn't want him messing up my plan by going to that cave and killing you before I got a chance to get my hands on you."

I gasp and he laughs cruelly.

"Oh, Katniss, this is priceless. You honestly thought I didn't know where you were this whole time?" he laughs again and steps closer to me. I step back and feel the water from the river rushing over my foot.

"Oh, no, no, no, Katniss. I knew where you were from the very beginning. I'm very good at tracking, you see. I've always known. Let's see, first you were under some bush. But my God you look hideous with all those tracker jacker stings all over you. I couldn't bring myself to look at you for more than a minute let alone _touch _you. No, no, you wouldn't do like that. I needed you awake and aware. Hmmm... Let's see. Next you were hiding under that tree. It made me sick watching that _boy _take care of you but he was unknowingly helping me with my plan so I saw no use to hurt him yet. As long as he kept you safe, I was no threat to him. Then, oh yes, there is the cave. Let me tell you, it was really hard to watch you in that place with _him_. But I knew nothing was going on because that girl was there and you guys wouldn't do anything in front of her." Cato pauses and stares at me again with this look of longing on his face. "Oh, Katniss, I have waited so _long_ for this. I hated waiting, you know. But I _had _to. I had to wait for everyone else to be out of the way. I promised him that I would wait"

Who is he talking about? I bite my tongue and edge a little farther from him, into the river.

He sees my movement and takes another step towards me. I turn and dive into the river. I'd rather die than let him touch me. I surface and start swimming furiously, heading towards the waterfall. I swear that I hear laughter but I ignore it.

The roar of the water fall grows until I swear I am going to go deaf by it. The current pulls at me, sucking me faster towards the waterfall. Do I really want to do this? Do I want to end this myself before he does? Before I can decide I am being pulled up by my hair. I let out a scream and twist around, my hands reaching and raking down Cato's face. I feel a searing pain and I go flying into the river again. He had slapped me. I stagger to my feet and turn to face him. He lunges and grabs my hair again.

"Oh, fire girl, I don't know why you fight me so much. If you would just surrender to me, things would go so much better for you. Why don't you trust me?"

I scream and kick at him. I can't stand the thought of Prim watching this pervert playing with his prey before the kill. Prim! The thought of her drives my will back into my body.

"Just kill me already, Cato," I scream at him, hoping to keep him talking.

He lets go of my hair and pushes me back so I'm sitting on my butt in the river, fighting against the current. It sucks at me, wanting to pull me closer to him. I dig my heels into the soft bottom of the river.

"Oh, Katniss, I'm not going to kill you."

He steps towards me and I see my chance. I lift my butt and bring my leg swinging towards his legs, kicking his legs out from under him. He lets out a startled cry and he falls on his back. I am up and running at him I jump on him, pushing his head under the water, the current pulls us closer to the edge of the waterfall. We're going to go over and there is no stopping it. Right before we go over, Cato's fist finds my eye and my head whips to the right and then we are falling, clinging to each other as we fall and fall and fall.

Smack! Pain everywhere, water everywhere, legs and arms everywhere. The pounding of the waterfall loosens my grip and I lose track of Cato. I'm being cycled under the waterfall, I need air. I open my mouth and water invades, filling my lungs and making me cough but it's no use. I'm stuck under the waterfall being scrapped and pulled against the rocks at the bottom. Black splotches float in my vision and I know that it's about to end.

"_I'm sorry Prim," _I think calmly to myself.

I make one last effort. My feet find something solid and I push with all my might against it. I shoot through the water and suddenly there is air. I can feel it against my face. I start coughing, blindly swimming trying to find solid land. The waterfall is thundering around me, echoing back into my face and ears. I'm at a loss. Where am I?

My feet scratch against something and I pull myself onto solid, cold, wet, hard rock. I cough, water spilling from my mouth. A boom fills my ear- the cannon! And there is a voice that echoes loudly all around me.

"May I present to you the winner of the..." the announcer's voice gets lost in the roar of the waterfall but it doesn't matter because I won!

I stumble to my feet, looking around. I'm in a cave behind the waterfall. I turn to find a way out of this cave when there is a sting in my arm, I look down to see a syringe sticking out of my arm. I grab it, pulling it from my arm, throwing it against the cave wall it clatters to the floor. I can feel the venom work its way through my body and everything blurs together.

What used to be a waterfall is now a giant face: mouth gaping and coming at me to swallow me whole, it's tongue sneaks out to lap at my face. A scream erupts from me, spilling thousands of cockroaches from my mouth and all over my body. I beat uselessly at my body, trying to get them off but it's no use. A tidal wave of roaches comes towards my face and engulfs me. I drop to the floor, fingers scratching at my face and then I'm gone- blackness engulfs me and I float off, drifting lazily in a black river. The trees on the bank call to me and laugh at me but I ignore them as I float downstream staring up at the stars. The stars are beautiful and I can see the galaxy. The stars dance with each other, making me laugh merrily in delight. Hearing my laughter, the stars grow mad. They fidget angrily and shoot towards me in an ear-shattering roar. I sink under the water in surprise and fear, but I suddenly I can't tell up from down and I'm struggling to find my way up to the surface.

I surface momentarily and I see him- Death is standing at my feet, looking down at me. We are in a cave with brown goo oozing down the slimy walls. I groan; my hallucination converges in on itself and I feel sick. I roll my head to the side and vomit up tiny worms. I scream and scramble away from them. I run into something hard. I turn and I see feet by my face and I look up. President Snow looks down at me, his face looks like its melting like a candle. Rivers of wax stream down his face, racing and taunting one another as they approach his jaw. Snow reaches over and shakes hands with Death.

"Congratulations," he murmurs to Death and the rest of his sentence is lost in my screaming.

The stench of faux roses fills my nose and I'm gagging again, vomiting up rose pedals. I can't stop. I start to scream as I vomit, the pile of roses getting higher and higher. There is a sting in my arm and everything goes black. One single thought floats in my head.

_I won. For you, Prim, I won. _


	8. Chapter Eight The Living Nightmare

Chapter Eight—The Living Nightmare

A soothing and constant beeping fills my ears and I sigh happily as I snuggle down into my soft sheets, hoping to go back to dreaming. I much rather be in district 12 hunting with Gale, laughing with Prim, or talking with Peeta in my dreamland then face the unknown. But it's not to be.

Shaking. I am being shaken. I mumble out a protest and throw my arm out, hoping to blindly hit whoever is trying to wake me. I feel a sting as someone pinches my arm. My eyes fly open I shoot up into a sitting position, coming face-to-face friendly looking nurse who smiles at me gently. Her nametag declares that her name is "Dennia". She is old, wrinkles carving out a pattern in her face and I can tell by her winkles that she the kind of person that loves to smile.

"It's about time you woke up my dear. You've been sleeping for far too long."

I glance around. I'm in a hospital, hooked up to an EKG, which explains the constant soothing beeps. What the hell happened to me? How long have I been out for? Where's Gale?

A pain shoots through my heart and I gasp, remembering the death of Gale. My mind shifts to my reaction to his death. Blood drains quickly from my face, leaving me feeling light headed and woozy. I killed that boy. No, I murdered that boy. I obliterated him. His poor parents—having to watch a grief stricken viciously and savage attack your son without a second thought about it! A sob escapes my throat as I try to wrestle with the guilt I feel for murdering him along with the pride I feel for avenging Gale.

"How long have I been out for?" I croak pathetically at Dennia. My throat is dry; it feels like there is sand in there.

The nurse hands me a glass of water and I drink greedily, some of it overflows from my mouth and dribbles down my cheek.

"About four days," she says calmly.

I take this in, processing it.

"When can I go home?"

The nurse's eyes fall and she studies the floor. My gut clenches. This can't be good.

"I'm not sure," she murmurs.

"Well, just ask the doctor and let me know," I push her.

"Sweetie, you won't be going home I don't think."

"You don't understand," I explain calmly- she must not know who I am. "I'm the victor of the hunger games. I get to go back to my district before the victory tour."

The nurse simply shakes her head in denial. I roll my eyes towards the ceiling, breathing deeply, trying to keep my patience. What is _wrong_ with this woman? How does she not know who I am?

"Okay, let me talk to Haymitch."

The nurse looks up at me, wide eyed. Her face is saying "_who the hell are you talking about?_"

Okay, so Haymitch hasn't shown up yet. He's probably been too drunk from celebrating to bother coming to visit me at the hospital—jerk.

"No problem, just send Effie in then." she _wouldn't _have abandoned me unlike that no good Haymitch.

"I'm sorry, dear, I just don't know who you are talking about," her voice twinkles with the capitol's accent and I grind my teeth together in frustration.

"Well, can you find me someone who _does _know something, please?"

"Of course I can, dear." The nurse smiles, pats my leg, nods, and leaves the room and I close my eyes, my head pounding. Talk about ditzy! I'm surprised she doesn't have blonde hair.

I feel the presence of the doctor by my bed and without opening my eyes I speak to him.

"Can you _please_ tell me what is going on? That nurse tells me that I can't go home." I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes tighter, trying to fight off my head ache.

There is a brush of skin against my cheek and I frown slightly when words come.

"Well, _Girl on Fire_, let me explain."

My heart drops, a hiss erupts from my throat and I jerk away from his touch. My eyes shoot open and I take the sight of him in. Cato. I am shocked—his face is perfectly clear—not bruises or cuts or anything.

"_He must be a ghost; that is really the only logical explanation,"_ I think drolly to myself. But even that thought can't stop what is rising in my throat.

I lean over my bed and vomit. This is dream. He is dead. I heard the cannon. Am I dead? Am I in hell? My head spins and I look up at him. He smiles at me and my heart grows cold. He really shouldn't look as good as he does—it's not fair.

"Oh, how I've waited to see this look on your face. Yes, my plan is complete now. Everyone thinks you're dead and I have you all to myself," Cato lets out a laugh, a rather evil one.

"_Okay, it's time to wake up,"_ I tell my brain but I don't and Cato is here, alive, talking to me when he should be _dead._

I can't help it. I scream. I kick the sheets off of my legs and bolt out of the bed, screaming the whole time. The bed is between Cato and me, my eyes shoot to the door and I'm off the second my eyes see it. I'm running as fast as I can to reach it but it doesn't matter—does it ever when it comes to Cato?

Cato crashes into my back and takes me down. My head knocks painfully against the floor with a loud smack and I let out a groan of pain. I can't see straight, everything is strangely light and shimmery. This cannot be happening. He is dead I repeat to myself over and over again.

He rolls me over and straddles me. I scream again and he slaps me. My face flies over and a tear traitorously sneaks out of my eye. Cato places his knees on my shoulders, her legs trapping my arms. I can't move at all except to try to buck him off which I try to do but to no use. Cato simply laughs and waits for me to give up.

I lay still underneath him. He reaches down and caresses my face. "I really need to learn to be gentler with you, fire girl. Your black eye from the arena is on its way to healing and here I am adding bruises to your a beautiful cheek." he caresses my cheek and I gag.

I shut my eyes, trying to wake myself up because this cannot be happening. It's impossible I heard the damned cannon. I open my eyes and he's still there. He gets off me and pulls me up along his body so I feel every inch of him. As he rubs myself against him, I feel the affect I have on him as he hardens. He spins me around so that my back is pressed to his chest. Bile rises in my throat and I push away from him, twisting, I rake my nails down his face. He lets out a stream of curses and backhands me. I go flying, hitting against the door, I lose all my breath and I lie in front of the door gasping for breath.

"Christ, Katniss! I have a fucking interview in a few hours. I can't go to it with scratches on my fucking face!"

Cato stomps over to me, grabs me by my hair and pulls me over to the bed. He picks me up in his arms as though I weigh nothing and throws me down on the bed. His hand comes up and I see a syringe in it. My hands shoot up, trying to hit it out of his hand but he pins my arms down and aggressively plunges it deep into my sink, depressing the lever with a satisfied smile.

"Oh, Kat, my little tribute, sleep well. I'll be seeing you soon."

With the last of my energy, I jerk my hand up bringing it across his face, effectively slapping the smile right off of it. I smile weakly at my small victory and relax against the pillows, passing out.

When I wake next, its pitch black and I am screaming, trying to get out of the bed but can't manage it. I am strapped down to the bed. Panic floods me and I struggle against the restraints to no avail. I quickly glance around the dark room- no Cato. Was it just a dream? The throbbing in my cheek tells me no but my brain is unsure. Cato is dead or he should be.

I breathe deeply in and out, trying to calm my racing heart. The dream had been so vivid. I had relived the hunger games but this time I was Prim and Gale was Peeta and in the end, Prim dies falling off that waterfall, her body smashed on the rocks below. Watching Peseta's death was hard for me also. In my dream I had run into the river, grasping his body to mine and refused to let go. Finally Death himself had to pull me away, while I screamed, bit and did everything to get back to him. Deaths arms transformed into Cato's thick, muscular arms and I was forced trapped there, not being able to move.

A light click on and I'm blinded. There are footsteps and I see him standing beside the bed, looking down at me. Cato. He lets out a long sigh and reaches to caress my cheek. He tucks the blanket in around me and I notice that I am only wearing my bra and underwear. A flush heats me cheeks and I turn my head to stare at the wall opposite from him.

"Oh, Katniss, there's no need to be a brat about this. You're going to be spending a lot of time with me and sooner or later you'll find yourself liking it so why fight the inevitable?"

My heart sinks and I have to voice my thoughts.

"I'm not going home, am I?"

Cato lets out a small laugh.

"No, Katniss, everyone thinks you're dead."

I close my eyes, my forehead furrowing.

"Prim..." her name escapes my lips and I wish I could take it back. I don't want _him_ knowing anything about her or how much I miss her.

"You've been calling out that name all night. Who is it? You've also been mumbling something about a Peeta."

I turn my head to stare at Cato his eyes narrow at me. I almost laugh at the sight of my scratch marks on his face. I smile at the thought of scratching my fingers down his face again.

"Do you want another pair of scratch marks marring your face, pretty boy?" I ask him, hoping to distract him from the subject of Prim.

Cato throws his head back and laughs.

"Oh Kat, I don't think I will ever get tired of you."

I grind my teeth together in frustration.

"If you would untie me, I can show you just how serious that offer was." I smile sweetly at him but he just laughs again, shaking his head at me like he can't believe how funny I am.

A tall man appears in the doorway and I open my mouth to call out for help, to plead for help but it's very apparent with the first word out of his mouth which side he is on.

"Sir, the car is here. The train is waiting for our arrival and then we can be off to your district."

A mangled cry fills the room and both of their eyes are drawn to me. Am I making that noise? I shut my mouth and the noise stops. I thrash my head back and forth, in aggravation. Cato gets up and reaches for me and I can't stop myself.

"HELP ME! OH GOD, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!"

Cato's face flushes red with anger. Did he really think I would go quietly? He doesn't know me very well.

"Shut up, Katniss," he hisses.

I don't. His fists clench and I watch helplessly as of them flies at me, connecting with my chin. My screaming stops and I work my jaw back and forth wincing in pain.

"Will you cut that shit out? No one is going to help you, Katniss, get that through your thick skull."

"I can't and I won't. Giving up is not in my nature, Cato. You are in for one hell of a ride, I can promise you that."

Cato grins down at me, his grin growing wider when he sees tears slipping silently down my cheeks.

"Well my Fire Girl, you'll soon see that I don't give up either and I can promise you that you'll break before I do. I have a thing for control and people who know me will tell you that there is only one way- my way. Now, are you going to be quiet like a good girl or am I going to have to drug you?"

"Oh, I'll behave, Cato," I say sweetly to him. He's not buying it, I can see that so I'm surprised when he unstraps me and pulls me from the bed, the blanket falling from my body to expose my half-nakedness to the world.

"I hope you don't think I'm that stupid, Katniss,"

He plunges a syringe into my arm and, once again, I'm out.

I wake to rocking. I moan and stretch, my body gliding effortlessly over the sheets. Are these silk? I look down and gasp. I am lying on silk with absolutely nothing on. I glance around the room- its empty. I shoot from the bed and dance nimbly over to the closet. It's full of clothes but none of them are for girls. No matter. I grab a button down white dress shirt and quickly fasten all that needs fastening and then I head towards the drawers that are built into the wall, searching for some shorts. I only come up with a light blue pair of boxers. Oh well, this'll do.

I step out of the closet and freeze. Cato stands in the doorway of the room, his arms crossed smugly across his chest. My eyes narrow and prepare myself for attacking.

"Before you decide to _try _to hurt me, let me warn you ahead of time of your punishment."

I freeze, listening

Cato smiles at my hesitation.

"Good girl, see I am already making progress on training you into the kind of girl I want you to be."

The jaunt springs me into action. Like a gazelle I am bounding across the room and am before him quicker than he thought possible. He blinks in surprise and my hands shoot out to wrap around his neck. He stumbles back and I throw myself at him, wrapping my legs around his waist. He splutters, trying to get a breath. I stare him straight in the eyes so I see it when his eyes change from shock to a twisted pleasure to deadly.

"_Oh shit,"_ I think.

His hand sneaks between my arms, gripping my chin and he turns my head sharply, causing me to cry out in pain. I can see out of the corner of my eye that he is starting to turn blue- I just have to hold on a little longer. He jerks his hand farther and it feels like my neck is about to snap. I have to decide, do I kill him and die in the process or do I let go? The excruciating pain in my neck makes the decision for me. I drop to my feet, release his neck and scurry away from him, putting the bed between us.

"Cato, you can't keep me. I don't want to be here and by the end of all of this, one or both of us is going to be dead. I can promise you that."

"Katniss, you just showed how much you _want_ to live. I can already tell that you'll adapt in order to survive for you precious _Prim_," he spits her name out and takes a deep breath. My fists clench and I want to attack him again but now is not the time. "You were mumbling about her in your sleep again. Pretty annoying actually, how is a guy supposed to sleep when you're kicking all over the bed and yelling?"

"Easily, either send me home or since you refuse to do that, sleep in your own damn bed and stay out of mine."

Cato just laughs.

"Well, we both know that _that_ isn't going to happen. But now, shall we talk about that punishment I mentioned earlier?"

I shake my head in denial at him.

"No? Well, you're right. Let's not talk, I'll _show_ you."

Cato punches a code on a keyboard next to the door and I hear a loud clicking, the doors are locked. He walks to the bedside table his stare never leaving mine and pulls out a syringe. There is a light pink liquid inside.

"Katniss, have you ever heard of pheromones?"

"Of course I have, pheromones help animals to attract…"

"…_mates," _I finish in my head. Fuck. The blood drains from my face. This is going to be bad.

"There is no way I'm letting you stick me with that, Cato. I _will_ kill you."

Cato smiles at me. "Oh, no, no, no, Katniss. I'm not trying to punish _myself_. I'm punishing you. You see, the shot doesn't affect the person who gets the shot; it affects the people around them. For example, let's say that I somehow get the shot..." Cato slightly elevates his arm and sticks the needle into his skin and depresses the plunger. "Now, if _**I**_got the shot, then you, being the only person in the room would suddenly find yourself- attracted to me. The best part is that even though you hate me, you will still be unexplainably attracted to me. Now, this is all hypothetical, Katniss. This is _if_ I were to somehow get the shot."

An evil grin lights his face. He's screwing with me on purpose—playing with his prey before the kill. I back away from him and I smell it- it's his body odor and my God it does smell good. I never realized it before. A churning starts in my stomach, excitement turning it over and over. I feel heat spread from my stomach to between my legs.

"_No, no, no, no, no,_" I think desperately. I've got to distract myself- I think about the arena. I image the arrow as it sliced through Glimmer's head. I hear Rue's screams echoing in my head. I picture Gale's face when he got hit in the head with the rock. I remember the blood from the boy I bludgeoned with my bow. None of it is working though. Even with these frightening images in my head, his scent is invading my nose and making me lose focus.

I let out a whimper and plug my nose. Ah, relief. It doesn't undo the damage that's been done but it prevents any more from being done.

"Oh, Katniss, none of that please. You'll defeat the purpose of all of this," he murmurs. His voice is soothing, it sounds as if he is talking to a defiant child. His voice wraps around my body. Cradling me and lulling me into calm.

"_What are you doing_," I think to myself and plug my nose tighter.

He lets out a sigh and shoots up and over the bed. Before I can even blink, he's in front of me, tugging my hand down. His nearness ravages my senses. I hold my breath, turning blue.

"Breath, Katniss," he whispers into my face, his voice working magic on me. I take a deep breath and swoon, taking a step towards him. Oh God he smells amazing.

"_STOP, STOP_!" My brain shouts at me and I pull away, wobbling unsteadily on my feet.

Cato smiles proudly and reaches out to caress my face. I can't take it. His fingers touch my face and I fall to the ground, crying.

"Please stop! I don't want you touching me!" I scream at him.

"Is that really the case, Katniss? It seems to me that you desperately want me to touch you."

"It's not real," I whisper weakly.

"That's the whole point of the punishment, Katniss." He kneels down next to me and pulls me into his arms. My whole body comes alive. Fire spreads from stomach to the tips of my fingers and toes. Liquid heat pools between my legs. Heat floods my face and I'm stuck between wanting to nestle against his neck and wanting to rip his throat out. I clench my teeth together, trying to keep a level head.

He stands and heads towards a door that opens to reveal a bathroom. He sets me down gently on a backless chair.

"Now, Katniss, no offense but you stink. Take a shower."

My eyes grow wide and my chin lifts in defiance.

Cato sees my defiance and steps forward to caress my face and breathe his scent into my face.

"You can either get in that shower _alone_ so that I can watch or I can take you back to the bedroom and entertain you there." His meaning isn't lost on me and neither is the bulge that is pressing against my stomach.

I step back from him, needing the space to try to undo the damage he is wreaking on my body. He steps back too and closes the bathroom door. He crosses to the shower and turns it on, spilling steam into the room. Then he leans coolly against the bathroom sink, watching me with a predatory look in his eyes.

His look goes straight to my stomach and I drop my gaze, trying to do some damage control.

"I won't ask you again, Katniss, take your clothes off."

His tone is dead serious and I raise my shaking hands to unbutton my shirt and pull my shorts off. As soon as my clothes hit the floor, I am running for the shower, taking refuge in the steam. The water hits my oversensitive skin and a whimper escapes my throat. It's too hot for my taste but the hotter the water; the more steam so I turn it up even more. I groan as the water beats relentlessly against me. I make a quick pass over my body with a bar of soap and quickly scrub and rinse shampoo into my hair. The steam in the room seems to enhance his smell and I moan. This is unbearable. There's a slam that makes me jump, I peek out of the shower to see that Cato is gone.

I make a run for the towel that is sitting where Cato had been sitting. My heart is pounding, his smell is still thick in the air and it's doing some serious damage to my poor brain. I shimmy into my discarded clothes and slink out to the bedroom, escaping the overwhelming potent smell in the bathroom.

The bedroom is empty but this scent lingers in the air. At least it's nowhere near as bad as the bathroom. I test the door with no luck- it's locked. With a groan I slide in between the silky sheets of the bed and close my eyes, praying that sleep takes me quickly.

I have no such luck, I toss and turn for hours in bed, his scent is on the sheets and it's driving me insane. After a hour, I start to cry. This is insufferable!

Soon though, the effects of the pheromones start to wear off. I sniff and wipe at my eyes. I don't feel anything and I close my eyes and drift off into sleep. In my dream, I am chasing Cato trying to get to him but he keeps evading me, his scent taunting me ruthlessly.


	9. Chapter Nine Snow's Secret

Chapter Nine—Snow's Secret

I sit staring out the window in my new prison cell. Cato had left me this morning with strict orders not to leave the room without him. He was downstairs somewhere right now, dealing with the reporters that showed up on his doorstep early this morning for an interview. We had gotten to his house in the victor's village late last night; he had escorted me to a room and had simply told me to go to sleep- that he had important things to attend to. I hoped that this was going to be my very own room. It was light and airy. It had light brown cream color on the walls and had a canopy bed with sheer curtains hanging from it. The sheets were heavenly and it had chair comfy chair that faced the windows, so I could spend hours simply gazing off into the woods. I had actually convinced myself that it was my own room- that he would have a room of his own as it got later, and later. So, of course I went to sleep in my usual, sports bra and shorts. Well come middle of the night, I find a heavy, hairy thigh thrown over my legs and something hard pressing into my lower back- I freaked out. When I got out of bed and demanded that he leave, he laughed and fell right back asleep. I wasn't having any of that. I grabbed the blanket right off the bed and went and slept in the bath tub. He wasn't too thrilled about it. He banged on the bathroom door for an hour straight before he gave up. I didn't come out till morning, I didn't want to risk running into him. By the time I saw him; he had already cooled down and didn't even bring it up.

The wind blows the trees around outside my window and I shudder as memories of Rue free falling through the air come flooding into my head. I get up and pace the room, agitation making me restless. I need to get out of this room. I cross to the closet. I don't have any clothes here so I riffle through Cato's drawers. As I step from the room, I'm wearing a grey t-shirt and a pair of athletic shorts.

I walk slowly down the hall, enjoying my freedom, my blood pumping quickly because I know I'm breaking the rules. I glance into doorways as I pass. One room beckons to me and when I enter, I stand, holding my breath, taking in the beauty of it all. The room is tall—as tall as two stories and the walls are lined from ceiling to floor with dark stuffed bookshelves. On the wall opposite the door, is a huge floor to ceiling window that encompasses the entire wall. It has dark green velvet curtains hanging heavily down on each side. I go to them and rub them between my fingers, savoring the feel of them. It reminds me of a dress that my mom owns. I remember playing dress up when I was Prim's age with that dress and how I was certain that when I was older, I'd have a dress just like it. I smile sadly and let the drapes fall back into place. I study the books and wonder if I may develop the love for reading books while I am here- at home, we can't afford to buy books. We can barely afford to buy food. I promise myself that I'll try the whole reading thing eventually. I turn to leave and come up short when I see a red haired girl standing in the door. She is smiling shyly at me.

My face blushes and I'm aware of how bad I must look, still bruised and scratched from the arena- for some reason the hospital didn't fix me up like they had done for Cato. Not to mention, I am in clothes that are way too big for me. I need to talk to Cato about this.

"Hi," I call hesitantly, hoping that she won't run off and tell Cato that I'm out of my room, exploring.

"Oh, hi," breathes the girl excitedly and I can already tell that she is going to be a talker. She doesn't waste a moment and immediately launches into a rant. "I was _so_ excited when Mama told me that the hunger games victor was going to be moving into this house and bringing a lady to live with him! Oh, I'm just so excited- you have no idea. You see, I've lived here since I was ten, I am fifteen now, and I help mama take care of the place but none of the victors from 2 ever wanted to live in this house. Let me tell you, it gets terrible lonely and boring caring for a house with no master..." she pauses and blushes. "I'm sorry, mam. Mama always tells me that I talk too much but I just can't help it! My name is Anne, by the way, and I know who you are from the TV. You're Katniss Everdeen; but don't worry, I'll call you Ms. Katniss. I'd hate to be disrespectful—Mama always says that I'm disrespectful to people. She also says that I'm not supposed to let anyone know that you're here because everyone on the TV is saying that you died. I kind of wish I didn't know because I am a _terrible_ secret keeper." The girl blushes again and I laugh at her in delight.

"Hi, Anne. It is nice to meet you. I really am glad you're here. Now I'll have someone to talk to at least."

Anne blushes and lowers her head to look at the floor.

"Yeah, just let me tell you, I was so excited when I found that Mr. Cato was coming to live here," she repeats then take a deep breath and continues on, "Don't tell anyone but I got so excited, I went through some of their family journals when we were moving his stuff in and guess what!" Anne's cheeks flush with excitement and found myself laughing again.

"You'll never believe this but apparently Cato and his family are actually _related_ to President Snow! Yeah! Can you believe that?"

My mouth pops open and I move to sit on the couch in the middle of the room. I motion for Anne to join me.

"Wow, Anne, that's fascinating," I gush, for her benefit of course—I wouldn't usually do such a girly thing as _gush_. "What else did you find out?"

Anne frowns and she looks at her hands, biting her lip in nervousness.

"I don't know how much more I should tell you. I've already told you too much," she mumbles.

"Oh, Anne, I just know that we are going to be good friends. I can understand if you don't want to say anymore. I'll respect that."

Anne looks around and smiles. "Well, as long as you don't tell anyone, I guess I can tell you. Now prepare yourself 'cause this is good! Apparently, Snow hid his family in this district right when he came to power so rebels couldn't find them and it says in the journal I was reading that Snow promised Mr. Cato's mom that he would get Mr. Cato all the training he needed for the hunger games in case he ever got reaped."

I frown slightly, not believing my ears.

"But Cato volunteered."

Anne shrugs her tiny shoulder like she doesn't have time to deal with such trivial facts such as that. "I bet he did it because he ended being so good at killing. Trust me, I've seen it. At the end of the hall is the theatre room. The TV in there is _huge_ and it's always playing recaps from the games. You should check it out sometime. Mr. Cato really is a good, fighter, mam."

There is a far away voice that calls Anne's name and she shoots to her feet. "Oh darn! That's Mama. She's probably wondering where I am. She always says I get easily distracted. I'm afraid she's right. It was nice to meet you Ms. Katniss. I'll see you later." And Anne disappears out the door, with a light skip in her step.

So, President Snow and Cato were related, were they? Well, that would explain that intense conversation right before the dinner the night before the games but what had they been talking about? I didn't have to leap very far to know that they had been discussing me. Corrupted Capitol politicians- nothing makes me sicker.

With one more glance around the library, I exit and make my way towards the theatre.

Palming the cool metal of the door handle, I slowly open the door and gasp- that _is_ a _huge_ screen! It takes up the entire back wall of the room. The rest of the walls have dark red wallpaper covering them and the floors are a dark wood. It looks like a cave in here. I let out a small sigh as I remember sharing the cave with Gale during the games.

There are three lines of big plush couches in the center of the room. In the back are a small refrigerator and a tiny sink. As I wander further into the room, the screen switches on and images start to fly across the screen. Hmm, it must be motion-activated.

My face flashes briefly on the screen and my stomach drops. They are running a story on me: My name flashes: _Katniss- The Girl on Fire_. The letters appear on the screen and sizzle, looking like the words are on fire. They burn up and are reduced to ash. _Katniss Everdeen- A Star Crossed Lover_ appears next, shinning brilliantly like a star. Slices appear on it and my names falls like shredded paper to rest with the ashes. Then something appears. It's small at first and grows larger. It reads _Katniss Everdeen- The Almost Tribute_. My stomach aches as I watch. "The almost tribute"? That's kind of sick and twisted.

Then the videos start to play: one of me from the reaping and one from the training. I look at my face and don't recognize what I see. I see confidence and calmness—two things that I don't feel anymore.

The video jumps forward to the beginning of the games. They show me taunting Clove and they show her freaking out. I watch in horror as they play in slow motion, Cato attacking Clove for declaring that she is going to kill me. They show Gale and me talking by the river and they show Cato, peering at us through the bushes. I feel sick to my stomach. From the very beginning he was with me.

They show the tracker jacker incident and briefly show the red headed girl from district five withering on the ground as the tracker jackers sting her. They flash forward showing Gale pulling me out of the river, I'm disgusted by how swollen I am from the stings. I watch as Gale gently hides me under the bush and sets off. A minute later, Cato appears on screen looking down at me with a sad look on his face, he bends down and plucks something from the front of my jacket before he shakes his head, spits on the ground and slinks away. They run quickly through Gale caring for me while I am passed out: changing my leaves and grinding berries up and helping me eat. Tears spring to my eyes while I watch. I can see the tenderness in his actions. He loved me so and I couldn't find it in me to love him back. I wonder if there could have been anything between us. I shake my head, no, it was never like that and I highly doubt it would have turned into anything like that.

The screen flashes and there I am, killing Glimmer- they show a sickening close up shot of my arrow burying itself into the side of her head. They briefly touch on my stay at the cave, highlighting on when the boy from district 6 attacks me by the river and Gale saving me. They also show Cato hiding, in the trees by the river, watching as I struggle with the boy. His face is hard to read but I swear that I see flashes of concern on his face. Then they flash to the last day. There I am outside the cave taking refuge in Gale's strong arms.

I hug myself, desperately trying to recreate the feeling of being in his capable arms but it doesn't work. I shake my head sadly. I still can't believe I never got to say goodbye.

They show me walking through the woods; Rue is oddly not with me in any of the shots- strange, why did they edit her out? They show Cato finding me, and the struggle we had in the tree then they show me jumping from the tree and running for the river. My heart breaks as I think of the poor little girl I had left behind to be consumed by the fire. The video jumps to Gale, he is trudging through the woods, rain pouring down on his head, with the foxes slung over his broad shoulders.

I stumble towards the screen.

"Gale," I moan as I realize that they are going to show _everything_.

I watch in horror as the video shows the action from district 8 's perspective: he winds up and launches the rock, it sails in the air, right towards it's unsuspecting target. A sob breaks from my throat. Next it shows, from the boy's perspective, me running at him screaming. It shows me beating him without mercy. I stare at my crazed face as it starts to get covered with the boy's blood. When the video shows me dropping to my knees to continue my attack on him, it's too much.

I turn from the TV and head towards the sink, thinking that I'm going to be ill. I don't even stop when I see that Cato is in the doorway, watching me with an unreadable expression on his handsome face. I yank the faucet on and splash water on my face, trying to cool off and calm my stomach.

"I thought I told you to stay in the room," comes a dark voice behind me. I roll my eyes. I don't need this right now.

I feel arms tugging at me, turning me and find myself in Cato's strong arms.

"Not now, Cato," I pull away from him with all my might and find myself up against the wall. Every inch of his body is pressed against mine.

"I saw you watching that video, Katniss. I know you long to feel safe in someone's arms again. I'm just as good at _him_. Let me comfort you, Kat."

I almost laugh as I mentally compare Cato and Gale. Cato leaves much to be desired when it comes to social skills.

"Cato, don't," I protest weakly, not wanting to upset him. He doesn't stop.

I struggle against him and he slaps me hard, my head jerking to the left. I blink away tears and try to breathe evenly. His hand finds my chin and jerks my face to look at him. I glare at him. Then he is kissing me, his scent invading my nose.

I push against his chest but he simply grinds his body closer to mine. I feel his hardness and it scares me.

"Oh, Katniss," he breathes and kisses me again, his tongue sweeping along my lower lip. I clamp my mouth down and kick at his shins. He presses his body even closer to me, pressing his erection into my pelvic bone painfully and tangling my legs in his so I can't get any force behind my kicks.

"I could see how much you liked it."

I have no idea what he is talking about- liked what?

"I saw it in your face, when you were killing that boy. You _enjoyed_ it. Don't try to deny it, Kat, I know what I saw. I see it in me too. Every time I watch a video of me killing someone, I have the same look on my face as you did when you were killing him." I feel his erection pulse and I want to throw up.

"Cato, you don't know what you're talking," I reply back coolly but inside, I'm afraid that he might be right. Did I enjoy killing the boy who took my best friend from me? I don't have time to contemplate it though because he's kissing me again and he is running his hand under my shirt and across my belly. I suck in a breath and Cato invades my mouth with his tongue.

I let out a muffled denial and he moans into my mouth. I try to grasp at his hand that is on my stomach, trying to prevent its slow, sliding decent but he evades my hands. I go limp, knowing that he's too strong to be easily overpowered by a girl like me. He doesn't stop; he keeps moving his mouth against mine until I'm not sure if I'm standing there passively being kissed or if I'm being the aggressor and am kissing him back. Confusion fills me and my brain struggles to make sense of things but I can't— his lips are my lips and I don't know what is going on. I don't want to be kissing him but I'm not sure if I want to put up a fight either.

His other hand weaves into my hair, tugging at my braid. He grips it tightly, wrapping it around his hand and yanks back hard as his other hand shoots down to where I've never been touched before. I freeze and then I'm everywhere. My arms and legs are flailing, trying to get him off of me. I find a way to place my hands against his chest and I give him a hard shove.

He stumbles back but comes back at me, danger glinting in his blue eyes, his hand raised about his head and I flinch but I don't feel the sting of the slap. Instead, he stands before me, hand raised.

"Katniss, I want you," he states and slowly lowers his hand.

"That's too bad, Cato because I _don't_ want you." I spit at him, unflinching. I meet his gaze head-on and I don't back down. I may as well be in the arena. He is my enemy and I have to outsmart him, I have to beat him.

Cato runs his hand through his hair and I can see that he hates not being in control. His eyes set, in determination and I feel a sinking sensation in my stomach- dread. He takes a step towards me, slowly gaining on me and I'm trapped.

"I know about Snow." The words are out before I can even consider them. I gasp in surprise at my word vomit.

He looks at me. "How's that?"

I swallow slowly and look at the ceiling, thinking.

"I have my ways," I fidget and Cato sighs and runs his hands through his hair.

"Well I guess it _is_ fairly obvious. I mean the careers, for the most part, always win."

What is he talking about? I smooth my face into a calm mask, not giving anything away. I nod absently in agreement. He goes on, laughing a little.

"I mean, where do people think that careers get all their money for training from? Careers have to pay for their training somehow and the answer is for rich Capitol business men to send their family member to the rich districts to train. It's a business."

My stomach turns. "So you're telling me that the hunger games is the same as horse racing, only with people? Capitol business men will finance a human: pay for their food, training and board and then send them to an arena and bet on them, hoping that all their money pays off?"

Cato nods slowly, "but I thought you knew all of this already?"

"Yeah, I do- just clearing a few things up. One more thing, what about the outlying districts?"

Cato's eyes grow cold and unforgiving as he responds, "they are used as a filler, just some side entertainment. Really, we reap from the outlying districts as a joke. All the Capitol people get a good kick out of it."

I stare at him, my mouth open., tears stinging in my eyes. Gale and I were reaped as a _joke _for people who have too much money.

"Every once in a while, we have to let an outlying district win the game—we don't people getting suspicious. But other than that, it's all worked out in which order the extraneous tributes die in. Of course there is some variation to the plan when the games are going on but it's no big deal."

"Does an outlying district ever win when they aren't supposed to?"

Cato frowns. "No. Although it got close when we were in there but that is because I went off on my own and didn't follow the rules."

I move on to a different subject, all this talk to corruption was making me angry.

"So Snow paid for your training," I say, the question coming out as a statement.

Cato took a step towards me.

"My, we sure are digging for information, aren't we? Why don t you just come out with it, Katniss"

"Did you make a deal with Snow to get me?"

Cato flinches. "Yes, I did."

I roll my eyes and my temper flares. "Of course since he's your grandpa, he had to say yes."

"What did you say?"

Uh oh.

"Nothing- I-"

"Have you been snooping through my shit, Katniss?"

"No, I haven't, I swear," I say, panic making my voice waver.

"Then how did you know?"

I glance around wildly, looking for an answer. He's so mad I don't dare tell him the truth. He grips my shoulders tightly, shaking me.

"Cato..." I whimper

"Ahem."

Cato's head whips around at the noise to take in small little Anne who is lingering just inside the doorway, her big eyes glues to us.

"What do you want, girl?" Cato growls at her.

"Mr. Cato, dinner is ready," she whispers, her lips quivering at the sight of violence.

I can feel it on my face- it's written there, if he sees it, he'll just know that it was Anne who told me. I try to compose my face but he's looking.

"What the?" he wonders out loud.

He turns and narrows his eyes on Anne who is looking rather guilty.

"Were you listening to our conversation, girl?"

Anne nods miserably, her eyes on the ground.

"And is there anything you'd like to say?"

Anne nods and opens her mouth.

"Anne, don't," I warn her. She doesn't know him. He is angry and when he's angry, he talks with his fists.

My warning is all he needs. He lets out a growl and turns to Anne.

"Have _you_ been snooping through my shit?"

I open my mouth to take the blame for her but Anne is nodding her head and Cato is cursing and stomping towards her.

"Run, Anne," I yell but it's too late.

Cato winds up and lets his hand fly, slapping her hard across the face. She falls to the floor, crying, grabbing her red cheek. He grabs the front of her dress and pulls her up off the floor. He pulls his fist back and lets it fly. He punches her right in the face. I gasp and then I'm running, throwing myself over her and then I'm taking the beating. Anne sobs under me and I grit my teeth, not letting any cries escape.

"You no good house maid," Cato yells, kicking at us. I pull Anne out from under me and push her down the hall.

"Run, Anne! Hide!" and I'm turning to face Cato who is shaking with anger.

"How dare you try to step in between me and my house staff," he growls at me. He slaps me, causing me to fall to the floor, sobbing. He grabs my hair and lifts me up.

"When will you learn, Katniss? Can't you just _behave_ and do as your told?"

"Cato," I sob pathetically as I grasp at his hand in my hair. He yanks me up and sears his lips across mine, over my face and down my neck. I cry out as he pulls at my hair. He's backing me up, kissing me against the wall again. He stops, breathing heavily into my face. I keep my eyes closed and let the tears fall.

"Katniss stay out of my way if you know what's good for you or I swear, I'll break your fucking leg."

He is gone, disappearing down the hall, chasing after Anne. I sink to the floor and cry, cradling my flaming cheek in my hand.


	10. Chapter Ten The Takedown

Chapter Ten—The Takedown

I look at my body in the mirror and cringe at the screams that I hear coming from down stairs. My hands clench the edge of the bathroom sink. It goes against _everything_ to not go to her, to help her. But I fully believed Cato's threat; he'd break my legs if I lifted a finger to try to help her out.

"_Poor Anne_," I think to myself, gritting my teeth as another scream finds its way upstairs. That man has no heart. If he did, it would be impossible for him to lift a hand to an innocent, defenseless girl.

Dark brown walls press down upon me and I feel claustrophobic. The tan tiles beneath my feet gleam from the fluorescent lights and numb my feet with their coldness. Everything is too clean here. The counters, floors, toilets, and showers all gleam and sparkle. It makes me feel like I don't belong here—that I never will. I long for the rustic and simple way of living that I had in district 12 with Prim and Gale.

Looking to the mirror, I shudder as I take in my naked body. I don't recognize it anymore. I am covered with bruises of all shapes and colors. I have yellow, faded ones on my ribs, back and legs that I got from the arena. I have scratches all over my arms and a few on my face but I'm not sure where I got them from. The worst is my face. I have a black eye on one side and on the other I have a massive bruise staining my cheek an ugly mixture of black and purple. I sigh as I gently caress it. I wonder if Prim would recognize me if she saw me.

The screaming down stairs grows louder and I feel sick staying here, doing nothing. I don't see what I _can_ do without making it worse for both of us. I go to the radio that is recessed into the wall and blindly push at the buttons, hoping that it will turn on. In district 12, only the people who live in town have radios so I've never used one before. Luckily, I do something right and music comes blasting from the speakers, making me jump in surprise. My blood beats wildly in my veins and I sigh as I slip into the bath I have drawn for myself.

I try to relax—I really do but it's impossible. Every sound I hear, I convince myself is Cato coming for me and I freeze, waiting for him to come bursting into the room. He never does and soon my water is getting cool and I still haven't washed any part of my body. Frustrated, I rush through the rest of my bath, aggressively scrubbing at my skin and hair. I try to scrub the memory of Cato and me in theatre away but I can't, it keeps replaying over and over in my head. I shiver in disgust and from the rapidly cooling water. I hear a thump and jump out of the tub, suds still all over my body. I rush to the door and grab the soft, plush robe that is hanging on the back of it. Wrapping myself in it, I step out of the bathroom leaving wet little footprints in my wake. Cato isn't here- thank goodness. I tie my rob shut and step back into the bathroom to let the water drain out of the tub while I braid my wet hair to the side. Exhaustion washes over me; I need to get some sleep but first…. I slap my hand against the radio until it finally gets the idea and shuts off.

As soon as my head hits the pillow I am out, drifting easily into a dream: I am walking with Peeta in the woods outside of district 12. We walk together through flowers, our hands brushing lightly against each other. He tells a joke and smile up at him, the sun shining into my eyes, blinding me. I stumble over something and glance back to see what and my mind is filled with horror. Gale is lying on his back, blood coming from the side of his head to soak into the dirt around his head, forming a blood halo around his dark hair. His eyes are wide open and he is staring at me in death, accusing me. I drop to his side and grab his hand. This isn't my fault, I try to tell him. I run my hand over his face trying to wipe the accusation off of his face but it stays. I look up at Peeta to see him holding a bloody rock in his hand, staring down at Gale with pride. My gaze drops to Gale's head and I see the bloody gash at his temple. Coldness flows through my body, bringing a familiar strength with it. I grab the rock from Peeta's hand and start to beat him with it, he doesn't even defend himself. He falls to the ground and whispers that he loves me but his proclamation doesn't stop me. I beat him to death; I beat him until his face is no longer recognizable. I stand up, gasping for air as I look down with pleasure at my kill. It starts to rain and I hold my palm out to catch the fat drops. When I look down at my hand, it holds a puddle of blood. I look up at the dark, tumbling sky: blood is falling from the sky. I glance down at Peeta one last time and realize just how much of a monster I really am.

I wake up screaming and thrashing about on the bed, my legs tangling in the sheets. Fear claws at my mind and my arms lash out and collide with something warm. I open my eyes and suck in a breath. Someone is leaning above me and I'm pinned to the bed. I scream and try to claw at the unknown person's face. Where am I? My terror is so much that I don't even remember. My nightmare sweeps everything from my mind except this single thought that is bouncing around in my head- I am a killer, a murderer, a monster.

"Katniss, knock it off," says a deep, sleep-filled, male voice. Recognition tries to fill my mind but the terror of my dream in combination with being restrained keeps it at bay. Where am I? Who is this?

I feel panic rising in my throat and it erupts from my throat in piercing scream. The shrillness of it resonates in my ears and I grow dizzy. The dark shadow above me draws closer to my face and I try to pull back but can't. Breathe tickles my face and I'm being kissed. I try to clear my head- do I want to be kissed? My lips move against the stranger's and he groans, blowing the most wonderful scent into my nose. Cato. This realization should shock me out of my haze but it doesn't. I wrap my arms around his neck, getting lost in the sensations he creates in me. His hand glides over my cheek and I jump at the pain of his caress on my bruised cheek. The pain is what finally drives reason into my mind and I flush as he pulls away from me.

"_What the hell was that_?" I angrily scream internally to myself.

"Who the fuck is Peeta?"

His voice cuts into the darkness and I cringe. I must have been sleep talking again. I frown, trying to think of what I should tell him. The bed shifts and Cato clicks on the side lamp. I close my eyes against the piercing light. Freezing dread runs through my veins and the dream floods back to me. I whimper, curling in on myself. I don't want to talk to him about Peeta- I don't want him knowing about anyone that I care about. They belong to me and he can't have them- not even my thoughts of them.

"I asked you a question, Katniss. I expect an answer."

I glare up at him, anger boiling my blood.

"I'm not telling you, Cato. I expect some privacy."

Cato laughs coldly and he pulls me underneath him; I think about struggling but my gut tells me to sit still- that now is not the time to get into a physical fight with him.

"Katniss, the things that come out of your mouth are so unattractive," he murmurs as his eyes roam over my face.

"Cato, everything you do is unattractive so you have no room to talk, woman beater."

His eyes sharpen and his hands are on my throat, cutting my air off.

_Fuck._

"I see that your pretty little face can't really take anymore abuse so, I'll let you know what I'm going to do- I'll slowly make my way down your body until I abuse every inch of you. Does that sound good, Katniss?"

He hisses the s in my name and as I choke, I pull at his hands my eyes growing wide. My nails dig into him but he doesn't release his grip. The feeling in my fingers start to fade and they get heavy. I feel a flash of pain as my finger nail pops off against his unrelenting hands. My feet start to kick in my desperation for oxygen.

"_Holy shit, he's going to actually kill me_," I think to myself as my vision starts to blur.

"Now Katniss, are you ready to talk to me about this Peeta character?"

I bob my head up and down franticly. Desperate for the air I need, I know that I'll do just about anything for it. He releases my throat and I try to sit up as I gasp for air but he pins my shoulders to the bed. I don't fight it- I'm too beat from lack of oxygen. I lay beneath him, huge gasps racking my body. Emotion rushes to me but I fight it back, afraid that if I start to cry, he'll get angry.

He waits for me to catch my breath and get myself under control then he lifts a brow to me in question.

"I'll tell you," I rasp out at him, "but I need you to tell me something too."

Cato frowns but nods his head.

"Peeta is just some guy from my district," I say vaguely to him, my voice cracking.

Cato's face hardens into a mask that makes my heart flutter. I can't believe it but some sick, twisted part of me deep down is attracted to this monster.

"_It's because he is so good looking. That's the only reason why,_" I comfort myself.

"Well, quit dreaming about him," he demands like I am in control of who and what I dream about—idiot. "I can't stand having another guy's name on your lips."

I roll my eyes at him and his eyes tighten in irritation.

"Don't do that again," he orders and I nod frantically, my heart hammering away at my rib cage.

His eyes lock on my lips and I know he wants to kiss me again. He starts to lean down. I have to stop this. I can't let him erase my will power with his kisses.

"Anne," I mumble, desperate to keep his lips off of mine.

His face clouds and he knows that I'm trying to find a way to distract him. It works.

"She's of no concern to you, Kat."

"Please, Cato, is she oaky?" I widen my eyes, pleading for an answer.

"Yes, she's going to be fine. The doctor told me so himself."

The doctor? My stomach clenches. What exactly did he do to the poor girl that required him to get a doctor for her? This is exactly why I don't let my defenses down around him—I couldn't stand surrendering myself to this monster.

My mind races as it tries to think of something else to say but it's no use—I've got nothing. I try to put some distance between Cato and me but he's not having any of that. Panic fills me and I'm fighting to get out from underneath him. I bring my knee up hoping that I'll hit him where it hurts. It does no good, I miss and he knows what I'm trying to do. He rolls to the side of me, gripping my robe as I am rising to get out of the bed. I feel a cool breeze on my bare skin and I freeze. Before I can try to make a run for it, his hand shoots out and it's gripping my braid, yanking me back down onto the bed. He swiftly covers my body with his again. He looks down at my exposed body and sucks in a breath, growing hard against my stomach.

"Oh, God Katniss," he whispers slowly to me.

I freeze underneath him and I just know that I won't be able to escape this time but I try anyway.

"Cato, let me go get dressed please," I whisper hopefully, my voice pleading to him.

He laughs humorlessly. "You're ridiculous. Why would I let you go get dressed? I'd just have rip the clothes right back off of you."

"I don't want this, Cato," I insist

"I don't care, Katniss" is his reply.

He drops down and kisses my neck, his lips tracing the red marks that his hands had made. I can hear my heart pounding in my head. My skin crawls. I don't want this. His teeth nip at my ear and deep down in the darkest part of my mind I feel excitement flare.

"Cato, wait." I call out, desperate to squash the small flash of excitement.

He sighs angrily against my sensitive skin.

"What do you want?" he growls against my neck and I try to pull away again. A calmness settles over me as once again, he denies me the privilege of going anywhere.

"Pheromones."

He sucks in a breath and he pulls back; his eyes narrow. I can see the struggle in his eyes. The thought of it appeals to him but something holds him back.

"No," he slowly says, "my first time with you isn't going to involve anything but you and me. Sorry, honey." He says the last part with sarcasm thick in his voice.

I sigh deeply, disappointed. I won't be able to get through this- I'm going to fight and he's going to kill me. He leans down but my hands shoot out, stopping him. I have an idea…

"If you promise me to not hurt Anne again, I'll do this."

His gaze narrows and he studies my face. He bites his bottom lip, holding his breath while he thinks. I gaze back up at him, holding my breath too- part of me hoping that he'll agree so I have a reason to let the inevitable happen; the other part hoping he won't so that I can try to fight this off.

"I promise," he whispers. My stomach flips.

"Thank you," I whisper back. I close my eyes, waiting for him to take me but nothing happens.

"What are you waiting for?" I ask uncertainly.

"For you to participate. You just said that you would."

My heart drops- he wants _me_ to actually participate? I was hoping on just laying here while he did his thing.

"I've never done this though," I whisper. Anger courses through me at the thought of losing my virginity like this—with a man I despise.

Cato's eyes light up in excitement as he hovers above me- waiting.

Unsure of how to start, I trace my fingers up his arm to his shoulder and I wrap my arms around his neck, briefly playing with his blonde hair at the nape of his neck. I study his face: His hair is a tousled mess that I find appealing. The urge to run my hands through it is too much to deny. I run them slowly through his silky hair and he closes his eyes, a smile playing at his lips. I drop my hands as I go back to looking at him. His eyebrows are full and are perpetually set in a sexy, dangerous scowl. My gaze flickers to his blue eyes; they are piercing, cold, and unflinching. Looking into them sets my heart to fluttering so I move on. His nose is straight and strong; it slopes down on either side to reveal skin as smooth and unblemished as a baby's. His lips are swollen perfection— looking at them makes me wet my lips in anticipation. His chin is strong and his jaw is clenched in determination. My eyes flit back to his baby blues and his gaze holds mine. I feel his erection leap excitedly at boldness. Heat and insecurities rush to me and I pull away from him.

"No, no, Katniss, you're okay. That's a good thing." he whispers.

I cover my face with my hands and take deep breath remembering Anne cowering at Cato's feet. I need to do this for her.

My hand shoots up and pulls his face to mine and we are kissing. I meet his lips with mine but I don't do anything else. We kiss for a while and I know he's waiting for more. Desperate, I force my tongue into his mouth, hoping that I'm doing it right. I've never kissed anyone like this before and my stomach tightens.

That's all he needs from me because suddenly he's taking over. Opening my robe all the way, his hands roam over my chest, touching me where no guy has ever touched. His hands are rough and everywhere they go, pain follows. His hand skims down my stomach and it jumps at his touch. I feel his fingers down between my legs and I stiffen but he doesn't care. He tries to get me prepared for him so that he can slide in easily but my body isn't responding like he wants.

"God damn, Kat, fucking relax," he orders.

"I'm trying," I whine.

Everything feels foreign and it's overwhelming. Aggravated he growls against my mouth, giving up. He pulls away from me and looks down as he places himself at my entrance. I look down and my face drains- _that_ is supposed to fit down there? Panic flutters in my heart. I open my mouth to plead for him to be gentle but it's too late. He swiftly plunges in, not bothering to be gentle. I flinch, expecting searing pain but none comes—the dryness of it hurts but I don't feel the infamous pain that my mom had described to me once. Where is the pain? Cato glares down at me.

"I thought you've never done this." His voice is accusing and angry. I feel blood rush to my face in one instant and back out the next, leaving me dizzy.

"I haven't. I swear!" He doesn't believe me.

"You filthy slut," he says coolly and then he's pounding into me, hurting me. I bite my lip and roll my head to look out the window, wishing this was over.

It feels- empty. I can feel him in me but I feel much too bitoons too empty. It feels like there is nothing to be felt except his member in me. Is this how it's supposed to feel? My mind races: what is wrong with me? Isn't it supposed to feel good? I peek up at him. He looks like it feels good for him. He moves over me and I shut my eyes, waiting for it to be done. This isn't right. He drops his lips to my ear.

"Katniss," he whispers, tickling my ear and I feel a strange rush through my body but it doesn't change anything _down there_. It still doesn't feel like anything. "You're going to regret lying to me, you dirty bitch. You're going to regret letting anyone touch you. Was it Gale, Katniss? Did you let Gale fuck you, you whore? Or maybe it was _Peeta_," he spits the name out and slaps my face. I bite my lip, trying to hold myself together. I taste blood in my mouth and I moan in pain.

Cato pulls out of me and leans back on his heels. He grabs the back of my thighs, his fingers digging into my skin, and yanks my legs up into the air, placing them on his shoulders and slams back into me; I feel pain as something inside of me pops. I scream out in surprise.

Cato stops, surprise clear on his face as he looks down at me, he gets a twisted pleasure in his eyes. My body stiffens in dread. Moaning, Cato slams into me again, causing even more pain. He _likes_ that I'm in pain. He turns his head and rubs his face against my calf that is resting on his shoulder. Then he's biting down hard and I cry out in pain. A tear slips from my eyes and he catches it with his finger.

"Yea, Katniss, cry for me baby," he yells.

I feel moisture down there and Cato is able to pound me easier; it's my body finally responding to him. He lets out a delighted groan. He slams into me repeatedly and I cry out— this _hurts_, it feels like he is going too far in; that he is poking something that shouldn't be poked. He picks up speed, slamming into me so hard, the bed is rocking, hitting against the wall.

"Cato!" I scream out as the pain mounts to heights I can barely stand.

"FUCK," he cries out and moans. I feel more wetness between my legs and his motions become less aggressive, more restricted as he rocks back and forth above me. He drops my legs from around his shoulder and falls on top of me, breathing heavily. My body shudders and tears are falling down my face. Cato rolls over, cursing and walks out the door.

Emptiness floods me and I jump from the bed. Blood trickles down my legs and I cry out, convinced that he's done irreparable damage to me. I let my robe fall to the floor and am horrified by the blood I see on it. My vagina throbs and I cry out as I place a hand over it, trying to hold the pain there. I need a doctor but first I turn the shower on and step inside, not bothering to wait for it to warm up. I wash myself, scrubbing as hard as I can against my pummeled and abused skin. The water heats up and I turn it as far to the right as it will go. Water burning my skin, I sink to the floor. I let the water pound down on me, burning ever trace of Cato from my body. A sob works up in me and I let go, I let my walls crumble and I'm exposed- broken, bleeding. I am nothing but a shell.

"_I have to get away_," the thought repeats violently in my head until I'm chanting it softly to myself.

I move quickly, jumping at every noise I hear, afraid that it's Cato, coming to stop me. I dress in some of Cato's clothes and I make a makeshift bag out of a sheet that I rip from the tousled bed, shoving some extra clothes in there and then I'm off slinking down the hall, quietly tiptoeing through the dark. I quietly walk down the stairs, heart pounding as the floorboards creek underneath me. I search for the kitchen desperately— I have never even been downstairs before so it takes me longer than I'd like. It takes me a couple minutes but I find it and I'm shoving food in my bag. I hear a cough and freeze. I don't move for a long time but I hear nothing else. I make my way towards the front door when I hear a clinking down the hall. I look back and I catch a glimpse Cato's back in a far-off doorway, he's standing at a wet bar, pouring himself something to drink—an amber drink that Haymitch was fond of.

I run quietly down the hall and then I'm there. I'm at the front door fumbling with the handle. It swings open and I step out in to the cool night. I wish I was wearing shoes but the ones I came here in are hardly appropriate for running away so I leave them behind. I step out into the night, staying in the shadows. I study the wall that surrounds the house and the closed gate that prevents me from making my escape. I stick to the shadows, slinking down the side of the house until I find what I'm looking for. The tree is thick; its sturdy branches brush the top of the wall. I'm climbing the tree when I hear shouting and the sound of footsteps.

He knows I'm gone.

A small crowd of people spill from the house, running in different directions. I'm shocked to see that they are wearing funny looking glasses that I recognize. They are just like the ones Gale and I had in the arena, the ones that let us see in the dark. I quickly scramble up the tree and onto the wall. I can hear the gate groaning as it is slowly swings open. I drop to the ground. I look around, desperate for some place to hide but everything is brightly lit by buzzing street lights. There is nowhere to hide.

Without another thought, I take off running, trying to put as much distance between that cursed house and me as possible. The houses I'm running past are all dark—the inhabitants are all probably happily sleeping.

"_If only they were awake to help me_," I think bitterly to myself. That's it. I just need someone to _see _me, Katniss Everdeen. The girl on fire, who is _supposed _to be dead and buried.

I open my mouth and let out a shriek into the silent night. The bugs fall silent and all I can hear is my pounding footsteps, the whooshing of the air going in and out of my mouth, and the echoes of my scream. I suck in a breath so that I can scream again when I am tackled.

I fall to the ground, my knees scrapping against the rough cement. I cry out and twist, kicking Cato in the shoulder. He lets out a muffled grunt and I'm up again, running across someone's lawn, grass crunching under my feet. I'm at the door, pounding furiously and ringing the bell but no one comes to the door. The house is dark and no one stirs to come and save me.

"No one lives there," says a simmering voice behind me. My hair stands up on my neck and my legs start to feel weak. I slowly turn to face him just in time to see Cato's fist flying at my face. I don't even have time to blink.

Pain. My nose is the epicenter and pain is radiating in waves, across my face. I moan and blood gushes over my lips, making me stutter. The taste of it sneaks down to my stomach, making me feel sick.

"Oh fuck," I groan. My heart pounds furiously in my chest and my nose throbs. It's broken, I just know it.

I open my eyes and turn my head. Cato is sitting at my bedside. I don't know how I got here but it doesn't matter.

"_How sweet of him_," I think sarcastically.

He doesn't speak and he doesn't move. We lock eyes and I feel afraid which is quickly followed by a feeling of despair- how can I win against him? The truth is that I can't. I know this but I will still fight because I am Katniss and I don't give up.

My hand goes to my nose and I trace it, trying to determine if there are any bones sticking out where they shouldn't be. I don't feel anything out of place but I'm still convinced that it is broke.

"You're an idiot, Katniss," Cato breaks the silence as he watches me probe my nose.

"I want to go home, Cato."

"You're not going home," he roars at me, his chest heaving. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you that? You're not going home Katniss. There is nothing there for you anymore. Your family is moving on and you should too."

Tears roll down my face. "You don't know anything about my family."

"That may be true, Katniss, but I do know that your mom didn't even cry when you died. She didn't cry, Katniss, not then or at your funeral."

"You couldn't know that," I declare, my voice sounds a lot more certain than I feel.

"Yes I could. They played it on the news—her reaction to watching you die and your pathetic excuse of a funeral. And guess what? No tears. But that little sister of yours..."

He doesn't get to finish his sentence. I fly at him he only has time to jump to his feet before I'm on him. I punch him, pull his hair, scratch him, I do everything I can so I can inflict pain on him; to hurt him as much as he has hurt me. He grasps my hands and pulls them above my head. I spit at him and swing my legs wildly, trying to get to him. Sobs escape me and I can't hold myself up anymore. I crumble in his arms.

"Prim, Prim, Prim," I keen over and over.

His lays me on the bed and pulls the hair from my face. He rises briefly and comes back with a bowel of warm water and a wash cloth. I try to turn my head but he grips my chin tightly and cleans the blood from my face.

"I'm going to be leaving for a business trip tomorrow. I don't know when I'll be back."

He sits, waiting for me to say something but I don't so he gets up and leaves.


	11. Chapter11 Not Strong Enough to Stay Away

Chapter Eleven—Not Strong Enough to Stay Away

I stare at the boxes crowding my room and laugh as Anne fakes getting lost in all of them. She hobbles around on her crutches and falls back on my bed, laughing.

"How many clothes is he going to buy for you? I swear you could change five times a day and not run out of clothes for at least a month!" she laughs again. "I asked my Mama for some new dresses the other day and she told me that I was being vain. She says that I have enough dresses, and that the three I have are in perfectly good shape and I should be grateful that I even have three…."

Anne rambles on and I tune her out, having heard it before. I've already told her to take anything she wants from my closet but she refuses—Mama wouldn't like that at all. I look at the boxes, a frown on my face. Cato has been gone for two and half weeks and it seems like every day boxes of clothes were arriving at the house. I didn't really mind the clothes even though a majority of them were too nice for my tastes, it was the jewelry that would arrive later in the day that annoyed me and I refused to even open the boxes. What I liked most about getting the clothes was that Anne was always sent to help me unpack and we had a great time doing it.

She loves to prattle on about everything. I usually end up simply listening and laughing. I've gotten Cato's entire back story. About how when he was three, Snow had sent his family to live in the district because he was convinced that Cato would amount to something. His little brother, Beaufort, was born five months later but apparently, he was a weakling who preferred to write poetry all day then work out and train.

Anne sighs again and sits up, apparently done with her rant. "I guess I should get these put away. Mama wants help cleaning the training center after this."

My ears perk up at this. A training center? I could definitely use a good work out.

"The training center?" I ask innocently.

Anne flushes. "Don't you even think about it, Katniss," I had finally broken her habit of calling me Ms. Katniss. "Mr. Cato specifically said that you are not allowed anywhere it."

Of course he did, he wouldn't want me strong enough to fight him off not like that was even possible, the guy was huge.

"Oh, I understand, Anne. I don't want to get you in trouble." Her face clouds and I know she's thinking about the last time she got in trouble, she had ended up with bruised ribs, a broken finger and an injured leg all thanks to psycho Cato.

"Well, you can go help your mom. I think I can handle this myself. It's not like I have anything better to do."

"Thanks Katniss. I wouldn't normally do this but I'm so dang slow these days because of my leg."

I help her off the bed and she hobbles out of the room, humming softly to herself. I want to follow her and find out where this training center is so that I can sneak in there and work out, to get myself in shape so I can defend myself against Cato but something in me prevents it. If Cato found out, he would assume that Anne had told me and I don't trust him to keep his promise to keep his hands off of Anne.

I flop down onto my bed, staring moodily up at the ceiling. The thing that I miss most about district 12 other than Prim is hunting. The feel of my arm stretching back a taut bow string, the rush I get before I let the arrow fly, the suspense as I wait to see if I hit my target. I've never gone this long without hunting. I used to hunt every single day—I never had the option of not hunting because of Prim. I had to provide her with food.

I get up and start to unpack boxes, coming across a bathing suit my eyes light up. If I can't go to the training center, I can at least swim laps in the pool. I quickly get dressed. It's a plain white swimsuit that shows far too much skin and accents my body in a way that I am not pleased about.

_At least Cato isn't here, _I think reassuringly to myself. I braid my hair as I walk out to the pool.

I slip into the pool and float on the top of the water, loving the feeling of the sun on my face. I sigh and then I'm swimming laps, pushing myself to go faster and faster. My arms are burning and I relish in the pain. Eventually I feel eyes on me and I stop swimming. Wiping my face, I look around and see him. Hiding partially behind a bush, I see a man standing, staring at me. He is wearing jeans that cling to him appealingly and a shirt that hugs his muscles. Hope burbles up in me because he _sees _me, Katniss Everdeen, who is supposed to be dead. I scramble out of the pool, scrapping my shins against the side as I pull myself up. Something doesn't feel right though. A warning bell goes off in my head. I look at him again now that I'm closer and I don't trust the look in his eyes—I don't know what it is. He watches me, a cool calculating look in his dark eyes. He takes a step towards me and I'm twisting around to run towards the house when I run into something hard and warm. The breath gets knocked out of me in one big whoosh.

"I see you've met your personal guard," says a silky voice from above my head.

Heat rushes to my face and my heart feels like it's about to melt. Blood roars through my veins and my stomach clenches. Arms wrap around me and I'm surrounded by his smell. Cato is home.

I stiffen, wanting to pull away but not willing to get my ass kicked because of it. Luckily he pulls back so I don't have to. He isn't wearing a shirt and I find my eyes lingering on his abs in an inappropriate way. He clears his throat and I drop my eyes to the ground.

"Wow, Katniss, you look really good," he murmurs softly.

I can feel it rising in me and I try to stomp it down but it's not in my nature. I wouldn't be me if I listened to my brain. My smart ass remark bubbles up and bursts from my mouth.

"Yeah, that'll happen when the person who beats me leaves for almost a month. My injuries actually get a chance to heal."

I wonder why he was gone for so long but I don't ask because I think that it will make him happy and that's not something I am willing to do.

Cato take a big step towards me, bringing his hand up and I flinch, expecting to get slapped. I jump when his hand brushes lightly over my cheek and down to trace my lips. My mouth opens and I suck in a shaky breath.

"I don't need a guard," I mumble against his fingers, trying to distract him.

"Not now, Katniss," he says huskily and steps even closer to me but I can't leave it alone.

"I know what he really is- a babysitter so you can keep tabs on me."

I hear him let out an aggravated sigh and then I'm in his arms, my feet swinging wildly in the air.

"Cato, no!" I shriek at him, my heart pumping in fear. My last experience with sex wasn't a good one and I don't want it repeated any time soon. He doesn't put me down. "God, _please_, Cato don't!" I wiggle out of his arms, falling into a crouch at his feet.

"Katniss, I was-"

"I know perfectly well what you were going to do, Cato," I interrupt and run into the house to my room, slamming the door shut and locking it. I put my back against it and slide slowly down to the ground.

That was too close.

I'm gazing out the window when I hear the door unlock and my heart jumps to my throat. I whip around and Anne slowly enters.

"Anne, don't scare me like that! Hurry, shut the door and make sure you lock it," I demand, turning back to look out the window. I suck my lower lip into my mouth and gently tease it with my teeth. I need to think of a way to get Cato to keep his distance.

"Dinner is ready, Kat."

"Don't call me that," my voice is raised and harsh—it's a strict order and I immediately feel bad for talking to her like that. I turn from the window to face her and I know from her face that I hurt her.

"I'm sorry, Anne. It's just that Cato calls me that and I absolutely hate it."

Anne shrugs her tiny shoulders. Her hair is braided into pig tails and it makes me smile as fond memories of Prim flood my mind.

"Dinner is ready, Katniss, come on," Anny repeats again.

"I'm not hungry."

"Well... Just come downstairs anyway." Her gray eyes are pleading and I wonder what has gotten into her.

"Why would I do that if I'm not hungry?"

She breaks, her tiny shoulders slumping forward, her head hanging. She is the picture of pathetic in her too short work dress. It hangs just above her scrawny ankles.

"I'm afraid of him, Katniss. I don't want to have to go down and tell him that you're not coming. He told me to get you and I don't want to make him mad."

Damn it, he was playing dirty. I wouldn't do it for anyone but Anne. I huff and march to my closet, grabbing the first thing I find and pulling it over my head—it's a dainty peach colored dress. Without even a wayward glance in the mirror, I stomp out of the room and into the dining room.

The dining room sits just off from the kitchen. It has elaborate crown molding where the ivory walls meet the high ceilings. A sparkling chandelier dangles above the long mahogany dining table which is decorated with crystal glasses and expensive china. In the middle of the table sits a beautiful hand blown crystal bowl that could probably feed my family for half a year if sold. Cato is sitting at the head of the table studying me with bright eyes. I glance down at dress, worried that something may be out of place but everything seems to be in order. I decide to take the seat that is farthest from him at the other end of the table. The hem of my skirt lightly brushes against the middle of my thighs as I move to grasp the back of the chair.

"No, Katniss. Come sit next to me." I balk at the order until he adds please to the end. I stiffly walk to sit next of him. His eyes are those of a predator- one that plays with its food before it devours it. Goose bumps pop up all over my body and I wish I had grabbed sweats instead of blindly choosing whatever my hands landed on first.

"Thank you for joining me, Katniss," he says quietly, his velvet voice a caress in my ears.

"I didn't really have a choice, did I?" My tone is droll so I smiley sweetly at him intending to soften my rudeness but it just adds to it. I clear my throat awkwardly.

"No, I suppose you didn't."

The butler comes in and fills my wine glass with dark red wine. Even though I don't like wine, I don't protest. I'm going to need alcohol to get through this night, I just know it.

"Thank you," I murmur.

The butler gives me a slight bow and backs from the room. My guard enters as he exits and I roll my eyes in annoyance.

"Now, how is that you can manage to be nice to everyone _except_ me?"

I take a sip of my wine, and stare at him. He can't really be that dumb, can he?

"Are to asking me why I'm not nice to my rapist? Well, hmmm, let me think that one over and I'll get back to you."

"You consented, Kat," he says, his voice growling at me. I roll my eyes again.

"That's bullshit, Cato, you and I both know that there was no way I was leaving that room a virgin. I'm not stupid. I made that deal to protect Anne. You're a fool if you think I did it for any other reason."

Cato's jaw clenches and his fists turn white as he grips his silverware tightly in his hands. I take another chug of wine and he slams his fists on the table. I jump, spilling wine onto my dress. I frown, I actually liked this dress—it was pretty.

"That is enough, Katniss, I will not take any more of your lip," he declares sternly.

I roll my eyes again. I honestly don't know what he expects from me. I'm not going to sit here pleasantly, smiling at him while we eat our dinner.

"Quit rolling your eyes at me, Katniss. I find it rather annoying."

The butler enters and I straighten in my seat, neither of us talking as he places plates in front of us. Cato watches me and I stare at the wall, not wanting to see him.

He starts to eat; lifting each bite slowly to his mouth, watching me- always watching me. I ignore the plate in front of me and opt for a more liquid diet. I knock back two and half glasses of wine before he finishes what is on his plate.

"You need to eat something Katniss; especially if you are drinking."

A laugh erupts from me at the thought of Cato worrying about my health.

"I think I can handle myself, Cato." My head starts to buzz as the alcohol takes effect.

"You know, I haven't forgotten the little stunt you pulled before I left."

My heart drops at the deadly calm that is in his voice and for once I am at a loss of words.

He chuckles darkly.

"Nothing to say, my sweet?" he murmurs and I feel his hand gliding up my thigh. His skin is hot and it feels like I am being burned.

I shake my head and study my plate, blood rushing to my face. I'm afraid. My emotions betray me when I reach for my glass of wine, hands shaking and red wine spills out and onto the white place mat. Cato chuckles.

"That's got to be the first," he says and I'm not sure if he means my lack of sarcastic response or me being afraid. Before I can figure it out, he is talking again. "Well, let me tell you, Kat, I have something to say." No shit, I think. His hand goes further up and he's under my skirt now, dragging it up with his hand. His hand pauses and traces light circles on my thigh.

"You still need to be punished for it, Katniss," he says softly, his hand reaching for the inside of my thighs. My fear turns into anger.

"Almost breaking my nose isn't enough? Living here with you, that's not enough either? Cato, I'm being punished just by being your presence."

I shove his hand away from me and I shoot out of my chair, knocking it to the floor with a loud clatter. I see my guard lurch forward but Cato holds a hand out to him, telling to stay where he is.

"Katniss you will sit back down right now."

"So you can fondle me some more? I don't think so, _Cato_," I spit at him. He waves his hand and my guard goes to stand in the entrance of the dining room, blocking me in. My instincts kick in and my eyes sweep the room, searching for a weapon, knowing that I'll need one. They fall on the crystal bowl in the middle of the table and I envision it smashing into his head.

I drag my eyes back to Cato so he doesn't catch on to what I'm thinking. He stands up slowly and wipes his mouth with his cloth napkin. He is wearing dark pants that hang low on his hips; they are tight and are fitted perfectly to his toned body. His shirt is a casual cream colored button down. The top two buttons are opened, showing me a glimpse of his chest. His blue eyes are sparkling dangerously at me and I see them fill with lust. His gaze slowly travels up my legs. He reaches into his back pocket and slowly pulls out a syringe. The liquid inside is pink. Dread fills me and I realize that this syringe is twice as full as the one he used before.

"I think that I should warn you, Katniss, this syringe has more pheromones in it and it's doubled in concentration." His eyes dance with lust and I know that I am doomed.

He roughly plunges it into his skin, his gaze holding mine. Memories of my rape flash behind my eyes and I know that I have to get out of here before I lose myself to the pheromones. I turn but my guard is there, a sick smile on his face. Oh holy shit this is bad.

His scent reaches my nose and I lunge for the bowl, knowing that I won't be able to resist him and the potent pheromones. It's cold in my hands and heavier than it looks. Cato laughs at me.

"Is that supposed to protect you, Katniss?"

"Stay away Cato, I mean it. Please don't do this."

He steps forward and my butt presses into the edge of the table, I am trapped. He takes another step towards me and I chuck it at his head. He dodges it just in the nick of time. There is the awful noise of glass shattering. He slowly straightens, his mouth hanging open in surprise. His eyes are flat and dead.

I. Am. Fucked.

My frustration spills over. Why does he want to cause me so much pain? What the hell is wrong with him? What made him this way?

The table digs into my behind and I place my hands behind me, leaning against the table. I scoot my hands back and they touch something cold—I know without looking that it is my untouched knife from dinner. I grab it off my place mat and place it at my neck. Cato stops walking, dread filling his face. I feel a rush of excitement, realizing that I have power over him.

"Katniss drop the knife. I'll stop."

"No, Cato, you won't. I'm not stupid. You may stop tonight but tomorrow you'll be there, torturing me. If you want to hurt me so much why don't I just do it for you? We both know I'm not getting out of this alive. You're going to end up killing me because you can't control your anger. Let me do it for you. Let me end my suffering now."

He laughs, calling my bluff.

"Katniss, you're a survivor. I know you. You desperately want to live I can see it in your eyes right now. Your eyes dance with it; you can't hide that from me."

He's right—I do want to live but what kind of life is this? He's moving towards me again. I close my eyes and drop my hand to my wrist, the cold blade of the knife resting against the thin skin of my forearm. Cato's face turns white in panic and I force the knife down slightly. A thin line of blood appears underneath it, hinting at what will come if I increase the pressure on the knife.

"KATNISS, NO!" he screams and lunges for me.

Everything slows down and moves in slow motion: My heart is pounding in my ears, blood is welling in my superficial wound, I take a breath and my arm jerks down, the knife slices my wrist open easily. Blood pours down my arm and drips angrily on the floor. Oddly I don't feel pain I stare in shock at my arm and I release the knife. It falls slowly and clatters to the floor. I drop to my knees. Everything speeds up and is back to normal.

Cato rushes me, dropping to his knees as he slides over the tiles to my side. He pulls me into his lap, cradling me.

"God, Katniss no, no, no!" he moans as blood pours out, soaking into his jeans.

I'm not here- I'm floating above the scene, watching it with an odd fascination.

Cato is grasping me to his chest, rocking me. His nose is buried in my hair and he moans miserably. He is whispering denials at me but I can't understand them.

"GO GET THE DOCTOS," he yells to my guard. He is standing there with a look of disappointment on his face.

"Go, dammit," Cato yells and the man nods and rushes from the room.

Anne enters the room, drawn by the screaming and as she sees my blood on the floor she lets out a squeak and hits the floor in a dead faint.

Cato roars in frustration and the butler rushes in. He takes one look at Cato, cradling my inert form in his arms and he jumps into action. He disappears into the kitchen, returning with a handful of towels. He rushes to Cato's side and is clutching the towels to my bleeding wound.

I'm dying. It's not a question, it's a fact and it resonates through my body. I wonder how much longer I have—how long does it take a person to bleed out? The pheromones are reacting to Cato's closeness and my blood is pumping faster, causing my wound to gush blood. I rub my nose slowly along Cato's chest, savoring the scent and feel of him.

"Oh God Katniss," he bleats as he strokes my hair.

He watches in horror as the blood quickly soaks the towel. The butler switches towels and I pull my gaze up to stare at Cato. His eyes meet mine and I see worry in them. Hmm, that's odd. I smile sloppily at him and his breath catches in his throat—was that a sob?

The doctor is here- how did he get here so fast? He crosses to me and sticks me with a needle and I'm gone.

A scent- that is all it takes. One little whiff and it has started; my body betraying me. I can't escape it. His scent is thick in the air and my head is foggy from the morphling. It doesn't matter though. Even without the meds, I'd be a goner because of the pheromones. My breathing picks up and I squirm uncomfortably on the bed. My skin is burning up—I am burning with my need for him.

My eyes flicker open and I'm up searching through the dark for him. I frown for a second at the bandage that is secured around my arm. Blood has already started to stain it. But that doesn't matter right now. I breathe deeply and my body comes alive. My blood pumps and I feel my body's response between my legs. Oh lord. I see him, standing in the darkest corner of my room. Electricity flows through my veins as we lock eyes and he knows. His frown turns to satisfaction as he takes in my heavy breathing, my parted lips, and the longing in my eyes. He knows I want him but he doesn't move.

I stumble towards him and stop, looking at his face; he uncrosses his arms and drags his fingers through his hair. My hand twitches in response—I want to do that.

I breathe deeply one more time. Fuck it, I think and I throw myself at him.

My mouth is glued to his, not letting him even get a breath. My hands are ripping at his shirt, the buttons popping off, and clinking on the wood floors. My hands greedily skim over his chest. Oh god he smells good. I moan loudly and he yanks me off the floor, my legs wrapping around his waist. I feel the bulge pressed against my core and it excites me. I grind myself against it and he hisses against my mouth, pulling away.

"Oh God Katniss," he says breathlessly.

My hand brushes over his heart and I can feel its furious pumping. So he does have a heart. Who would have thought?

I pull his mouth back on mine and I wiggle my hips again. He moans and takes long strides across the room to the bed. He drops me on it bed and I'm up, jerking at the button on his pants. They open and I shove them down. He steps out of them and then he's above me and I'm jerking my hips up to meet his.

His scent invades my nose and I moan. It's almost too much for me to take. My body responds: heart pounding, blood rushing, fingers reaching, stomach flipping, mouth moaning. I surrender myself to him.

"Katniss say it," he urges.

I know what he wants but I don't want to give it to him. It's already bad enough.

"Say it," he grunts, "or I'll stop and leave you like this."

"Cato," I breathe, "please."

I'm begging but I don't even care. I just want this all to end, I am desperate for him and if I don't get what I need, I'm going to explode.

He starts to pull and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling him down.

"I want you," I scream at him, a tear escaping my eye.

That is all he needs. He jerks my underwear down and his hands go to the bodice of my dress, ripping it from my body. I feel him down there and I stiffen, expecting pain. He easily slides in and it's heaven. We are moving together in unison. My thrusts meeting his and it pushes me towards something I've never experienced.

"Cato," I moan loudly. "Oh fuck Cato."

"That's right," he growls into my ear. His words, his voice, his everything excites me, pushing me forward towards my unknown goal.

I'm panting but I don't care. His scent is filling my nose and it is absolute heaven.

"Cato," I say again.

He groans loudly and something within me is tightening, it keeps getting tighter and tighter until I think I'm going to rip my hair out. Will it never end?

"Katniss, go," he yells above me but I don't know what he means. Go where?

His hand reaches between my legs rubbing my sensitive skin and I snap, getting pushed over board. Everything is clenching and unclenching. Weakness rushes through me and I yell out. Cato lets out a hiss above me.

"Oh shit," he moans as he thrusts over and over. He grips my shoulders as I come down from my high, breathless. He slams into me aggressively and I cry out and then he moans. I feel wetness and he collapses on me. I close my eyes, waiting for regret to fill me but it doesn't, in fact I don't feel anything in the aftermath.

Cato rolls over and promptly falls asleep. I follow his lead for once and do the same.


	12. Chapter Twelve The Fight

Chapter Twelve—The Fight

Regret—it hits me in my sleep and it's so strong that it wakes me. I can't take the severity of it so I seek refuge in the theatre, hoping to distract myself into forgetting the colossal mistake I had made. The light from the screen flickers violently, making shadows dance around the room in the early morning hours. I snuggle down into the couch, wanting to disappear between the cushions so I don't have to deal with what I have done—or what my body has been tricked into doing.

Images flicker across the screen as memories dance behind my eyes: The evil glint in his eyes as he watched me from that dark corner, knowing that the demands of my body were overruling my common sense. I remember the smell of his body and the scent of sex floating in the air. The sounds he made, the things I felt—all of it comes rushing back to me and makes me nauseous.

I groan in misery and rub my face in annoyance. How was I supposed to resist him when he tricked my body into thinking I wanted him? I couldn't- pheromones changed everything. They robbed me of my strength and they gave me no hope.

The house is deathly quiet. Everyone is still sleeping except for me and my new shadow. My guard had caught me sneaking out of the bedroom and followed me here. He's lingering in the back of the room in the shadows right now.

The screen flashes and draws my attention: A montage of images of Cato flicker on the screen and I can't help but watch as clips of video from the arena start to play. This story isn't one of the better ones—the good ones play during the day when people are actually awake. No this one, is a flop. It shows him doing various physical activities—showing off his power and strength. It doesn't really have a point to it and that is why it's playing during the middle of the night.

The first shot is one that shows his muscles gleaming with sweat as he kills a group of tributes at the cornucopia; it shows how effortlessly his sword slices through the air and through the throats, stomachs, and heads of the kids that he kills. He leaves a trail of death in his wake without so much as a glance back. It shows how utterly dangerous and sexy he looks as he unintentionally stares into the unseen camera as he wipes blood and sweat from his face. His gaze seems to see right through the camera and it's like he's looking right at me, I'm relieved when he looks away. It shows the graceful swing of his sword as he almost decapitates Clove and the dead look he has as she falls to the ground, a look of shock on her dead face. Images start to flash again on the screen, the video proudly displaying his next kill but I don't see it.

I know the second he enters the room because somehow I've become attuned to him. The thought of it is upsetting and my heart twinges. I don't move as he walks up behind me and places his hands on my shoulders.

"Katniss, what are you doing?" he mumbles sleepily, gently massaging my shoulders. His touch makes me uncomfortable not only because of what we did earlier but because it is so gentle and sweet—it is so not Cato.

"I couldn't sleep," I say quietly, staring unseeingly at the flickering screen.

He sits beside me on the couch and I see that he has put some clothes on he pulls me down so that my head is resting on his lap. My skin crawls and I want to get up, to pull away but I'm too exhausted to start a fight- I'm beaten and broken and he knows it.

I see his face out of the corner of my eye; he is studying himself on the screen. His eyes take it all in but his face doesn't give anything away. I can see in his eyes the reflection of the screen. I see Death doing what he does best—kill.

"The victory tour is starting on Friday," he speaks without looking down, breaking the silence between us. I'm relieved and surprised that he doesn't bring up what happened earlier. I turn my head and watch him on the screen as he kills a girl who cowers at his feet, begging for her life. He snaps her neck like it's a twig and drops her to the ground.

I feel relief—not at what I am watching but by what he has said. In just two days he'll be gone for at least a month while that is going on. There is no way he'll take me with him, I could easily run away. Or someone could see me and it would ruin everything for him. On second thought, maybe I am disappointed that he's not taking me. I frown slightly, trying to figure out how I feel about this. On one hand, I don't want to spend any more time with him than I absolutely have to. On the other hand, I could be discovered if I go with him, I could go _home._ The thing is would he give me enough freedom for me to be seen by anyone? I know the answer to that question: Hell no he wouldn't.

"I want you to come with me. And I know what you're thinking but you can forget about it. I've already given this a lot of thought. You're going to be on lock and key. If I'm not with you, Whytt will be with you," Cato motions to the back of the room towards my body guard. So that's Mr. Creepy's name.

I open my mouth, wanting to say something but nothing comes out—I'm not sure what to think about all of this. It doesn't matter though because Cato cuts off whatever I was going to say.

"Don't even start, Katniss. You're coming and that's that. You have a choice here: You can argue with me and regret it when you're crumpled on the ground at my feet in pain or you can just shut your mouth for once and accept the fact that you're no longer the independent person you used to be. You're no longer in charge."

I bite my lip, piercing the skin so that blood flows in my mouth, the pain allowing me to keep my temper down. Cato breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that I'm not going to give him any grief. He pulls me down onto his lap again and goes back to quietly watching the TV while I study his face.

I've broken down, I know it. I know that I can't keep up the fight for much longer. So for now, I'll try to play by his rules until I can find a way to get back home—a way back to my Prim. He feels my eyes on him and he looks down at me. His fingers gently trace random patterns across my face and I am lulled asleep.

"Psstt... Katniss," I hear the whisper and I open my eyes. I see Anne's face right next to mine. I'm still lying on Cato's lap, curled into a ball on the couch. His hand rests on my side, right below my breast and from the sound of his soft snoring, he is asleep.

I gingerly move his hand from my body, placing it on the couch and slowly sit up, not wanting to wake him. I get off the couch and grab Anne's hand, pulling her to the back couch. I see that Whytt is still here, leaning up against the counter in the back of the room. Geesh, does that guy ever sleep?

"Anne? What do you want?" I whisper.

"Someone is here... Well, actually two people," she says and she bites at her lip. She is nervous.

"What time is it?" I ask, confused as to why this is a big deal.

"Noonish," she replies.

"Well, okay. So, why do you feel the need to tell me that someone is here?"

"I told them that you two were resting and that Mr. Cato wouldn't want to be disturbed but the woman, she won't listen. She just stood there in the entryway, her chin held high demanding to see Mr. Cato. The worst part is that she brought some lanky fellow with her and he keeps poking his nose where it doesn't belong. He already knocked over an antique plate—shattered it right on the floor," Anne takes a deep breath and plunges on with her rant. "I told Mama about it and she told me to wake Mr. Cato up and let him know. I wanted to go to the butler but he's still sleeping from what happened last night. By the way, how is your arm? You gave me quite a scare, Katniss. I couldn't believe you would do something like that to yourself always thought you were so strong. I was so worried about you that I fainted. Can you believe that? Isn't it terribly romantic?"

I shake my head at her. It is _way_ too early in the morning for this—well, technically it's not but it is way too soon after waking up for this. I study the bandage on my arm. I can't believe that I did it either. I'm not the kind of person to give up without a fight but with Cato I can't fight him because he's too strong and he overpowers me with his brute strength.

"Anne, why exactly did you wake me up?"

"Wake him for me, Katniss, I'm too scared of him," she pleads. I sigh heavily but it's too late for little Anne. She jumps as a deep voice fills the room.

"I'm already awake, Anne, I was up the moment you stepped into the room."

He stretches and Anne flinches beside me on the couch.

"Mr. Cato, sir, I'm sorry for waking you. It's just that someone is downstairs and they won't leave."

Cato lets out a frustrated breath that has Anne turning white in fear. He gets up and stomps off down the hall muttering under his breath. I frown.

"Who's here, Anne?"

"I'm not sure exactly—she wouldn't give me her name. I think it might be his mom. They have the same hair color and eyes."

His mom? That means that she must be with Cato's brother, Beaufort. Hope rises in me swiftly. Maybe she will help me. She's a mom; she'll have to sympathize with me. I'm up, leaving Anne on the couch and I run down the hall, my heart leaping at the possibilities. I quickly descend the stairs and I hear talking. I slow down to listen.

"Mother, what are you doing here?" Cato asks; sleep still heavy in his voice.

"Cato, you'll never believe who I ran into the other day."

"No, mom I never will so please tell me so I can get on with my day."

"Oh, Cato you really are rude and I know that you just woke up so don't pretend like you're too busy for me. Just because you won the hunger games doesn't mean you get to be all high and mighty towards me. You better fix your attitude before your father gets here, or you'll be sorry."

Cato sighs in aggravation.

"Dad is here too? What do you guys want?" His voice sounds almost whiney.

"Cato, what did I say about your attitude?"

"Right. Sorry, mom. Now who did you run into the other day?"

"Terra Elphinstone."

"Ah, shit, I knew she wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut."

"Cato, why is that you feel the need to by women's clothing? From what she told me, you bought out her entire line. What is going on here?"

"Nothing mom—"

With his denial in the air, I step into the entry way. Her eyes narrow at me and I'm shocked at how young she looks with her blonde hair and flashing blue eyes. As for looks, that's all she has in common with her son. The rest of her has traces of President Snow peeking out. Her lips are swollen so that they don't look real. Her face drains of color and Cato whips around, groaning at my presence. His brother momentarily stops pacing in the entry way and stares at me. He has thick glasses, curly brown hair and is skinny as a stick—he couldn't look any more different from Cato. Silence fills the air and Cato's mom puts her hand on her chest.

"Cato, she looks like-"

"Mom, I know who she looks like," he says with a growl and glares at me. I feel a presence behind me and I know that Whytt has followed me.

Beaufort stares at me, his mouth hanging open.

"Mom, she doesn't just look like her—it is her. Cato how the heck is this possible?"

"Your grandpa has something to do with this," their mom states, not even questioning it. Cato's brother goes back to pacing the entry but this time his eyes stay on me.

The front door opens and in comes the biggest man I have ever seen; his muscles are bigger than Cato's- than even Thresh's! If I thought that Cato looked like his mother, I was wrong. I found myself staring at an older version of Cato. The man looks at me and lets out a low curse as he slams the door shut.

"Well damn, Cato, no wonder you haven't come to see us since your victory dinner."

Why aren't they asking more questions or yelling at him? I open my mouth to speak but Cato is beside me, pulling me close to his side, whispering in my ear with quiet urgency.

"If you say one fucking word, I will beat you right here in front of them. Don't think that they will help you- they are just as corrupt as my grandpa. They view people in the outlying districts as disposable. Not to mention that they are all afraid of me—they watched me kill scores of people on TV. So, no, they won't help you. Get that thought out of your head. Do you understand?"

I nod briefly and he tugs my chin up kissing me deeply, making me blush furiously. When I look at his mom, she has a look of disgust on her face. I straighten my spin and meet her eyes. I'm not disposable.

"Cato, she is from district 12. Don't you think you could have found a more- proper- girl? She may as well be a barbarian."

Heat floods my face and I gnash my teeth. I meet her gaze coolly, staring daggers at her stupid straitlaced and proper face. Cato nudges me in the shoulder and I drop my gaze to the floor, burning holes in it with my eyes.

"She's just a plaything, mom, it's no big deal. Not like I'm going to go introduce her to the elite club."

"Well I would certainly hope not, everyone thinks she is dead." She pauses and her voice grows soft. "I can just imagine what her poor mother feels, thinking her daughter is dead..." she trails off. My heart leaps into my mouth and comes crashing to my feet when Cato's dad speaks up loudly, wrapping his arm around his wife.

"Auricula, whose side are you on anyway? Our son- the hunger games victor or this wench from 12? Cato, turn her around so we can get a better look at her."

Cato looks down at me and I lift my chin up in defiance. My eyes dance wildly, daring him to even try it. They promise a fight and he knows it. There is _no_ way I am going to let them gawk at me like I'm cattle.

His dad lets out a low whistle and Cato's face hardens in anger.

"I see you haven't put her in her place yet. I can give it a go if you need the help, son. All she needs is a good beating."

"Yeah, if only that worked," Cato mumbles, still glaring at me. His head snaps up and he stiffens as his dad takes a step towards me.

"You lay a hand on her, father, and I will literally rip your throat out. Don't think I won't do it just because you're bigger than me. I've got years of training that you don't. I will kill you so quickly; you'd never see it coming."

Everyone in the room looks at him with shock and I get the idea that Cato has never stood up to his dad before. He looks down at me, his eyes demanding that I do as his father suggested earlier. When I don't, steel colors his eyes and he starts to shake slightly.

"Cato, she's trash, throw her out and I'll tell your grandpa to find a good Capitol girl for you," his dad comments.

"Struve, don't," his mom calls out. Her face is colored red with shame and she looks hurt. Poor woman, she probably had to go through the same thing as me. Cato and his dad seem like they are one in the same—no manners and if they don't get their way, they get violent.

"I am _not_, trash," I hiss angrily at them. Cato stiffens beside me but I don't care. "I am a human being with feelings. I had a life back in district 12. I had a family who loved me and a sister that I had to provide for because my mom wasn't able to. I had friends that I'll never get to see again. I have none of this now because your _pathetic_ son decided to keep me here against my will. All I have now is fear and pain. All I have to look forward to is my next beating and my next rape."

A sob breaks through my lips and I back towards the stairs, throwing one more glance around at the crowd gathered. Struve's face is bright red, his jaw clenched in anger. Auricula's mouth is hanging open in shock and Cato's brother is grinning from ear to ear. Whytt just stands off to the side, a satisfied smirk on his face. I don't look at Cato; I already know what I'll see.

"I'm just a girl who couldn't help where she was born and couldn't stand by when her sister got reaped to get sent to her death. You people aren't any better than me. In fact, I'd go as far to say that I'm better than all of you."

I turn and run up the stairs, searching for somewhere to hide. I know I won't be able to avoid him forever but I'm not going to wait in my room like a child waiting to be spanked.

I step into a room I haven't explored yet. It's an art studio. The smell of paint is thick in the air and it reminds me of Peeta. I shut the door and run my hands over the empty canvases that are leaned up against the wall. There is a big table in the middle of the room that has splotches of paint all over it. I go to the back of the room where a sink sits with shelves of supplies hanging above it. I gently touch the brushes that have been thrown into a jar. I can hear pounding on the stairs and I know that Cato is looking for me. My hand brushes against a pair of scissor that is hanging on the wall and I grip them in my hand.

Cato's footsteps stomp past the room I'm in but I don't breathe out a sigh of relief because I know that he'll find me eventually. I drop my hand behind my back and turn to the door, waiting for him to enter.

I hear the quiet click of the door and calm surrounds me, knowing that I am not letting him touch me without a fight. He steps in and takes in my defiant eyes. I see Whytt behind him but Cato closes the door in his face. His face looks calm but I'm not fooled; I know that a monster is lurking underneath his calm façade. He paces in front of me, the table between us but I know that the table won't protect me.

"Katniss, I honestly don't know what you think sometimes."

I don't respond, holding my breath and watching for the attack that is sure to come.

He sighs and shakes his head and walks towards me, his fists clenched.

"Cato, don't even take another step towards me. You will regret it," I warn him.

"You threaten me after what you just did down there? You embarrassed me in front of my family. You made me look weak, Katniss."

"That's not a bad thing, Cato, you can't be strong all the time. Being strong doesn't mean you beat women until they act how you want them to—in fact _that_ is what makes you so weak. You didn't even need any help from me."

I know it's a mistake as soon as it leaves my lips. Cato's face fills with rage.

"You think I'm weak, Kat? Well, let me show you just how wrong you are."

I pull the scissors out from behind my back and he stops his approach. He laughs.

"Again Katniss? Well, maybe you _should_ kill yourself because I can't make any promises that you'll survive this."

He jumps at me and I'm too slow. He slaps the scissors out of my hand and they go flying. Skidding across the floor they come to rest under the table. I look up at him, my stomach clenching in fear. Oh God.

I try to side step past him but his arm shoots out, blocking my path. I try to duck underneath it and he sticks his foot out, tripping me. I fall to the floor, falling on my bent elbow. Red hot searing pain shoots through my elbow. I cry out and twist so that I'm on my back. Pushing with my feet, I scramble away from him the best I can. My elbow throbs and the pain makes my head spin.

He looks down at me with a sick smile on his face. He's hard and that makes this all so much worse—how can he like doing this to people? He grabs my ankle and pulls me towards him. I twist onto my stomach, reaching for anything to grab onto. Pain shoots through my elbow as I straighten my arm. The leg of the table is just out of my reach, the scissors just beyond the unreachable leg. I feel his nails digging into my legs and I cry out as I'm drug towards him.

He yanks me over and straddles me. He brings a fist up and then it's soaring at my face. Pain hits me and I try to block him but it's no use his fists are too fast. They come down on me in a deluge and soon I'm blacking out—going in and out of consciousness as pain takes over my mind.

I hear the thundering of footsteps out in the hall but I know that no one can save me. I'm being pounded on by Cato, every inch of my face falls victim to his fists. Suddenly someone is pulling on Cato.

"You're killing her," yells a deep voice—Whytt. I've never been so relieved to have him near.

Whytt pulls him off of me and I'm crawling under the table my elbow shooting pain up and down my arm. I'm desperate for some shelter from this monster. Cato swings around punching Whytt in the face. Whytt stumbles back with a muffled protest.

"Go, Katniss!" he yells frantically at me. I turn to crawl towards the door and I see Anne's slight frame in the doorway, tears streaming down her face as she takes in the scene. I'm almost out from under the table when I feel him grabbing my ankle again.

"You're not going anywhere, you fucking bitch."

I grasp the leg of the table and Cato yanks angrily, wrenching me from the table. My elbow feels like it's on fire and I know that it's broken. Blood pours down from my face, blinding me. My hands shoot out, looking for something to grab onto and they find the scissors lying on the floor. I twist around as he pulls me out from under the table. His fist is coming towards my face and I hear Anne's scream.

"Hurry! He's killing her!" There are feet pounding up the stairs but I know that no one can save me from this monster. My arm shoots out and the blades of the scissors sink into his shoulder. Cato freezes mid-punch and I struggle to see through my swollen eyes. He looks down at the scissors, shock crossing his beautiful face. He straightens and wraps his hands around the handles of the scissors. He pulls it out and drops it to the floor. Blood spreads from the wound and soaks his shirt. Cato looks down at me.

"You fucking cunt," he says his voice flat and deadly. He kicks me in the stomach and I cry out. Sickness rolls through me and I turn my head and vomit on the floor. I can hear him step towards me but then there is the rushing of footsteps and a thud and Cato is tackled to the floor. I feel tugging and someone is dragging me from the room. I cry out as my arm is straightened. I hear the sounds of fighting—Cato and Whytt must be duking it out now. I pass by Anne and when she sees me, she lets out a cry of horror and she is sobbing over me. I stop moving and lay on the floor right outside of the studio. I want to move farther away but my limbs aren't working right now.

"Oh God, Scrymgeour, she's going to die." I have no idea who she is talking to.

"No, she's not, the doctor is already on his way. She'll be fine, Anne." I recognize the voice—it's the butler.

"Cato, stop fucking fighting!" yells Whytt's voice. "You were about to kill her and I know you don't want that." There is a curse as the sound of flesh upon flesh fills the room. "God damn it, Cato, fucking _stop!"_

Silence falls only to be broken by my moans of pain and the heavy breathing of the two guys breathing in the other room. I hear footsteps and then:

"Let go of me, I'm not going to hurt her," silence is followed by the demand and then a resigned sigh.

Cato stomps out of the room. He looks down at me and sucks in a breath.

"Anne," he barks. "Go pack a bag for her. We leave for the victory tour tomorrow morning." Anne sobs beside me.

"Y-y-y-yesss, Mr. Cato," she sobs but doesn't leave.

"Now!" he barks and she scrambles to do his bidding.

"Scry, is the doctor on his way?" He's talking to the butler.

"Yes, sir, I called when I heard the commotion start."

"Thank you." And with that he walks away, leaving me battered and completely broken on the floor.


	13. Chapter Thirteen The Victory Tour

Chapter Thirteen—The Victory Tour

The rocking of the train car does nothing to soothe my weary body. I am uncomfortable no matter how I sit or lay. I'm convinced that the only place I'd be comfortable is in a pool and there isn't one on the train. My body screams in pain and I moan in discomfort.

My eyes are swollen shut so I can only see through little slits. The doctor had to glue shut two different gashes on my face—one above my right eyebrow and the other was on my jaw line. Miraculously, my nose isn't broken although it is extremely bruised. My lip is cut and swollen. I have two black eyes and a huge cast on my right arm that starts in the middle of my forearm and goes up almost touching the top of my shoulder—my elbow was definitely broken by my fall.

The best part of all of this mess is that Cato has stopped trying to get in my pants—apparently I am too hideous for him now. He barely touches me if he can prevent it. The worst part is that I need his help with everything. He has to help dress me, helps feed me, and has to help me bathe myself. Cato loves that I need his help; he makes me beg before he helps me do anything.

He had gotten a perverse pleasure earlier when he made me beg for help with my bath. Once he was satisfied by my pathetic pleas, he filled the bath with scolding hot water and wouldn't let me out when it burned my skin. After I got used to the temperature of the water, he roughly scrubbed my skin and scalp until I cried out and begged him to be gentler. It was sickening but I had no choice.

Not even the fact that we are rapidly approaching district 12 can make me feel better. It isn't like I'm going to be able to run away in the condition I am in. In fact, I am dreading it. To be that close to the ones that I love but not being able to see them, to comfort them, to be comforted by them—it is getting harder and harder to handle the closer we get.

Cato struts into the room and leans his broad shoulder against the door jam. He looks at me, a grin on his face.

"We'll be there within the hour."

He studies my face, waiting for me to break down. I don't disappoint. I turn my head to stare out the window. Because the window is so high on the wall and because I'm lying down all I can see is the sky and none of the landscape that is flashing by. I let tears silently fall from my eyes. I try not to screw up my face because it will hurt due to the bruising on my face. Cato comes and sits on the side of the bed, turning my face so he can watch the tears stream down my face. I don't think I will ever understand why he is the way he is. How can he get so much pleasure from other people's pain?

"You're sad." He states it like it's a concept that he'll never understand. I nod my head. He watches as two tears run together, with a slight frown on his face.

"Aren't you ever sad?" I ask him, not expecting him to answer.

"No, not since I was little. Last time I was sad was before I started training. I was probably around seven and I was upset because my dad was hitting my mom for not doing what he wanted her to do. Once I started training though I only felt angry… I was always angry," he whispers the last line. His face looks vulnerable. I'm surprised that he told me this. I don't want to know this about him. It's too personal and I don't want to imagine a little Cato, with feelings and fears.

Cato shakes his head and his face is back to normal. It is hard and defiance glitters in his eyes. They dare anyone to defy him; they promise retribution to anyone who crosses him.

"Well, I have to go get ready. I'll say hi to your family when I'm out there for you."

Pain tears at my heart and he gets what he wanted. I am crying, loud body wracking tears that hurt my face. Cato laughs at me and he leaves the room. I can hear him laughing all the way down the hall.

Whytt shuffles uncomfortably in his chair in the corner of the room. I ignore him and I mourn the loss of my home and my family. I also mourn the loss of my best friend. I realize that I haven't really had a chance to yet. I see the tops of trees flash in the window and it finally hits me that Gale isn't roaming around the woods, shooting deer and breaking the law. He isn't at home giving his mom and siblings a hard time. He's not mining. He's not alive. Grief grips me and won't let me go. It pulls me into a painful memory.

I am swimming with Gale in the lake far off in the woods. The day is warm with just a hint of coolness in the air. The birds are singing and the trees as swaying gaily in the wind. Gale and I are laughing as we splash water into each other's faces. We skip rocks on the surface of the water and for once talk about something other than the unfairness of Panem. He teases me about something that had happened at school the day before and then begs me to sing so that he can hear the mockingjays sing. He says that it is his favorite thing to hear.

Coming out of the memory, I think to myself that that was the day that he had fallen for me—after that day, he would always look at me differently. Poor Gale won't have a chance to actually be in love now.

The sound of the train changes and I know that we are slowing down. We are here. District 12 is just beyond the bend in the tracks. Soon we will be there and I will be home but not be home at the same time.

Cato appears in the doorway, a dark shadow lingering around me, pouring pain on my suffering heart.

"Are you all done crying Katniss? Well, tell me, is there anything you want me to tell your precious Prim? I can get a message to her for you."

"Screw you, Cato," I say.

He laughs again and is gone. I hear the roar of reporters as he steps off the train. Suddenly Whytt is by my side, pulling at me so that I'm sitting up.

"What are you doing? Let me go."

"Katniss, just trust me please."

He drags me to the window so that I can see out of it. Tears flood my eyes and I have to calm myself down so I can actually see through my swollen eyes. They clear and I greedily drink in the sight of my home. Everything is covered in thick coal dust and the roads are all dirt. The buildings are dilapidated and falling apart. It's not much but it is home.

Reporters are everywhere and I see Gale's family huddled together, waiting to greet the victor. Bile rises in my stomach. It's sick that victors are forced to meet with the dead tributes' families. They even have to shake hands and exchange pleasantries while reporters catch it all on cameras. I fight back tears as I take in Gale's mom. She is skinnier than she was before I had left. Her face is hard, not wanting to show emotion. Gale's siblings on the other hand are all crying and pulling at her skirts. My eyes search the crowd, trying to find my family. I spot my mom and I go weak but Whytt holds me up. Her shoulders are hunched forward and I can see tears glistening in her eyes. Her jaw is clenched and I know that she's trying to keep herself together. I search for Prim but I can't find her. She's not with Gale's family and she's not with my mom either. Where is she? My eyes sweep the crowd and come to rest on a blond head that sticks out above the rest.

My heart skips a beat. Peeta. He is glaring at the waving and smiling Cato. He clenches his fists and I watch in fascination as tears stream down his handsome face. He looks to my mom and anguish replaces the anger on his face. He shakes his head sadly and is turning to leave when his eyes flick up and pass over my window. He starts to walk away but stops, his shoulders stiffening.

"He sees me," I say, forgetting that Whytt is there. It just pops out of my mouth.

Peeta's head whips around and our eyes lock and then I'm being pulled back and shoved on the bed.

"No! Prim! I must see Prim!"

I hear my name being screamed outside the train and I know that Peeta is fighting the crowd, trying to get to me. I hear the pounding of feet too.

"Whytt what is happening? Please tell me."

He crosses to the window and looks out. He lets out a curse and turns back to me, anger dancing in his eyes.

"The peacekeepers are tackling a guy and hauling him away. Who saw you Katniss?"

"Don't worry, it wasn't Cato. Please help me back up there. I never got to see Prim. I have to see Prim. Whytt please." I beg him but it's no use.

"No, Katniss, I shouldn't have done it to begin with."

I start to cry but Whytt doesn't change his mind. I throw myself down on the bed, hurting my arm in the process. I curl into a ball at the end of the bed and cry myself to sleep.

I hear yelling and the car of the train rocks underneath me. Cato storms into the room cursing up a storm. I try to sit up and gasp in pain as I move my casted arm. Whytt stands up with a look of shame on his face. He knows that he's in deep shit.

"God damn, Katniss, how the fuck can you stand this shitty district? It's poor and the people are retarded. Did you know that none of them even applauded for me after my speech? Not one of them. They just stood there and did a three fingered gesture thing. It was so weird. I haven't even told you the weirdest part. When I got off the train, I was waving and talking to the reporters and this guy just started screaming your name and running at me for no reason. It was freaky; the peacekeepers had to haul him away until he calmed down."

Whytt and I lock eyes and he smirks slightly. I give him a tight smile and drop my eyes to the floor. Cato has no idea what happened. What a relief. There's no telling what he would do if he found out.

"But let me tell you, Katniss, you don't look anything like your mom or sister. Your dad wasn't there so I'm just going to assume you look like him."

My eyes snap up. I don't bother to tell him that my father died when I was younger because he said _her _name. Prim—he said Prim. I get up, ignoring the pain in my arm and stumble across the room to him. I grip his shirt with my left hand. I try to pull him closer to me but he pulls back, alarm on his face.

"You saw Prim?"

I can hear the eagerness in my voice and I know I sound pathetic but I don't care. When it comes to Prim, I have no shame.

"Of course I did, I had to greet them. Let me tell you… It was kind of awkward. Your mom started to cry right in the middle of it and Prim tried to comfort her but ended up crying too."

A tear falls from my eye. Oh, poor Prim!

"How is she, Cato? Did she look like she is being fed enough? How tall is she? Did she say anything about me?"

Cato looks down at me, pleasure glinting in his eyes. He's aware of the power he has over me right now. Usually it would bother me to be so weak in front of him but I just can't help myself.

"I don't know Katniss, she was there and that's pretty much all I can tell you. I don't know what you want me to say about her, I don't know her so I don't know if she is taller. Too bad you're not better behaved because I have it in my power to bring her here."

"What? How?" My heart beats excitedly.

"You wouldn't know this because you're not a victor but victors get the option of choosing a person from each district to spend the night with when they are on the victory tour."

Nausea rises in me. This is sick but it shows the Capitol at its worst.

"So, what you are trying to say is that you get to pick a person that you can rape at each district?"

"If you want to see it that way, that's your choice. Most girls will be thrilled to get picked though so it won't be rape."

I shake my head in disgust but I get an idea.

"Cato, if I make you a promise will you do something for me?"

Cato grins down at me. He already knows what I want and what I am going to say.

"Depends on what it is—if it's good enough, then yeah."

"If I promise not to fight you the next time you want to— uh, have sex—will you bring Prim to me?" My face doesn't flush—I have no shame. I cling desperately to the hope that I may get to see Prim.

Cato shakes his head no and my heart plummets.

"That's not good enough. I _could _do that but then I'd also sleep with her. You're offer just isn't tempting enough."

Blood drains from my face.

"Okay, okay. I can do better. I promise I won't fight you anymore on anything for as long as I'm with you. I'll keep my smartass remarks to myself and everything. Please Cato, I _have_ to see her."

"You won't fight me anymore? Not even when…" I nod my head, cutting him off.

"Yes, everything Cato."

"Fine."

"But you can't touch her Cato or I _will_ find a way to kill you."

"Katniss, I'm not a pedophile. I wasn't serious earlier at all. That's just gross."

That's when it hits me. He had tricked me. Cato sees the look on my face and he nods slowly at my thoughts.

"Yeah, I tricked you Katniss. I would have agreed with not having to fight with you next time I wanted you but I just knew that you would go higher for your precious Prim."

At the moment I don't even care that he has tricked me because I'll get to see Prim. My heart leaps in excitement. My fingers twitch, eager to be able to touch her.

"Katniss, you do realize that she won't be able to be awake, right? We'll have to give her some morphling—she won't remember a thing when she wakes up."

"That's fine. I just need her, Cato. When can I see her?"

"Let me go talk to my mentor and he'll get it arranged. She'll be here within the hour though."

Cato disappears and I clumsily pace the floor, causing Whytt to panic every time I stumble over my feet. The next time the door opens; Cato is there, holding an unconscious Prim in his arms. I stay rooted to the spot staring at her small figure and swaying braids. This couldn't possibly be happening, could it? I want to pinch myself to make sure but I can't move.

Cato places her on the bed and I rush to her. I trip over my feet and Cato catches me before I can fall on my injured arm. I thank him briefly, craning my head around his body so I can see her.

"Katniss, I'm waiting for a real thank you."

I look up at him, impatient and angry that he is wasting my time with this. I lick my lips, knowing that this is going to hurt. I push my swollen lip to his and suck in a breath at the pain it causes. I gingerly deepen the kiss but it still hurts. Finally I pull away and wiggle in his arms. He lets me go and I'm there. I'm in heaven. I try to pull her on my lap but can't with one arm. Whytt steps in and helps me so that she is cradled in my lap.

"Oh Prim, "I cry softly over and over as I rock her slender frame, stroking her soft hair.

Her eyes flutter open and I suck in a shocked breath. Her blue eyes stare up at me, hazy with the drugs they gave her.

"Katniss?" she breathes.

"Yes, Prim. It's me, Prim. I'm here. I promised you that I would try my best to get back to you. I would never break a promise to you Primrose. Never" I say and place a kiss on her forehead.

She sighs and her eyes start to shut again. I panic. I need more time with her. I need to her talk again.

"Prim, you're my everything. I love you so much." I call to her.

She smiles and replies with a sloppy. "I love you too, Katniss. I miss you so much. I wish this wasn't a dream."

Tears fall from my eyes and onto her face and she sleeps. She thinks she is dreaming and I know that that is what is best. I hold her, rocking her, singing to her, talking to her. I memorize her face, the way her hair feels, the way she smells, the way she feels in my arms. I plant kisses on her face and cry because I know she won't remember this. But I know it is better that way. Better for her to think I'm dead than to know I'm alive and won't be coming home to her.

Dawn starts to rise outside my window and I know my time with her is coming to an end. It feels too soon, like I just pulled her into my arms even though I spent the whole night cradling her.

"Prim, I love you so much. I would do anything for you, you know that right? I wish I could be with you. I wish I could watch you grow. Watch you fall in love and have kids. I know you'll do great things though, Prim. You're so sweet, gentle and caring. Please don't let this make you bitter, Prim. Be happy for me please."

Prim sighs in her sleep and snuggles closer to me. I look up at the sky and I know my time is up. I can see the sun peeking through the trees in the forest. The train has to be leaving soon. I turn my head and see that Cato is sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall watching me. Has he been there all night?

He rises and gives me a small smile. He reaches down and moves the hair out of Prim's eyes and I stiffen, wanting to tell him to go to hell and to not touch my sister but he gave me this moment with her so I let him.

"It's time Katniss."

"I know," I whisper brokenly. He leans down and scoops her into his arms. She turns into his warmth and pain shoots through my heart. I'm about to lose my sister forever. I will never get to see her again. Before he exits the room I call out to him.

"Cato, can you make sure my mom knows that you didn't touch her?"

He knows what I mean and he nods.

"I'll get a doctor sent there so they can get her examined too. They'll want proof."

Wow, that's unexpected but I appreciate it.

"Thank you Cato."

I struggle to climb off the bed so Whytt helps me up. I cross the room and plant one more kiss on her head, deeply inhaling her scent and then Cato is gone. I drop to my knees and sob. Whytt leans down and pulls me into his arms. I cry into his chest at the injustice of it all. He picks me up and puts me into bed. Once again, I cry myself to sleep.

I dream I'm walking in a garden full of primroses. I can hear Prim's laughter and I am searching for her but every time I think that I'm just one turn away from finding her, her laughter sounds off in the distance. By the end of the dream, her laughter is just a whisper in my ears and as I sink to the ground crying, I realize all the primroses are dead and it's snowing.

When I wake, Cato is sitting beside me, his eyes glowing in the dark.

"Hey," he whispers.

"Hi," I mumble back.

"I have something for you."

He holds out his hand and I suck in a shocked breath. In his palm rests my pin—the one Peeta sent me.

"Where did you get this from, Cato?"

"I took it from you in the arena. When you were under that bush recovering from the tracker jackers, I took it from you jacket. I wanted something to remember you by in case you died."

I shake my head slowly as I reach out to take the pin from him. My thumb rubs over the pin and I smile slowly.

"Thank you, Cato."

He smiles at me and lies down, tucking me against him. It feels weird but I allow it because I promised him I wouldn't fight. It takes me a long time before I can fall back asleep but eventually I do. I drift off in the arms of my captor, in the arms of my enemy.

Time passes quickly on the tour. We spend an entire day in every district and leave the next morning. The reason we stay the night disgusts me but I don't complain about it to anyone because of my promise to Cato. Every night he brings home a girl and I can hear them having sex in the next room. Sometimes there are screams of protest and sometimes there are moans of pleasure. Either way, I cover my head with a pillow and try to shut out the noise. When they are done, Cato stumbles into our room and climbs into bed. He is always drunk so he passes out quickly. I'm just grateful that he doesn't try to touch me.

Things develop into a weird calmness between us. I don't argue, he doesn't push my buttons, and he doesn't try to make a move on me until the tour is almost over. When we visit his district at the end of the tour, he doesn't bring a girl home and instead crawls in bed with me, his hands reaching for me, his mouth moving against mine and I give myself to him without protest because he gave me Prim.

When I stumble in on him in the bathroom afterwards, I am shocked to see that he has a needle in his arm.

"What are you doing?" I ask him as red liquid shoots into his arm.

"I haven't been on my meds," he says simply.

"What are they for?"

"I don't know, Katniss," he snaps at me, surprising me because we had been so agreeable to each other. "I've been taking them ever since I was little. My grandpa sent them and my mom made sure that I took them. I had to take them when I started to train and I never asked why or what they are for."

An uneasy feeling grows in my stomach.

"Isn't that when you started to feel angry?" I ask him quietly.

"Katniss, just forget it. Damn, you can be so annoying." He shoves past me, hitting my hurt arm and I cry out but he stomps out of the room not caring. When he returns later his mood hasn't improved any so I pretend that I'm sleeping.

The next morning, we arrive at the Capitol. I am surprised when before Cato can even get out of bed; President Snow comes bounding into the room. A hiss escapes my lips and Cato scrambles to put some pants on. I hold the sheet to my chest, hiding my nakedness.

"You two get dressed. I want to talk to both of you."

Cato looks down at me questions in his eyes.

"What could he possibly want with you?"

I shrug my shoulders at him. Cato grabs my clothes and helps me into them and then Snow is back in the room, staring at me and I'm fidgeting, holding my breath so I don't smell the stenches of roses.

Cato sits next to me on the bed and puts his arm around my waist, pulling me to his side. Snow narrows his eyes at the gesture.

"Cato, have you been taking your medicine?"

Cato frowns and blushes slightly.

"I forgot for a while on the tour but I took it yesterday. I haven't gotten around to doing it today."

"Make sure you do that when I leave then."

"Yes sir."

I narrow my eyes at Snow. Why exactly does he care about Cato's medicine? What is it for?

"Okay, so I'm just going to get to the point. I hear you didn't take a girl at your district. Why is that?"

Cato blushes and I'm shocked. Snow is really asking his grandson why he didn't sleep with a girl.

"I felt bad enough that I killed Clove, I couldn't inflict anymore pain onto my district."

"Well, your _feelings_ didn't come into account when we made our deal." Snow gives me a significant look and Cato nods in understanding. What are they talking about?

"And what is this I hear about you taking a little girl in district 12? I hear that she isn't even capable of conceiving."

I flush this time but it's from anger. Cato's been sleeping with these girls to get them pregnant? It makes me sick but I keep my mouth shut because of what Cato did for me in 12. Cato glances down at me, trying to tell me something with his eyes but I don't know what.

"I did it to hurt Katniss. It was her little sister—the one she volunteered for. I slept with her so I could hurt Katniss."

Snow smiles approvingly and I hang my head to hide my face. He's lying and I don't know why but I better go along with it. I clench my fists and pull away from Cato, gasping as I hurt my arm.

"That's fine I guess. Just don't do it again. Remember the deal we made."

Cato nods.

"Now run along, Cato, your stylists need to get you ready for your interviews." Cato frowns and looks at me but gets up and leaves.

"And make sure you take your medicine, Cato. Don't let me catching you skipping doses again."

Snow looks at me and I can't stop myself.

"What is in the medicine?"

Snow smiles evilly at me.

"It's funny that you are the only person who has ever asked me that. His mother didn't when I sent it to her so many years ago and Cato never has either. I'll tell you, Katniss, but you can't tell anyone. If Cato finds out and he stops taking it, I will kill your sister."

I am shocked at how serious he is about this but I nod in agreement.

"What I have given Cato is called 'hostil-ling'. It's a medicine that promotes anger and aggression and squashes all other emotions. It also helps to improve focus and motivation. Cato is the test subject. I had it developed and when my daughter had a son, I knew I had to test it out to see if it would make the perfect tribute. So far, it has worked wonderfully. Cato is a killing machine and he shows no mercy—which is what I want the medicine to do. Cato has to keep taking it so that I can see how it affects people as they get older. Who knows when I'll need an army? I may need to recruit people of all ages."

My mouth hangs open.

"You are using your own grandson as a test subject? He's nothing but a lab rat to you."

"Oh, Katniss-dear, you sound shocked. Are you honestly surprised by this? Do you really think that I am capable of loving anyone? Oh no, no. That would leave me open to getting hurt and I can't do that."

"But I thought you sent your family to the district to protect them from rebels."

"No. Actually, one of the reasons is because I find my daughter so extremely annoying. The other is because Cato couldn't be reaped unless he lived in a district. I told Auricula that rebels were threatening them and that I had to hide them for her family's protection. She wouldn't have gone any other way."

"And what about the deal you made with Cato? What is that all about? Why does he have to sleep with random girls?"

"That, Katniss, is not my place to tell. You have to get that from Cato. From the looks of you, I can see that home life isn't too good. Maybe you should focus on making him happy and quit asking me questions, little girl."

Snow lifts his chin and leaves the room.


	14. Chapter Fourteen The New Deal

Chapter Fourteen—The New Deal

The sun flickers down onto the snow, making it glimmer and sparkle before my eyes. The snow crunches pleasingly under my feet and I deeply inhale the cold air, filling my lungs until it feels like they are about to burst. I exhale loudly and the air fogs up with my warm breath.

Looking around, I find a fallen tree and I gently brush the snow from the top of it and sit down. The forest is silent and peaceful except for the sound of Whytt's crunching footsteps behind me. I long for my bow and arrow and for my hunting partner. Pain slices through me at the thought of Gale. How I wish that he were here to enjoy this beautiful day with me but I know that it's impossible.

This is my first time walking in the woods since the arena and it took a lot of pleading for Whytt to agree to take me. I enjoy it here—I feel at home here, like I belong more to Mother Nature than I do to myself. Whytt doesn't say anything to me but lets me sit in peace as I enjoy my free time away from Cato. I appreciate his silence and in the quiet, I let my thoughts wander.

Cato and I arrived home from the victory tour about two months ago and things have been okay. That is if being deathly afraid of doing something wrong all the time is considered okay. When Cato is around me, I am quiet and sullen, trying desperately to cling to sanity as I do everything he asks of me. He doesn't make it easy either. He is still rude and delights in my pain. The worse is at night when he turns to me for pleasure and I have to fight bile from rising up in my throat and actively participate. If he thinks I'm not doing it right, he makes it painful and drags it out until I'm begging him to stop. And when smart ass remarks escape from my lips, he gets a belt and whips me with it. He hits me as hard as he can and doesn't stop until I am sobbing. Every time he takes a belt to me, the urge to turn and fight is so strong but I fight it down with one look at his fists because I know that there is no winning with Cato.

I stretch my arm out into the cold air in front of me and smile as I can bend my elbow without any pain. The best part is that I no longer have to deal with the annoying cast that was such a hindrance to me. The doctor came by earlier in the week and cut me out of it, saying that I had healed very nicely. The rest of my wounds have healed too and I look normal once again; although, I know it's just a matter of time until Cato snaps again.

It starts to snow lightly and I smile, remembering the first snow fall of the season: I was standing by my window, looking at the barren trees around me when I saw a tiny white glob fall to the earth. I had blinked in surprise, rubbing my eyes. I was amazed to see snow flitting down from the sky, floating gracefully to rest upon the ground. I sighed at the beauty of it all as the snow started to fall down faster. I felt Cato behind me, watching me but I couldn't tear my gaze away. It snowed in district 12 but it was never as pretty as this. Here, the snow stayed white and wasn't covered with oppressive coal dust. Cato moved behind me and pulled my hair aside—for once it wasn't in a braid—and rubbed his nose along my neck.

"Katniss…" he whispered against me. I shivered and fought the urge to pull away.

"Cato, just look outside," I said hoping to distract him from sex. I still hate when he touches me—I haven't forgotten the first time he took me or all the times he beat me.

He looked over my shoulder and I could sense the smile on his face. He was in a good mood for once.

"I guess it is rather pretty. The first snow always is—it's the shit that comes after it that is annoying. Shoveling and getting your clothes all wet when you walk though it…." He let his sentence drift off into silence.

I frowned—he was being kind of sweet. Why?

"Cato, have you taken your medicine today?" I watched his reflection in the window and when he frowned, I was afraid that he was going to get mad.

"No, I'll just double up tomorrow."

I know that's not a good idea but I can't think of a way to tell him not to without letting him know about what his medicine does exactly. It's killing me, knowing that the real Cato isn't this bad person- that his grandpa is making him this way. I still don't like Cato but it is really is unfair and I wonder if I would have liked him if I could have met him under different circumstances.

"I'm thinking of going for a walk… Do you want to join me?" I asked him quietly, looking down at the floor. I couldn't figure out if it was a good idea or not. I figured it couldn't be too bad if he's not on his medicine.

Cato frowned slightly as he looked outside. I was afraid that he would tell me that I couldn't go and that I'd have to listen but I was surprised when he nodded curtly.

The snow was falling in thick puffs to the ground and stuck to my hair and clothes. I pulled my scarf down off my mouth and laughed, my breath fogging out in front of me. Prim always thought that snow was so beautiful but I never saw the appeal in district 12. She would be amazed if she could see this beautiful and pure snow.

I stretched my arms out and whirled around in a circle, laughing. The snow fell thickly to the ground and coated the tops of the trees and plants surrounding me.

"I've never seen anything so pretty."

Cato laughed.

"It's just snow, Kat."

"I know, Cato, I just can't get over it though." I turned to look at him when THUNK! I gasped as snow splattered in my face, falling from the tree above me. Cato started to roar with laughter

"Oh, God, Kat, you should have seen your face! That was priceless."

I let out a low growl, anger getting the best of me once again, and slowly lowered myself to the ground, scooping up some snow in my hands. The snowball was pathetic. It had dirt and grass mixed in with the snow and it didn't stick together too well but that didn't matter to me. While Cato had his head tipped back, still laughing at me, I took aim and let it fly.

It splatted wetly in his face and he stopped laughing, staring at me with this odd look on his face. My stomach dropped. Uh oh.

"Oh, Katniss, you are going to regret that," his words were threatening but his voice was full of laughter. Heat rushed into my face. I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't know how to handle a teasing, and laughing Cato. I can barely handle the Cato that I've known for months.

He scooped up snow in his hand, dead grass mingling in with the snow, and he slowly shaped it into a ball. His ice blue eyes glared at me in delight. I lunged into action, running to hide behind a tree. Splat! It hit the tree just as I took refuge behind it. I stuck my head out to see that Cato was scooping more snow up. The snow wasn't too thick so he really had to work to get a decent amount in his hand. I duck behind the tree again.

"I surrender," I called out to him as the cold wind tore hair from under my hood.

I was breathing heavily and my heart was pounding in my ears so I didn't hear the crunch of the snow under his boots until it was too late. He jumped out from behind the tree and tackled me to the ground. At first, I thought he really was attacking me so I screamed and struggled to get away from him as memories of his fists pummeling my face jumped into my mind. I heard him laugh softly and I relaxed a bit. He turned me over, shoving snow down my coat and against my cold skin. Breath escaped me at the contact.

"No, Cato," I screamed, my shriek split through the cold air and echoed all around us. It was followed by my laughter as he shoved more snow, grass, and dirt down the front of my shirt.

He quickly ran out of reachable snow so he settled on top of me and laughed as I squirmed, trying to pull the snow and dirt from my shirt. He laughed again and I found myself joining in; stopping only when he gave me a look of surprise. I gasped as I realized that I was _enjoying _myself. Insecurities rushed to me and the smile slipped quickly from my face. He leaned down and I knew that he was going to kiss me. I didn't want him to kiss me though. I didn't even know how I felt about this nice Cato—I didn't know if he was real or if he was just a front he was using to get to me.

I was saved by Anne's voice calling out into the day from the house.

"Mr. Cato, you have a phone call from the President. He says it's urgent."

Cato hovered above my lips and he groaned in frustration. He looked down at me with regret but helped me up and pulled me into the warmth of the house.

As I sit in the woods, I smile fondly at the memory but frown when I remember what happened the next day:

The next day was a district holiday so the household staff was free to attend the celebration that was being held in front of the justice building in town. Cato and I had the house to ourselves and I was on edge, knowing that he was on a double dose of his medicine.

I decided to try to stay out of his way. I settled in the living room, curled up on a rug before the fireplace reading a book. The fire's heat was so intense that eventually, I was down to just my t-shirt and short shorts, with a pile of my sweatpants, socks, and sweatshirts lying beside me. The fire crackled and popped, lulling me into a deep calm. I was so engrossed in my book that I didn't realize that Cato had joined me until he was standing above me, a glorious frown upon his face. My heart dropped.

"Hi," I whispered. He ignored my pleasantries.

"What are you doing?" he growled and I frowned—wasn't it kind of obvious?

"I'm reading…" I replied stupidly.

"Well, no shit, Katniss. I'm just wondering why you're dressed like a slut."

I glanced down at myself, in surprise. I'm only wearing the clothes that he bought for me to wear.

"Well, if you think they are too showy, perhaps you shouldn't have bought them for me," I said softly.

I heard the hiss as he inhaled sharply and then I was yanked up into his arms and we were moving. He headed towards the back door and I struggled in his arms—it was freezing outside and I wasn't dressed to be out there. He yanked the door open, the blinds on the door window swinging wildly at his aggression.

He stepped out into the cold and my skin prickled up with goose bumps as the cold air assaulted my exposed skin. Snow had been shoveled from the patio and laid in big heaps at the edges. The pool was calm and the surface of the water appeared to be glassy. The water was gently steaming because it was a little warmer than the air that was combatting to freeze it. Cato's next step told me where he was headed—the pool.

I squirmed in his arms, knowing that no good could come from this.

"Cato, don't! It'll be freezing," I yelled out to him but my pleas fell on deaf ears.

He simply grunted and stood at the edge of the pool. I tried to grip him around his neck but one glare at me and I knew that he wasn't going to let me get away. I sighed and released his neck from my grasp and then I was falling down until—

Cold. Everywhere. It took the breath out of me, stealing it from my lungs. It enveloped me until I thought I would lose my mind. I sputtered and tried to scramble out of the pool but he stopped me with his voice.

"Katniss, I did not say that you could get out of the pool."

"But it's so cold, Cato." I stuttered miserably at him.

"I find myself not caring." He crouched down and watched me, his eyes glowing in the growing dark.

I couldn't feel anything and yet at the same time, all I could feel was pain as cold spread through my muscles, causing them to cramp painfully. My teeth chattered together violently and I was shaking and still Cato stared. I couldn't take it anymore and I stumbled through the pool. I didn't care if he got mad but he didn't do anything to stop me. He simply glared at me, a look of disgust on his face.

"Katniss, you make me sick," he said but I was gone, stumbling into the house, pain shooting through me with every step. My teeth chattered loudly. I was stumbling past the entry way and I heard a gasp. Anne rushed to my side—what was she doing home from the celebration? She smelled like alcohol.

"Oh, Katniss, what are you _doing_? Do you realize how cold it is outside? Why were you swimming? Oh come now, let me help you out of these clothes." She escorted me upstairs to help me into the shower. When I got out, I found Anne waiting with a cup of cocoa and thick flannel pajamas.

As I stepped into my clothes, I got a good look at her face and my stomach dropped at what I saw. Her face was flushed and her chin was quivering in an attempt to hold back tears. She was very drunk and very upset about something.

"What is going on Anne?" I asked her gently.

"I made a horrible mistake, Katniss." She started to shake and I wrapped my arms around her, the smell of alcohol overwhelmed me.

"What happened?"

"I can't tell you," she moaned in misery. "I'm going to be in so much trouble though. Mr. Cato is going to kill me, I just know it and the worst part about that is that Whytt will never know that I like him." She wailed and I was shocked—Anne and Whytt? Isn't he a little old for her?

"No, he won't kill you, Anne. I made him promise me a while ago that he would never hurt you again."

"Oh, Katniss, that promise won't matter when he finds out what I did."

"Well, what _did_ you do? Maybe I can figure out a way to help you." I prodded her, trying to figure out what she did that was so bad but she didn't respond. So I simply rocked her back and forth until she calmed down.

"So, you like Whytt?" I asked, not wanting to bring up whatever was upsetting her.

"Oh, Katniss, yes! How could I not? He is so handsome and he protects you from Mr. Cato. That makes me like him even more. He is so dark and mysterious and every time I'm around him I just blush like a fool and I can't find anything to say to him. It is so embarrassing. "

I laughed softly at her. Her quirky ways were so endearing.

"Aren't you a little young for him?"

Anne frowned down at her dirty hands.

"I suppose so even though I just turned sixteen… I don't suppose he'd be interested in me even if I was old enough for him."

"Sorry, Anne, but I think he's twenty four or something like that." My following laugh got caught in my throat as Cato entered the room. Anne squeaked and shot off of the bed.

"Mr. Cato, I-I-I can explain," she stuttered nervously.

"Just get out, Anne," he growled. She nodded solemnly and darted out the door.

I decided to try for a light and airy approach with him, hoping that he wouldn't try to add to the torture he inflicted on me outside.

"She thinks that you're going to kill her because apparently she did something you won't like."

He frowned briefly.

"That's ridiculous," he stated.

"Is it?" I asked him, looking eagerly into his cold, dead eyes. He didn't answer my question but changed the topic.

"So I was watching recap videos from the victory tour and something interesting caught my eye when they showed me at district 12."

I frowned slightly.

"I can only imagine. I mean you did have that guy run at you. Didn't he try to attack you?" I was playing dumb but I didn't know what Cato was trying to say just yet.

"Yeah, I thought so too until I watched the footage."

My heart dropped. There was no way he could know about Peeta seeing me.

"You see, Katniss, I have two problems here. One is that the guy's name is Peeta and I recall that you often are saying his name during the night when you sleep. So who is he?"

His eyes were dead and angry at the same time and I knew I couldn't be caught in a lie so I told him the truth.

"The baker's son."

"What else is he to you?"

"I don't know. He's nothing. I never got a chance to know him," I mumbled.

"Katniss you're lying. You want to know how I know this?" he paused, waiting for my response but I stayed silent.

"Because on the footage it shows the train behind me; and on the train is a certain window..."

My stomach dropped and he continued: "And in that window is a girl who shouldn't be there. Katniss, I saw your face when he looked at you. You lit up when your eyes met—I fucking saw it. So you better tell me what that boy means to you or you'll be sorry."

I didn't know what to say—what could I say to him? Nothing was going to be good enough and anything I said would get me punished.

"Cato, just tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it."

"I want you to fucking tell me the truth. Do you have feelings for that boy?" he yelled at me and I cringed.

I didn't respond at first because I was too busy thinking. I don't have feelings for him—do I? Is it possible that I do? No, I don't even know him.

"KATNISS!" Cato roared at me and I got up, my chin quivering because I knew that no matter what I did or said, it wasn't going to be enough for him.

"Yes, I have feelings for him, Cato! But not in the way you think. He is my _friend_. He helped me when I needed it most but that's it. We hardly ever talked before I got reaped."

"Okay, I know you're lying still but let's talk about my second problem. My second problem is that there is footage of you floating around in the fucking districts! Katniss, you are supposed to be dead. Can you imagine the uproar this is going to cause if someone else recognizes you beside that Peeta boy?"

I stared at the ground, determined to stay silent about Whytt's role in all of this. I knew that my silence was going to make Cato angry so I wasn't surprised when he approached me, his hand ready to slap me but I ducked under his arm and stomped towards the bathroom. He grabbed my arm but I jerked it from his grasp. Then I was in the bathroom, searching the cabinets. I found what I was looking for and I started yanking syringes apart and pouring the red medicine down the drain.

"Katniss, what the hell are you doing?"

"Aren't you sick of being angry all the time, Cato?" I responded, mysteriously.

"What are you talking about? Fucking stop."

But I didn't because I knew that he would thank me someday for this.

He jerked me back and I stumbled, hitting my head on the edge of the tub with an awful thunk. I tried to see where Cato was, afraid that he was going to attack me but waves of blackness were rolling through my vision. I saw Whytt come into the room and him pointing at me and yelling. Then Cato stormed out of the room and disappeared for the rest of the night. He had left the next day for a business trip.

Whytt clears his throat and I'm drawn back to the present.

"We should be getting back, Katniss, he should be getting back from his business trip soon."

I sigh and nod, dread pitting in my stomach. As I plunge my way through the snow towards the house, I take in how peaceful it looks. A ray of sunlight is peeking out through the clouds, lighting it perfectly. Birds are chirping in the trees around me and I see a mockingjay fly over my head. I smile as a storm boils in the distance because right here in this moment, everything is peaceful and perfect.

I watch as a car flies into the driveway, skidding to a stop over the icy driveway. Cato jumps out of the car and storms into the house, not seeing me.

The clouds converge above me, and the sunlight disappears as darkness surrounds me and I run the rest of my way to the house. Entering, I can hear Cato yelling at Scry, the butler.

"Someone fucking let it slip! People are talking. There are rumors that she is alive. There is a talk of a rebellion. Now find out who the fuck ratted so I can fucking kill them." A door slams and I am frozen in the entry way.

What does this mean for me? Will I be able to go home? No, Cato won't allow it—he'd kill me before he would ever let me go.

Whytt is beside me, pulling me towards the stairs and a whimper escapes my mouth.

"Don't worry, Katniss, I won't let him hurt you. I promise no matter what happens, I'll make sure you stay alive." I sigh in relief. No wonder Anne likes him so much. I freeze and gasp as realization strikes my brain.

"It was Anne," I whisper and the awful truth is staring me right in the face. I remember the day she told me that she had made a mistake that would make Cato want to kill her. She's the one who let it slip to someone that I was still alive and staying with Cato.

"Are you sure, Katniss?" Whytt asks, the blood draining from his face.

"Yes," I whisper.

He curses and we hear it, the shuffling of feet behind us. Cato.

"I should have known she'd be the one," he growls in distaste.

I turn and see the rage on his face. It clouds his face, drawing his brows angrily together. It turns his eyes a dangerous shade of gray.

"Cato, you promised me you wouldn't hurt her," I remind him with a lump in my throat.

"Yeah, because I didn't know she would be stupid enough to do this. Our promise is no longer valid, Katniss." He speaks with a deadly calm and the hair on the back of my neck stand to attention.

"You can't do that," I scream at him.

He looks at me, his rage growing. He grabs my elbow and drags me up the stairs to our room. He slams the door in Whytt's face and locks it.

"If this shit doesn't die down, I'm going to fucking lose you Katniss. Do you realize that?"

I stand in the middle of the room, not sure exactly what he wants me to say. I _want _to go home—he's the only one that wants me to stay. His hand grips the door handle and I can see that he's going to go after Anne so I do the only thing I can do.

I go to him, pulling on him so that he turns to face me and I lie. I lie so well that I believe it myself.

"I don't want to go, Cato. I want to stay with you," I whisper as I press my lips to his. I deepen the kiss until I lose all of the thoughts in my head until it's only Cato and me and the heat that his building between us.

He yanks at my clothes and I claw at his until there is a discarded pile of torn artifacts at our feet. Cato grabs my shoulders and slams me into the wall but I don't feel pain—I only feel need. I yank his head down to mine and we are kissing again as our naked flesh molds together. He pushes into me and I wrap my legs around his waist. I deceive him with my body and he believes me and I believe myself. Every breath we take together is a step a take away from district 12. Every caress we share is a knife, cutting my ties to Prime, to Peeta, to my mom and I don't care. I surrender myself completely to him and I find that I enjoy it. There is no pain, only mutual pleasure.

That night as I sleep in his arms, my dream is filled with panic. Peacekeepers' footsteps pound all around me until I am lost and I don't know which way is up and which way is down. I rush from room to room , hiding from the peacekeepers as I try to find Cato. When I do find him, we have time for one last kiss before I feel hands on me, pulling me away. I strike out at the hands, telling them to leave me alone and I cry out to Cato to help me but he's being held back. It's in that moment that I know that I need him. I need him because he is the only one who can understand me and what I've been through. He understands the monster that lives within.

Outside the wind howls and tears at the leafless branches. Snow whirls around angrily and thickly in the air, making it impossible to see. The temperature drops and everything is covered in snow and ice.

I wake in the middle of the night and my hands reach for Cato, needing his comfort and warmth in order to fall asleep again. He pulls me closer to him and in his sleep, he places a kiss on my head and mumbles my name. In that moment, I know that I wouldn't mind if I stayed here with him.


	15. Chapter Fifteen Dance With The Devil

Chapter Fifteen—Dance with the Devil

The next morning I wake to find Cato's side of the bed empty. I can hear him rummaging around in the bathroom and I decide to wait patiently for him to join me back in bed. I stretch slowly on the bed and gaze out the window at the winter wonderland outside- maybe I could get Cato to go on another walk with me today. I snuggle down under the covers, trying to fight the frigid air from getting to me. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep momentarily. There is a loud noise in the bathroom and I'm woken from my light sleep. I frown softly. What is he doing in there?

I get up and walk to the bathroom, my feet slapping against the cold wood floors. I shiver and rub my arms quickly up and down my arms. I quietly open the door of the bathroom and I find a much disheveled Cato. He is sweating profusely and is tearing through the bathroom cabinets, searching for something. The Cato from last night is long gone and when I realize this, my heart aches. I stare dumbfounded at the mess he has created.

The door to the medicine cabinet is hanging askew and the mirror is broken. Pill bottles are strewn all over the counter tops and on the floor. The cabinet doors are all open and towels, cleaning materials, and toiletries are spread out on the floor.

"Cato what are you doing?" I ask quietly but deep down, I already know.

"Where are they, Katniss? They were all right here when I left for my trip and now they aren't!" he looks at me, accusation a fire burning brightly in his eyes. His voice is frantic and he is fidgeting. I drop my eyes in guilt and he knows that I've gotten rid of everything. Last night, I had woken up from a bad dream where Cato had beaten me and then dumped in out in the snow to die. I had quickly and quietly gone through all the bathrooms in the house and gotten rid of all the hostil-ling I could find.

"Katniss, you idiot! I need that medicine!" he rips at his hair, his hands shaking. He rubs his face furiously and I take a step back from him—he is acting crazy.

"No you don't Cato! You don't know what it does to you."

I watch as sweat pours down his face in thick rivers. His sweat drips to the floor and I am disgusted.

"Why are you sweating, Cato?"

"Why do you think?" he roars and the truth dawns on me. He's going through withdrawal... but that doesn't make sense because he was fine when he didn't take it on the train.

His hands shake and he looks like he's going to be sick.

"You can't be going through withdrawal. When you didn't take it on the train you were just fine!" I try to dispute the facts that are right in front of my face.

Cato's face fills with rage and he clenches his hands together, fighting with his inner demons. He grits his teeth together and I can see the muscles in his neck straining, he's trying to stay calm but he's not winning this fight and I'm afraid of him.

"He changed me a different version of the medicine Katniss. I t was supposed to even me out so I wouldn't snap so easily when I got mad," he grits out between his white teeth. Spit flies from his mouth and lands on his chin but he doesn't wipe it—he doesn't even care.

"Let me guess, he failed to mention that it was addictive?"

"No, he mentioned it but I didn't care. I figured you'd appreciate it if every time I got mad, I didn't almost kill you."

I don't say anything; I don't know what to say. My stomach churns and I find myself feeling guilty for getting rid of his medicine.

"Katniss, I _need_ that medicine NOW," he yells at me but I am helpless. The medicine is long gone.

"I didn't know, Cato. I was just trying to help you," I say quietly as I go to him but he shoves me away and I hit my hip against the counter. I gasp in pain and he yells out in frustration.

"Well just stop, Katniss, I don't need you or your help. Just stay away from me."

He slams out of the room and downstairs. I can hear him yelling at people to get President Snow on the phone. I know then and there that there was no way I could win against that medicine, not now that he's addicted to it.

* * *

I watch in silence as a bunny hops out onto the fresh new fallen snow. It stops, leaning up on its back legs and wiggles its nose in the air, tasting scents through its nostrils. I press my hand against the glass on the window and shiver at the contact. I take my hand away and stare at the foggy outline of my hand on the window. It fades quickly—just like me. I am fading away fast, there is no winning here and it's frustrating. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I hear him enter, the door creaking uneasily on its hinges.

"Cato, I was just trying to help you. That medicine is bad. You don't know what it does to you..."

"Do you honestly think that I don't know what it does? I know Katniss, I've known for a long time. The thing is that I _like_ feeling like that. That's normal to me and without the medicine, I feel out of control. I feel overcome with too many emotions. I need it, Katniss. Without it I am nothing."

I turn and look at him. He's freshly showered and is no longer shaking—looks like he found some medicine.

"Without it you are human, Cato. It's normal to feel like that. I don't like you when you're on it. You scare me."

He sighs. We are at a stalemate. He shakes his head at me and changes the subject.

"I need to know where Anne is."

My heart drops.

"Cato, you promised me. Please don't do this," I plead to him but it doesn't matter.

"An you promised to obey me and quit fighting so fucking tell me, Katniss," he yells. His medicine has started to work.

I sigh.

"I honestly don't know," I tell him truthfully. I haven't seen her since the day he left for his business trip.

"You're lying." His face grows red and I fight my urge to get angry.

"No, I'm not. But Anne doesn't even matter, Cato. I'll stay with you no matter," I say and I mean it. I know that there is no possible chance of me going home. It's either stay with Cato or die trying to go home. I walk up to him and place my hand on his warm chest. He shudders at the contact. "You don't need to hurt her, Cato. I'll stay," I whisper as I reach on my toes to kiss him.

He pulls me to him and kisses me deeply; hurting me because that's what the medicine does- it makes him hurt me.

The days pass and I watch as Cato grows more stressed and angrier. It's hard to be around him because anything I do sets him off. I walk on egg shells around him, smashing every single one of them under my feet. I try to ask him what is wrong but he just looks at me darkly and disappears into his office. The Cato that shoved snow down my shirt teasingly is long gone and buried in the depths of his dark mind.

Talk of rebellion and uproar float around the house but no one ever says anything directly to me—Cato doesn't want me knowing. Anne still hasn't shown her face and I find out that she is staying with her aunt. I send Whytt to tell her that she'll be safe here and to come home.

I don't think about Prim because it hurts too much. I'm never going home so there is no point in holding onto her memory. I know that if Snow falls, that I'll be staying here or Cato will kill me. The pull of Prim is too much for me to hold onto and I bury her memory deep in my brain, trying to forget.

* * *

One day, I decide that enough is enough. Cato had exploded on the butler this morning over his coffee being too hot and I was sick of it. I am going to demand that he tell me what is eating at him. I walk to his office and lightly tap on the door, he doesn't answer but the door swings open a little so I step in. His broad back is to me and he is on the phone, having a heated conversation.

"I know we made a deal, grandpa, but I can't do it this weekend. No, I'm too stressed and I'll end up killing her."

Killing who? Anne? Me? I start to back from the room but then he mentions me and I stop in my tracks, listening.

"No, I don't want Katniss to be taken away. I remember the deal we made."

He pauses and listens as Snow talks on the other side of the phone. I hold my breath, and I can feel blood heating my face. The deal? I want to hear more about this.

"Don't you have other things to worry about? You know the rebellion is growing stronger every day. I've even heard talk that the Capitol folks are joining in. They are mad that she is still alive—that they were tricked."

They are talking about me. Apparently Anne's word vomit has reached all the wrong people. I can hear yelling over the phone and Cato pulls the phone away from his ear.

"Yes, sir. I know everything is going to be fine." Pause. "Yes, I've been taking my meds... you didn't give me a choice not to." Another pause, this time it's longer. "No, I haven't taken care of the snitch yet—she has been missing. I'm not sure what I am going to do with her. I think I'm going to wait to see what happens." A brief pause and then: "Okay. Bye." The phone clatters into its cradle and I can't figure out how to work my legs again.

Cato turns in his chair and his face is frozen in shock as he sees me there. His eyes narrow and his upper lip curls into a snarl.

"I-I-I," I stutter trying to figure out what to say. Why did I come in here? This was a very bad idea.

Cato slams his hands down on his desk and I jump, a squeak of fear escaping my mouth. My heart pounds in my chest it feels like acid is dripping into my stomach.

"Damn it, Katniss, what do you want?"

I lift my chin, some of my fire returning. I need some answers here.

"What is the deal you made with your grandpa?"

He deflates, sags into his chair and it creaks underneath him in a protest. He wracks his hands down his face, sighing in frustration. I can see how stressed he is and I almost feel bad for adding to it.

"I suppose I can't keep this from you forever. Sit down, Katniss."

"I think I'll stand," I say icily, dread bubbling in my stomach. Cato sighs and nods briefly.

"Okay, I guess I should start at the beginning. The first time I saw you, something just clicked in my head. I had to get you but you were my enemy and I knew that I could never have you. Something in me just had to be near you though—so I intimidated you. But that wasn't enough, I needed more," he whispers the last sentence.

"Why?"

"Why what?

"Why me?"

"Because you scored an eleven and after I found that out, I knew that I had to break you. I had to figure out how you got that score- it had to be a fluke."

I stare at him in horror and he meets my gaze, unflinching a proud look in his blue eyes.

"So I went to my grandpa and we struck a deal. I got to bring you home if no one killed."

"And what do you have to do for him?"

He smiles and it twists at my gut. It's evil and uncaring. I feel sick.

"You see, it's kind of a genetics experiment in a way. My grandpa wants a super tribute, one so strong, so fast, and so vicious that no one can beat him. He came to me, asking me to sire a line of possible tributes. That was before the games and I refused him—I wasn't going to be bred like an animal. But then there was you. You have a way of making me throw my pride out the window. He had already promised my mom that I would be the victor of the games and he didn't want to help me get you. All I had to do was bring up his messed up science experiment and he agreed."

Stomach acid rises in my throat, burning its way up. This is more fucked up than I ever could have imagined.

"Your grandpa is making you sleep with random girls so he can have a future of good blood to choose from?" I ask to clarify because it seems too crazy for me.

Cato nods with an evil glint in his eyes. I start to gag but nothing comes up. All of his "business trips" were nothing but a bunch of booty calls! My mind is racing and I'm stuck in my thoughts until Cato continues.

"But I did what I set out to do. I broke you, Katniss. You know it and I know it. It makes me feel better to know that your score of an eleven was a mistake. You aren't anything special. You're nothing that I can't beat."

I can feel my breakfast churning in my stomach and I turn to run out the door. Cato leaps over his desk, his chair crashing to the ground. His hand is on my arm. He grips it tightly and I clench my hands into tight little fists. Anger spikes through me. I can't believe this was all a test to see if he could break me. The thought of it has me swinging my fist around towards his face. It connects with his chin and his head snaps towards the wall. Blood splatters on the wall and slowly travels towards the floor. He slowly turns his head to look at me, wiping the blood that is running from his nose.

"Katniss you are mine," he whispers. His voice is deadly and it does strange things to me. It hypnotizes me. I shake my head, clearing it. This is war and he is my enemy.

"I broke you, girl on fire, and now you're nothing but a pile of ash," he grins evilly and anger so hot and intense burns me as it roars through my body, waking me up.

I stand taller and lift my chin to him. With a withering glare, I spit in his face and jerk from him, stumbling out into the hall. I look up to see a very surprised Whytt. The surprise drains from his face to be replaced with tension.

"Keep him away from me, Whytt or I'll fucking kill him."

And then I'm running down the hall, leaving a yelling Cato behind.

* * *

I am crying, ashamed that I had turned my back on Prim's memory for that monster. I should have never given up- I should have kept fighting him. I hear a car outside and I go to the window, wiping the tears from my eyes.

As I'm crossing to the window, I hear a loud and agonizing yell downstairs. Cato must have snapped once again and is going off about something stupid. That medicine makes him fucking crazy. No, I'm convinced that Cato is simply crazy—meds or no meds.

I look outside to see Anne exiting a car and crossing to enter the house. Her red hair is a sharp contrast against the white snow. She glances up and catches my gaze. She smiles up at me, excitement on her face and I smile back. She is exactly who I need to cheer me up.

The wind tears through the trees, tossing them wildly and snow flurries dance across the road. Cold seeps into my soul and I know that I will never be the same Katniss as I was before. I am about to turn from the window to call Anne up to the room when I hear a soul-piercing scream. Before I can turn from the window, something catches my eye.

A huge truck roars around the corner at the end of the street and is quickly followed by a whole line of them. They are huge and look similar to a tank. They fly quickly over the pavement, leaving small snow tornados in their wake. I watch in fascination until I hear something that shatters my soul. It's nothing too major, just a simple scream. It cuts me to the core and makes me weak. I drop to my knees as it roars around me.

"Katniss!"

My name echoes in my ears and deafens me, turning me cold in places that I never even knew I had. Anne's cry drains all rational thought from me. I'm up, running and all I can hear is shouting all around me. I hear Cato yelling at Whytt and Whytt yelling at Cato and Anne yelling for me.

I rush to the banister and look over. My heart squeezes in pain. Cato has Anne at his feet, she crumpled there bleeding and moaning. No. She has her hand to her face, trying to stop the blood that is gushing between her fingers.

I'm running. I run down the stairs, jumping over the banister halfway down. I land on my feet in a crouch, my hands reach blindly for my bow but it's not there. I can't protect her!

"Cato, you promised me!" I scream at him and he looks wildly at me, the medicine dancing crazily in his eyes. He has a sick, crazed look on his face that freezes me with dread.

Whytt is standing helplessly by, his gaze fixed on poor, helpless Anne. My heart constricts in my chest—I had told her to come home. That she would be safe here. I promised her that and she trusted me. I slowly walk over to stand next to Whytt, never taking my eyes from Cato's.

"It's over Katniss. Snow has fallen. They are going to take you from me and it's her fault that they know," he yells and points an accusing finger at Anne's motionless body.

I take a step toward him and he jerks Anne up against his chest. Her wide eyes find mine, pleading for me to save her. Adrenaline pumps through my body and my breath quickens as my finger itch for my bow. They twitch helplessly by my side. Anne starts to cry while mumbling an apology to Cato. I talk above her.

"Cato, it doesn't matter. I won't go. I swear to you I won't," I try to appease him but it's not working.

He looks at me, uncomprehendingly and I step towards him, my hand outstretched. His look is dazed and when he looks at my hand, he seems to almost look through it. When I take another step forward, he jerks back.

"Stay away, Katniss!" he screams and tightens his hold on Anne. She screams and Whytt turns white beside me.

"Cato, listen to me. I promise you I won't leave. We can stay here together."

"No you can't," he whispers.

"Why not, Cato?" He doesn't get a chance to answer.

There is a crashing behind me and I scream, knowing that this is it—this is the end of everything. Wind roars into the house and whips my hair wildly about my face. My eyes join with Anne's and we look at each other. She has a sad look in her eyes and I can see that she has given up. I jump forward but it's too late. Cato wraps his hands around Anne's head and jerks his arms violently to the side. There is a sickening crunch and Anne falls to his feet.

Screaming. It fills me up and breathes life into my shocked limbs. I go into a fit: I try to run at him but Whytt wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me back.

"No, Katniss! He will kill you!"

My elbow knocks him in the face and he drops me, clutching his hand to his face. It's enough to snap me out of my rage. I stop as things spin out of control around me.

Pounding footsteps fill my ears and I look behind myself to see peacekeepers pouring into the house into the entry way. It's just like my dream but this time I'm not looking for Cato—I'm running from him. I turn my head to see that he is looking at me. He steps over Anne's lifeless body and comes towards me, his eyes pleading for me to stay with him.

The choice. It dances before me wildly. I can go to him or I can go with the peacekeepers. It should be an easy choice but something makes me pause with indecision. Memories flood me: the snow fight, the sex the other night, his smell. I look behind me and peacekeepers are charging at us, yelling unrecognizably.

I realize then that the choice really comes down to Cato or Prim. With one last look at Anne's dead body, my eyes meet with Cato's and he sees my decision there. His face fills with rage, his fists cleaning in anger. He runs at me, and I step back into a rushing crowd of peacekeepers as they pour into the living room.

Cato throws a punch and knocks one out but there are more behind that one. He snaps the next one's neck and drops him to the floor. But there is a mass of them coming at him and he is no match for their numbers. He screams out my name and falls under their weight as they tackle him.

I feel hands on me and I turn, ready to defend myself. A peacekeeper throws his hands up and backs away. I'm ashamed that my instincts got the better of me and I let him pull me out of the house with a heart that is as dead as the girl lying on the living room floor.


	16. Chapter Sixteen Peeta & Prim's Struggle

Chapter Sixteen—Peeta and Prim's Struggle

**Peeta's POV**

My feet crunch over the gray snow as I slowly make my way to the bakery. I had just dropped off some bread that I had made yesterday at the Everdeens' household. I had been disappointed to find that Prim wasn't there—she is out gathering herbs. I know better though, she's really out bothering the head peacekeeper again.

A whistle blares into the early morning air, announcing a new shift in the mines. Birds flee from the trees, upset at the offending sound of the horn. Fog hangs thickly in the air, pressing down on my shoulders as I watch Haymitch stumble drunkenly and fall into a dirty snow drift on the side of the road.

"I see her too, Peeta," he calls out to me. His voice is muffled because it is buried in the snow. I rush to his side and pull him up.

"I see her. Every time I close my eyes," he slurs at me and the smell of alcohol assaults my nose.

"Okay, I know you do," I mumble reassuringly as I help him to his feet. He pushes away from me and stumbles on towards his house. Ever since he had come home from the last hunger games, he had gotten worse. He would get drunk and go around talking to people that only he could see. He would go to town square and start mumbling. When people asked who he was talking to, he usually replied.

"Katniss, you dip shit." After that occurred a couple of times, people just stopped asking. I watch as he disappears around a bend in the road and I turn, once again on my way to the bakery.

I pass the mines and I stop to watch. I see a group of black, coal-encrusted miners climb wearily from the mines to trudge their way home. Clean miners are slowly filing into the mines to replace them. I once again I thank the stars for being the baker's son. I wouldn't survive if I had to go into the mines.

My heart went out to all the people whose loved ones died in the mines or because of the mines. Here in district 12, the most common causes of death were: starvation, lung disease (caused from the coal dust), or being crushed to death in the mines.

My mind jumps to Katniss like it does every single day about a hundred times a day. I know that I should try to move, that she's not coming back but I just can't. I was doing an okay job at it until the victory tour happened all those months ago and I _saw_ her on that train, looking at me. Her eyes had lit up when mine met hers but then she disappeared. After that, I knew I would never get over her because she was alive and with that monster—Cato.

After my desperate dash to get to her, the peacekeepers had held me in a room at the justice building all night, afraid that I would go after Cato. They wouldn't listen to me when I had told them about what I saw. The next morning they had released me and I walked to the bakery to find Prim sitting on the steps waiting for me.

She was hunched over on herself, shivering underneath the pointed icicles that hung from the bakery's awning. She didn't have a coat on and her hair was a complete mess. The pigs snorted in their pin and she shivered miserably. I could see that she was crying. My heart broke a little more for her like it did every time I saw her.

"Hey, Primrose," I called out to her and stomped up the steps, knocking snow from my shoes, to unlock the bakery door. I knew that family interviews were coming up within the next days so I figured she was upset about that in combination with having to see Cato yesterday. After the victory tour, the Capitol sends reporters to start gathering film on the family of the fallen tributes. They show the family stories the month after the victory tour ends.

Prim wiped at her cheeks. "Hey, Peeta. I was wondering if you needed any help baking the cakes today."

I smiled. After Katniss died, I made sure that Prim and her mom had something to eat everyday even if it was just bread. Eventually, Prim started to hang around the bakery, chatting to me. That gradually developed into her helping me when her mom didn't need it at home.

The door of the bakery dinged over head as I pushed inside. The door grated over the wooden floors and I gritted my teeth—that door really needed to be fixed.

"Yeah, Prim, I could always use your help."

She smiled, bounded up the stairs and followed me to the back while I fired up the ovens. She sat on a bar stool, her elbows resting gently on the island in the middle of the kitchen. She had a slight frown on her face.

I knew she was probably upset from yesterday and my response to seeing Katniss probably didn't help. At least, I could have sworn that it was Katniss. It was a tough call—the person I had seen had been terribly beaten and was swollen but the underlying facial structure had seemed so Katniss that I had snapped and tried to get to her.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, Prim. I could have sworn that I saw something and I just snapped. I didn't mean to make it any harder on you."

She looked up at me, biting her bottom look, her frown growing more pronounced.

"Did you think that you saw her, Peeta?"

I sucked in a breath, not sure if I wanted to get her hopes up. She jumped off the stool and came to stand before me.

"Peeta, tell me the truth. What did you see?"

I shook my head, not in a denial but trying to clear my head. What should I say to her?

"I'm not quite sure, Prim."

Prim frowned and looked at the floor. I could see that she was disappointed. She wanted to say something but was unsure of herself. I waited, not wanting to pressure her.

"Peeta, I saw her yesterday. At least, I could have sworn I did but it seemed like it was all a dream…" She trailed off and bit her lip again.

I looked down at her, frowning slightly. This couldn't be happening. Could that have really been Katniss? Part of me was convinced that there was no way it could be but now that Prim was saying it too…

"What are you talking about, Prim?"

She didn't need any more prodding than that. She eagerly jumped into her story:

"The last thing that I remember for sure is being at home with mom and Buttercup. Then this guy named Brutus showed up and told mom that I had been summoned to the train. She started screaming—I don't know why. She kept saying something about that monster touching me. Anyway, Brutus gave me a shot and then everything turned funny. I woke up and I could have sworn that Katniss was right there, talking to me. But it wasn't really Katniss—her face was so swollen that I couldn't recognize her but her voice was the same. She was holding me and rocking me. I fell asleep and then later I woke again and she was there telling me she loved me. I know that it was just a dream but it was so real, Peeta. I wish that it was real." Prim had tears streaming down her face and I just knew—Katniss was alive.

I knelt down in front of her, hope splitting my face with a grin.

"Prim, listen. I'll tell you what I saw. When I was leaving the platform, I looked in a window on the train and I saw a girl there. She was bruised and swollen but she looked so much like Katniss that I started freaking out."

Prim's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Peeta! She's alive!"

I frowned. Yes, she was alive but there was nothing that we could do about it.

"Peeta, don't look like that. I have an idea. My family interview is coming up and I'm going to tell them about what I saw but I'm not going to be enough. You have to come with me and tell them what you saw too."

It could work—it wouldn't be enough but we had to start somewhere.

"That could work and I'm sure the reporters will just chalk it up to us grieving and wishful thinking. But that wouldn't matter because at least we would get the idea out to the other districts. However, you know that they won't let me be there—I'm not a part of the family."

"That's simple; I'll refuse to do the interview unless they let you be there."

And so it was that just a few days later, I was sitting down with Katniss' family at the interviews. Naturally, they didn't believe us but that didn't matter because the word was out there and people would be watching. But it wasn't enough. We needed more help.

A few days after the interview, I found myself outside of Madge Undersee's door. She opened it and gasped, her eyes were red and I knew that she had been crying. Everyone knew that she had had it bad for Gale. I knew that this was going to be hard for her but I figured she'd help anyway.

"Madge, I need your help."

She wiped at her eyes and smiled pitifully at me.

"Come on it, Peeta."

Her house was grand but that was to be expected since she was the mayor's daughter. It was big, bright and open. She led me to the kitchen. The granite counter tops gleamed and it smelt of peanut butter toast even though it was close to dinner time. As I sat down, she poured us some lemonade.

"How have you been doing, Madge? I've missed you in school," I said gently and it was true. She was a smart girl and her insight was missed—without it, discussion time was slow and boring.

She sighed, her breath hitching in her throat.

"I've been better but I think it gets easier every day that passes."

I smiled and reached my hand across the table. She lowered her eyes and smiled. I pulled my hands back and stared at the clock on the wall, not sure how to bring up why I was there.

"What do you need Peeta?" she asked quietly.

I took a deep breath knowing that this was going to be hard for her.

"Madge, I don't know exactly how to say this and I wouldn't be here unless I didn't desperately need your help." I paused and she watched me cautiously. "Katniss is alive—Prim and I both saw her. In the interviews, we mentioned seeing her but it won't be enough. We need your help too."

Madge's eyes grew wide; she knew what I was going to ask.

"Madge, I know you have some friends over in the other districts because of your dad's job. Can you please get word to them and have them spread the word around? We need to get her home. Prim and I figure that she's stuck with that monster from two."

Her lip quivered and I knew she was wishing that it was Gale who was still alive. I moved to sit beside her and pulled her into a friendly hug. It felt awkward to me but she melted in my arms, needing the comfort from another person.

"I know it hurts, Madge. But we both know that he would want her home," I whispered down at her head.

She pulled away from me and nodded as tears splashed onto her clasped hands. She knew what to do and I left her, feeling as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Maybe bringing Katniss home was actually possible.

The shrill mine whistle cuts through the air, breaking me from my thoughts. My feet crunch over the snow as I hustle to the bakery. Even though it's been four months since the victory tour, I am still fighting hard to get Katniss back. I'm obsessed with it—I'm always thinking of new ways to get the word out and when I'm not at the bakery, I'm with Prim or Madge talking about ways to get the word to spread even farther.

At first, we thought that the peacekeepers in our district could be of some help to us but that was a flop. I had given up going to the head peacekeeper for help because he simply laughed at me and sent me on my way. Prim, on the other hand would not leave the guy alone. Every morning she was on his doorstep, chatting his ear off about her sister as he walked to wherever his post was for the day. The kid has spunk and I admire it.

I round the corner and see that the bakery's light is already on. My heart drops, my mom is going to be pissed. Sure enough, as soon as I step through the door and into the smell of baking bread, she starts to nag.

"Peeta, I know you _think_ you saw that Katniss girl but honestly, you are embarrassing me. Your head is always stuck in the clouds these days, thinking of ways to get her back. You worry me, son. You have to know that deep down, she's not really alive. We all saw her die during the games. You need to pull yourself together and quit slacking off."

Silence fills the bakery, my dad having stopped the pounding of the dough to listen to our conversation. He is on my side but we both agree that it would be best for both of us if mom didn't find that out. I frown at her.

"Mom, all we saw was her going over that waterfall. We didn't see anything else—we only heard the cannon go off. The game makers claimed that they couldn't find her body—that it was trapped somewhere in the river but that's bullshit and you know it. You know they inject trackers into every tribute's arm. They could have found her if they wanted to."

My mom sniffs, clearly showing her disappointment in my lack of faith in the Capitol. My dad simply laughs from the kitchen and joins us in the front. At least he believes me—if he didn't I don't think I would be able to take my mom's stupidity.

I know I'm not wasting my time either. I have heard the rumors—the ones that my mom vehemently denies. There are talks of a rebellion. Madge gets me all the details. People are starting to believe my and Prim's story and they are mad that they were tricked. The most compelling evidence is that in one of the victory tour stories, you can even see a girl in the window of the train. It confirms my story and builds suspicion in many people.

The door jingles and Prim walks in, bringing in the chill from outside. She smiles at me, her cheeks and nose a bright red from the cold.

"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, it's good to see you again," she calls out cheerily. Her happiness makes me suspicious. I haven't seen her happy in a long time.

My mom sniffs and ignores her—she never did like kids. My dad on the other hand lights up like a light bulb. He crouches down and smiles broadly at her.

"I picked something up for you at the store the other day, Prim."

He holds out a fist and Prim rushes to him, prying at his fingers trying to get to the prize that is hidden in his smooth hands. Finally she pries his fingers apart. She gasps as she sees the baby blue ribbons that are curled in his hand.

"Oh, Mr. Mellark, they are _beautiful_ and will look perfect at the end of my braids. Will you put them in my hair for me please?" She turns so that her back is to him and waits patiently.

My dad blushes at her enthusiasm. He has never been good at handling compliments or sincere emotion—it always made him uncomfortable which is why he is so happy with my mom. She's always a bitch to him and so he ignores her in return. It's not the kind of marriage I would want but it works for them oddly enough. My dad quickly ties the ribbons at the ends of her braids and she smiles brilliantly up at him and he returns the smile. He sure does have a soft spot for her.

She turns to me, excitement bubbling in her blue eyes.

"Peeta, can I watch you frost the cakes? I promise I won't distract you too much."

I smile.

"Of course you can. Have I ever said no to you?" She smiles again and follows me to the back.

"I was with the head peacekeeper today," she says and I nod absently mindedly as I gather what I need.

"Peeta, pay attention to me," she demands with her hands on her hips and her little foot tapping against the rough wooden floors.

I laugh at her. "Okay, Prim, tell me how did that go?"

She beams. "Oh, pretty much the same. He refused to listen and when I asked him about the rebellion he refused that anything was wrong of course. Except I _know_ differently."

I look at her slyly. What is she talking about? What does she know?

"Peeta, I was standing outside his door and was eavesdropping. I heard the radio in his house. Peeta, you aren't going to believe this!" She bounces in her excitement and I wait for her to go on.

"Believe what, Prim?"I ask her.

"Snow fell." She whispers and I stare at her in shock. My first thought is that she is telling me that it snowed but that doesn't make sense. Then it hits me. She's talking about President Snow.

"Wait, what?" I roar and she smiles, tears glistening in her deep eyes.

"How? When? Where?" I ask but she just shakes her head, grinning like a fool. That's when we hear the whistle—this time it doesn't come from the mines, it comes from a train.

We both frown and walk to the window, peeking out at the tracks. The shipment of coal happens on Fridays, not Wednesdays. Why would the train be here already?

Prim gasps as she sees the train. It's a Capitol train.

"Are they shooting another story?" She asks softly.

"I don't know, Prim, but this sure is weird."

The train settles at the station, steam pillowing from underneath it and Prim and I step out onto the bakery's porch, shivering from the cold. Peacekeepers rush towards the station and a crowd of reporters gather there. What is going on?

A door on the side of the train opens and Effie Trinket steps out. Prim draws closer to me, linking my hand with hers. I know she's thinking about the reaping and I pull her close to me, putting my arm over her shoulder. My dad steps out of the bakery behind us and I can smell cinnamon floating off his body.

"What's going on Peeta?"

"I have no idea, dad."

That's when we see her. Prim gasps and stands stock-still beside me.

"I'm dreaming," Prim whispers before everything erupts into chaos.


	17. Chapter Seventeen The Road Home

Chapter 17—The Road Home

As I'm being pulled towards the door, all I can hear is buzzing and for a second I think that I am back in the arena and that tracker jackers are chasing me towards the river. Once I step into the big crowd of peacekeepers that are swarming outside, a deathly silence falls over the crowd. The only thing that can be heard is Cato's screams from inside the house. His screams tear at me until I am nothing, until I see nothing. I only feel—emptiness, sorrow, fear, confusion, anxiety. I feel all those things but deep inside of me something is building and I don't know recognize it. It's not until someone passes by me and says something about district 12 that I realize that it is happiness—not the normal kind but the kind that you feel while you are utterly hopeless and fucked up.

Someone wraps a blanket around my shoulders and I realize that I am cold. Wind is tearing at me and I'm not wearing any shoes. My feet are frozen blocks on the rough cement but I don't care because from the doorway comes a huge group of peacekeepers. In the middle is Cato. He's in handcuffs and he is being hauled from the house. His eyes meet mine and the breath is stolen from me. I start to tremble but I don't move from my spot. I watch as he is shoved into the nearest tank looking truck. The door slams and I'm released from his spell.

I shiver as pain shoots up through my feet. My teeth chatter audibly. I look around the driveway and remember Anne's excited face as she ran into the house not even thirty minutes before. Pain bursts in my heart and I sob. I caused her death. I told her to come home. Tears are running down my cold, numb face. Regret steals through my body and I wish I could turn the clock back but I can't.

People mull around me but don't come near—I am in a bubble, in my own world and no one dares to come near the monster. Only one person is brave enough to intrude. Whytt comes up to me and I bury my head in his chest and I cry. I cry because I'm scared of going home—scared of how Prim will look at me. I cry because I killed Anne even though I tried my hardest to save her. I cry because part of me longs to go to Cato because he would understand the darkest part of me. Whytt kisses the top of my head and rubs my back.

"Katniss, let's get you into a car. You are frozen. I don't want you to get sick." He pulls me towards the trucks but I pull away.

"I need to get something," I run, dodging peacekeepers as they grab at me. I hear shouts but I don't stop as I run into the house, past the dead girl lying on the living room floor, and up the stairs. I'm in my old room, tearing drawers apart as I look for it. Finally my hand brushes against it.

It is cold against my frozen fingers and the needle on the back of it pricks my finger but I don't pull back because I welcome the pain. I grab the gold pin in my hand and let out a shaky breath. I slip my good luck charm into my pocket and turn, taking in the room around me. This will be the last time that I see this room and the knowledge of that tugs at my heart unexpectedly.

I can still see Anne lying on my bed, laughing at all the clothes that Cato bought me. I can see the indention of Cato on the bed. I go over and sit on it and close my eyes as his scent fills my nose. Memories of Cato and I together fill my head and it hurts. I try to replace the longing I feel by thinking of him raping me—the pain, the sadness, the roughness of it all. I shouldn't be sad. I should be happy. I know that but for some stupid reason I feel sadness too. I jump when someone clears their throat from the hall. I open my eyes and see Whytt. His image blurs slightly and I'm shocked to find that I am crying again.

I stumble to my feet and let him lead me downstairs. I glance in the living room to see that someone has covered Anne with a sheet. Whytt tugs me away from the scene and into a waiting truck.

* * *

I pace the room in the justice building like a caged animal. I am ready to leave; I need to get out of this district—away from Cato. Every time someone passes by in the hall, I freeze, afraid and somewhat hopeful that it will be Cato taking me back home to him. But every time it's not him and no one comes.

The fireplace crackles and throws shadows all throughout the dark room. It has dark wood furnishings, dark brown curtains hanging from the window, and dark rugs covering the dark wood floors. This room matches me perfectly—dark.

Whytt sits in a chair before the fireplace, watching me pace a hole into the floor. He has already tried to get me to sit and be patient but I refuse. A gradual hunger is building up in me and soon it is all I can do to control myself. I am hungry—starving, actually—for Prim: To see her face light up in recognition and joy, to feel her arms around my neck. I need that and sitting here, waiting for no good reason is keeping me from that. As that hunger famishes my body, at the same time an insecurity so strong ravages me, making me weak. What will Prim think of me now that I have killed people—especially when I killed that one boy so brutally? Will she be able to tell that just the other day I had given up her memory? Will she know that I had turned my back on her? That I had been fine with staying with Cato?

The door opens and I grow rigid with apprehension. A woman who is about fifty steps in and I stare at her with distrust in my eyes. She has gray hair that falls to her shoulders stiffly. It looks like if I were to take a hammer to it, the hair would win. She stares at me and I fight the urge to shuffle uncomfortably under her gaze that seems to see straight through me.

"Who are you?" I ask her harshly.

Hey gray eyes narrow on me and I almost regret speaking.

"I am President Coin and you will talk to me with some respect, little girl."

I laugh and she looks astounded.

"I may be young but I am not a little girl, woman. I've been through things that you can't even imagine. You will get my respect when and if you earn it."

"You are a bigger talker, Katniss Everdeen but do you realize that I am the person who gets to decide if you go home or not? I can easily have you stay here with Cato."

I laugh, calling her bluff but my heart still does a flip and I don't know if it's from apprehension or from hope.

"I'm sure that Panem would just _love_ to see that. Do you realize that I am the figure that started the rebellion that got you the presidency? When the public found out where I really was, they got angry and they turned to you. Don't think that they won't turn on you if you don't let me go home."

I smile sweetly, pleased that I have the upper hand. She nods briefly, acknowledging that I am right—Panem wouldn't like that at all.

"Okay, let's get down to business so I can get back to the Capitol and you can get back to your district."

She sits down and gives Whytt a weird look when he shuffles in his chair.

"Who are you?" she asks him. Her tone clearly states that he is of no importance to her.

"He saved my life many times. He can stay."

Coin shrugs her shoulder as if she couldn't care less. I shove myself in beside Whytt in his small chair, relieved as his body heat sinks through my clothes and warms me up. I hadn't realized how cold I was until now.

"So, we are going to send you home on a Capitol train, you should arrive home in a couple days. I've thought about it and you will be staying with your family in the victor's village. You'll be given the same perks as a victor would be given even though you technically didn't win the games."

I shift in my seat, not caring about all of this. I just want to go home.

"So does that mean that I don't have to do any interviews? Cause I really hate those things."

Coin laughs cruelly.

"Are you daft? Of course you'll have to do interviews. The public is going to eat that up and it will be good for my public opinion. When you get home, there will be reporters waiting. You are to answer their questions. Later, there will be more formal interviews but I'll send you word about those later."

I just nod, not caring about all that right now. Prim is all I care about but suddenly Cato jumps into my head, pushing Prim from my thoughts.

"What is going to happen to Cato?"

"He is of no concern to you, Katniss. Enjoy your time away from him and try to forget."

I bite my lip. I know that there is no way I can forget what I've been through.

"Okay, now listen closely to what I am about to say and understand that I will not allow a refusal to the position I am about to offer you."

I nod my head again. Obviously, I don't have a choice.

"During the next hunger games, you will be a mentor along with whoever is your district mentor now."

I shoot from my feet. The _next _hunger games? Anger pounds in my head and my vision blurs.

"You're not getting rid of the games?" I yell at her. My question echoes around the room and soon the door opens, peacekeepers rushing into the room to stand between Coin and I. She stands and brushes at her skirt. She fixes her cold gray eyes on me.

"Of course not; it is a tradition and a reminder that the districts shouldn't rebel."

"But the districts rebelling got you your position," I argue pointlessly.

"Oh my dear, it was more of the Capitol citizens that rebelled than the districts. Do you think I actually care too much about the districts? No, as long as they do what they are supposed to, I don't care."

I am shaking with rage. Coin stares at me a second longer before she leaves the room, her entourage of guards huddling closely around her.

I turn to Whytt, shaking violently. He comes to me and hugs me.

"It'll be okay, Katniss," he whispers.

"I can't do it, Whytt, I can't advise tributes on how to win when the odds are most definitely not in their favor."

"I don't think you have a choice, Katniss," he whispers.

I feel sick but push it away. I don't need to worry about that yet. I have half a year until I'll need to deal with that. Whytt continues to rub my back and I start to relax.

"Stay with me, Whytt. Please stay. Come to my district with me. I'll have plenty of room for you in my house."

Whytt looks down at me, shock on his face and indecision in his dark eyes.

"I know you probably have family here but I need you, Whytt. I won't feel safe unless you are there."

He doesn't say anything to me for a long time, he simply looks into my face and then:

"I suppose you'll need someone to protect you from all your crazed fans," he murmurs. I squeal and throw my arms around him.

The door opens again and I turn and freeze in shock. Before me stands a lady with a light blue powdered wig that towers atop of her small head—it's Effie. Her skin is a light shade of blue. Her eye lashes are so long, they go past her nose and her lips are lined with an unnatural shade of blue lipstick. My eyes meet hers and a tear slips down her blue cheek. She is wearing a blue dress with a collar that completely swallows her small, dainty neck.

"Effie!" I cry and I throw myself at her, burying my head in her ruffled collar.

I didn't care much for her before the games but now I couldn't be happier to see her.

"Oh, dear, dear," she cries as she wraps her arms around me and pats awkwardly at my back. "My, my, Katniss, you really are wreck. Just think: people are going to see you looking like this when we get to 12. Oh, I'm going to call Cinna to fix you up as soon as we get you home."

I smile at her and hug her tightly. It is good to see her even if she is shocked by my appearance.

* * *

I sit, staring at the couch. I can't help myself from doing it. It's the couch that Gale and I fell asleep on when we were traveling to the capitol. I try to remember what it felt like to fall asleep on his lap but I just can't and that makes me sad.

Whytt enters the car but I don't look at him. I frown at the couch, willing the memories to come back to me.

"Katniss, are you really staring at that couch again?" He laughs.

He laughs because he doesn't know the reason behind it and I'm not sharing that with him. I'll keep the pain I feel about Gale to myself. I want to try to keep him with me and that's how I plan on doing it. If I don't ever move on from his death, then a part of him will always be with me. Anxiety twists in my stomach as I think of seeing his family again. Will they be mad that I'm still here and not Gale? I sigh and rub my hands over my face.

The closer we get to district 12, the more I want to turn around and go back to district 2. I knew what to expect there—in district 12, I don't know what to expect. I won't be the same girl that left there and I'm afraid that people will expect me to be.

"I know you're scared, Katniss, but you'll get through this. I'll be there to help you."

I smile at him but I know that some things I will have to face myself—there are some things that he won't be able to help me with.

"How much longer do we have?" I ask. My voice is weak and flat. I am so scared.

Effie clicks her way into the room before he can answer. Whytt frowns dirtily at her. He does not like her at all. He claims that she is superficial and insensitive to what I've been through. She's more concerned with my looks making her look bad than why I look the way I do.

She likes to comment on the bags under my eyes and how my hair is thin and stringy. My skin is too pale and it looks like I haven't eaten a decent meal since I left. She says I don't sleep enough and that I need to stop staring off into space when people are talking to me—that will make people think that I am weird. It's all about image, she says.

Every time Effie starts one of her rants about me, Whytt clenches his fists and storms out of the room. I just laugh because that is Effie. She doesn't mean to be insensitive but she is from the Capitol and doesn't know any better. I know she does it out of love so I let her rant on and on.

Effie smiles pleasantly at me and Whytt relaxes against his seat, thinking that for once she won't start to nag me.

"We'll be there in a few hours, Katniss," he says to me and my heart starts to pound and my stomach rolls.

"Yes, Katniss. I really do find it a shame that Cinna couldn't fix you up before we got to your district. I mean everyone is going to see you and how you look…" she trails off as Whytt stomps out of the room.

"My, my, did I do something to offend him?"

I just laugh at her.

* * *

I stand by the train door, waiting for the train to rumble to a stop. I can hear the brakes of the train squealing wildly against the tracks and my heart does a double-pump.

Effie pushes her way in front of me.

"Let me go first, Katniss, I don't want people to faint at the sight of you. Let me warn them before they see you."

Whytt grinds his teeth behind me. I would laugh if I wasn't so nervous. Instead, I watch a fly beat wildly against one of the windows close by, desperate to escape outside. I feel the same way. I wish I could get off the train and slip into the woods before I have to see anyone. I want to reacquaint myself with the nature of district 12 before the people. Dealing with everyone's emotions and worrying about their thoughts of me is going to stress me out.

The train grinds to a stop and I can hear the whooshing as steam is released from the brakes. I start to shake and Whytt puts a hand on my shoulder. I look out the window and my eye catches on the bakery. I can see Peeta standing on the porch with his arm wrapped around someone small, his dad stands behind the two, frowning at the train.

My heart is frantic, beating anxiously against my chest. I hear the door open and Effie steps out. I can hear the reporters and I pause, wanting to prolong this moment. I'm afraid of what I will face out there—disappointment, sadness, anxiety, and anger. But most of all I fear the happiness because I can never be truly happy again. Not even Prim can make me truly happy. I'm too dark for that.

I take a deep breath and step out onto the platform. The mixture of sunlight and cameras flashing blinds me. I raise my hand, to protect my eyes and everything blurs together. The fast movements of the photographers run together and it scares me. I feel as if I'm about to be attacked at any moment.

My voice is being called all around me and I cannot get my bearings. My heart speeds in a frantic beat and my breathing is shallow. I can't do this. I need to get away. I'm about to run for it when I hear it.

My name but the voice that calls it settles me instead of adding to my anxiety. It puts my racing heart in a dead stop and I gasp as I lower my raised hand to my chest. I look around, frantic for a glimpse of the person that the voice belongs to.

I see her; she is running at me from the bakery, leaving a stunned Peeta behind. I make up my mind to run to her but Effie's hand on my arm stops me.

"No, Katniss, you have to be interviewed," I growl low in my chest and Effie looks surprised in hurt but she doesn't let go of my arm so I stay—for the moment.

As soon as Prim's feet touch the platform, I am shaking Effie off of me and I run to her. I fall to my knees, splinters from the wooden platform digging painfully into them, and clutch her to my pounding chest. I am home. I feel happiness spread through me and it's almost enough to chase my demons away—almost, but not quite.

She is sobbing against my neck, her hot tears trickling down my neck to run between my breasts. They travel right over my broken heart and I find myself wishing that her love could be enough to fix my mangled and devastated heart.

"Shh, Prim, I'm home now and nothing can take me away from you. I'll never leave you again," I whisper urgently against her hair as I stroke it over and over again.

She clings to me and I can hear the crowd behind me reacting to the scene as I hold my little sister. They coo with sentiment and I want to turn around and snap all of their necks. They make me sick.

My eyes catch on Effie's and she gives me a significant look. Right, interviews.

I pull Prim in my arms, ignoring how heavy she is to my underused muscles. I stand and look at the crowd. The cameras flash and I try to blink the dots out of my eyes.

"Katniss, are you glad to be home?" one reporter asks.

"Are you glad to see your sister, Katniss?" another asks.

"How do you feel about Gale's death?" questions another.

The reporters converge on me, asking questions over each other and I can't catch my breath. I decide just to give a statement—that will have to be good enough.

"Y-y-yes," I stutter, "I am very glad to be home. I'm glad to be away from district 2 and here with my sister. I—" I trail off. What do these people want? They want what I can't give them—they want to know how I _feel_ and I don't even know that. They want to know about Cato and I can't bring myself to even utter his name. I would break into a thousand pieces on the platform if his name crossed my lips. My life isn't some story they can use for entertainment—I decide right then and there that I won't give them anything too good.

Reporters shout questions at me and I struggle to answer them. Thankfully, I am saved from the torture when I hear footsteps behind me and the crowd grows silent. I turn and am looking at my mom.

Tears are streaming down her face and I let Prim slip to the floor. Her face is filled with shock, like she can't believe that I am actually there in front of her. She grabs onto my shirt, and sighs as she realizes that I am real and not something from her imagination. I stare at my mom and feel bad. I never once really thought about her while I was gone. I can't even begin to imagine what she must be feeling. The thought of it is enough to make me close up into myself. She takes a step towards me and wraps me in her arms. I'm stiff, not sure how to act with anyone besides Prim. It's too much and she knows it. She pulls back.

"I'm so glad you're home, Katniss," she whispers and her voice is dripping with emotion.

I smile. "Thanks mom." I promise myself to get to know her again, to forgive her for all the wrongs she has done in the past. Maybe as she gets to know this new me, I can get to know her for the first time.

I hear Effie behind me speaking to the crowd.

"Ahem, yes, yes, I think that will be all for today. Thank you _ever_ so much for your time and attention."

Slowly the crowd disperses from the station with the help of peacekeepers. They push and yell at people to get a move on it.

Mom moves to stand beside me and I'm staring at Peeta who is standing at the foot of the stairs. My face flushes and my eyes shoot to the ground. When our eyes meet, something inside of me freaks out and I can't think straight.

"Hi, Katniss," he rumbles in a deep voice—too deep. He is choked up and is fighting tears. I don't know why though. I know he said he had feelings for me before I left for the games but I would think that he would have moved on by now.

I lift my eyes and meet his. My heart thumps in my chest and my brain scrambles, trying to grasp a thought—any thought but it's no use. My mind is completely scrambled.

"Peeta," I murmur and dip my head in a greeting.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and Peeta's eyes narrow. Whytt steps beside me and smiles at everyone.

"Oh, guys this is Whytt. He stayed with me when I was—" I trail off and skip over that portion of my sentence. "He's going to be staying with us."

My mom's face drains and I know she's thinking about how we don't have any room in our small house. Peeta's eyes narrow at the guy and I know he's wondering why Whytt never told anyone about my whereabouts. Prim simply looks up at him, with aw in her eyes.

"Mom, don't worry about not having any room or food for him—we're going to be moving to Victor's Villiage. Coin told me herself."

Prim's eyes light up and Peeta looks devastated—not at where we are living but at the new addition to the household.

"Well, let's get you home then," my mom says slowly.

Peeta turns to go and I want to call to him, tell him not to go but I also want to be alone with my family. Prim takes care of it for me though.

"Peeta, join us for dinner. We can tell Katniss everything we did to try to get her home to us."

Peeta turns and shakes his head slowly, longing in his blue eyes.

"No, you guys enjoy a night to yourselves. I'll come by tomorrow morning with some bread and I'll see you then, Primrose," his eyes flicker up to meet mine and my brain empties again.

Prim's face falls but she nods. I watch as he crosses to the bakery. I owe him so much—he kept my family fed while I was gone. I just don't know how a monster like me will ever be able to repay him.

We start the long walk to our new house, Prim chatting excitedly the whole way home and Effie complaining the whole way. No one notices or comments on how quiet I am. I should be happy but after all the excitement, all I feel is tired and all I want to do is go to bed and sleep for an entire day.

I catch Whytt's eyes and he smiles softly at me. Maybe someone does understand me, I think to myself.


	18. Chapter 18 Home, Sweet Home

Chapter Eighteen—Home, Sweet Home

I have been up for hours already when the chorus of crickets outside my window dies down to be replaced by birds' pleasant chirps as they welcome a new day. Prim snores lightly beside me in bed and I study her face in the growing light. Her face is calm and smooth in sleep. She has a slight smile tugging at her lips too. Seeing it, makes my lips twinge but I don't smile because my face doesn't work that way anymore. I'm surprised that I didn't wake her during my nightmare earlier in the night.

I had dreamt of Cato—of kisses and touches that we shared. In my dream, Cato had wrapped his hands around the sides of my face and looked deeply into my eyes. His eyes were cold and flat but I didn't care because I wanted him. I closed my eyes to lean in for another kiss when he jerked his arms and snapped my neck. Right as my body hit the floor I had jerked awake . Quiet sobs shook my body as I cried for Anne. I cried because I missed her and felt guilty for telling her to come home. I cried because I missed Cato even though he killed Anne right in front of me. I was all kinds of messed up and that made me cry even more.

I shake my head softly, trying to shake Anne's presence from my head. My thoughts wander to the woods. I feel the urge to go hunting but I don't want to go because Gale won't be there waiting in the woods for me. The siren call of the woods sings to me and tempts me but I ignore it.

I quietly slide from bed, careful not to disturb Prim, and get dressed in the lightening darkness. I dress in my hunting clothes because I feel most comfortable in them. It feels nice to be in my own clothes again and not in the clothes that Cato bought be—they were too nice and I didn't feel like myself in them. I throw my pajamas on the only empty chair in the room and hear a hiss as Buttercup shoots out from underneath them. I laugh softly— it sounds foreign in my ears; like it's not my laugh but a stranger's cold, flat laugh. The thought of not even knowing myself makes me feel uncomfortable and I shiver in the early morning air.

"Stupid cat," I murmur to myself as a way to distract my thoughts.

I creep out of my room, studying the door across the hall from me. Whytt had decided to take that room and part of me appreciated it—for some reason I just don't feel safe anymore even though the monster isn't here. Effie is also staying with us until my big interview happens but she had picked a room downstairs along with my mom. Prim hadn't settled on a room yet and declared that she was going to be sleeping with me—I didn't have the heart to say no to her.

I walk quietly down the hall; stumbling over furniture because I don't know the layout of this new house. Soon I am outside, breathing in the cool air. The snow in district 12 isn't as thick as it was in 2 and it definitely isn't as impressive. It is grayish black and gross. I slip my coat on and take out across the lawn. My boots have snow plastered to them but I keep going to the only other house in victor's village that is occupied.

I enter without knocking, knowing that Haymitch is probably passed out from consumption. The house reeks. It smells of stale alcohol, rotten food, and unwashed bodies. I can see a puddle of vomit at my feet and I shudder knowing that there are many more throughout the house. Piles of trash are spread around the room and I see cockroaches scurrying for cover. I'm surprised when I hear movement in the kitchen.

I can hear Haymitch mumbling to himself and I make my way to the kitchen. When I walk in, I duck quickly as a bottle of alcohol flies at my head. I feel alcohol splash all over me, the smell invades my nose, and there is the awful noise as glass shatters on the wall behind me. Glass shards shower down around my feet, clinking violently against the tiled floor. I stare stunned at Haymitch—this was not what I had expected. He's gone off the deep end!

"I knew my body would give out sooner or later but I am surprised to see you, sweetheart."

I frown at him and realization hits me—he thinks that he's dead. I don't know if I find it touching or funny that he thinks my spirit has come to him on his dying bed.

"Haymitch, you're not dead," I say to him as I step through the scraps of glass at my feet.

He looks at me, mistrust in his eyes. He gets up and crosses to the sink. Turning on the water, he thrusts his head underneath and spits and sputters as ice cold water pours sobriety into him. He turns the water off and takes a few moments to gather himself then he turns and looks at me.

"Huh, you're still here. Usually you go away when I do that." He shakes the water from his head and shivers as the cool air plays with his wet hair and clothes.

I just shake my head. He really has gone crazy—why didn't anyone warn me?

"I'm not dead and you're not dead either. I'm really here, Haymitch. "

"I can see that," he replies as though I'm the one acting crazy here. He stares at me for a while before: "I guess the Capitol's corruption knows no bounds. How'd you get here?"

I know he's not asking how I got in his house but rather, why I'm not dead. So I tell him everything—from falling off the waterfall until I got on the train to go home. I tell him about Cato, the rapes, the beatings, the punishments. I tell him about giving up, about abandoning Prim. He doesn't judge—he just listens. By the time I'm done telling him everything, the sun is up and I can hear people laughing outside as they make their way to town.

"Wow, that's some story, kid. Knowing the Capitol, they won't punish the guy—they value their victors too much."

I bite my lip. One thing I won't tell him is how I feel about Cato now. That I will keep to myself because I'm ashamed. I don't want Cato punished, it would hurt me if he was hurting and I don't want to hurt any more than I already do.

He shakes his head and reaches for another bottle of alcohol. I eye it with longing and decide that I need to get back to Prim and not drink myself stupid. I get up and stretch my muscles, my joints snap and pop and I sigh.

"I'll be back later to get you cleaned up. You're a mess, Haymitch, it's disgusting."

Haymitch simply lifts his bottle to me in a toast and tips it back. I roll my eyes and leave.

When I walk into the house, I take a minute to study my new house. It is huge and has more rooms than I know what to do with. It is light and airy which makes me uncomfortable because I feel anything but light and airy. The house isn't anywhere as nice as Cato's but I don't mind because I don't need finery to be happy—I don't know what I need but I know it's not expensive things. I slip my boots off and put them in the hall closet. At the click of the door shutting, I can hear the pounding of footsteps. Prim runs in from the kitchen, sighing in relief.

"It's her, Peeta!" she calls back to the kitchen and my heart flips in my chest. He's here?

"I told you she'd be back, Prim," he laughs from the kitchen and my body shivers in nervousness. I want to disappear upstairs, to avoid facing him a little longer but I can't.

Prim grabs my hand and tugs me towards the kitchen. I try to slow her down because I'm not ready to see Peeta. My other hand grasps the gold pin that is in my pocket and I take a deep breath as I am pulled into the kitchen.

The cabinets are a light maple color, and the counters are a light tan. The island in the middle of the kitchen holds the stove and has an overhang that has stools resting underneath it. Peeta sits atop of one with a basket of bread in front of him. The smell of the bread is mouthwatering. I try to avoid his eyes but it's no use—I can't keep mine from his.

Peeta looks at me with his blue eyes and my heart stutters. I lower my gaze but flick my eyes to meet his again. He just sits there, looking at me like he can't believe I am in front of him. I wish he would do something besides sit there and stare—he makes me feel off balance and it makes me angry. I flush and look down at Prim who is smiling at me. She has two ribbons trailing from her braids and I smile tightly back at her.

"Where'd you get these, little duck?" I ask smoothly as I tug on her ribbons. Her hands shoot up to rub them between her fingers.

"Peeta's dad gave them to me. Aren't they wonderful?"

I look at Peeta and our gazes lock. I can't look away, I'm frozen and I can't even move my eyes.

"They sure are," I murmur absent mindedly as I get lost. An awkward silence settles over us. I frown slightly as I study his ice blue eyes. They remind me of Cato and my heart twinges painfully. I drop my gaze to Prim's.

Prim looks at Peeta and gives him a significant look... What is that about? He shakes his head slightly and I have to know.

"Is there something you would like to tell me, Prim?" I ask her sweetly, with a forced smile. I wonder if she can tell that it's not sincere.

"Oh, Katniss, you just won't believe all the work Peeta and I have been doing while you were gone!"

I look at Peeta with my brow quirked. He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Why don't you tell me Prim?"

And she launches into her story about all they had done after they saw me on the victory tour. First, I am shocked that Prim remembers me at all and then I'm impressed at all the hard work she put into her efforts. From the sounds of it, Prim and Peeta were the start of the rebellion that took Snow down and put him in a grave. About midway through, I unknowingly start staring at Peeta in amazement. It's not until the very end of Prim's story and everything is quiet that I realize that Peeta and I have been staring at each other.

I drop my gaze and open my mouth to try to convey my gratitude to him but Effie interrupts. She bounces in with her blue skin and weird smelling perfume that quickly dominates the kitchen and chases the smell of fresh bread from the air. Today she is wearing a white dress and I think she looks like the sky. Her wig is even white now. Behind her flounces another Capitol citizen. This one is unlike any that I have ever seen though.

She introduces herself as Dorothea Flamsteed- or Thea for short. Instead of wearing bright colors like every other Capitol citizen, she is wearing dark colors. Her skin is pale white; her hair is black and curly and has strands dyed in blues and purples. Her eyelashes are thick and protrude from dark eyes with dark makeup. She wears a floor-length black dress and I wonder how she plans on keeping it away from the snow when she's outside. Prim stares at her in utter shock. Silence is thick in the room as we all stare at her.

"Oh, my, my," Effie lilts, "what poor manners we have today. People please stop staring! It is _ever_ so rude! Katniss, this is your therapist."

I don't even have time to say anything before I'm being shoved out of the kitchen by Effie. My eyes meet briefly with Peeta's and he smiles at Effie's antics while I glower. I'm about to jerk from her grasp when I'm shoved into the office. I think to myself that Effie needs some manners—not any of us.

Effie slams the door shut behind her and I turn to study my therapist. She is studying the office: the lightness of it—the light wood and the blue accents around the room. She sits in a light blue chair and motions for me to occupy the one catty-corner to it. Once I do, we stare at each other a bit before she speaks.

"So, Katniss, tell me about yourself. How old are you?" I'm shocked to find that her voice is light, airy, and friendly—it contradicts with her whole outfit and it doesn't have the Capitol accent to it either so I immediately like her.

"Well... I'm 18. I have a little sister and I was in the hunger games," I don't know exactly what she was looking for but I do know that she'll want to talk about Cato eventually and I don't want that. I want to keep him all to myself.

"I find it interesting that you mention that you have a sister before you mentioned that you were in the hunger games. I also find it interesting that you didn't mention what happened afterwards—you know, with Cato."

My heart squeezes at his name and a hiss escapes my lips. It hurts to hear his name and I don't like his name coming out of another girl's mouth. Jealousy sweeps through me and takes my breath away for a moment. The therapist takes my reaction in and starts to scribble on her pad of paper.

"Well first, my sister is very important to me. Second, I don't need to talk about the hunger games, I'm sure you saw it on the TV. And third, what happened with… him… is none of your business. I don't know you at all. Why would I talk to you about that?" My hands shake in anger and anxiety

"Katniss, there is no need to be hostile towards me. I am here to help you. You need to be open to the fact that talking about everything will help you. Talking through what happened in the hunger games and what happened in district 2 will help. If you don't talk to _me_ about it, you need to find _someone_ you can talk to and tell your darkest thoughts to. You should know that I won't judge you, Katniss. And everything you tell me will stay with me."

She looks at me with patience and I feel uncomfortable under her unflinching gaze.

"So now what?"

"What would you like to talk about Katniss?"

"I don't want to talk about-him," I stutter. I can't bring myself to say his name though.

"I see; why is that?"

I stare out the window, biting my lip and thinking. I start to peel the skin from my lip with my teeth and it hurts but I don't stop. When I run my tongue over my lower lip, I can feel the unevenness of the skin. It reminds me of when Cato busted my lip and my heart thumps in pain.

"Because I don't know how I feel about him," I whisper, hoping that she won't hear me. I feel like a failure and a freak—I should know how I feel about him. I should hate him; abhor him for what he has done to me but a part of me doesn't. I peel another layer of skin from my lip and start to pick at my nails.

"I see. Well, that is very normal for someone who been in your situation. I hope that you know that. You are totally normal."

I highly doubt that but I don't say that to her. Instead, I bite my nails and cringe when I bite one nail too short. It starts to bleed and I wind it in my shirt to stop the bleeding.

"Nothing is normal anymore," I say as I stare at the floor.

"It will be. You just have to give it time, Katniss."

"I don't think time will be able to fix me," I say honestly.

"Oh Katniss, with time and the right people, you will heal." I look at her, wondering how she could possibly know that. I hope with all my heart that it is true though- for Prim, I hope it's true.

* * *

I stand at the fence that marks the border of district 12. It is humming softly, a sign that the electricity is on but that is not why I don't cross under it. I have ways of getting to the forest when the fence is on but I decide not to use them. I don't use them because I know what waits for me in the woods. Gale's ghost roams the woods, and I know that he will haunt me there. I am not ready for that. I turn from the fence and lock eyes with Posy, Gale's youngest sister. She is standing a couple of yards away from me. She looks at me with excitement in her eyes.

"Is Gale back too?" she asks innocently and I am frozen to my spot. Has no one told her yet? I shake my head in denial at her question and her face drops. Her look of hope gets replaced by one of young anger. It is so clear on her small little face that I am shocked—she has never looked at me like this before.

"I thought you were supposed to be dead," she says as her eyes fill with tears and her chin quivers. I know what she is thinking. She's thinking that I should be dead like Gale.

"I am," I respond in a whisper and then I flee from her sorrowful eyes. I run blindly and relish in the feeling of my muscles stretching to accommodate my workout. I run until I am gasping for air. Sobs wrack my body and I can't calm down. People stare but I don't care. I stand in the middle of a dirt road and let the emotion take over for once. It drowns me, sucking me down into darkness. I don't fight it, I sink to the ground.

Cold water seeps through my jeans but I don't care. There is a huge rock jutting into one of my knees and I grind my knee against it, liking the pain that it brings. It clears my head a little.

I look around and see that I am in front of my old house. It sits by the road, dejected and abandoned. The curtains flutter in the glassless windows and I go inside. I run my hand over the rough kitchen table, remembering meal times here with Prim. I go to the bedroom and study the bed that Prim and I had shared. The mattress is dirty and lumpy. I look at the fireplace and the rocker that my mom would sit in when she thought of my father. I sit in it and rock slightly back and forth, thinking of Cato.

I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder and I jump from the chair, my hands reaching for the bow on my back that isn't there.

"Katniss," says a soft voice. Madge.

I relax slightly. I can't fall apart in front of her. Madge and I were good friends before the games even though she is two years older than me. We weren't best buds or anything but I'm the one she confided in when she realized she had feelings for Gale. I had simply listened as she gushed on about him: about his brooding eyes, amazing smell, and sexy smile. I sat there wondering how she could see that in him when I spent all my time with him and all I ever saw was just Gale.

One day she stopped coming by my house and I knew the reason. While she grew more attracted to Gale, he grew more attached to me. He spent all day in the woods with me, and then he would stay for dinner and would stay for hours after that just talking. One night she stopped by and found us talking under the stars, laughing softly to each other. She stopped talking to me all together after that.

"Madge, I'm so sorry," I blurt out without thinking. I don't know why I'm apologizing but she doesn't need an explanation.

She smiles tightly and I can see the struggle in her eyes—forgiveness or more hatred. I watch as hate wins—her eyes grow cold and distant but she is polite to me when she responds.

"Don't apologize, Katniss."

I sag in relief at her friendly tone. I don't think I could handle any girl drama right now. I shuffle my feet uncomfortably on the rotting floor boards beneath me.

"You should come over soon, Madge. You know, I did miss your company before-" I trail off unsure of myself.

I can tell in her face that she doesn't want to come over but I'm desperate for some form of normal in my life and Madge used to be normal.

"Maybe we can work through all of this together," I suggest.

She nods her head curtly but I know that she's doing it only to be polite.

"Yeah, sure. I'll come over Friday for dinner is that fine?"

I nod and she turns to exit the house. I let her, a sick nagging feeling settling in my stomach.

* * *

Dinner that night is an awkward affair. Prim sometime during the day went and invited Peeta to have dinner with us. So that night, over squirrel stew relationships are established. Whytt grumbles every time Effie opens her mouth to say anything and Peeta frowns any time Whytt speaks or looks at me. Whitt in turn glares at Peeta for glaring at him and I am constantly blushing because my eyes keep wandering to Peeta's without my permission. If I'm not looking at Peeta, I'm looking at my plate in embarrassment because he caught me looking at him.

Every time I am caught I feel so guilty and I have a panic attack thinking that Cato is going to come and start beating me but of course he never does. Guilt, longing, and fear wrestle in my gut all dinner and leave me feeling sick. I push food around my plate and wait in agony for dinner to be over and done with so that I can escape to bed.

The boys help my mom clear the table before dessert is served—Peeta had brought in a cake from the bakery. Prim had squealed in excitement as she studied the frosting. It was a pretty cake and I could tell from the pride gleaming in Peeta's eyes that he was responsible for it.

I frown at the boys as they move stiffly around the kitchen, wondering why the two boys are at each other's throats and glaring at each other. Prim leans over to whisper in my ear.

"Peeta doesn't like Whytt because he didn't help you get away from Cato. I also think he's jealous that you brought Whytt here; he's concerned that you might have feelings for him. Mom and I both think that Peeta likes you, Katniss."

I flinch at Cato's name but Prim doesn't notice—she's too busy grinning like ninny. My gaze travels to Whytt and I study him as he gathers plates from my mom's hands. Why would Peeta be threatened by Whytt? I don't feel anything like that towards Whytt. He's an ally even if he didn't try to help me run away. I don't have time to study Peeta and wonder about my feelings towards him because Peeta catches me looking at Whytt and his face grows rigid with disappointment.

"I think I'm going to head home. My mom wouldn't like me staying out late. I have to open the bakery tomorrow anyway."

My mom and Prim both try to hide their disappointment by looking at the table. Wyatt sighs in relief and Effie chatters on about her new wig powder that came in the mail. I, on the other hand, unknowingly let my disappointment show plainly on my face. I see Prim grinning at me and I drop my head to wipe all expressions from my face.

Peeta nods his farewell to us and walks out of the kitchen and into the sitting room at the front of the house. Prim nudges me in the shoulder and I jump from my chair in surprise, it almost falls to the floor but I catch it just in time.

"Whoa, Katniss, calm down," she exclaims.

"Well, don't nudge me, Prim!" I yell at her. Her eyes fill with tears. Shame fills me and fills my stomach with regret. I turn to rush from the room, not wanting to deal with the emotions.

I run right into Peeta in the dark sitting room. I let out a sound of surprise and his arms wrap around me to prevent me from falling on my butt. His muscles are big and they intimidate me. I cringe away from his touch and get a whiff of his scent. He smells of paint and cinnamon. I moan as the paint smell brings me back to Cato's studio room where he had almost beat me to death.

"Katniss, are you okay?"

"Peeta!" I gasp out, my heart beating wildly. My head whips around, looking to see if Cato is lurking in the shadows. I shudder in fright even as I remember that Cato isn't here to punish me anymore. "I'm sorry," I gasp at him as I step out from his arms.

"It's okay, Katniss, you don't need to apologize. It was an accident." He turns to leave but my hand shoots out to wrap around his forearm.

"Peeta, wait…" I trail off and quickly jerk my hand from him as heat spreads up my arm. What the heck?

"I need to stop doing that," I chastise myself.

Peeta laughs. "Are you talking to yourself, Katniss?"

My heart gives a painful lurch. He's laughing at me.

"Don't laugh at me, Peeta," I say brokenly and he sobers up.

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Kat, I was just trying to lighten the mood."

Shudders attack my body at the nickname and I struggle to fight through the following emotions: pain, loss, longing, sadness. That is Cato's name for me but I don't correct him because I don't have the strength to deal with it now. Peeta watches me, his blue eyes glowing in the dark. He is intrigued.

"I wanted to thank you," I blurt out to avoid the intensity of his gaze. He looks confused.

"You saved my life all those years ago, Peeta and you fed my sister when I left and you brought me back here. I owe so much to you."

Peeta shakes his head at me in denial.

"No, you don't. I was a dick that day all those years ago. I threw those pieces of bread on the ground at your feet like you were some dog. I have always felt bad about that- it's why I never told you how I felt before you were reaped- I was too ashamed." I cringe away from him, wanting to avoid all talks about how he feels about me. He apologizes and falls silent.

"Peeta, you need to move on. I'm not who I was before. I am something entirely fucked up and broken—I'm different. I appreciate what you have done for me and my family and I wish I could be the kind of person you need but I won't ever be that. I will find a way to repay you though... I promise I will, Peeta."

"No, you won't. It was all for you and I was glad to do it. I never expected anything in return."

I reach into my pocket and pull out the gold pin. I clutch it to my chest briefly before I hold it out to him. It glows slightly in the moonlight and Peeta stares at it. I can tell that he is surprised that I still have it.

"Katniss, you keep that. I bought it for you."

"Peeta, I can't. I already owe you so much."

It's so dark that I don't see it coming until it's too late. He places a soft kiss on my forehead and slips from the room and out the front door. I stumble after him, hitting my shins on chairs and tables. When I yank the door open, he is nowhere to be found.

I lean against the doorframe and let the frigid air cool my hot face. Peeta kissed me. Guilt slams onto my shoulders but I shove it off as I slam the door shut. There is no reason I should feel guilty. Cato's angry face dances behind my eyes and I squeeze them shut, fighting against the panic that is rising in me.

"He has no more power over you," I say calmly to myself and a peace fills me.

Peeta kissed me; I think and sigh as I sink to sit on the stairs. Maybe I liked it. I rub my thumb over the gold pin in my hand and smile softly to myself.


	19. Chapter 19 Feelings

Chapter Nineteen- Feelings

"I'm struggling, trying to free myself from the branches of the tree as the fire grows closer and closer to me. I stare uselessly at Gale's unmoving body. The fire is right on top of him and I can't wake him. I tear at the branches that are holding me back but I can't free myself. I scream and mockingjays repeat it back to me, distorting and twisting it until it is something frightening.

I see Cato standing off to the side in the trees, watching the scene unfold. I scream at him to help Gale but he shakes his head. I look back and see that Peeta now lies where Gale was. He is moaning softly but isn't able to crawl away from the roaring fire.

'Cato, please,' I yell, the desperation growing quickly in my gut. Not Peeta, I think and the thought drives me crazy until my fingers are bleeding as I claw at the branches wrapped around me.

Suddenly Cato is beside me, angrily whispering in my ear.

'This'll fucking teach you to keep your slutty hands off of other guys, Katniss. Don't you forget that you are mine. That doesn't change—no matter how far away you are.'

He bites my ear and I shiver, my body betraying me and responding to him. That's when the screaming starts and it drives the longing from my body. Peeta withers in pain as the fire licks at him, slowly burning him. He turns his head, fire burning brilliantly and brightly in his blue eyes.

'I did so much for you,' he says before he is swallowed by the flames…

And that's when I woke up," I explained to Thea. We are in our daily therapy session and she is curled up in her usual chair, listening as I tell her about the nightmare I had last night. This is how we always start my sessions—with my night terrors because I have them every single night. She writes in her journal and I squirm uncomfortably in my chair because I had left something out—something very important.

"After I had slapped Prim in my sleep," I murmur brokenly. Thea's head whips up and she stares intently at me.

"Oh dear... How does that make you feel?"

I jump from my chair and pace across the office to stare out the window. There is fresh snow on the ground that must have fallen during the night. It is already soaked with coal dust. I grip the window seal and fight the memory of Cato laughing above me as he shoved snow down my shirt.

"It is frustrating and devastating. Prim is my everything- there is nothing more important to me than her. I value her life more than my own and to lay a hand on her... That just makes me feel horrible. Of course I didn't mean to but still. I wish I was the kind of person that didn't have nightmares that cause me to wake up fighting—I wish with all my might that but it doesn't change the fact that every single night I wake up swinging. I feel like I am failing her."

"I see. Well, Katniss, understand that Prim knows that you have been through a lot. She may not be able to relate to you but she understands that you are troubled. You aren't disappointing her. She loves you very much and just wants you to get better. I trust that you take necessary precautions so that this won't happen again."

"Yeah, she has already moved her stuff to a new room," I say emptily.

"I can imagine that that must be very hard on you. But let's talk about something different for a little bit. Tell me, Katniss, how do you feel about Gale? He was in your dream for a reason."

"I feel guilty— not only about his death but about not being able to face his family or even his memory. I can't go to the woods because his presence will haunt me everywhere I look. The only times I leave the house is to go see Haymitch, go see Peeta, or to beg Madge to quit canceling our plans. I'm too afraid to go out there. I don't like people looking at me and talking."

I sigh and my shoulders slump forward.

"Well, first, it will take time and you will never stop missing Gale but I think that you should consider going to visit his family. You know it's not your fault that he died- we've been over this many times since you've been home these past three weeks. His family shouldn't blame you either. Even if they do though, you need to start facing your demons or else you'll be stuck in the same spot in your life."

I stare at my reflection in the window and hate the monster that is staring back at me so I huff out a breath, fogging up the window. I feel better as my face disappears.

"I know," I sigh and sit back down in my chair.

"Are we done yet? I need to tell my mom that Madge is coming to dinner tonight."

Madge had rescheduled many times within the past three weeks but finally I went to her house and made her swear to come over tonight. She promised and for once, I actually believed her.

"No we are not done yet. One more thing, Katniss: Why is it do you think that Gale turned into Peeta in your dream?"

I shift in my chair and sigh in frustration. I hate talking about Peeta to her. The only thing I hate more than it is when she tries to get me to talk about Cato.

"I don't know," I mumble.

"Could it be because you are becoming closer to Peeta and you know that Cato wouldn't like that?"

"Don't say his name," I hiss and she narrows her eyes at me. Right, no more of that- apparently avoiding his name is a type of emotional avoidance. I take a deep breath to prepare myself for my next sentence.

"Of course he- Cato- wouldn't like it. He wouldn't like me being in the same room as Peeta but I don't think I have feelings for Peeta. I can't. I'm too messed up for that."

"Katniss, you are not too messed up to be in a relationship. I'm not saying that I think you should be in one now. But you are making some good progress here—if only you would talk about Cato. So we can work through your feelings concerning him. Anyway, let's not get into that this time. You need to take some time this week to work out how you feel about Peeta, Katniss. That will be your homework for this week."

"How do I do that?"

"That is entirely up to you."

With that she dismisses me with a smile and I exit the office. I close the door and shake my head. Figure out how I feel about Peeta? I feel friendship... a cautious friendship because let's face it, he's guy- a strong one and I know what strong men can do to me. Plus, if there is one thing that Cato taught me, it's that guys cannot be trusted. They may be nice sometimes but underneath that, is a monster waiting for youth lower your guard do that they can attack.

I see Whytt at the end of the hall and I smile. He's probably the only guy that I trust right now- him and Haymitch.

"Hey Whytt, I'm having a friend come over for dinner tonight so please try to be on your best behavior with Peeta."

He frowns darkly. "I'm always on my best behavior. That kid just doesn't like me and I have no idea why! I've never even said a word to him."

I just shake my head at him, not wanting to get into all of that because frankly, I don't get it either.

"So, who's coming for dinner?"

"My old friend Madge."

Whytt's eyes light up and I frown at him. Why is he excited? Before I can question him, my mom steps out of the laundry room and distracts me.

"Oh, mom, I've been meaning to tell you. Madge is coming for dinner tonight."

Mom's eyes light up. "That's great sweetie. I'm glad to see that you are starting to let more and more people in." She sounds bitter at the end and I know it's because I still am distant to her.

"You know, mom, I was thinking about sticking around here today," I tell her slowly. Her eyes light up and she looks at me in surprise.

"What about the bakery? You always go see Peeta after your sessions."

I look down at my feet feeling guilty because I am not ready to figure out how I feel about him.

"Yeah, I just don't feel like it today," I mumble to my feet.

"Are you two fighting?" my mom asks softly.

"No, nothing like that, mom," I mutter.

"Oh okay, we'll, of course I could use your help today. It'll be nice."

She smiles broadly at me and I drop my gaze to the floor, uncomfortable with her happiness.

That afternoon I spend the morning helping my mom clean and cook. We make small talk and I try to steer the conversation away from anything heavy. When she tries to bring up dad dying, I stiffly tell her to forget about it and thankfully she drops the subject.

Peeta arrives early for dinner that night. It had become implied that Peeta would join us for dinner every night—in fact it was rare when he wasn't at our house at night. One night his mom had forbidden him to come over saying that I was nothing but trouble and to look at what had happened to that Hawthorne kid. I was standing on the porch of the bakery and heard everything. I had quietly slipped away, without notice. When Peeta didn't show up that night, I had been extremely hurt and upset. However, he had shown up the next morning and had apologized for not coming the night before. He hadn't missed a night since.

"What are you doing here so early, Peeta?" I ask in surprise when he walks into the kitchen—dinner isn't for another two hours and he usually shows up just as we are sitting down at the table. He sits on the barstool and shrugs his broad shoulders.

"You never came to visit me at the bakery today—I missed your company. I got worried so I left early to come check on you."

I blush at his concern and the fact that he missed seeing me today. "I bet your mother just loved that," I murmur. It's no secret that she hates me.

"I don't care what she thinks," he says as he gets up from the stool, the legs screeching painfully on the tiled floors. He walks over to see what I am doing.

I blush as I look down at the dough I'm rolling—it's hard and unyielding and all wrong. My heart drops a little as I imagine what my mom will say. Peeta laughs softly behind me and his breath tickles my neck and makes me stiffen.

"What exactly are you trying to make, Katniss?" He laughs again, this time blowing his scent in my direction—paint and cinnamon. I feel like I am in hell, I can't stand this.

"Squirrels and dumplings. Somehow I got stuck tending to the dough and not the meat… It didn't make much sense to me either," I whisper breathlessly and I swear I hear him inhale quickly—a gasp.

He laughs again and reaches around me to poke at it. I can feel his body heat radiating against mine and I think I'm about to cry. I'm so aware of him that it feels like the times Cato used pheromones on me. Luckily, my mom walks in the kitchen at that time and Cato pulls away, giving her a clear view of my creation. She lets out a horrified laugh.

"Oh, Peeta I'm so glad you are here. Katniss has been under my feet all day."

I whip my head around, my mouth hanging open. Under her feet? She is smiling softly at me.

"Can you please get her out of the kitchen before she ruins supper?" Her voice is teasing but I know what she's doing. She's pushing Peeta and me together. It's no secret that Prim and she want Peeta and me together.

I frown at her but can't argue as I look at my deformed dough—it really is quite pathetic.

"Yeah, Mrs. Everdeen, I'll get her out of your way."

He comes up behind me once again and laughs at my creation.

"Hey, it's not that bad," I complain as he leads me from the kitchen and into the sitting room.

I blush as I remember him kissing my forehead all those weeks ago. He hasn't done it since and I'm relieved. I look up and he is studying my face. I blush and I can feel all sane thoughts fleeing from my head.

"Do you want a tour of the house?"

I blurt it out without thinking. He looks surprised but nods his head slowly, his probing blue eyes piercing me through the heart.

"That would be nice seeing as I've only really been in the kitchen," he smiles a slow smile and my heart skips a beat. To cover my embarrassment, I shoot to my feet and turn my back to him. I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I can feel his eyes on me and it unsettles me. I give up and march out of the room, leaving him behind. He has to jog to keep up with me but thankfully he doesn't say anything.

Downstairs, I show him the fancy dining room that has yet to be used, the office, and a room that has a bunch of musical instruments in it—I don't know why it's there because absolutely no one knows how to play an instrument in district 12. No one here can afford an instrument; no one, that is, except a hunger games victor. I show him all the bedrooms and bathrooms and finally we get to the room that I am dreading and the room that I know he will love.

I grasp the cold handle in my hand and rest my forehead momentarily against the cool wood door. I take a deep breath before I tug the handle down, swinging the door open. I take a step back but that doesn't stop the smell of paint and crafts from assaulting my senses. The scent triggers a memory and I am being pulled back. I remember the struggle as Cato pulled at my feet. I remember the pain when I fell on my elbow. I remember losing consciousness as his fists thundered down on my face. Peeta steps past me into the room and I flinch as his shoulder brushes against me but his touch is enough to pull me out of my memory.

I shiver slightly as the air plays with the light sweat that has broken out over my body. I prepare myself mentally and then I step lightly into the studio room and study it. It has canvases piled up on the floor like Cato's but my studio is smaller and mine has a window that looks out over the front yard.

Peeta is admiring everything and sighing in excitement over the silliest things. He picks up a paint brush and looks at it like it's the best thing in the world. The touch of a smooth canvas fills his face with such joy that it takes my breath away.

"You can come here anytime to use this stuff, Peeta. No one here is going to use it," I tell him as I glance around the room. I don't see anything special—maybe if it was full of weapons I could feel some excitement but all I feel is cold. That's all I feel anymore.

Peeta turns to me and I drop my gaze avoiding what is in his eyes—I don't want to see whatever is lingering in those bottomless icy blue eyes of his.

"Thanks, Katniss," he says softly and I nod briefly before I turn and leave the room.

I slowly lead him upstairs, preoccupied in my thoughts of Cato. I feel longing and pain in my heart and I'm sad to realize that I miss him, that I wish I could see him one last time—that I could hold him and be close to him one last time. It doesn't make sense and I realize it but it's what I feel.

I show him the rooms upstairs and when we reach the stairs on the other side of the house Peeta stops me with just one question.

"What about your room? I don't think I got to see it yet," Peeta comments and I freeze. Do I even want Peeta seeing my room?

I turn and lead him down the only hall we haven't been down—the hall with my, Prim's and Whytt's rooms. I vaguely point out their rooms, not wanting to disturb their privacy and then I open my door and step into the stark cold air.

My room is dark and is cast in afternoon shadows. The walls are a tan and my linen is a dark green. It's nothing special and I wonder what Peeta thinks of it. The only personal items I have gracing my walls is a picture of my dad that a local artist did for my mom after he died. I also have my very first bow hanging on nail on the wall. I still remember how I had struggled with getting the string of the bow pulled back far enough and trying to keep my arrow where it was supposed to be. It took me a couple of tries practicing with my dad but once I started to do it right, I took to it like a fish takes to water. I feel an empty ache in my heart as I remember all the times my dad had laughed when my arrow fell lamely at my feet instead of piercing the target.

The only other personal item I have in my room is the pin that Peeta gave me. It's sitting on my bedside table right now. I keep it there so that every night I can admire it in the moonlight as I fall asleep.

I watch as Peeta gently picks it up from the table and holds it in his hand. He sets it down with a small click of metal on wood and then he turns to look at me. His eyes are smoldering and I'm pinned to the spot in the middle of my room.

"Kat, I—"he trails off as anguish fills my features.

"Don't call me that," I hiss at him as I shudder. My mind is filled with Cato and I start to shake. I shouldn't be here in my room like this with Peeta, I think to myself. Cato wouldn't like it. I shudder in fear and Peeta takes a step towards me, his hands reaching. I jump back.

"I can't do this," I say brokenly and then I run from the room and away from Peeta.

I find refuge in a downstairs closet. I slam the door shut, pushing around the coats that are hanging in it and sink to the floor as sobs shake my body. Sadness cripples me as I ponder the idea of moving on from what I've been through. I don't want to move on, I want to go back. It's easier to face what I already know than to face the unknown. There is no moving on when Cato still has so much control over me.

Prim finds me there and pulls me into a hug. I feel guilty having her comfort me when I used to be the one to comfort her. When I try to pull away, she tightens her grip and won't let me leave. Finally, she is satisfied. She pulls away and smooths my hair back.

"Katniss, you don't always have to be the strong one, you know."

"I like to be, little duck," I comment back as I spot her untucked shirt. She reaches behind herself and tucks it in, a cute smile on her pure face.

"Well, Madge is here, so let's get you cleaned up and then we can meet everyone down at the dinner table."

My heart skips an unsteadily beat as I think about facing not only my old friend Madge but also facing Peeta after what just happened. I regret having Madge come over; I wish I could just skip dinner tonight so I don't have to see Peeta.

Prim sits with me as I get ready and I fight the memory of Peeta in my room off—to try to forget the way he had looked at me that had affected me so profoundly. As Prim and I descend the stairs, we can hear laughter in the kitchen but when we enter, a tense silence falls over the people who are gathered.

Whytt is dressed in nice jeans and a tight shirt that shows off his muscles and draws attention to how big he is. When I see him, I do a double take because he has never dressed like that before. Usually, he simply throws on an undershirt and some well-worn jeans but tonight he is dressed in his best casual clothes that he owns. He is standing behind Madge who is sitting on a stool with a hostile look in her eyes; her cheeks are flushed but I can't tell if it's from anger or something else. Peeta stands leaning up against the far counter but my eyes skip him and seek out my mom who is biting her lip in worry next to Peeta.

"So, is it dinner time yet or did Katniss really ruin dinner?" Prim asks lightly, breaking some of the tension in the room.

There is a tense, collective laughter and people start to move towards the table. Whytt hovers behind Madge and pulls out her chair and I see that Peeta is hanging back, waiting for me. I don't want to be near him so I wrap my arm through Prim's and guide us towards the table, being sure to sit as far from Peeta as I can but as close to Madge as possible. It ends up that I sit across from Madge and Peeta sits at the far end of the table.

I watch in amazement as Madge's cheeks are filled time and time again with lovely blushes each time her eyes meet Whytt's. He gives her his full attention and a quick glance at Peeta proves that he is relieved. Whytt's eyes are smoldering and intense and Madge doesn't have a chance—when Whytt outright starts to flirt with her, she hesitantly starts to flirt back. Part of me is happy for her but another part of me wonders how she can so easily forget Gale.

As plates are passed around and filled, an easy going banter develops between Prim and Whytt. I'm watching Madge, trying to catch her eye so I see the look on her face as she bites into her first dumpling. Her face fills with surprise as she slowly chews. Her eyes meet with mine—they are blank. All heads turn to Prim as she gasps out loud and starts to choke on her first bite.

"Oh my God," she sputters and starts to crack up.

My mom takes a small bite and spits it into her napkin. She frowns at the dumplings and looks at me.

"What did you do to this, Katniss?"

I just sit there, my face burning. It feels like everyone is staring at me in accusation. My eyes meet with Peeta's and I see that he's trying to fight from laughing.

"Didn't you fix it after I left with Peeta?" I ask my mom softly.

"No, I had some of the house staff finish it off for you. I wasn't aware that you had messed anything up."

"But you told Peeta I was ruining supper. Why would you say that and then not fix it?" I argue back.

"It was a joke, honey. I didn't really think you had ruined supper," she giggles a little and sighs.

I hang my head and Peeta bursts out laughing. Prim starts to giggle and Whytt's deep laughter joins in with hers. I look up and see Madge smiling as she spits her food into her napkin.

"Oh, Katniss," Prim breaths with a heavy sigh, "I'm so glad you didn't die."

The laughter ends abruptly and all eyes fall on Madge. Her face is red and her lip is trembling. Whytt reaches to put a hand on her shoulder and she cringes away from him with an angry look on her face. Her eyes dart up to me and my heart plunges at the cold anger that I see there.

"It should have been you," she hisses as she slowly stands up. "We all know that you should be dead, Katniss. I wish you were. You shouldn't have come back here. We all know that Gale was a better person than you. His mom needed his help and because of you, he's dead."

She turns from us and runs from the table. We all sit in stunned silence as the front door slams. Whytt rises from his seat, gives me a small sad smile and goes after her. I can hear Prim start to say something but I get up from my chair and I run from the kitchen.

Pain grips at me as I run through the night. The streets are empty and I can hear crickets all around me. Everywhere I run, a memory of Gale lingers. I trip and fall sprawled out on the ground. I decide to stay there until I look up and realize that I am at the Hob.

Memories of Gale and I bartering our illegal catches cripple me and I'm up and running again. I run to the fence that marks the end of district 12 and I make my way along it until I find the place that I can slip under easily. I stop so that I can look at the weak part of the fence, a sob working its way through my body. I imagine myself slipping under the fence and making my way to the woods but I stop imagining there because I know what waits me in those woods. What's in there is going to be painful to face. I sink to the ground and lean my back against the quiet fence.

I let a slideshow of memories flit behind my eyes. The first time meeting Gale in the woods, how annoyed I felt when he called me Catnip, how that annoyance turned into acceptance, the easy way we moved quietly through the woods together, all the nights we would sit outside my house talking. I think of all of this plus many more good things. But my mind also remembers the bad. It remembers the first fight Gale and I had and how miserable I was when we didn't talk for a week, it remembers how I felt when Gale volunteered, it remembers in great detail when Gale died.

I sit at the fence and mourn my loss of Gale. I also mourn the loss of my friendship with Madge because there is no way we can have what we used to. Sobs wrack my body until I have nothing left inside of me. I struggle to my feet and slowly wind my way home through the shadows.

I pass by Madge's house and see Whytt and her on the porch swing. He's swinging them gently as her head is cradled on his shoulder. Anger runs through me at the injustice of it all. She can get mad at me for killing her crush yet she moves on to another person. He was my best friend and I will never be able to replace him. Something in my brain pulls Peeta's face up and I shake my head as I draw closer to my house. I can see the sitting room light on and I know that my mom and Prim will be up waiting for me.

I climb the steps of the porch and cringe when the steps squeak loudly, giving me away. I open the door and head straight for the stairs.

"I'll talk to you guys about it tomorrow. I'm not in the mood tonight," I call out over my shoulder.

"Katniss, wait—"my mom starts but I don't let her finish.

"Tomorrow, mom," I declare coldly and I stomp my way to my room.

I slam into my room and shut the door forcefully. I'm halfway to my bed when I realize I'm not alone. Peeta sits on my bed, his eyes glowing in the dark. I pull up short, my breath catching in my throat.

"Katniss…" he murmurs quietly and his eyes smolder—I'm a goner.

With two big steps I'm on the bed, my head resting on his chest, his scent invading my senses. I can feel his furious heartbeat under my cheek and it calms me. He wraps his arms around me and rocks me slightly. It feels so wrong to be so vulnerable around another person but it also feels so right. A twinge of guilt shoots through me but I push it away—I'm not letting Cato get to me right now.

"Are you okay, Katniss?" Peeta asks gently.

"Honestly, no I'm not Peeta. I haven't been okay since the reaping. I don't think I will ever be okay."

"Katniss, you'll never be the same but one day you'll be okay. I promise you," he whispers into my hair and for once, I believe it. Thea has said it plenty of times but I never believed it before. Something in Peeta makes me believe him. It's reassuring.

I'm not sure how long we lay like that for but eventually I fall asleep, I am woken when Peeta lays me on the bed and gets up to leave. My hand shoots out of its own accord to grab his arm roughly. He gasps as his eyes look down and meet my eyes in the dark.

"Don't leave, Peeta. Just stay with me," I whisper.

He hesitates and I can tell that he wants to stay but he also know that it wouldn't be the best idea.

"I trust you," I tell him and he relaxes slightly.

I move over in my bed and pat the empty space beside me. He stands there, still unsure and I think he's going to leave.

"Peeta, please," and I know I got him. He slides his shoes off and climbs into bed beside me.

I don't snuggle up to him and he doesn't try to reach for me. I simply hold his hand and it's enough to lull me into a drowsy calm.

"Thank you," I whisper and then I'm out.

That is the first night since the games that I sleep without nightmares. In the morning, I wake to find myself curled into Peeta's side with my head lying on his chest. He has his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to him and his other arm reaches across his chest to rest on my upper arm. It's comfortable but as soon as sleep clears my mind, guilt starts weighing on me. I don't know what wakes Peeta but as soon as he is up and stretches, he gasps and tries to untangle me from him. When I move myself away from him he swears softly.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss, I never meant for that to happen—"

"It's fine, Peeta. I must have curled up to you during the night," I know logically that it wasn't either of our faults but guilt still eats at me and Cato's angry face Is playing in my head.

Silence falls in the room and I chew my bottom lip. Not sure of what I want to do now—my feelings for Cato confuses me too much.

"Thea and I won't have anything to talk about," I murmur mostly to myself.

"Why's that?"

"Because I finally didn't have a nightmare," I say and look at his strong back as he sits on the side of the bed.

He gets up and I don't say anything as he leaves the room. I don't know what to think or feel about what happened last night and Thea's instructions of figuring out how I feel about Peeta seem even more impossible now. When she asks me later on in the day if I've made any progress, I tell her that I'm not going to try to figure it out—that only time will tell how I feel about him. She looks pleased with my declaration and I wonder if that's what she has wanted me to say all along.


	20. Chapter 20 The 360

Chapter 20— The 360

**Whytt's POV**

I slowly close the front door and slip through the entryway and up the stairs. I'm shocked when I see Peeta coming from Katniss' room. He looks up in surprise as the door clicks shut. He nods at me in greeting and starts to walk past me but I stop him, my hand gripping his forearm to preventing him from leaving.

"What the hell were you doing, Peeta?" I spit at him, anger and protectiveness boiling in my blood.

I can feel his muscles tense under my hand and he straightens his back. Muscle-wise, I know it would be an even fight, but personality-wise, I know that I would win because Peeta isn't a born fighter. He'd get some strong punches in but his heart wouldn't be in it and that would give me the upper-hand.

"Katniss was upset last night and asked me to stay. Nothing happened."

His eyes find mine and his ice blue eyes pierce me—I feel like he is staring straight through me. It almost makes me take my hand off of him but I don't because I have one last thing to say to him.

"Nothing better have happened, or you'll be sorry, Peeta," I growl and his eyes blaze in anger at me.

He opens his mouth to say something and I think we're on the edge of getting into a physical fight but I hear Prim's door open and it stops me. I step away from Peeta as she rubs her eyes sleepily, totally oblivious of the tension between Peeta and I.

"Peeta? What are you doing here?" She asks and yawns.

He smiles gently at her and I can see how much he cares for her—love is evident in his eyes. It takes my anger away and I feel kind of silly for threatening him like that.

"I stopped by just to make sure your sister was alright after what happened last night, Prim. But why don't you tell me what you want from the bakery for breakfast and I'll bring it to you in about an hour?"

Her eyes light up and she slips her fingers into his hand and pulls him downstairs chattering on about monkey bread and cinnamon rolls. I watch as they go, a small smile slipping unknowingly onto my face at how easily Prim can control the people around her. Peeta turns briefly on the stairs and our eyes meet, I'm surprised that he isn't wearing his usual hostile stare. Instead, he looks nervous and uncertain.

"Whytt, will you stop by the bakery sometime today? I have to talk to you." At my affirming nod, he turns and continues on downstairs with Prim.

I quickly slip into my room and cross to the window, to stare out at district 12. I fall into a daze while I think about what happened last night. I had spent almost all night with Madge just listening to her talk about Gale. It wasn't easy but I knew that that was what she needed. She cried and told me that she felt guilty for moving on with life. There wasn't much I could say so I provided comfort the way my mom used to before she died—I pulled Madge close and simply listened. When she had started to fall asleep on the porch, I had told her that I needed to go and we had parted ways.

This morning I had gotten an early start. I had to get to the iustice building when it opened this morning to get started on paperwork. I had to fill out approval papers for my citizenship of district 12 and approvals to be assigned to Katniss as a personal guard when she traveled. It wasn't often that people could move districts but when it came to victors, a lot of rules were overlooked and I was hoping that Coin would allow this. Safety of hunger games victors was extremely important—Capitol citizens often got attached to them so a lot was invested to make sure nothing too bad happened to them. I felt confident that all my requests would be approved.

I'm pulled out of my day dreaming when Thea walks up the walk way and I turn to go tell Katniss that she's here. Before I can reach my door though, I hear Katniss' door open and the creak of floorboards as she makes her way downstairs.

Instead, I settle on freshening up for the day. I cross to my washstand that sits in the corner of my grand room. I feel the urge to go to Madge right now but I know that I should give her time to sleep in after the emotional night she had last night. I don't agree with her outburst last night but I understand where she is coming from. I frown; I should probably talk to Katniss to make sure she's not mad at me for going after Madge last night. I shrug hopelessly at the situation.

I bend at the waist and splash water on my face, shivering in the cool morning air. I reach blindly for my towel and shiver again just as my fingers brush against the soft cotton of the towel. I rub furiously over my face, trying to warm myself with my movements. I let the towel drop to the counter and gaze into the mirror. I frown slightly at my reflection.

My dark hair is a spikey mess a top of my head and my eyes study the light scar that runs along my hair line. No one can notice it unless they know to look for it—not that I would care if it was noticeable anyway. My eyes trace my slightly crooked nose and I shake my head violently, fighting the urge to be pulled down by the memory of how I got both the scar and the broken nose. My eyes skim over the rest of my face, it's nothing special—just a strong, clean-shaven jawline and a stubborn set of my chin.

I'm pulled away from the mirror by a ringing across the hall. I chose to ignore it and go to my closet to dress in my usual casual clothes—I don't feel comfortable in the business clothes that were required for my errand this morning. As I lace my shoes, I frown as the ringing starts across the hall again.

I open my door and put my ear against Katniss' door. The ringing is coming from there. I push the door open and discover the phone on her desk is ringing furiously. I step in quickly and cross to the phone.

"Hello?" My voice is a deep rumble and I clear it uncomfortably.

There is a very slight pause and then something that makes my heart drop.

"Who the fuck is this?"

It's not the words that cause me to panic but the sound of the voice that does. I know that voice. The owner of that voice hired me to watch after Katniss months ago. Cato is trying to get a hold of Katniss.

"What do you want, Cato?" I ask irritated and he immediately jumps to the wrong conclusion.

"Fucking Whytt? I knew I shouldn't have trusted you with her. You're screwing her aren't you?" He roars at me over the phone

I laugh without any humor—he really is so pathetic. I would truly laugh if it wasn't so sick and disturbing how obsessed he is with Katniss.

"I can see that you're still on your meds," I comment dryly and roll my eyes at his illogical anger.

"Not that it's any of your damn business but I'm not. That fucking cunt Coin made me get off of them. She said I couldn't be on them for the things she needed me to do—she didn't trust me on them. It just turns out that I'm a horrible person and I can't be trusted no matter what," he growls at me.

Interesting. He's not on his medicine anymore but is still a big ball of anger and aggression. This will not be good for Katniss.

"Oh calm down, Cato. I am not interested in Katniss anyway—I see her as a little sister. I just heard the phone ringing and answered it."

"Let me talk to her." His voice is demanding and I bristle at the command.

"You aren't my boss anymore, Cato, so stop trying to boss me around. There is no way that you're talking to her. Give it up. Haven't you gotten yourself in enough trouble already?"

He laughs and it sends chills through my body.

"Oh Whytt, I'm a hunger games victor—how much trouble did you really think I would get in? Now, let me talk to her. I know she's there."

His voice is a growl and I'm glad that Katniss isn't here right now because what I say next comes out clear and Cato can hear the truth in my words.

"She's actually not here but even if she were here, she wouldn't want to talk to you." It's not totally a lie—she isn't in the room with me; she's downstairs with her therapist.

"I seriously doubt that. Where is she?"

"I think she said something about going to Peeta's…" I murmur knowing the effect this information will have on him. I don't even care that it's a lie; I just want to make him mad.

He starts cursing. "You know what Whytt? This isn't over. I'll keep calling back until I get to talk to her. I'm not leaving. She's mine and I'm not letting her go." I hear a clattering and then a dial tone—he hung up on me.

I smile proudly and place the phone back in its cradle. I glance at the clock and curse quietly. Katniss will be done with her therapy soon. I need to get to the bakery before her—I'm fairly sure Peeta won't want to talk to me in front of her and I need to warn him about Cato.

When I walk into the bakery, I am assaulted by the smell of cinnamon. I glance briefly in the filled glass counters and lick my lips at the delicious treats I see before me. I turn to look for Peeta and I find myself face to face with the angriest looking woman I have ever seen. I take a surprised step back, my legs running into the display case.

"Can I help you?" she asks rudely as she angrily wipes at the blonde curly bangs that fall into her eyes.

I'm about to open my mouth to respond when the back door opens and Peeta sticks his head out.

"Ah, Whytt, come join me in the back so we can talk while I work."

I follow him into the kitchen. The heat coming from the ovens is stifling and I sweat starts to bead on my forehead. The air shimmers with the heat, making it all appear to be a mirage. I stand in the overwhelming heat and wait for him to speak. He shuffles uncomfortably on his feet before starting.

"Look, I know we don't get along and I know that it's my fault…" he trails off and I remain silent, waiting for the apology. He takes a deep breath. "I just didn't… I don't understand why you didn't help Katniss escape from district 2."

He backs away from me as my eyes grow dark in anger. I clench and unclench my fists at the accusation. I already feel bad enough for everything that happened to Katniss, I don't need Peeta adding to it.

"Peeta, you weren't there. I got hired to be guard—I didn't know for who or what. When I showed up and saw that it was Katniss Everdeen, I didn't question. I needed the money and who am I to question the Capitol? Well, then I started to see how much they hated each other but I found it amusing to see how mad Katniss would make Cato. I thought it was funny until I started to see the abuse and I knew I couldn't leave because she needed someone to make sure that he didn't take it too far."

"Why didn't you get her out of there when you saw the abuse?"

"Because I knew that Cato would kill her before he let her go. In fact, when I heard talk of the rebellion, I would make frequent trips to her room at night and listen in just to make sure they weren't fighting. At the end there, I was afraid that he would just kill her to be sure no one else could have her."

Peeta sighs in frustration and runs his hands through his hair. "Look, I don't necessarily agree with your methods but I appreciate you keeping her safe in your own way. I'm ready to put aside our differences and move on if you are."

"I wonder if this is because you finally realized that I'm not interested in getting with Katniss. I am only interested in protecting her."

Peeta blushes but doesn't drop his gaze. I laugh softly because I know that I'm right.

"You don't need to worry, Peeta. I think that it's quite obvious that I have a thing for Madge. But besides, we do need to put our differences aside because we have a problem. Cato called her today. Luckily, I was there to intercept the call."

Peeta curses and glares foully at the floor. "Shit, we can't let her talk to him. I'm not sure if she is strong enough to deal with that yet."

"We finally agree on something," I comment dryly. "I'll do the best I can to stop the calls—I'll unplug her phone and warn her family about it. I think that we should be able to ride this out until he gives up."

"Yeah, or decides that calling isn't enough," Peeta comments sullenly.

Footsteps are heard on the floor and then the angry lady stomps into the room.

"Peeta, you seriously haven't started baking more bread yet? You know we have customers waiting on us."

"Mom, shut up. I know we have enough bread to last until lunchtime. You're only here just to nag at me. God forbid you go one hour without getting on my case about something." She looks shocked, and angry at his response.

"You need to stop worrying about that Everdeen girl before she gets you into trouble. I'd hate for my only child to end up dead. All that girl brings is death with her."

Peeta glares at his mom, his blue eyes deadly. He grinds his teeth and clenches his fists together. She raises her chin, trying to appear not to be afraid but she takes a step away from him and closer to the door which gives away her fear.

"Mom, get out of the kitchen before I make you get out," he growls at her and I'm shocked at how dangerous he sounds.

Peeta's mom gasps and turns stiffly to leave. I laugh quietly and throw Peeta a sympathetic look.

"I'll let you get to work. I'll see you tonight at dinner."

"Later," he says as he turns back to the ovens.

I exit the kitchen and stop long enough to buy some breakfast rolls. Then I set off to Madge's house, whistling as I go. As I walk up to her porch, I spy her sitting on the swing, softly swaying in the morning breeze.

The house looms above me, a white mansion with green shutters adorning the windows. A wide porch wraps around the whole house and provides the house with a welcoming look. A great willow tree sways gently in the front yard, casting long shadows upon the grass. Its long branches reach down to gently brush against the ground and I imagine that the leaves would tickle if they brushes against my skin.

She smiles shyly at me as I bound up the steps.

"Morning, Madge," I say and stand before her.

She moves over on the bench and offers me a sit next to her. I sigh in relief, grateful that she isn't mad at me for last night. Sure, I had been the one to pull her close to me but she had been the one to put her head on my shoulder plus she didn't try to pull away from me. I sit next to her and offer her the bag of breakfast rolls. She takes one that has small raisins in it and nibbles at it as she gently rocks the swing with her small feet.

I look down at her. Her blond hair has streaks of darker hair in it and it curls in big curls to rest above her breasts. Her eyes are brown and confused. Her lips are pink, plump, and perfectly kissable. Her skin is perfect and my hands itch to touch it but I don't. Madge looks down and I can see a frown on her perfect brow.

"Whytt, I can't do this," she whispers. She doesn't need to explain further—I already know what she is talking about.

"Madge, I'm not going to lie. I'm attracted to you but I can just be here for you until you are ready for more. We don't need to be anything that you're not ready to be."

Her frown deepens and I can sense that she is about to cry. I want to reach out to her, to pull her close but I resist. I don't want to add anymore to her confusion.

"It's just so confusing. I mean, I want to move on but it just seems too soon and Katniss reminds me so much of him."

I stiffen beside her when she mentions Katniss. I actually like Katniss and it bothers me that Madge has a problem with her.

"Why do you hate Katniss so much? I've heard that you guys used to be good friends."

"I'm just so mad. If she wouldn't have volunteered, then Gale would still be here."

Her logic is seriously flawed and I want to bluntly point it out to her but I know that I need to be careful with how I proceed with her.

"And Prim and Peeta would be dead," I comment softly. Her shoulders slump and she lets out a shaky breath.

"I know that and I wouldn't want that either. It's just so confusing," she repeats and goes on, "I mean I wish no one had to die….I really wish that Gale wasn't dead."

"Well maybe you should be blaming the Capitol and not Katniss. She just did what she had to do to protect her sister. Gale did what he thought he had to do to protect his best friend. It was his decision, not Katniss'. In fact, I know that she was mad when he volunteered."

"I know all that but when I'm around her I just feel so angry." She sobs and she leans into me. I wrap my arms around her. I'm not exactly thrilled that she is mourning over her crush to me but I'll take what I can get.

"I feel so guilty," she whispers and I lean in closer just so I can catch what she is saying. "I feel guilty for being attracted to you and liking you. I want to move on but it feels disrespectful to him."

I want to roll my eyes because she wasn't even with Gale but I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through so I try to be patient and try to understand.

"I think that Gale would want you to move on, Madge. However, I don't think he would want you to be mad at Katniss or to blame her for his decision. If he was her best friend, I think that he would want you to try to be friends with her again."

She sighs and pulls away. She wipes at her tears and her shoulders look lighter, like she's not holding big weights on her shoulders anymore.

"I think you're right," she says as she studies the wooden porch.

I smile and feel relieved that everything came out right and made her feel better instead of upsetting her. She looks at me and gives me a watery smile. It's the most beautiful sight I have ever seen and my heart thumps unevenly in my chest.

"I need to go run a few errands for my dad. Thanks for talking with me Whytt."

She gets up and brushes crumbs from her pink skirt. I admire her figure while she is busy with making herself look more presentable. A woman has never appealed more to me. Madge is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

"No problem Madge, you can talk with me anytime." She gives me one last smile and then goes inside the house.

I quickly make my way home, knowing that I need to get to Katniss' room to disconnect the phone before she can get in there. I'm sure that the phone has been ringing while I was gone.

I enter the house and I can hear it ringing upstairs. Prim and her mom are in the sitting room, glaring at the ceiling, cringing with every ring of the phone upstairs.

"How long has it been going for?" I ask as I hover in the doorway of the sitting room.

They jump at my voice and I can see that their nerves are frazzled. Prim answers my question.

"Every five minutes for the past hour and a half," she groans and covers her ears. The phone stops ringing and she looks relieved. She lowers her hands with a sigh and she slumps back against her seat. Her mom doesn't relax though.

"Where is Katniss?" I ask.

"She went to go see Haymitch after therapy. It started ringing right after she left. I would go answer it but I don't want to invade her privacy," says Mrs. Everdeen.

I nod and debate whether or not to tell them what exactly is going on. I decide that they should know—I need their help with this whole Cato mess.

"It's Cato. I talked to him earlier. He wants Katniss back. We need to make sure she doesn't talk to him—she's doing so well right now and I really don't think she could handle an encounter with him."

They both nod with deep frowns on their faces. Prim looks like she is about to cry. The phone starts to ring again and they both groan out loud. I run up the stairs taking them two at a time. I'm about to unplug the phone but something makes me pick it up instead. I don't say anything, just listening.

"Katniss?" Cato sounds urgent and angry. I still don't say anything though. "Fucking bitch, I know you are there. I've been calling you all day. What the fuck have you been doing? I bet you've been spreading your legs for that Peeta prick."

I can't stand it anymore and I cut him off right as he starts to say something else.

"She's still not here, Cato. How the hell did you get this number anyway? This is her personal line—the public doesn't have access to it."

"Good damn it, Whytt. I convinced Coin to get it for me—how do you think I got it?"

I don't answer his question. "Just give it up, Cato. We're going to make sure you never get in touch with her or get your hands on her again."

I slam the phone down and yank the cord from the wall. I stand and look at it in my hand. I hear the floorboards behind me, signaling a visitor. I spin around and drop the cord behind my back; with my foot I shove the unplugged cord along the side of the desk—hiding it from Katniss.

"What the hell are you doing in my room, Whytt?" she asks and studies my face suspiciously.

"Oh, um…. Madge told me she would call and when I heard your phone ringing, I answered it and told her she was calling the wrong line."

Katniss' face closes off when I mention Madge.

"Oh, okay," she says stiffly and she walks past me in the room. I sag in relief.

"So, what are you going to do for the rest of the day?" I ask nervously, praying that she won't look at the desk and see something out of place. She doesn't even glance at it. She flops on the bed and glares at the ceiling.

"I don't know… Avoid Peeta."

I'm shocked at her brutal honesty and a little confused.

"Why is that? I thought you guys got along."

"We do," she moans like it's a problem that they like to be around each other.

"I don't understand," I murmur, confusion thick in my voice.

"We get along but I feel guilty for it," she moans again and I understand. She still has a weird loyalty to Cato and that's why she feels guilty about liking Peeta.

"Well, good luck avoiding him. He comes to dinner every single night."

She moans and rolls to stare at the wall, dismissing me with her back. I laugh and leave her to her pouting.

Dinner is weird that night. Peeta and I are the only ones who are talking. Katniss first frowns at me, trying to figure out when I became friends with Peeta then she just shrugs her shoulders and stares at Peeta with a confused look on her face. I can see that she's trying to figure something out in her head. He gazes back at her while responding to my comments. Prim stares moodily at her plate of food and her mom looks at her with a worried look on her face, occasionally flicking her worried look to Katniss.

Towards the end of dinner, Peeta tries to get Katniss to talk but as soon as he says her name she pushes back from the table and stomps away. Peeta pauses momentarily and then he is up, following her out of the room. The rest of the dinner party sits in silence as their conversation floats through the doorway from the hall.

"Katniss, wait!" he calls to her, his voice urgent.

We hear her retreating footsteps and his jogging footsteps and then all footsteps stop.

"Please tell me what is wrong," he pleads to her.

We hear her sigh and my eyes lock with her mom's. She puts her finger to her lips, telling me to stay quiet. I nod and drop my gaze, listening.

"I can't tell you, Peeta."

"Why not?"

"Because…"

"I know you must be confused Katniss but please just talk to me. You know I won't judge you. I'm here for you," his voice is even and calming.

She groans and I hear her stamp her foot on the tiled floor.

"That's the problem, Peeta! You're too sweet, too perfect, and too sane for me. I'm not right for you and I know how you feel about me. We can never have what you want!"

"Why not?" he asks gently.

"Because I'm no good for you, Peeta, why can't you see that?" she says, brokenly and I know she's fighting tears. My protective instincts raise and I want to go to her but I know this is what needs to happen.

"You are good for me, Katniss," he protests, emotion thick in his voice. I cringe, knowing that Katniss will shy away from it.

"I AM NOT GOOD, PEETA!" she roars at him. He's quiet—probably shocked. I hear a sob.

"You don't know what I've done, Peeta! I'm not whole or pure anymore. I've done things with _him_ that would make your skin crawl—make you want to not touch me—make you want to run from me."

"Nothing would make me want to do that, Katniss. Why are you trying to push me away?"

"Because I know he wouldn't like me getting close to you," she whispers and my heart drops. Man, she's got it bad.

"Oh, Katniss," he murmurs and I hear a footstep then the distinct sound of a slap that has me pushing back from the table and heading towards the hall. I hear a sob and then footsteps running up the stairs.

I enter the hallway and see Peeta standing in the dark, his hand against his cheek. He's looking at the stairs, in shock.

"Peeta, are you okay?" I ask softly and he jumps.

"Yeah," he mutters and heads towards the front door.

"You should go talk to her. She's going to feel bad," I tell him but he shakes his head, his hand resting on the door handle as he pauses.

"No, she wants to be left alone so I'm going to let her have her space. I want to go to her but I think I'm going to have to wait for her to come to me this time."

I want to argue, to tell him to go talk some sense into her but a part of me know that he is right. He opens the door and a surprised Madge is at the door. My heart stutters in my chest and she gasps and jumps back from the door, her hand coming to her chest. She looks at Peeta again.

"Oh, Peeta! What happened to your face?"

"Nothing, Madge, I'll see you later."

Peeta side-steps Madge and bounds down the porch stairs, disappearing into the night shadows. My eyes lock with Madge's and excitement courses through my body. God, she is breathtaking.

"Is Katniss here?" she whispers breathlessly and I suck in a breath at the sound of it.

"Now is not a good time for her, Madge. She just slapped Peeta."

Madge looks shocked and shakes her head.

"I can't even imagine what she's going through." I narrow my eyes at her, wondering what changed her way of thinking.

"Whytt, I've been thinking all day about what you said earlier…" I quirk my brow at her, waiting for her to continue. "I think you're right—about all of it. Gale would want me to be friends with her. He would also want me to move on. I mean, he never even knew I liked him…"

I nod simply and try to keep calm while my heart beats erratically in my chest.

"Well, good for you Madge."

When she looks in my eyes, I know what is about to happen and I don't have time to stop it. She leans in and places a small, chaste kiss on my lips. I want to wrap my arms around her and pull her to me but I don't. She sighs and places two more small kisses on my mouth and then pulls away, a blush staining her perfect cheeks.

"Good night, Whytt. I'll come by tomorrow to talk to Katniss…. And I guess I'll see you then."

I watch as she sashays her way across the porch and down the walk. I lean against the doorframe and shake my head in amazement, wondering how in the hell Peeta and I were supposed to handle these district 12 girls. They wake up feeling one way and by the end of the night, are feeling a different way. It's enough to make a man's head spin.


	21. Chapter 21 The Break Through

Chapter 21—The Break Through

Cold air burns in my lungs as I suck in a deep breath. Anxiety and guilt has driven me from my house early this morning to go on a walk through district 12 before the whole town woke up—I'm still not comfortable around other people. The sky is overcast and heavy and melting snow drips from the roofs of houses and trees around me. I walk through the melting snow and glare in the direction of the bakery.

Peeta hasn't been around since the night I slapped him a week ago. Of course I hadn't found out until three days afterwards, when I finally ventured from my room for dinner one night. I was a little shocked when Peeta didn't show up. After dinner, I pulled Prim aside and asked her what was going on and she told me that Peeta hadn't been back for dinner since that night.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss him. My mind, body, and heart were all at war with each other. My whole body missed him, it needed to relax and without him around, I couldn't seem to do that. I hadn't slept well since that fateful night and if I did manage to drift off, terrifying dreams of Cato haunted me—dreams of his grasping, painful hands ripping at my skin, his sharp teeth nipping at my ears, his words tearing at my heart. I'd wake up every night drenched in sweat and screaming, clawing at the nonexistent hands around my neck that I thought were choking me. Every time I was tempted to go see Peeta and to beg forgiveness, my mind would pull up Cato's face and for some reason I was too afraid.

I see a dark figure making its way to the bakery in the early morning fog and I know that it's Peeta. He turns and I know that he can see me. My heart drops into my stomach and I turn to run back to my house, my heart beating furiously, my feet slapping against the wet dirt road, throwing cold wet water onto my legs. By the time I get home, my pants are soaked with muddy water. I don't even bother taking my shoes off. I stamp up the stairs, leaving muddy footprints behind me and ignoring the fact that Thea will be here any moment for therapy. I just can't face her today—I haven't even gone to therapy at all this week. I've been too ashamed of what happened between Peeta and me. I know that she'll want to know about my fight with Peeta and how Cato plays a role in it and I can't do that right now. I slam my door shut and go to the mirror to gaze at who I have become.

I still don't recognize the face staring back. It's been four weeks since I left district 2 and I still feel like I left myself back there. I've been so damaged by Cato that I feel like I can't move on without him by my side, telling me what to do or how to feel—to do so would be dangerous. It feels like any second, he'll swoop down and tell me that I've failed some kind of test and punish me for it.

I start to pace my room and soon heat builds up in my heavy jacket. I throw my coat by my desk and frown when I see something pop up form under it, sticking proudly out into the air. It is skinny, long and disappears under my jacket. I fall to my hands and knees and I frown as I find myself looking at a cord. I pick it up, wondering what it could go to. I follow it up and see that it is connected to the phone on the desk. I follow the cord in the opposite direction and find the plug lying under my jacket. I frown, wondering why it's unplugged. I quickly find the outlet and shove the plug in it. A shrill ringing fills the air and i jump back in surprise.

I stare at the phone for just a moment, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. I reach my hand out and grasp the cold plastic in my hand for second before I jerk it off the cradle. Silence fills the air and my room feels eerily quiet without the incessant ringing. The receiver feels like a thousand pounds in my cold hands. Dread fills my body and numbs me and I don't know why. My hand shakes as I bring the receiver to my ear. I take a shaky breath and hear silence on the other end.

"Hello," I call out and my voice sounds weak and foreign.

There is a sigh of relief and then I hear _the_ voice. It makes my heart drop to my stomach and all strength to flee from me. Panic fills my limbs and I'm frozen. Why is he calling? Has he been watching me this whole time? Am I in trouble? I push those thoughts away and sweet relief flows through me as I take in his velvety voice, it's so good to hear it again. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I can't control the feelings that are rolling through me.

"Katniss? Is that really you?" he says.

I don't say anything—I can't get my voice to work. My mind is torn between happiness and terror. He's alive, he sounds well and he's calling me—why is he calling me?

"Katniss?" This time his voice is full of anger and it provokes me to answer.

"Cato," I whimper as anxiety pumps through my veins.

"Where the fuck have you been?" he growls at me and I hunch over in panic. How do I handle his anger? I don't want him to be angry with me. His anger scares me even though we aren't physically next to each other.

"Cato—I—" I can't even get the rest of my sentence out and he interrupts me.

"I miss you," he murmurs, his voice suddenly soft and my head spins as it tries to keep up with his swinging emotions.

I don't say anything. I don't know exactly how I feel. I miss him, I hate him, I want him, he disgusts me but I'm drawn to him. My throat tightens as my mind wages war over how I feel about him. Instead of trying to figure it out, I decide to find out what he has been doing this whole time.

"Where are you?" I ask quietly.

"I'm in district 2. Coin finally sent me home just last week. She took me off my medicine—said it was interfering with my business. That was one hell of a detox," he says sarcastically and I can just imagine his handsome face grinning in sarcasm. I shake my head, dismissing the image from my mind.

Part of me is excited and hopeful because he's off the medicine but another part of me feels sick because I know what business he is talking about—he's talking about trying to make the ultimate breed of tribute. It's disgusting.

"Oh, so you're still doing…. _That_," I say moodily and he laughs harshly.

"No, I'm not doing _that—_I wish I was though. Coin put an end to my grandpa's science experiment. Instead, I'm now sold off to the Capitol's highest bidder." His voice is bitter and angry and it's then that I know that he's no different without his medicine. He's still the same angry, moody Cato as before. This knowledge makes me skin crawl in fear and anxiety.

"Katniss, come home please," he whispers and I melt. I lean my back against the desk, sitting on the floor. It makes me oddly happy to know that he misses me, that he still wants me with him. Deep down, a dark desire burns within me. It wants to go to him, to let him abuse me. I open my mouth to tell him that I miss him too but Prim's face floats behind my eyes and I grow cold inside.

"No," I say firmly. I sound much surer of myself then I feel. I feel sick to my stomach, already regretting what came out of my mouth. There is a stark silence on the other line and I know he's mad. I can feel it even though I'm in district 12 and he's in district 2.

"Why not?" he growls at me and my hands start to sweat in fear.

"Because I have people here who love me," I whisper back, my heart in my throat.

"Katniss, do you honestly think that anyone in district 12 even understands you? Do you really think that they love you or care about you? You're a monster and you belong with me. You know you do. Deep down, you know that. Don't you, Katniss?"

I'm hypnotized by his words. I know I'm falling, being trapped with his dark words. He's right. No one could possibly love me after what I've done. I've killed. I killed people in the games, I killed Anne—I even killed Gale by volunteering. Memories of beating the boy from district 8 flash in my head. I remember the feeling of his warm blood on my face, in my eyes, in my mouth. I remember how powerful I felt when the life left him. Cato would understand this—Peeta and Prim couldn't possibly understand it.

Prim wouldn't even love me if she knew that I had given her up. That I had wanted to stay with Cato, that sometimes I still want to be with Cato and not her. I want to tell him that I'll go to him but my love for Prim stills my tongue. She may not be able to love me, but I love her with all that I am.

"I'm not coming, Cato," I whisper, cringing as he starts to yell.

"Fuck, Katniss. Why not? You know no one loves you there. I'm the only one who knows you inside and out. You're nothing without me."

"I'm not coming because I love Prim. I love her and I don't love you at all. You could never win against that."

He laughs and it chills my blood.

"You're lying, Katniss. Don't even try to tell me that this is about Prim, Kat! Whytt already told me that you've been hanging out with Peeta," he spits the name out in disgust. "I know you won't come to me because of him. I can't believe you would let him touch you. You're nothing but a district 12 slut."

At first I want to cry. I want to curl into a ball and cry. I want to tell him that I need him, that I'm nothing without him. But then I straighten my spine. I am not a slut. I am Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire. I am a force to be reckoned with.

My door opens and I whip my head around, afraid that it's Cato coming for me. Instead Peeta stands in the doorway. Worry fills his eyes as he takes in the phone in my hand. I stand up and face him. I don't know why he's here but his presence gives me even more strength to say what I need to say.

"Listen here, Cato. I don't need you. You don't know me, you don't understand me, and you can never have me again. You already took so much of my life from me and I'm not letting you have anymore. I will face the life I have now with my chin raised and my eyes looking forward and not back. You are my past and you mean nothing to me. The future is all that matters now. My future is my family. You are nothing but a bad dream, a dark time in my past and that is where you will stay."

"Katniss—"he starts but I don't let him finish.

"Goodbye, Cato. I will never speak to you again."

Before I can hang up I hear his warning: "You're going to fucking regret this Katniss. If you think this is the last of me, you are wrong. I'll be seeing you real soon." His words pour ice in my blood and it scares me. I hear his evil laughter and I smash the receiver down on the cradle. I turn to face Peeta.

He is frowning in worry and there is an awkwardness between us that I'm not sure how to get rid of. My hand twitches, as if it knows that the face it had slapped just last week is near. I blush at the memory. The girl on fire is hiding right now and a humble and embarrassed Katniss stands before Peeta now.

"Peeta I'm sorry," I mumble, glancing at him from under my lashes. He lets out a sad sigh and looks at me with such sorrow in his face that it scares me. I don't want to know what he is thinking right now.

"You don't need to apologize, Katniss. I know you must be going through a lot right now. You don't need me adding any stress to you. I just came by to say sorry and explain why I haven't been around—why I won't be around for the next couple of weeks…." I cut him off there.

"No, Peeta, I need you," I say. Dread fills my body. I don't want this—I want Peeta by my side, helping my figure this out. His eyes darken and I can feel the attraction between us but he shakes his head at me.

"No, you don't Katniss. You need to figure this out yourself. I can't do it for you. This is a road you'll have to take alone but I'll be waiting for you at the finish line if you want me there," he says calmly and I know that he has made up his mind.

I shake my head at him, and desperation claws at my brain. I do the only thing I can do: I try to convince him with my body. I charge at him, and he tries desperately to get away. He backs into the hallway and my body slams into his, knocking his back into the wall.

"Katniss, don't," he warns, "you aren't thinking clearly." He tries to get away from me without hurting me and that's his downfall because I am stronger than his half-assed attempts to fight me off.

My hands wrap around his face and I yank his head down, our lips meeting. The feeling of his lips on mine chases away the cold that Cato put in my veins. I can feel his kiss flowing through me, chasing away all the dark. The kiss flows to my chest and I can feel it repairing my mangled heart. Warmth flows through limbs and my heart starts to thump erratically.

I mold my lips to his, desperate for him to want me—to not leave me. There is one thing Cato taught me and it's that men want one thing and one thing only. I reach down to the front of his pants. As soon as Peeta knows what I'm doing, he shoves me back. He shoves me so hard that I hit the wall opposite from him. We are both breathing heavily and his lips are swollen. I take a step towards him, my eyes locked on his lips and he holds his hands out in front of him in weak surrender.

"Stop, Katniss," he says sternly and I snap out of it. Shame fills my body and I look at my feet. I feel something moving up my throat and a cry slips out.

"Peeta, I—"shame fills my throat and I can't finish.

"Katniss, I don't appreciate you trying to manipulate me. You know how I feel about you and you throwing yourself at me… I just can't fight that."

I look at him and I see anger, lust, and betrayal in his eyes. I see something else there too—it burns brightly but this emotion scares me so I choose to ignore it. He shakes his head slowly and turns to walk down the stairs. Panic wells up in me and I grab his arm.

"Peeta, please…" I whisper, brokenly.

He turns to me and touches my cheek softly. I close my eyes and savor his touch. I step closer to him and I feel his lips on my forehead, he rests them there for a moment. I smile softly and he pulls away from me exhaling a deep breath.

"Good luck figuring this all out, Katniss. I hope you know that when you're done, I'll be waiting for you," he whispers as his eyes frantically search my face, trying to commit it to memory.

I stare up into his handsome face and wish desperately that I could just be what he needs—what he deserves. I reach up and trace my hands along his smooth jaw line. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens his eyes, I see desire and love. My heart rips in my heart and the pain of it shocks me. I hold back tears and step forward to hug him close to me. His scent surrounds me and I inhale greedily.

"Thank you, Peeta," I whisper and then he's pulling away and he disappears down the stairs.

I stand at the top of the stairs in shock for a while. The click of a door behind me pulls me from my trance. Whytt steps out of his rooms and pulls up short in surprise.

He opens his mouth to say something but the ringing of the phone in my room stops him. His face drains and it's then that I know that he was the one to unplug it. I stomp past him into my room, angry—not at Whytt but at the whole situation that Cato and the Capitol forced me into. If I hadn't been sent to the games, what would have happened between Peeta and I—Gale and I? If I had won the hunger games and gone home—would things be differently between Peeta and I? I'll never know the answer to these questions.

I rip the phone aggressively from the cradle and scream into it.

"What the fuck do you want?" I hiss.

There is a brief pause and quiet, dangerous chuckle.

"Oh, do I hear the old Katniss? Are you getting some of your spunk back? You know, just five minutes with me would you put you in your place," says a smooth voice from over the line that for once doesn't affect me in any way other than to make me angry.

"It probably would, Cato, but luckily for me, I don't ever have to see you again so looks like the odds are in my favor," I say sarcastically as I mimic Effie.

I can feel Whytt's worried eyes on me and I grip the phone tighter in my hands until it hurts. Cato drops the subject and tries a different tactic.

"Katniss," he whispers, "do you dream about me often? You know I dream about you every night. I long to hold you in my arms again, to kiss you, to feel me in you…" he drifts off and I gasp for air. Images of us together in bed assault me and I grit my teeth together.

"I don't dream, Cato, I have nightmares. Nothing to do with you is pleasant," I say icily and he laughs like that is the best thing he has ever heard.

"Go to hell, Cato," I yell and slam the phone down repeatedly into the cradle. When I stop and it starts to ring again I lose it. I scream, pick up the phone and slam it down so hard that pain shoots up my arm. I rip its cord from the wall. With the phone in hand, I cross to the window, jerk it open and throw the phone out of it. I watch as it smashes into the ground and plastic bits break off from it. It bounces twice and then rolls to a stop in a snow-melted puddle.

I turn to look at Whytt and he's shocked.

"Well, that went better than I had expected…" he mutters.

I roll my eyes and push past him out into the hall.

"I can take care of myself, Whytt," I say coldly. "But thanks for your concern," I add to soften my harsh words.

"Yes, I suppose you can," he murmurs. "I can see that now."

I don't respond. I run down the stairs, hoping that Thea hasn't left yet. I need to talk to her. I run into the room, out of breath and she looks at me, her dark eyes wide with surprise. Her black, strangely colored hair is pulled back and out of her eyes for once. She is in the process of packing up her stuff but at the sight of me, she starts to unload her bag.

"Ah, Katniss, I'm glad you finally decided to join me. I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it today. You know, I've missed you this past week. I hope you're okay."

"I kissed Peeta," I say, skipping the pleasantries and I wonder why I'm telling her this and not that I've talked to Cato.

She sits down, a slight frown on her face.

"Okay," she says and I fidget. "Why don't you sit down, Katniss?"

I nod and cross the room to sit in the chair before her.

"Now, why did you kiss Peeta?"

I don't even flinch—I'm sick of hiding from what I am feeling. I'm sick of letting Cato control my life. If talking is going to make this better, then I'm going to talk.

"Because that is how Cato taught me to manipulate guys. If I didn't want him getting mad at—Anne," I stutter over her name but push through it, "I would distract him with sex."

"And why were you trying to do that to Peeta?"

"Because he was leaving me," I whisper and tears burn in my eyes.

She nods solemnly and glances down to write something in her journal.

"How do you feel about that, Katniss?"

"I felt devastated—angry. I panicked. I threw myself at him and he knew the entire time why I was doing it. I think I might of ruined our friendship because of it."

"I can see that you're starting to realize just how important Peeta is to you. This is good, Katniss. You are starting to let people in. You're letting yourself to get attached to people again."

"I haven't told you the most important stuff yet."

"Well, I know that you slapped Peeta the other day. Your mom told me."

"Oh yeah," I mumble and flush, "I forgot. But that's not what I wanted to tell you. I talked to Cato today."

Thea looks shocked.

"I know I don't like talking about him but I'm done avoiding it."

She nods. "That is very good, Katniss. You sure are making a lot of progress in this one therapy session. So tell me about the phone call."

"I think that it really pushed me to let go of my past. I know I'm not totally done and over him yet—that I probably will never totally get over what he has done to me but I'm not going to let it hold me back anymore."

Thea nods encouragingly and I continue.

"He begged me to go back to district 2 so that I could be with him and I told him no. At first, it made me sick to refuse him but then something snapped in me and I told him I was done with him."

"I see… and how did he respond to that?"

"He was angry and threatened me. He told me that I would be seeing him soon but I think he was just trying to get under my skin."

Thea jumps as the phone in the office starts to ring. We both stare at it. Dread pits in my stomach but I refuse to let it take over. I get to my feet and cross to the phone. I pick it up and my hands shake noticeably.

"Hello?"

I am relieved when a girl's voice flits across the line.

"Oh Katniss, dear," lilts a Capitol voice—It's Effie calling from her business trip. One morning we had woken to find Effie gone, she had been called to go to the Capitol for important business. We were all shocked that she had simply left in the middle of the night without a big scene—it was very un-Effie.

"Hey, Effie," I breathe out, glad that she's so involved with herself that she won't notice how scared I sound.

"I just got out of a meeting with the President herself and Ceasar Flickerman and we have scheduled your big interview. It's going to be in two months and you're going to be staying in the Capitol for public appearances. Isn't that so exciting, dear? I'm going to be coming home next week so I'll see you soon." She blabbers and hangs up before I can say anything. I feel uneasy after I hang up the phone and I make my way back to the seat.

"My interviews will be in two months," I mumble to Thea and she makes a understanding noise in her throat.

"So, you said that Cato called… Do you think that is why you kissed Peeta?"

I glare at her.

"I don't know, Thea. Maybe it was. I'm not too sure if I would have done it if I hadn't just talked to him…"

She takes a deep breath and stares at me. Her dark eyes probe mine and I know she's trying to read something in mine.

"Katniss, I feel like you are still avoiding something. You're still holding back just a little bit. Try to let it go."

I take her advice and I start to speak.

"You want to know about Cato? You want to know about how he would beat me? You want to know about how he would torture me with pheromones and make my body want him while my mind despised him? You want to know how he tricked me into wanting him to the point where I wasn't sure if I really hated him? How about when I told myself that returning home to Prim was an unreachable dream and that I decided to give up—to just stay with Cato? Yeah, that's right. I wanted to stay with him at the end." I take a deep shuddering breath and continue.

"Oh, no, I know what you want to hear about. How about how I sold my virginity and my sanity just to protect a house maid? And you know what? It never mattered because Cato killed her anyway and it was all my fault."

Thea opens her mouth to say something but I interrupt her.

"No, Dorothea, you wanted to know about all of this. At the end there, I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. I still hated his guts but I fucking wanted him. I shared my body with him; I gave up all my dreams for him. I let him extinguish my fire and let him erase who I used to be."

I stop talking and Thea stares at me in shock at my hostility. It's radiating from me, and my eyes glare hatefully at her. She starts to write furiously in her notebook and I continue talking.

"He broke me and at the end I let him. The only thing that makes me feel even close to how I used to be is Peeta. He makes me feel like the old Katniss and I crave that. And now, he's left me to figure this all out by myself and it scares me."

"Well, where would you like to start?" she asks as she tucks her feet underneath her in the chair.

"I know where I should start but I don't want to," I say gloomily.

"And where is that?"

"With Gale. You know, oddly enough I'm more scared of facing his memory in the woods than I am of facing his family."

"Well, then I think that that is a good place to start—with his family."

I take a deep breath and grimace at the thought of facing his mother and siblings.

"Would you like for me to go with you?" she asks pleasantly and I get the feeling that this is some sort of test.

I shake my head slowly. "No, I think this is something I should face It alone. After how I've ignored his mom, I owe it to her to show up alone. I need to explain to her how hard it is for me."

Thea nods. "Just be sure to realize how hard it is going to be for her too."

I fight the urge to reply sarcastically to her—no shit, it was going to be hard for Gale's mom.

* * *

As I approach the tiny house, I take a deep breath. The house is made of crumbling stones and has a thatched roof that is thread bare and I just know that it leaks when it rains. Sorrow flows through me. Gale used to always have to replace the roof once a year. I vow that I'll pay to get it done from now on. Smoke is drifting from the chimney and I long to go inside to warm myself by the fire but I know that I'm not ready for that.

I pause at the gate and search the garden. My heart thumps painfully as I see Gale's mom bent over, weeding and clearing out her dead garden. There are still small patches of snow scattered about but most of it has melted by now—snow never stayed for too long in district 12.

I open the gate but she doesn't turn to see who is coming.

"Posy, please stay out of the garden. How many times do I have to tell you this? I can't afford the time it will take to clean your clothes once again," she admonishes.

I swallow thickly. Posy was always getting in trouble for making messes in the garden. It used to crack me up but now it just makes me sad because I have missed out on so much.

"Hazelle, it's me—Katniss," I say and stress is evident in my voice.

She whips around and straightens up, her knees and back cracking as she goes. I search her face frantically for anger or hurt but all I see is concern and longing.

"Oh, Katniss, I've missed you," she whispers and holds her tanned, firm arms out to me. I run to her and let her engulf me. I hear her sobs but I don't pull away. After everything, I owe her this.

"I'm sorry," I say as tears choke me and threaten to spill out.

"Why are you apologizing?" she asks as she pats my hair.

"For Gale, for avoiding you, for all of this mess… I tried to make sure he had a fighting chance but he wouldn't let me," I say miserably.

She pulls back and wipes at the traitor tears that are running down my face. Her face is smooth and I see no anger in it. Her eyes are shining brightly with tears too and I feel the urge to pull away but I fight it.

"Oh, Katniss, I never blamed you for anything. I always knew that if you ever got reaped, that Gale would go after you—to protect you. He loved you very much and it was very evident to me," she says.

I sob and she pulls me close. "Shh, Katniss. It's okay. Just try to remember the good times," she chokes out and then I'm comforting her. When we are both cried out we pull away and she admires my face.

"I knew how hard this must be for you so I understood when you avoided me. It's okay, you have nothing to feel sorry for. Gale had a choice and he chose to volunteer so he could ensure that you would come home alive. He accomplished what he set out to do and that makes me so proud of him. How could I hate you? You were his biggest joy."

Another tear steals down my cheek and before I can respond, I hear a small voice behind me.

"Katniss, I missed you," I turn to find myself looking at Vick—Gale's middle sibling. His two other siblings are hiding behind him but I only have eyes for Vick. He looks just like Gale and it takes my breath away. My heart breaks and I open my arms to him. He fits perfectly in my arms and I hold him close, wishing with all my heart that he was Gale right now.

"I missed you two, Vick." I peek around him to look at Rory and Posy. "I missed you guys too."

Rory comes and gives me a quick hug—he is too old for all that emotional stuff. After the hug, he stands by his mom, holding her hand. Posy on the other hand glares at me in anger.

"Posy Hawthorne, if you cannot be nice, you get inside the house now," her mother says and Posy throws her chin up and stomps into the house.

I feel a small pain in my chest. Before the games, Posy loved me. She would always beg me to braid her hair like mine. She even convinced me to make her a bow so she could be just like me one day.

"Katniss, I am sorry about her. She doesn't understand any of this yet…"

"It's okay," I ensure her and she smiles softly.

"Would you like to come inside for a bit?"

I frown and my stomach drops in dread. There is no way I can face that—Gale's memory would be too strong there.

"No, thanks. I need to stop by to visit Haymitch before dinner tonight so I better get going."

"Oh, I understand. Well, please don't be a stranger, Katniss," she says, emotion in her voice.

"I promise. I'm sorry too. It just took me a while to work through all of this stuff and to get my courage up. I was afraid you would hate me," I say.

"I could never hate you, Katniss. Not when Gale loved you so deeply," she says.

I look at the floor to avoid the emotion. Hazelle says goodbye and then ushers her kids into the house.

I slowly walk back to my house, taking the long way home. I pass by Madge's house on the way home and I see her and Whytt on the porch talking. She leans towards him and kisses him softly. I feel a pang of pain when he returns the kiss—not because I'm jealous of them together but because she has that with Whytt while I don't even have Peeta anymore.

She pulls back and glances at me. I duck my head and keep walking. I'm looking at the ground so I don't see the friendly wave she gives me or the disappointed look on her face as I disappear down the lane towards the victor's village.

I pass my house and head to Haymitch's. I'm opening the door when Haymitch pushes his way out onto the porch.

"Why, hey there, sweetheart," he slurs at me.

I take in his filthy clothes and I try to hold back a gag as the stench of alcohol assaults my senses.

"Haymitch, what are you doing?" I ask, trying to fight laughter as he stumbles about on his porch.

"I was coming to tell you the good news about the interviews," he says drunkenly.

"Oh, I already talked to Effie about it," I say and he looks shocked.

"Well, you're taking it well."

"How do you want me to take it? I've known that this was going to happen for a while now."

"Well, I don't know how," he says as he leans up against the side of the house.

I simply shake my head at him. Boy he really drank himself stupid this time. Coin told me forever ago about the interviews and as much as I don't like interviews, there really isn't anything to get upset about.

"Come on, Haymitch, let's get you inside and into bed," I say and he surprisingly doesn't fight me.

Entering the house, I am amazed at how disgusting it is. It is ten times worse than it was the last time I was here.

"Good God, Haymitch. You are living like a pig," I say as I trip over a huge pile of garbage. The floor is so covered that you can't even see the wood floors underneath it. I shiver as I imagine all the bugs hiding in the trash. "Tomorrow, I'm coming over to help clean this place up. That way, we can get someone in here to do a deep cleaning—I know just the person too," I say as I think of Hazelle.

"I don't need any help," he says belligerently as I lay him on the couch.

"You'll thank me one day," I tell him but he's already asleep.

I shake my head at him and hope that one day, I don't end up like him—drowning myself in alcohol. I know that I have the chance to have a better life than Haymitch. I know that Peeta could be a part of that life and the thought of it excites me.

I cross to the window and glance at the setting sun. The sky is filled with a bright orange, glowing light and I sigh as it fills me with warmth and hope. The orange in the sky reminds me of how Caesar Flickerman wore his hair one year for the tribute interviews. I wonder what exactly Haymitch wanted me to be upset about concerning the interviews but my imagination can't come up with anything too bad. I shrug my shoulders and head home, thinking that maybe Cinna decided that I was to give the interview naked. I shake my head at the ridiculous thought and I decide not to worry about the interviews. After all, I'm the girl on fire—if I couldn't get through one interview, then I may as well call it quits.


	22. Chapter 22 The Celebration

**I had uploaded a unfinished version of this chapter earlier- sorry for how horrible and unfinsihed that one was but this should be much better!**

* * *

Chapter 22—The Celebration

"I'll be seeing you real soon."

The words echo dreadfully to me in my sleep until they are roaring deafeningly at me. I wake up gasping, covered in sweat and with an awful rolling in my stomach. I fall out of bed and stumble blindly to the bathroom. I make it just in time. With the cool tile digging unforgivingly into my knees, I vomit into the toilet and groan as more bile rises up through my throat. The smell of the toilet water pushes me over and I choke as more stomach acid gurgles out of my mouth.

For the past week and a half, Cato's words have haunted me every single night—growing more and more ominous and frightening every time I hear them. Each night my fear and anxiety grew until I was throwing up because of those simple words. I can feel stress coiling in my stomach, tying my stomach into nauseous knots. During the day, I have resorted to looking over my shoulder every time I leave the house which isn't that often seeing as how Peeta is taking a break from me. Instead I spend most of my days at Haymitch's cleaning up. It has taken Hazelle a full week to get just the entry way, living room, and kitchen cleared out. We haven't even started on the actual cleaning yet.

I groan and my hand reaches for the lever. I tug it down and fall back onto my butt, hanging my head between my knees. Heat rushes through me, causing my stomach to clench unpleasantly. I lurch for the sink and yank the faucet on. Cold water comes spilling out and I greedily scoop handfuls of it onto my heated face and neck. It's not enough. I race to the shower and step in. I turn on the water and gasp as the freezing spray attacks my skin. It takes the breath out of me but it also drives away the nausea in my stomach.

As the water drives all warmth from my body, I sit and ponder over the past week and a half. Dinners have been rather lonely affair for the Everdeen family—Peeta, Whytt and Effie have been absent from recent dinners. Peeta and I haven't seen each other since I kissed him although; he still drops bread off at the house in the mornings. I miss him but I know that he's right—I need to work on my issues and be okay with myself before I decide what Peeta is going to be to me. Prim has been devastated by the whole situation. She has had to revert back to visiting him at the bakery every day. Whytt has been joining Madge and her family for dinner the past couple of nights. He has told me multiple times that she wants to talk to me but I've been avoiding it. Effie still hasn't made it back from the Capitol yet and I wonder what in the world is keeping her so long.

My teeth start to chatter together and goose bumps are painfully erect all over my body. I debate turning on the warm water but decide against it—warmth always makes my nausea worse and I don't want to risk throwing up again. I nimbly step out of the shower and tip toe to the closet in my bathroom. As I wrap myself in my cotton robe, I hear my bedroom door open and close. Shivering, I stick my head out to see Prim standing in my room.

Her face is white and she has a look of dread on her face. My mind immediately jumps to Cato—he's here. I run to her and drop down in front of her and grasp her shoulders.

"Prim, what is it?"

My voice quivers in fear and I clear it, trying to be strong for Prim. Her eyes are locked on mine but it feel as if they are looking right past me. I shiver in dread—anticipating the worse.

"Effie is here…"she mumbles and I exhale my tension. My body slumps forward and I let out a weak laugh.

I jump slightly when my door slams open and bangs against the wall. I look up and there she is. Effie is now colored in hues of purples: her skin a pale light purple, her hair a vibrant bright purple, and her eyes a romantic shade of purple. Her tightly laced dress is a mixture of different shades of purple and her high heeled shoes match her dress. She tips precariously on her heels and I think that the towering wig on her head is about to slip right off but of course, Effie manages to somehow keep it in place.

My eyes go to her face and anxiety bubbles in my stomach. Her face is drawn tight with stress and she looks at me with judgment in her purple eyes.

"Oh, goodness, Katniss, you look ever so much worse than when I was here," she comments, her Capitol accent grating against my ears.

"It's good to see you too, Effie," I say and grin. Even though Effie is a stuck up Capitol minion, something in me refuses to hate her no matter how awful she is.

She steps into the room and I'm happiness floods through me as a man enters the room behind her. Tears burn in my eyes and I'm frozen kneeling before Prim.

Cinna's golden eyes dart around my room and come to rest on me. He is followed by the rest of his stylist crew. Flavius, Octavia, and Venia hover behind him, fidgeting slightly. Flavius' curly carrot-colored hair is still the same but he now wears gold lipstick instead of his usual purple. He waves at me and I smile as my eyes go to Octavia. I have to say that Octavia looks the weirdest of them all, with her pea green skin—it makes her look like she is from another planet. Venia is second place in the weird contest with her aqua hair and tattooed face. My eyes fall on Cinna again and he smiles. My shock has worn off so I'm able to respond. I get up and run to him, throwing my arms around him.

"What are you doing here, Cinna? My interviews aren't for almost two months!" I exclaim as I cling to him. He stiffens and I pull away to see him glaring at Effie.

"You didn't tell her?" he snaps and Effie's light purple skin pales even more.

"I haven't had a chance yet," she says and drops her eyes to the floor. Her Capitol looks are so out of place in my nature-based room.

"What's going on?" I ask, my stomach clenching sickeningly. I bite the inside of my lip, fighting the nausea rising in me.

"Reporters from the Capitol are here," she mumbles and I groan in response.

"Why? Have the interviews been moved forward?"

"No, they just need footage of you at home in your district for when they run the story later. Plus, they want interviews with your family and friends too," she explains.

My stomach drops. They want to get footage of me interacting with people who live here and I'm not comfortable with doing that yet. Besides Peeta, Haymitch, and the Hawthorne family, I haven't really talked to anyone else from district 12. I don't want to deal with their questions and judgment about what has happened to me.

I sigh angrily and Effie lifts her dyed chin stubbornly. She clears her throat and straightens her shoulders as she relays the rest of the news.

"There will also be a celebration held in a few days. The whole district will be there," she declares and I roll my eyes. This just keeps getting better and better.

While Effie had been telling me here news, Cinna had started to circle me, biting on his lip as he took me in. I can just imagine how unhappy he is with my looks. On a good day, the bags under my eyes are just a light grey and my hair doesn't look quite so stringy and unloved.

Prim goes to sit on the bed and stops momentarily to pick something up off of the floor. I see a flash of gold and realize that it's my mockingjay pin—I must have dropped it in my sleep last night. Ever since Peeta had stopped coming around, I had taken to grasping it in my hand each night. It gave me a sense of comfort.

Prim flops down on the bed with a worried look on her face. I bet seeing all those reporters were a shock for her. She better get used to it though because I know that sooner rather than later, she'd be getting interviewed—not once but probably multiple times.

"Well, well, I'll let you get to fixing her, Cinna," Effie says and escapes from the room, closing the door behind her. Cinna keeps circling me with a frown on his handsome face. He gently takes my robe from me and looks at my naked body. I don't shy away from my nakedness—everyone in the room has seen it all before.

"Oh, Katniss, I'm sorry to say this but you are a sad sight," he comments and then adds, "I'm going to have to take in all of the outfits I have designed for you. You have lost quite a deal of weight."

I look down to see my ribs sticking out and hip bones thrusting out dramatically. Boy, I _had_ lost a lot of weight. My body was marred from scars both from the arena and staying with Cato. A few particular ones stand out: the scraps on my back from being caught under the waterfall, cuts on my knees from when I tried to run away from Cato and he had tackled me, the deep gash on my arm from when I cut myself. I know that soon, these will all be erased from me and the thought saddens me. They are reminders (not that I need them) of where I have been and all that I have survived.

I know without even looking that my face is worse. My cheek bones stick out and I have deep, purple bags under my eyes. My eyes are a dead, unfeeling gray that have ghosts and Death dancing in them. I wonder if Cinna can see it in me—if he can see the monster that lives deep within. I'm pulled out of my thoughts by him talking to his crew

"We're going to need the works: Body scrub, waxing, skin peels, intensive hair conditioning. Venia, try to find some contacts—we need to brighten the dead look in her eyes. Octavia, try to savage her nails. Flavius, don't cut too much of her hair off but try to get it looking healthier."

They all nod and Flavius eyes my hair doubtfully. The other two just look at me in shock, dumbstruck by how much work I am going to require. Cinna gives me a small smile and turns to leave. Right before he opens the door, he turns to look at Prim.

"If you come with me, sweetie, I can get you styled and ready for your interview tonight."

Prim looks to me and my heart drops. I never wanted her to have to go through any of this but I know that we don't really have a choice. I bite my lip and nod for her to follow Cinna.

After all supplies are hauled in my room and I'm sitting in my bathroom, the torture begins. Flavius tugs at my hair, brushing all the knots from it and washing it repeatedly with different concoctions. Venia plucks my eyebrows until I think that I won't have any left. She then pushes contacts into my eyes and plucks them out as she tries on different pairs. Octavia snips and cuts at my nails and cuticles. Next, all three of them set to stripping the hair from my body. I grit my teeth together and get lost in memories of Gale and I together in the woods. Next they start to rub ointment over all my scars. They explain that this will get rid of them. When they try to put the lotion on the deep scar on my arm, I jerk away from them.

"Not that one," I say determinedly.

"Katniss, we have to. Cinna said—"starts Flavius.

"I don't care what he said," I say coldly, "you're not getting rid of that one."

They glance at each other and shrug their shoulder and it's decided—I get to keep my scar. They decide to move onto the body scrub next. I cringe as they scrub vigorously at my body. By the time by body is scrubbed and polished, it's almost supper time. I walk downstairs and can hear interviews going on in the office. From the sounds of it, they are interviewing Dorothea.

"So, we all know the story of how everything happened after the games. What we are interested in is how she is doing after returning home—how she handling everything?" says a male voice that drips with the Capitol accent.

My blood turns cold. I've told almost everything to her and now she's going to spill it to all of Panem. I turn towards the office to confront them but what she says stops me.

"Well, to be honest with you I don't know how helpful I'll be. I'm her therapist and as such, I will not betray her trust."

There is an awkward silence. I laugh and walk into the kitchen. Prim is sitting there, nervously chewing on her nails. She is wearing a blouse and a long, flowing skit. Her shirt is untucked and I shake my head at it. I have no idea how she always manages to get her shirt untucked.

"Hey little duck, what are you doing?"

She groans as her hands find her untucked shirt. She shoves it into her waistline violently and turns to me.

"I'm next, Katniss," I can see the panic in her eyes and I open my arms to her.

She runs to me and hugs me tight.

"You'll be okay, little duck, just try your best to answer their questions and if you don't want to answer, then just tell them that—they can't make you."

"Come in there with me Katniss," I look down into her pleading eyes and my heart shifts in my chest.

"I won't be able to be in it with you—I'm not done being styled yet," I say and her face drops.

"Well, can't you at least sit in the room with me?" She asks hopefully.

"That's a great idea," says a deep voice before I can answer both jump at the sound of it. The smell of alcohol gives away who it is before I can even turn to look at him.

"Haymitch," I exclaim in surprise. "I'm surprised to see you here," I say. What I mean is that I'm surprised that he's not passed out in a drunken stupor. He reads my mind.

"Effie got her hands on me this morning. Told me what was going on and that I have to be a part of all of this. She even tried to get a prep team to do some work on me."

"I can just guess how that went," I laugh and he just shakes his head at Effie's craziness. Cinna enters the room behind Haymitch and he takes my appearance in.

"You're looking better. I can actually see a person now."

"Oh, thanks Cinna," I say drolly.

"Cinna, listen. You need to get her ready for an interview," Haymitch tells him and Cinna raises a brow to him.

"They want to know how Katniss is handling being home and showing her providing emotional support to Prim is perfect. It sums up what is most important to her and I think that Capitol citizens would just eat that up," Haymitch says the last part with disgust but Cinna doesn't take offense at his words. He simply nods and turns to me with a calculating look in his eyes.

* * *

Prim fidgets uncomfortably next to me and she tries to shield her eyes from the bright lights that are blinding us. She wears her soft, girly skirt and I am dressed in a dress that brings back memories. It's the same peach dress that I had worn to dinner with Cato the night I had cut myself—the night I had given everything away. When Cinna had pulled it out, I tried to refuse wearing it but he said that it was the only thing that would fit me right now. He claimed that he'd have to work long nights just to get my dress ready for the district 12 celebration in a few days.

Together, Prim and I look quite the picture. We look soft, elegant, and pleasing. My makeup, contacts, and dress hides the monster inside me very well. In fact, when I had looked at myself in the mirror I was shocked. I look like a whole different person—someone who hadn't been raped and held hostage for months. I was almost convinced that it never happened until I looked down and saw the scar on my arm. It centered me and let me know that I am still the same person—that the monster is lurking just beneath my skin.

The interviewer clears his throat and my eyes are drawn to him. He introduces himself as Thorn Hugglewood and for a Capitol citizen, he looks oddly normal. The only thing he has enhanced on him is his teeth. They are bigger than normal so that when he smiles, your eyes are drawn to his perfect, white, gleaming grin. His eyes are also different—they sparkle even without light reflecting in them. They are a deep, pure, dark blue color and his thick eye lashes surrounding them draw you in. His black hair is slicked back and not a single hair is out of place. Personally, I think that looks-wise, he could give Caesar Flickerman a run for his money. However, when he opens his mouth and starts the interview, it is plainly clear why he's not a big time interviewer for the Capitol.

"So here we are sitting with Katniss Everdeen and her little sister Primrose Everdeen. We all know that Katniss volunteered for her sister in the last hunger games. Primrose, how did it feel when she did that? How did it feel knowing that she was going to die?"

My mouth pops open and Prim looks up to me in shock. I glare at the interviewer and he grins hugely at us. Prim clears her throat and reaches out with her small hand to grasp mine.

"Well first, obviously, it was not guaranteed that she would die—or else, she wouldn't be sitting next to me right now. I knew she had a good fighting chance at winning so that made me feel a little bit better about everything but I still felt guilty that she would do that for me. But I knew that she would make it home—I just had a feeling. I knew she wasn't going to die."

Thorn's grin widens and I can see annoyance in it—annoyance at the little girl who, right off the bat, was making him look stupid.

"That's nice," he says and I can hear the false sincerity in his voice. "Now, I'm curious…. How did you feel when you would watch your sister kill people in order to make it home to you?"

Prim bites her lip and I want to smack this guy for asking such retarded questions. Does he not realize how sensitive she was?

"Well, of course I wish that people didn't have to die for that to happen. But that's the way of the games unfortunately. I didn't decide for it to be like that—it just is."

I smother a grin as my body tenses. She's getting awfully close to talking bad about the awfulness that is the games. Thorn realizes this too so he drops that subject and picks up a different one.

"Primrose, how do you feel about Cato? I could just imagine how you feel about the man who raped and beat your sister…"

I stiffen and so does Prim. She looks down at her clenched hands and frowns. I bite my lip, trying to hold in my anger.

"I hate him," she whispers and I look at her with pity, hating that she has to do this. "The worst part is that I know it's my fault that Katniss had to go through all of that. If my name hadn't been called, then she wouldn't have volunteered—it would have never happened. She'd be so much happier."

A denial bursts from my lips before I can stop myself.

"That is not true, Prim! It's not your fault. You didn't decide for that to happen to me. If I hadn't volunteered, you wouldn't be here and I would be devastated. I have a good life because you're in it," I tell her, ignoring that the cameras are catching this private moment.

"Oh, my goodness. This is very sweet," Thorn murmurs. "Katniss, since you seem so keen to talk, let's shift our focus to you for a bit. Tell me, have you seen or heard from Cato since you left district 2?"

His eyes are glinting and I get the feeling that he has something up his sleeves. I grind my teeth in anger as a tear slips down Prim's cheek. I decide to lie—this guy doesn't deserve to get a good story. I'm going to try to make this as boring as possible.

"No, and I don't plan to see or talking to him every again."

Thorn grins and my stomach sinks at the look in his eyes. Triumph shines from them and I know that I've been caught.

"Hmm… well, that's weird because I did a phone interview with Cato just earlier today and he mentioned a phone call… He actually mentioned two phone calls. What do you have to say about that, Kat?"

I narrow my eyes at the nickname and he grins even more. The evil glint in his eyes tells me that he's aware of how much I hate that nickname.

"It wasn't much of phone call. He asked me to go back to him and I told him no. That I loved my sister too much to go back."

Prim smiles softly at me, her tears gone for now.

"And if you didn't have a sister?" he presses and I outright glare at him and clench my fist. His eyes dart down to my fists and he flinches slightly in response—he's afraid of me. A sick pleasure twists in my gut and I sneer at him.

"Luckily, I do have my sister but if I didn't, I still wouldn't go back to him. He raped me and beat me and killed a young girl right in front of my eyes." I see the color drain from the interviewers face. "He is moody and unstable and dangerous. If I never see him again, it will be too soon."

Thorn jumps to his feet.

"Cut! Cut! Katniss, we can't have you saying that," he exclaims and looks to Haymitch who is sitting in the back of the room. Haymitch shrugs his shoulder.

"Why not?" I ask him.

"Because, Cato is a hunger games victor and we can't have the citizens of Panem turning against him—that might lead to the citizens to turn against the hunger games."

Anger boils in my blood.

"Well what the hell did you expect me to say? I'm sorry that the true events might upset some people. Imagine what it must have been like for me. If you don't want the truth then you're just going to have to make do with what little you've gotten so far because we are done with this interview."

I grab Prim's hand and pull her out of the room. I can hear Haymitch laughing as we strut down the hall and Thorn making indignant noises. What an idiot.

* * *

Dread gurgles in my stomach and I rest my head against the cold glass of my window. Today is the day of the celebration. Effie had been horribly busy these past couple of days: arranging food, and music for the big event. She had to recruit people to send out invitations and notices. She had even had the huge dining room in the justice building scrubbed and set up buffet-style. She refused to keep the food outside. She said that the coal dust would ruin everything.

Cinna had been locked up in one of the bedrooms in the house, working furiously on taking in some of my dresses so that we would have a selection to choose from. I barely got to see him and when I did, he would come bustling into my room at random hours of the day, ordering me to put something on only to rip it off of me when he felt that it wasn't the perfect fit or outfit for me.

I sigh and my breath fogs up the glass. I slide my sleeve down over my hand and rub furiously at the cloud of fog on the window. I see Peeta walking up to our house with his usual basket of bread over his arm. My heart skips a beat at the sight of him. I haven't seen him since the day that Cato called. I wonder if Effie ever got around to inviting him personally to the dinner tonight—she had thrown a fit when I asked her to. She claimed that we needed to focus on personally inviting more important people than the _baker_. I just rolled my eyes at her and told her that she better make sure that he was there. I had a feeling that he wouldn't feel comfortable just showing up. Plus, I knew that Prim really wanted him there. Heck, **I** really wanted him there—I missed him.

Outside, Peeta's head starts to rise towards where I am standing and I jump back from my window. My stomach rumbles unhappily and I fight getting sick. All of this anxiety was really getting the best of me. After all of this celebration stuff was over with, I was going to have to talk to Dorothea about putting me on some anxiety medicine.

Cinna bursts into my room, a suit bag swinging from his arm. I jump and gasp in surprise at his abruptness.

"I finally did it! I found the perfect dress for you. Hopefully, my alterations are right on because I don't think my hands can handle anymore sewing." He sighs dramatically.

"Can I see it?" I ask and turn to face him. His back is to me as he hangs the dress on the full length mirror leaning against the wall.

"No, you can't see anything until you are completely ready. I want you to get the full affect."

He looks at me and groans as he spots the bags under my eyes.

"Did you sleep at all last night, Katniss?"

I glare at him.

"Yes, an hour or two…" I mutter and he shakes his head in frustration. Sticking his head out the door he yells for my prep team to join him. While we wait for them to join us, he looks at me.

"Katniss, when is the last time you ate a decent meal?"

"I don't know, Cinna, I just haven't really haven't felt like eating lately. I've got a lot on my plate," I say with aggravation in my voice. Why did everyone have to mention how horrible I look?

Cinna simply sighs and rolls his golden eyes towards the ceiling.

After hours of primping and prodding and even more plucking and shaving, Cinna declares that I am ready. He tells me to close my eyes and I do as I'm told. I feel the cold, smooth feel of cloth as he slides my dress over my head. He zips me up and flits about me, making last minute adjustments.

"Are you ready, Katniss?" he breathes and I take a deep breath before I open my eyes.

I look at myself and am pleasantly surprised at the result. I don't look soft and feminine. I look strong and confident. I'm wearing a black dress that ends just above my middle thigh. The top is adorned with black lack with a thick flower pattern. It is cinched around the waist with a thick black ribbon. It's simple and it's perfect—I'll be able to be confident in this.

My face looks beautiful and flawless. I see the ghost of the girl on fire in my face and a slight smile plays on my face. The bags under my eyes have been erased completely and my eye makeup makes me look like I'm not some poor, suffering soul. I look almost normal.

I hear the clicking of heels in the hall and I hear Effie talking. I hear a small voice respond and I turn towards the door as Prim and Effie file into the room. A longing sigh fills the air as Prim looks at me.

"Oh, Katniss…" she murmurs.

Effie makes an approving noise in her throat and she bobs her head enthusiastically.

"You look very good, Katniss. Too bad you're so skinny or I'd dare say that you would look perfect."

I roll my eyes and bite my comments about her weird purple skin from escaping from my mouth.

"Now, I've brought you your schedule for tonight and also some notecards that you are to read from. You have to give a speech at the beginning of the celebration—do not stray from the notecards. Also, I brought you some crackers and water. Word around the house is that you haven't been eating much lately so we need to start you off with something that will be easy on your stomach."

"As long as I don't have to talk to that Thorn jerk, I'm fine with whatever is planned for tonight," I mumble as I snack on a cracker.

Effie sniffs. "He's actually a friend of mine but if you can't be nice, then please try to avoid him until it is necessary that you talk to him. You've already embarrassed me enough," she says with an affronted sniff.

I glare at her and promise myself that I will search him out just so that I can make a scene and give Effie a heart attack. I smile softly to myself.

"Effie, did you invite Peeta like I asked you to?"

She sighs and rolls her eyes as she pats at her wig. "Yes, yes, my dear. He said that if his mom doesn't throw a fit, he'll think about coming. Honestly, I don't know why you worry about him so much."

"Effie there are a lot of things that I don't understand about you," I grit out at her.

Effie sniffs and leaves the room with one last thing to say. "Look over those cards, Katniss. You're speech is taking place at four o'clock today—that gives you a little over two hours to get prepared."

As soon as the door closes I throw the cards behind me and the flutter spastically to the floor. Cinna sighs and shoves crackers at me and orders me to eat.

* * *

The crowd in town square doesn't roar or cheer when I appear on the stage across from the justice building. Their mumbling stops, an awe-filled silence fills the air and I twist my notecards in my hands nervously. I haven't even looked them over yet—I had been too busy chatting with Cinna. As I step up to the microphone, my eyes scan the crowd and I find Peeta.

He is standing under a tree, his eyes locked on mine. He is wearing a light blue shirt and khaki pants. He's not wearing a jacket and I wonder how he's not freezing. Suddenly someone is pulling on his arm and from where I am standing, I see a pretty brunette girl who I don't quite recognize slip her arm through his. I don't look at his face; instead I glare at the girl. After a few seconds, Peeta unhooks their arms and frowns at her.

Someone in the crowd clears their throat and my attention is drawn back to the matter at hand. I clear my throat uncomfortably and the sound of it echoes through the silent crowd. I look down at the cards in my hand and start to read.

"Ladies and gentleman, my name is Katniss Everdeen and I am the co-winner of the 74th hunger games," I pause here in surprise. So now I'm a co-winner? "Many of you have heard about the corruption of President Snow and I am here today to tell you that the actions of the old president do not reflect upon what the new president does," I pause again, getting an uneasy feeling in my stomach. "President Coin helped me get home when I had no hope of doing so. I want to let you know that I support her and her campaign one hundred percent. This includes but is not limited to the hunger ga-" I stop there, not even bothering to finish the last word in the sentence. I glare at the cards in my hand and shake my head in protest.

I grip the podium and my eyes shoot up to take in the crowd. I see anger on some people's faces- on the rest I just see morbid curiosity. My eyes lock on Hazelle's and Posy's I turn cold and I crumple up my notecards. I lift my hand up and drop the cards to the floor. They flutter down around my feet and I can hear Effie's gasp behind me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I look at Gale's family. "Let me start again. My name is Katniss Everdeen and I was a tribute in the 74th hunger games. I was not a co-winner. I was a victim—of the games and of the Capitol. After being forced to kill other kids my age, I was hid in district 2 with the actual winner of the hunger games. Unspeakable things occurred there but I made it through and with the help of President Coin, I got to come home. I'm here, trying to live each day one hour at a time—trying to get over all that I have been through. But today should not be able me. It should be about the death of my best friend who, many of you knew and loved. Gale was a good person and he didn't deserve to die the way he did. Today, let's not celebrate my return home but let's celebrate his life…" I pause here, not sure of what to say next so I decide to end my speech there. "Thank you," I whisper lamely and step back, my eyes still on Gale's family. I lift my hand in the grieving signal of district 12 and the whole crowd shifts so that they are facing the Hawthornes and they follow my lead.

I feel tugging on my arms and peacekeepers pull me away from the microphone. Haymitch steps in and grabs my arm, pulling me from their grasp as Effie shots by, a furious look on her purple face.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Effie calls out repeatedly until one by one, the crowd drops their hands and turns to face her. "Yes, yes, that is enough," she clears her throat. "Dinner is being served in the justice building. If you would please make your way that way," Effie smiles and laughs.

The crowd stares at her, eyes darting to me as peacekeepers close in on Haymitch and I. One by one, people trickle towards the building until soon a whole mass of people are making their way towards the huge building. Only a few people stick around. I spot Peeta, Whytt and my family among them.

Effie swings around and glares at me, shoving past peacekeepers she gets in my face.

"Katniss," she hisses, "all you had to do was read the cards! Honestly, how hard could that possibly be? I'm telling you that you're lucky. Lucky this wasn't being broadcasted live. We're going to have to shoot new footage now..." she trails off as she starts to mutter about messing up the schedule.

Whytt joins us on the stage and makes sure to put himself between the peacekeepers and I. He turns his angry glare on them and steps forward menacingly at them.

"I don't know what you think you're going to do to her but whatever it is, you can just forget about it. After everything she has been through, if the public finds out that you laid a hand on her, it's going to make everything worse." The peacekeepers look at each other for a long moment. When one nods slightly, they both back away from us and give us some space.

Haymitch pulls me to the side so that Effie can't hear us. "As much as I enjoyed that little speech of yours, you really are dumb Katniss. You need to be on your best behavior the rest of the night especially during the interviews later. You may be able to get away with slapping the Capitol in the face once but I wouldn't try it a second time."

I start to groan but Haymitch cuts it off with an angry look. "Listen, if you pull a stunt like that in the Capitol, you're not going to get off so easily. Just stick to the cards."

"Well, make sure whoever writes my speech doesn't write such a retarded one. Did you honestly expect me to say that I support the hunger games?"

"Katniss, you need to learn how to play the game, sweetheart. You're going to have to make nice with Capitol politics or you risk putting yourself and your loved ones in danger. Freedom of speech does not exist in Panem, it never has and it probably never will."

My face pales as I think of Prim getting hurt because of my careless words. I spot her making her way in the justice building I see a dark figure following her and nervousness spreads in my body. I jump when I hear a whoosh and crackling. Light and heat fills the air around me and I'm pulled back into the arena when I was running from the fire. My heart pumps and my instincts fire up, my eyes scan the scene and I sag in relief when I see that it's only a bonfire.

I watch as people start to pour back out of the justice building with plates in their hands. Some people sit on the steps, casually talking to one another while they devour the Capitol food that had been brought in for the event. Others, stand in groups chatting casually to each other.

My eyes try to find Prim again but she has already disappeared inside the building. My eyes roam and find Peeta still under the tree. He is talking to the brunette girl who is still hanging onto his arm. I get a sick feeling in my stomach and crushing pain in my chest.

I feel a presence beside me and turn to see Whytt.

"I wouldn't worry too much about her. Peeta is head over heels for you," he says and I blush—am I that obvious? Plus, Peeta may have been head over heels before but I doubt it now.

"I'm not worried about that," I lie, "I'm worried about being around these people."

Whytt doesn't respond to my half-lie and his gaze swoops over the people roaming about. Behind me, I can hear the band clambering up the stairs, dragging their gear with them. I hear laughter ring out across the crowd and I sigh, knowing that I need to get to work.

I slowly make my way through the crowd, passing people as I search for someone to talk to. Whenever I get near to someone, they turn and stare at me with blunt curiosity and judgment in their eyes. I can't bring myself to talk to any of them. I turn, wanting to seek refuge in the justice building and find myself face to face with Madge.

Her cheeks are flushed and she looks around self-consciously.

"Hi, Katniss," she breathes and her face is pleading for me to talk to her.

"Madge," I smile and it feels wrong on my face.

She steps closer to me and grabs my arm, pulling me closer to her. I let her because I don't want to cause a scene. I feel eyes on me and I turn to see a camera crew following me.

"Listen, I'm really sorry for what I said. There isn't a good excuse for it and I know that. I was just going through a hard time and I directed my anger at the wrong person—"she opens her mouth to continue but I cut her off.

"Madge, it's fine. I understand. You don't have to say anything else."

She smiles and sighs in relief. "I know you need to go mingle with other people so I won't keep you long but I just wanted to let you know that your speech was really nice—gutsy, but nice."

I smile at her and reach for her hands, with a squeeze, I release her and turn around to find other people to talk to. As I walk, some people stop to congratulate me on surviving the games. Others stop me to offer their condolences over what happened to Gale and to me in district 2. I thank everyone who stops me and then move on, the cameras always close behind me, capturing everything. It's not long before I run into someone who I don't want to talk to.

I had just got done talking with an old school mate when I turned to find myself face to face with the girl who had been hanging over Peeta—I'm surprised to find out that she's not brunette and that I know her. It's Delly Cartwright. My eyes scan the crowd around us, looking for an escape. All eyes on us and I know that to leave right now would just cause more talk and Effie would absolutely kill me.

She smiles at me and her perfectly straight white teeth gleam pleasantly at me. Up close, recognition floods through me, from far away I hadn't been able to recognize her. Delly went to school with Peeta and me. I don't know her well but I recognize her because she always hung around Peeta. In fact, everyone in school had always wondered when they would start to date. They were one of those couples who were thought to be destined to be together. The thought of it, makes my stomach drop and jealousy to flood through my body. Even though Peeta and I aren't together and I'm not even sure if I would want to be with him, I don't appreciate this girl hanging around him. It feels like she is encroaching on my territory.

She opens her mouth to talk and I quickly turn on my heel and walk away from her. Screw Effie. Screw the cameras. I just can't be nice to this girl. I pull up short at the sight of the angry person behind me. It's the father of a tribute from an earlier hunger games—I can't think of his name or his daughter's. His daughter had actually been the runner up in that hunger game years ago. She had survived so long by actually hooking up with a career. Word is that during training, she used that time to seduce him and convince him to let her join their group. It didn't matter in the end though: at the end of the game, while she slept the career had slipped off and killed the last tribute. He then came back and strangled her in while she slept.

Her dad's chest is puffing in and out as he struggles with his emotions. He points a finger at me and I stumble back, thinking that he had been trying to hit me.

"What makes you so fucking special?" he asks angrily and I simply shake my head back and forth. My eyes are wide and my heart is pumping wildly.

"No, _Katniss Everdeen_, I want a fucking answer," he roars at me, my name coming out like a curse word. "What made you so special that they let you live and not my little girl?"

Silence is thick in the air and people around us fall silent. My eyes scan the crowd around us, searching for help. None comes.

"I'm not special," I whisper and the man laughs. It is dead.

"No, you're not. You don't deserve to be here. If she didn't get to live, then you don't either."

He rushes at me and I stumble back, my heels tripping me. Suddenly peacekeepers are bursting from the people surrounding us. They tackle him to the ground and I feel a hand on my arm. I jerk away, ready to fight but I realize that it is only Whytt. Prim's white face peeks out from behind him and I pull her to my side.

There is a crackling in the air and then I hear Effie. She starts to speak as the peacekeepers wrestle with the man and drag him away from me through the stunned crowd. I feel sick to my stomach and try to fight from getting sick.

Nothing made me special—I didn't survive because I was special. More like, I survived the games because I was unlucky. I survived because Cato wanted me and he made sure that he could get me.

"Citizens of district 12! Can I please get a round of applause for out wonderful band?" she laughs and starts to clap. The band behind her waves uneasily at the crowd. Few people clap with Effie. She clears her throat awkwardly.

"Well, well, according to my itinerary, it is time for the dancing. Let's kick this off with our districts winners, shall we? Katniss, can you please join Haymitch on the dance floor in front of the stage?"

The crowd parts, giving me a clear view of the dance floor: it's nothing special, just a huge rug spread out over the dirt ground. I shakily make my way towards the floor and join Haymitch who looks like someone just killed his cat. A lively jig fills the air and I stop in front of Haymitch.

"I hope you know how to dance because I sure as hell don't," I say and he laughs, grabbing my hands and awkwardly holding them.

"Not a chance, sweetheart," he declares and I laugh as we sway lamely from side to side, holding hands. He laughs too.

"You can bet your ass that Effie is having a heart attack right now: first, your awful speech; next, you getting attacked by that man; and now our awful dancing. Poor Effie, things just never seem to go her way."

I laugh tensely but feel more relaxed as people start to join us on the dance floor. Everyone else does a much better job at it than Haymitch and I are doing. I spot Prim dragging Peeta to the floor and I smile as I see Prim's face light up with excitement. He moves her around the floor, spinning her in dizzy circles. Suddenly, a voice floats above the music.

"Switch partners!"

There is a moment of confusion as people process this order. Then there is a mad dash as people grab for new dancing partners. Haymitch takes the opportunity to slip from the floor. I go to follow him but I am grabbed by a tall, broad man who spins me in front of him. I try to make out his features but it's pointless—he is spinning me smoothly across the floor. I laugh and spot Whytt and Madge joining the small crowd on the dance floor. The man I don't know maneuvers me around the floor and right as we pass by Whytt and Madge the order to switch partners is given again and I find myself in Whytt's arms.

I laugh breathlessly as he steers me around. He's not as good as my last partner but he is still infinitely better than Haymitch.

"Sorry I wasn't with you when that man attacked you earlier," he huffs out as he pulls me closer to him.

"It's not a problem, Whytt," I say and the order to switch is given again.

I turn and find myself face to face with Peeta. He grabs me around the waist and pulls me close—closer than any of my dance partners have held me so far. My breath catches in my throat as his scent fills my nose. We start to dance and soon, the music flourishes to an end. Another song takes its place but this one is much slower. I freeze, unsure of what to do. Peeta makes the decision for me.

His hand slides down my back and draws me even closer than before. His hand on my lower back burns at my skin and I have trouble breathing.

"Katniss," he murmurs but I interrupt him.

"Don't talk Peeta. I can't handle it right now," I say coldly and he nods but pulls me even closer. My face is so close to his chest that the only thing that makes sense to do is rest my head on it. I feel awkward, like I shouldn't be doing this when he came here with Delly.

The night has grown dark but Effie has made sure that lighting is accounted for. Big towers of lights surround the dance floor and are placed around the town square. They buzz noisily but the music does a good job of covering the racket the speakers are making.

My skin buzzes with excitement as his touch warms my body. His scent invades me and makes me dizzy. I melt into him and I feel his grip tighten in response. I spot Delly in the crowd, a frown on her face and I stiffen in his arms.

The music ends and I step away from Peeta. He tries to reach for me but I back up further until I run into someone behind me. I feel hands on me and a weird shock travels through my body—adrenaline from almost falling.

As a lively song fills the air, my eyes lock with Peeta's and I turn to claim the person I bumped into as my next partner. My eyes travel up his darkly-clothed body but before they reach his face the lights go out with loud clicking noises. There are loud gasps and my arm is grasped tightly by the man in front of me. The band stops playing and surprised screams fill the air. I am being pulled away from Peeta by my dance partner and my feet stumble as I blindly follow. Suddenly I feel another pair of hands on me and I'm being tugged from both sides.

"Katniss, quit fighting me," says Peeta's angry voice and I hear a sigh from the unknown man and he lets go.

"I wasn't," I say and the lights click back on. Laughter filla the air and Peeta pulls me from the floor. I glance around for my dance partner, wanting to apologize to skipping out on him but I don't see him anywhere. I don't even see the camera crew either.

Peeta drags me to the edge of the crowd and as soon as we clear the people, I pull away from him.

"Peeta, I don't want to talk to you," I hiss and he looks hurt.

"Let me explain, Katniss," he starts but I shake my head in anger.

"I don't want to know, Peeta. I know you don't owe me anything but you told me that you were going to wait for me. It sure doesn't look like you are waiting."

"It's not like that, I swear," he says and steps toward me and I turn and stumble my way back into the crowd. I can hear him calling my name but he loses me in the crowd. I run towards the justice building, hoping to take refuge in one of the rooms there.

I stomp up the steps and enter the lobby of the building. Crowds of people linger here, chatting pleasantly to each other. Most of them don't even notice as I quietly make my way around the perimeter of the lobby and turn down a dark hallway towards the room peacekeepers took me to after the reaping. Right when I reach the door someone grabs me, wrenching my hand from the cold doorknob. I gasp in surprise and anger.

"Peeta, get off of me," I say angrily but freeze when I inhale a very familiar scent. I spin around to face my pursuer. He is wearing dark clothes—dark pants, dark shirt, and a dark hooded cloak that is shadowing his face. But even without seeing his face, I know who is it—if his smell didn't give it away, the familiar shape of his domineering body did. Cato is here. My heart plummets to my feet and my mouth pops open. I gasp and step back, running to the door.

_Oh shit_, I think.


	23. Chapter 23 A Different Road

**This is the last chapter for this story- just wanted to warn yah so no one is confused...**

* * *

Chapter 23—A Different Road

_Cato is here. My heart plummets to my feet and my mouth pops open. I gasp and step back, running into the door._

_Oh shit, I think._

* * *

"Sorry to disappoint you, Kat, but I'm not your _precious Peeta_," he says, his voice deadly and filled with darkness. My legs give out beneath me but he catches me before I fall. My skin reacts. I feel his touch flowing through my body and I gasp as realization dawns on me—he was my dance partner, the last one that I never got the chance to actually look at. He's too close to me, it's too much to handle. No one even knows where I am or that I'm in trouble. My eyes grow wide and I open my mouth and start to scream. His hand comes down and crushes against my mouth, the force of its free fall splits my lip and drizzles blood onto my tongue. I can hear as he fumbles with the doorknob and I struggle, pushing and kicking, trying to get away from him before it's too late. But it's no use. Before I know it, I'm being pushed into the room behind me.

He pushes me farther into the room and I hear the door slam shut. Silence engulfs us and all I can hear is my heavy, panicked breathing. He stares at me and I struggle to see his face in the darkness beneath his hood. Adrenaline courses through my body, making my head spin and my stomach churn. I am alone in the room with him and no one knows where I am—I'm in trouble.

He pulls the hood down and I can see his face. He looks exactly the same as I remember. His blue eyes glitter in demented excitement and he is grinning at me. Hunger and lust dance upon his face and I whip my head around looking for a way out. My eyes land on the window and I immediately make a mad dash for it.

I run past a chair and grab it, throwing it down and into Cato's path so that it slows him down. I leap over a couch and reach the window that is high up on the wall. I tug desperately at it, screaming for someone to help me. The window is stuck and doesn't move. I jerk once again and it slides up. I scramble up onto the table that sits beneath it but I know there is no way I'm going to escape. My shoulders are through the window when I feel his tight grip on my ankle. He squeezes so tightly that I cry out in pain. He jerks me back and I fall off the table. He slams the window shut and I cover my head, expecting it to shatter. When it doesn't, I shoot to my feet and run for the door. He trips me and I fall, landing heavily on the ground, my ribs striking against a coffee table. I cry out in pain.

"Cato, please stop," I beg him as I crawl slowly towards the door. I turn and see him coming towards me. "HELP ME!" I scream and he drops down, grabbing my hair and yanks me up. He grabs the sides of my mouth, cutting off my screams.

"Fucking stop, Katniss," he growls and tears escape down my cheek. He watches them with fascination, a sick smile twisting his handsome features. My eyes are wide and I stare at him, pure fear showing plainly on my face. He studies me and he grins.

"God, I love the look you have on your face right now. You're right to be afraid of me, Katniss. I should really hurt you for not coming back to me. Don't you know that I love you, baby?" his velvety smooth voice puts me under his spell and for a moment, I can only look at him. But then that moment ends.

"Cato, you don't love anyone. This isn't love." He laughs cruelly at me.

"You're right, I don't love you—I just figured you'd come with me with less of a fight if you thought I did. I want you Katniss. You are mine and you're not leaving me. It doesn't have anything to do with love. It has to do with ownership. You're my property and I can't stand the thought of anyone else having you."

"Cato, please," I plead desperately and my hands fight with the fingers grasping my mouth. "I can't leave—Prim needs me. She'll be devastated…" I see anger in his eyes.

"Prim! It's always about her isn't it? I knew I should have killed her earlier when I had the chance. She'll always be in the way as long as she's alive."

My heart stops and I grow cold. I drop my hands and tears flood my eyes.

"No, Cato!" My arms reach for him and he drops his hand from my mouth. I stand before him, trembling and broken—how is it that he can so easily destroy me?

"I'll go with you, Cato," I whisper and he sucks in a surprised breath. Pain lances through my heart as Prim and Peeta cross my mind.

"Katniss," he hisses as he pulls me closer to him and fear and confusion keep me frozen. He runs his nose through my hair and I can feel that he is hard. "I just couldn't wait any longer. I had to come to you," he moans and then he's kissing me. His hand roams down my body, down my leg until he is touching my bare skin. His hand burns against my skin and I suck in a breath and try to step away from him—I can't do this.

"Oh, Katniss, I've missed you so much. I've missed kissing you, touching you, fucking you—hell, I've even missed fighting with you." His voice darkens and something sinister enters it. "But most of all, I've missed hurting you. You have no idea how much I love hurting you," he growls and I shiver in response. I try to put some distance between us but he doesn't allow it.

His hand winds into my hair and he grips it tightly and jerks it back. I cry out in pain and he laughs. Fear thumps wildly in me. Is he going to kill me?

"Katniss, quit fucking fighting me. You know you want me," he whispers next to my ear and I shiver. His teeth bite painfully at my ear then at my neck and I shiver. His hand traces back up my leg, dragging the bottom of my dress up with his hand. My knees go weak and give out. He catches me in his arms and chuckles as his hands explore. I can't help it—my body responds to his scent and he laughs again.

"See? It's obvious that you still want me, Kat. I always knew that you couldn't resist me. Now we just have to find a way out of here without anyone seeing us…" he trails off deep in thought and I can tell that he thinks he has won and that infuriates me.

"No, Cato," I say and push away from him. I try to get to the door but his hand in my hair prevents me. With a hard yank, I'm back in his arms.

"I tried doing this the nice way, Katniss—now we're going to do it my way because you will be coming with me."

Instincts tell me his next move. Before he can do it though, I let out another piercing scream. His hands wrap around my throat, cutting off all noise coming from my throat. My lungs start to panic and he stares into my eyes as he chokes me.

He's going to win. He's going to either kill me or make me pass out and kidnap me. I can't go back with him. He'll kill me later if he doesn't do it right now. If I go back with him, he'll break me. He'll break me so badly that I won't be able to fix myself. I think of Prim, Whytt, my mom, and Peeta. God, I can't leave them again.

There is a loud crash, and my brain sluggishly tells me that the noise is a door slamming against a wall. This should make me feel good but it doesn't. I see a black splotch in my vision and a second one quickly joins it. Soon a bunch of them are dancing across my eyes. Right before the blackness can consume me I see a fist shooting past my head. It connects with Cato's nose. Everything after that happens too quickly: Cato drops his hands from my throat. I drop to the floor on my hands and knees, gasping greedily for air. I hear the thunder of feet as peacekeepers rush in. A feel a hand on my arm and it starts to drag me from the room.

Cato yells my name out and I can hear him fighting. As soon as I'm out of the room, I shoot to my feet, prepared to escape. I turn to run and pull up short at the sight of Peeta in front of me. His hand grasps my arm again and he drags me down the hall and into another room. He slams the door shut and turns to look at me.

I'm shaking and my eyes burn with tears. My eyes roam wildly about the room and I feel like everything is spinning. Sickness grows in my stomach until I'm sure that I'm going to physically be sick.

"Katniss I—" Peeta says gently and that's all I need. I take big, bounding steps and throw myself at him, burying my head into the crease of his neck.

"Oh, God, Peeta," I stutter as tears flow from my eyes and trickle off my cheek and onto his neck. "He was going to take me away. If I didn't go with him, he was going to hurt Prim," I sob and Peeta rubs my back.

"No, Katniss, I would never let him," he coos and he drags me to the couch and engulfs me in his arms. I struggle internally, trying to decide whether or not I should let this happen—Peeta did bring Delly tonight.

A wave of panic swallows me and I cling to him. Screw Delly, Peeta is mine and I need him right now.

"She doesn't mean anything to me," he says, reading my mind. "My mom made me bring her because she thinks that she is a suitable girl for me. I agreed to do it but I told my mom that you were the only girl for me."

I look him in the eyes and my heart seems to almost melt in my chest. His eyes are filled with love and it washes through my body, calming me and chasing away Cato's presence that still lingers in me. I lean forward and he pulls me to him until my forehead is resting against his. I close my eyes and simply savor the strength that I get from him.

The door slams open and I yelp. Peeta jumps off the couch and I grab wildly for him, feeling insecure without him.

"What the fuck happened?"

I relax at Haymitch's voice and turn to look at him. Whytt pushes in behind him and he looks wild.

"Shit, Katniss! I am so sorry! I was dancing with Madge and then the lights went out and I didn't realize you had left…"

I don't respond, I simply tug Peeta back onto the couch and scoot closer to him, grasping his hand with mine.

"What the hell is going on? I swear I just saw peacekeepers dragging Cato down the hall. Please someone tell me I am extremely drunk," Haymitch says as he stomps into the room and crosses to the counter that holds the alcohol. "Because if I'm not seeing things, then I going to drink until I do because this is fucking crazy."

"Unfortunately, you're not seeing things," Peeta says and then he tries to explain what happened: "I'm not sure how he got here or when. And I'm not sure how he was able to stay hidden all night. We're just lucky that the people in the lobby noticed Katniss and that a suspicious person was following her. When they heard the scream, they went to alert the peacekeepers. I was with them when they got the news," explains Peeta. I focus on the sound of Peeta's voice and not his words his deep rumbling calms me. I rest my head against his shoulder and sigh, a slight tremor rocks my body and he wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer.

Whytt comes to stand before us, a glorious scowl on his face.

"I'm telling you guys that Cato isn't going to give up. I lived with him and I know that as long as she is living, he's going to be trying to get to her. She is his obsession. When it comes to her, she is the flame and he is the moth—he just can't seem to stay away."

Peeta tightens his arm around me and Haymitch curses softly. I frown softly. To me, it seems like I'm the moth and he's the flame. Whenever he's around, I can't seem to resist him or fight him—he burns me and leaves me broken. I decide that Whytt has got it all wrong—it's the other way around.

"Well, there is no way that Coin is going to let them do that interview together anymore," Haymitch says confidently and everyone else in the room stares at him in confusion—what is he talking about?

Haymitch looks at everyone and groans. He tips his drink back and takes a couple of swallows. He takes a deep breath and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Katniss, you told me that you knew about it!" he accuses me and I throw my hands up.

"You said you were coming to tell me about the interview but I already knew that it was coming up—Effie had told me earlier."

"That's not what I was going to tell you! Cato convinced Coin that the Capitol public would just love it if there was interview with the two of you and Flickerman."

I shake my head in doubt. "There is no way she would agree to that," I say.

"Well, deny and doubt it all you want but she did agree to it."

"Well, there's no way that I am doing it," I declare and Haymitch gives me a _like-you-have-a-choice_ look. I slump back against Peeta and run my hands through my hair—he's right, if Coin wants it, then I'll have to do it.

"Hey, let's worry about this later. I'll call tomorrow and talk to someone about it. I'll see if I can get it canceled. But for now, I think that I should get her home. Peeta, will you go see what the peacekeepers are going to do with him?" Whytt asks.

Peeta stands up and nods his head.

"Yeah no problem," he says and anxiety bubbles in my stomach and bursts, violently burning its way through my veins.

"No," I declare and get up to stand next to Peeta. Everyone in the room looks at me as my determined denial hangs in the air.

"Haymitch can go talk to the peacekeepers or you can Whytt—I don't care who goes but Peeta is staying with me," I declare and Whytt studies my face for a moment before nodding briefly. He turns to Haymitch and lifts a brow to him.

"I'll do it," Haymitch says and he takes a deep chug of his drink. "I want to make sure that they don't just let the bastard go with a slap on the wrist anyway. Whytt, go round up her family and take them home too—no one is safe while he is here." Haymitch turns to Peeta. "Take care of her, boy."

Peeta blinks in surprise but nods and I grab his arm, feeling better when we are touching.

"Of course, I'll take care of her," he murmurs and he looks down at me and I feel like I'm the center of his world.

* * *

The house is dark and ominous when we enter it. Peeta leaves me by the front door as he does a quick run through of the house—of course, since the house is so big it takes a good ten minutes.

I smile softly to myself as I remember how protective Peeta had gotten when Thorn and Effie had tried to stop my departure from the celebration. When Effie had stopped us at the doors of the justice building, Peeta had calmly explained what had happened and Effie had gasped and made a big deal about it. Thorn, on the other hand, smiled hugely at me and motioned for the cameras to join us. Peeta had glared at the camera men until they decided that maybe they didn't really need the shot and had quickly left to find a story elsewhere.

When I had gone to step around Thorn to exit, he had grabbed my arm and detained me, begging and taunting me for an interview.

"Oh, come now, fire girl, you're not too scared to give an interview, are you?" He smiled hugely at me and laughed a little. My skin crawled at his touch and at the nickname. I shivered slightly and Peeta fairly growled beside me.

"No, Thorn, I don't think I'm feeling up to it right now," I said meekly, trying to keep in mind that Effie is friends with him.

"Oh, come on Katniss, it won't take long," Effie prodded as she bit her stained purple lips.

"I said no," I growled at them and started to walk away. Thorn had jerked me around y my arm, a furiously look in his blue sparkling eyes.

I had lifted my hand to slap him but Peeta's fists got there first.

"Fucking touch her again and I'll kill you," he hissed at the inert form on the ground. His eyes sparkled dangerously. Effie shrieked and shouts of "oh my, my" came spilling from her. Peeta turned to her and she cringed away.

"Effie, you should be ashamed of yourself," he said simply and stepped over Thorn's unconscious form.

I laugh quietly to myself and almost jump from my skin when I hear Peeta speak.

"What are you laughing at Katniss? I honestly have no idea what you could find funny at a time like this."

"I was just thinking of Thorn," I say and another giggle pours from my lips. I think I may be in shock.

Peeta chuckles low in his throat and the sound of it sends a shiver through me. He walks to me and kisses me chastely on the forehead.

"Come on, Katniss, let me fix you some tea before you go to bed." I let him lead me into the kitchen, not bothering to mention that I know that I won't be getting any sleep tonight.

I sit on the barstool and watch as he fills a teapot with water. He places it on the stove and crosses to the fridge. He pulls out leftover stew and pours it into a pot and places it on the stove, turning the fire on he slowly stirs it and starts to hum to himself. I smile softly, liking the comfortable silence between us. As he continues to stir, I get lost in my thoughts.

I can't believe that Cato came here. He almost killed me—he could have killed Prim. I shake and my stomach starts to ache. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself and get a whiff of the cooking stew. The smell combined with the overload of stress pushes me overboard. I run for the sink and barely make it in time.

Peeta curses and quickly crosses to me, pulling my hair out of the way and rubs my back.

"Katniss, try to breathe. You're in shock and you're upset. Just try to calm down," he says as I gag repeatedly but nothing comes up.

"Turn off the stew," I moan, "it's making things worse."

Peeta quickly turns it off and returns to me. I hear the front door opening and Peeta turns to go check to see who it is. I can hear Prim's excited chatter and the thought of Cato getting his hands on her has me choking up stomach acid. There is a gasp and then my mom is beside me.

"Oh, honey, what is going on? Whytt just told us to go home—that you would explain once we got here."

Peeta answers for me as I run cold water over my face.

"Cato is here," he says and Prim and my mom gasp at the same time. Prim starts to cry and she comes over to me and wraps her arms around me.

"You're not leaving me, are you, Katniss?" she asks and I can hear the fear in her voice.

I straighten, fighting the churning my stomach and I pull her close to me, savoring how wonderful it is to be able to hold her.

"Never, little duck. You're my world. I could never leave you or let something happen to you." I hug her tight and her body shudders as another sob wracks her body.

"What is going to happen?" My mom asks Peeta quietly.

"I don't know. The peacekeepers have him right now. Haymitch said that he was going to try to find out what they planned to do with him."

We all jump as a piercing scream fills the air. I let out a shaky laugh as Peeta removes the teapot from the stove and pours us all some hot tea. When I pick up my cup, my hand shakes so badly that the liquid keeps sloshing over the edges and burning me so I just set it down and wait for it to cool.

My mom takes a deep breath.

"Katniss, are you okay? He didn't hurt you did he?" she eyes my neck and my hands fly up to gently touch the bruises that are forming there.

"I don't know what I am, mom," I say and my voice sounds empty. Peeta wraps his arm around me and I lean into him. Prim grins at us but I ignore her. "Of course he hurt me. That's all he does. He even said that he loves hurting me," I say. Prim's eyes fill with tears but I don't move to comfort her—I'm too numb right now.

"Oh, Katniss, I am so sorry," she murmurs. The doorbell rings and my mom jumps up and she hurries to the front door. When she returns, a frowning Haymitch is following her.

"Well, those corrupted Capitol folk simply stuck him on a train and sent him back to their districts. No punishment or anything!"

Peeta looks down at me and gently presses a kiss to the top of my head. I exhale slowly, feeling relieved that at least he is gone.

"Do they know how he got here in the first place?" I ask, staring at my now cold tea.

"Apparently, Thorn was buddy-buddy with someone in their family and Cato called in a favor. Thorn made sure the train stopped in district 2 and snuck Cato on the train and hid him in his compartment."

Disgust pours through me as I imagine all the time I spent with Thorn and he knew what was coming for me. I wonder if when he stalled me inside the justice building was a way of trying to help Cato out.

"And what about that prick?" Peeta asks and then sends Prim an apologetic grimace. Prim is too busy frowning at the table to take notice though.

"Peacekeepers arrested him and stuck him on the train with Cato," Haymitch says.

A wave of exhaustion sweeps over me and I fight back a yawn. Prim yawns too and my mom laughs.

"Well, let's get to bed. I think we all need a lot of rest tonight," she says and gets up. She places a kiss on the top of my head and Peeta removes his arm from around me and gets up to stretch. My mom goes to Prim and hauls her into her arms.

"Why don't you sleep with me tonight, Prim?"

Prim sighs in relief. "Yes please," she yawns and we all laugh at her.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," Haymitch calls over his shoulder as he leaves.

Peeta smiles at me and turns to follow Haymitch out but I grab his arm. He turns to me with a guarded expression on his face.

"Katniss, no," he says and my body starts to shake in fear and anxiety. My stomach twists unpleasantly and I can feel my face turning green. I reach out for him, my arms shaking pitifully. He sighs and pulls me into a hug.

"Don't leave, Peeta," I sob.

"Katniss, you'll be fine. You heard Haymitch—Cato is on his way back to district 2 right now."

"I know but he'll be in my dreams," I sob and Peeta sighs again. He gently leads me upstairs and takes me to my room.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep but then I'm leaving."

I don't like this agreement but I nod anyway. I numbly gather my night clothes from a chair in my room and I go into the bathroom to change and splash water on my face. By the time I am done, I am shaking and convinced that Cato is hiding in my bathroom. I come flying from the bathroom and crash into Peeta's broad chest. He catches me and keeps me from falling. I sob into his chest and grasp at him pathetically.

"Don't leave me, Peeta," I sob. "Please promise me that you won't ever leave again," I demand and look at him, tears rolling down my cheeks.

Peeta gasps as his eyes meet mine. A look of tenderness fills his eyes as he gently caresses my cheek, wiping tears as he goes.

"Never, Katniss, I will never leave you again, I promise you," he says and his eyes flash in the dark. I can see the truth in his eyes and it takes the breath out of me.

My eyes lock on his lips and I lean slowly forward, giving him the opportunity to pull away—he doesn't. His mouth parts slightly and his breathing deepens. Then my lips are on his and his are on mine. It's gentle and sweet and slowly builds up in me. I sigh in happiness and pull away from him, resting my head on his chest.

"Thank you Peeta," I whisper as he leads me to the bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm out and I don't dream—I sleep and don't wake—not even when Peeta slips from my bed in the morning to go help out at the bakery.

When I wake the next day, my stomach is rolling and won't be settled. I try to lie absolutely still in my bed but it doesn't work. The memory of Cato's hands around my throat has me gagging. I stumble into the shower and start puking. Turning the shower on, I stay there for the next hour, fighting a losing battle against the sickness.

When I finally make it downstairs later, my mom gasps as she looks at me.

"Oh, Katniss, you are as pale as a ghost! Are you still not feeling well?" she asks as she rushes towards me. Her movement blows the smell of whatever she is cooking my way and it's too much.

I bend over and vomit on the floor, moaning.

"God, get that smell away, mom! It makes it worse!"

My mom freezes for one second before she jumps into motion. She throws whatever she was working on out into the yard and then sits me down on the barstool and shoves a big bowl at me. She then disappears and I can hear her rummaging in the room where she sees her patients. I puke once more while she is gone. When she returns, she's holding a vile with a light green liquid in it.

"What is that?" I ask warily.

My mom bites her lip before she answers.

"Something that may or may not help with you nausea… It depends," she says.

"Depends on what?" I ask as I hold out my hand to her. She pauses only momentarily before she answers.

"On if you're pregnant or not." She places the vile in my hands and I'm frozen. Pregnant? Sickness shoots through me and I vomit into the bucket again, groaning.

"Katniss drink it and we'll talk afterwards," she says as she takes the vile from me and places it against my lips. I open my mouth and let it slip easily down my throat.

"How long does it take for it to work?" I ask, dread bubbling in my stomach.

"Five minutes," she replies and sits next to me.

"Mom, I can't be pregnant, I haven't had sex in about two months—that's around how long I've been home," I say calmly.

"Katniss, you've been home for around six weeks—that's when morning sickness tends to hit," she says calmly.

I sigh and curse. Anxiety shoots through me as my stomach starts to settle. I look at my mom and tears pour down my cheeks.

"No," I whisper as my hands gently touch my stomach. "I can't do this, mom. I can't be pregnant with _his_ baby!" I sob and she pulls me into her arms.

My mind goes blank. A baby—Cato's baby is growing in me. I don't even want kids—I never have. I especially don't want Cato's kid. What if it turned out to be a monster?

"Katniss, listen very closely to me," she says and tugs on my face until I am looking at her. "I have something you can take if you don't want it… it'll make it all go away," she says softly and I can tell how hard it is for her to bring this up.

"Mom, the 'It' you're talking about is a baby," I say as I stare at the wall. I don't want this baby but I don't think that I can kill yet another human being. I look deep inside of me and am shocked to find that I can no longer find the monster that I have so gotten used to inside of me. Instead, I find a baby—an innocent, pure, untouched by the evils of the world baby.

"I understand that, Katniss and I usually wouldn't support this but I think that everyone will understand if you decide you don't want this baby," she says gently and rubs my back.

I am tempted, so very tempted to tell her to do it, to get this out of me. I never wanted this and part of this baby is _Cato_ and I can't stand the thought of a part of him growing inside me.

"He could use this as a way to get me back," I say simply and she nods.

"Yes, he could," she agrees.

I open my mouth to tell her to do it but then an image of Prim flashes in my mind and it is followed by a picture of Anne. A sob escapes my throat and I know that I can't do it. Life is something that needs to be protected. It's not the baby's fault that its father is a monster.

"No, mom," I say softly. "I can't be responsible for another death," I say softly and my mom hugs me.

"I would have supported you no matter your decision but let me just say that I am very proud of you. But if you do change your mind, don't be afraid to come to me."

I nod my head at her but I know that I won't change my mind. I love Prim too much to kill the baby inside of me. Her life is too precious to waste and I know that her life isn't any different from the unwanted baby's growing inside of me.

"We need to keep this hidden though," I say and my mom nods her head in agreement. Another thought pops into my head—one that contradicts what I had just said. "I need to go tell Peeta," I say numbly. My mom doesn't question me.

"Okay, honey. Just make sure you stay hydrated and well fed—for the baby," she says gently and I nod.

* * *

The bell of the bakery dings nosily above me and I'm glad when I find that Peeta's mom isn't here. His dad is and he calls out a warm greeting to me.

"Ah, Katniss! It is so good to see you here again! Peeta is in the back, go on back there. I'm sure he'd love to see you," he calls to me cheerfully and dread pits in my stomach. Peeta wasn't going to be very happy with what I had to tell him.

When I enter the back, heat hits me and I immediately start to sweat. Peeta is bent over an oven, his shirt soaked through with sweat. It clings to him and shows off his muscles perfectly. I feel the urge to run my hands over them but I know that I can't—that I never will be able to.

I clear my throat and Peeta straightens and turns towards me. A smile spreads across his handsome face and it takes my breath away.

"Katniss! I'm glad you're here. I was just thinking about you," he says as he steps towards me. I step back and he stops walking, a confused look on his face.

"What's wrong Katniss?"

"We can't see each other anymore," I say bluntly.

"But just last night—you told me to promise that I won't leave…. I want to see you, Katniss. I've missed you so much," he says and steps towards me again. I retreat and he stops.

"What is going on?"

"I'm pregnant," I whisper, looking at the floor.

"What did you say?" he asks. I look at him in agony and can see that he really hadn't heard me.

"I'm pregnant!" I scream at him and his face drains of color. His hands start to shake and he clenches his hands into fists, his muscles twitching under his skin.

"What? But wouldn't you have had the symptoms a long time ago?," he argues, trying to talk me out of being pregnant.

"Apparently, it takes a while before you have any symptoms," I tell him lamely and his eyes fill with tears.

I shake my head as a tear slips down my cheek.

"All I ever wanted was you," he says and he walks to me. I let him this time. He pulls me into his arms and rests his forehead on mine. His tears trail down his cheeks and they break my heart.

"I know," I whisper. "And all I want is you," I tell him.

"You're going back to him, aren't you?" he asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"I hope not but I don't see how I can keep it hidden," I tell him.

Peeta pulls away, excitement dancing in his eyes.

"Marry me," he says and grabs my hands.

My heart drops. "What?" I gasp.

"You heard me," he says and drops to his knee before me. "Marry me, Katniss."

I shake my head and hot tears pour down my cheek.

"This is not how it's supposed to be," I sob and turn and run from the bakery. I can hear Peeta calling to me as I race towards the fence of district 12.

I barely take anytime to see if the fence is off or not before I'm crawling desperately under it. I run until I'm surrounded by trees. I'm gasping as I run to the familiar spot that I know so well. I sink to my knees as I hear Gale's ghost voice around me.

"Hey, Catnip," it whispers in the wind and I sob.

"Gale," I scream into the woods. A flock of mockingjays fly away, repeating his name back at me until it's a grotesque scream in my ears.

His presence is everywhere I look and it's killing me. I struggle forward and kneel in front of the boulder that Gale would sit on as he waited for me to meet him in the woods.

"I'm so sorry," I sob at the air above to boulder, in my eyes I see him. I see Gale longing on it, smiling easily at me. It breaks my heart and I pound my fists where he should be sitting.

"Why did you do it, Gale? Why did you volunteer to protect me? I need you now! I need your protection now and you're nowhere to be found. I need you, Gale! Please come back to me," I sob but he doesn't respond and he doesn't come. When I open my eyes, ghost Gale is gone and all I am left with are my memories.

I take a deep breath and place my hand on my stomach, trying to feel something there—something that will shout "Hey, Katniss, you're pregnant!" I rub my hand over my stomach and smile timidly down at it.

"Don't worry little Gale," I coo down at myself, "no matter what happens, I will make sure to keep you safe." As I say the words, I realize how true they are. No matter which way life takes me, I _will_ protect the little life inside of me.

I walk slowly through the woods back towards the gate and smile as I hear the ghost of Gale's and I laughter echoing in the woods around me. I gently rub my stomach and imagine my little boy—and it will be a boy, I have a feeling—hunting in these woods. I imagine showing him how to shoot a bow and arrow, how to set traps, and how to walk in the woods without being heard. I imagine all the stories I will tell him of his uncle Gale.

Pain slices through me as I imagine this because I know that Peeta will mostly likely not fit into this new life of mine. Fear follows the pain as I try to fight the fact that I may even end up in district 2 again. I make a vow right then and there to do everything in my power to ensure that Cato doesn't find out.

As I leave the woods I turn and smile as I see figures of a boy and girl running together through the woods. The figures are white and airy, and I can see the trees on the opposite side of them as they race gaily through the trees. They run right towards me and as the boy flies by me, the girl fills my body; I breathe in deeply and sigh as peace settles in my stomach. When I open my eyes, it's like I've never seen these woods before. I turn towards home with a lightness in my step that I haven't had since before my father died—maybe this baby will be a source of happiness that can reach me where no one else can—not even Peeta or Prim. Maybe this baby will be my saving grace; maybe it will teach me how to live again.

**To be continued… **


End file.
